[Bluejay]

Dear Jacob,

Wow, it has been a long time since I saw you. I would say "it's been an eternity", but I think that has a whole new meaning now.

I'm not sure if you made it here or not. I know everyone had doubts about you. Of course, they had doubts about me, too. Who would have thought? But, then, I was always able to squeak by when it came down to it.

There are sooo many people here. I haven't seen a single soul that I recognize. (Ha! Soul...) I guess it just keeps expanding to hold everyone. I tried walking once, and it just kept going and going, with all these people everywhere, just sitting around.

It's not like I imagined. Well, I guess it's a bit like everyone imagined - the fluffy clouds, everyone flying around with wings, God's omnipresence, all that - but it's not like I really imagined, you know? Who really believed it would be like that?

I remember this discussion once between an atheist and a believer back when I was alive. The believer was saying "Well, what do you think happens after you die, then?" And, of course, the atheist turned it around: "Well, what do you think happens after you die?" And, again, of course, the believer says, "Well, you go to heaven." "Well, what's heaven like?" And the result was the usual bunch of vague statements.

Anyone who honestly looked at these things knew: we had no clue what happened after we died. Calling it "Heaven" and all that didn't change the fact that we really had no idea what that word meant or what it was really going to be like. But it sure satisfied a lot of people. "Don't worry about it. It will be fine. You'll see. Trust God. And besides, you should be worrying about making it there..."

Well, I'm here, and I'm not impressed. I hate to say it after a lifetime of wishing for free time, but I'm bored out of my mind. Let's go down the list. Our bodies are perfect, so we don't need food. We don't need sleep, so we don't even have that to break up the monotony. And, of course, since sex is all about reproduction, we have none of that here. I mean, I'm hung like a Ken doll, for Heaven's sake. Not that I ever had a Ken doll, mind you... Imagine: all this time on my hands, and idle hands at that, and I don't even have that to occupy myself with, if you know what I mean. I try not to think about it (because I think they know), but I just can't help myself. Besides day-dreaming about being a rock star or something, what else do I have to fantasize about?

Those poor fools dreaming of an afterlife filled with virgins. Oh yeah, we're all virgins here. But what can you do with a virgin without... well, you know. They're in for a bit of a surprise, I'm afraid.

And the music... ugh! I will be a happier man if I never have to hear a harp again.

All I can say is I hope God's happy. Yeah, we mill about, "Praise Him" and all that. But does He really need that kind of validation? I mean, come on, He created the Universe. He created us. He can with a flick of his hand (or whatever He has - have you actually seen Him yet?) wipe us from existence. Does He really need me here to make Him feel good about Himself? Can't I just go off and do my own thing somewhere? I'm just one person. Why is He even paying attention to me?

Have you heard from anyone in Hell? They always made it sound like this horrible place. An eternity of suffering, all that. Didn't anyone realize that an eternity of anything, day after day, would become unbearable? At least back on Earth, we had some goal, some hope. We didn't know what was going to happen after we died, but it least there was some eventual change. Now what do we have to look forward to?

Sometimes, I think reincarnation wasn't such a bad idea. At least you had another lifetime to head off to. It added a little variety to eternal existence. It gave you some challenges, some more personal growth. Wouldn't God want us to keep developing, to become even better people? Well, that's not going to happen without some conflict now and then.

Sometimes I wonder: maybe the Devil had it right after all. Maybe he rebelled because fh jdsafsdjk hfjdjk liveD eht ma I lkkgje9i. Oops. Sorry, my hand cramped up there for a minute. What was I saying? Oh, well.

I suppose I could keep writing these letters to you. I have no idea what I'm going to write about, since it's all the same, all the time. Maybe I'll go walk around and look at people and then describe them to you. That should take me a while. Jesu-... Oops, don't want to say that. How about "Holy smokes!". Talk about busy work.

Well, my friend, wherever you are, I wish you all the best for your eternal life. Maybe you're enjoying this better than I am. I know you were much more contemplative anyway. Perhaps you're having great conversations. About what, I have no idea, but I still wish you all the best.

Yours in death,
Timothy

I mean, I'm hung like a Ken doll, for Heaven's sake.

An enjoyable read J. Perfect for the reflective mood I'm in right now. THere's so many ideas out there about what happens after death and I'm the kinda guy that would just rather wait and see as opposed to thinking about it too much. That's what life is about I guess.

But yes, can't fault your writing here on first read through. It was easy to read and indeed a joy. An interesting concept also, the fact that heaven isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Who'd a thought it huh.

Maybe he rebelled because fh jdsafsdjk hfjdjk liveD eht ma I lkkgje9i. Oops. Sorry, my hand cramped up there for a minute.

That bit caught me by surprise and made me laugh. A nice little addition to a quick, yet marvellous, read. Kudos to you J.

[Bluejay]

Thanks, Duncan. Not sure where the inspiration comes from, but suddenly it's there, and it all comes out.

I guess I'm in a contemplative mood myself. Writing this helped.

[Jon%]

I really enjoyed this. It felt a bit rambly but that's good because it made the letter feel more real. Did you do that intentionally? Good stuff!

[Bluejay]

Yeah, I tried to keep the language simple and conversational. Plus, it just flowed out - I didn't think about it too much, kinda' like a real letter.

Thanks!

[angel]

excellent piece jna i like alot. it was very emotional n well thought out good 1 mate

kel

[lizmarienv]

It's very cute and funny. I wish we could get letters like this in real life. LOL

['Ginnis]

Now it is time for Jacob's lovely, sarcastic, and menacing letter from hell, no?

[Perscription]

A good easy read. Read like a letter, so well done on that front! Like your sense of humour.

[foxblade]

When I was first going to post a comment, I was going to bash your input on heaven and what it is. But then it hit me. I've never heard this version of heaven before! This is actually quite creative now that I recognize the potential of this letter.

Anyway, I was going to post How heaven is usually the ethereal hereafter, the final destination, euphoria, utopia and all of that other cliche jazz about heaven and angels and such.

Very good, very cool.

[RENA HANDS]

I mean, I’m hung like a Ken doll, for Heaven’s sake.

I love that! The whole sexual reproduction anecdote was the most memorable write of all. At least for me it was.

I give 5/5!

[Venomous Vixen]

Haha very clever one Jay, short and yet packed with a ton of stuff to ponder. Makes me think of that quote "Go to heaven for the weather, go to hell for the company". I echo Little Red above when I say, where is the reply letter?! I would love, in turn, to learn about hell Beautifully written, as always, and though provoking!

[fishnchimps]

A tasty little read. Its always good when someone raises the point that Heaven, for all its rapture and wonder, could be really boring. It would have been nice for a bit of pay off at the end, for example finding out how the writer died, or maybe something more being made of the whole "I am the Devil part' but thats just a minor quibble, and I suppose that could have taken away from the naturalistic letter writing style. A gold star for you sir