[simplyjustnikki]

Synopsis: This is the beginning of two people's lives that collide due to some unforeseen occurrences.



PROLOGUE

The beginning for him...

Standing alone in his small office he thought about what his fiancee was talking about this morning. She was in tears, of course, because he was going to be gone for a while... for however long this job was going to take him. She shouted as she packed up her things and cursed at him for lying to her once again. He tried to make her see that he had to go and do this job and that it would be the last, but she laughed a faint haunting laugh and said that is what you said the last job. "The past is the past, but I can't help but think that this is going to be our life together. You taking one job after another and me sitting around wondering when you are going to come back. Re-living the past is not what I want in my future." She had said in her Hungarian accent as she stopped at the door and turned to look at him. With her bags toting behind her, being carried by the door man that use to be so nice to the both of them. Now that he thought about it the man was never really nice to him but when it came to Lotta he was all over it.

He was brought back to reality when his telephone rang. Clearing his throat he picked up the phone and brought it to his ear. "Hello." He said not expecting much from who ever it was that was calling him.

"Daniel McClure." A deep and dark voice said on the other side of the call and then there was a click. He sighed and got up and walked slowly over to the office door. Turning to look around the now empty office he pushed the anger he was feeling down past the emptiness that he was feeling now.



Her beginning...

She was lying on the ground feeling as though all the life in her was lying in a pool around her in the dark empty room. He was gone now, so she didn't have to worry about any more fighting for her life for tonight any ways. Tears whelmed up in her eyes as she felt the pain rushing through her body. She almost felt numb as she slowly pushed herself into the only corner left in her own room that was hidden from the light of the hallway. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs until she couldn't breathe anymore, she wanted to run until there she died of exhaustion. She could feel the blood seeping through her torn clothes, and she could feel already formed lumps on her face and arms split open from the fight moments before. She heard the apartment door swing open and someone calling out to her.

OH, GOD! He was back! She couldn't move, she felt a lump rising up her throat as she was going to scream but when she opened her dry cracked lips to scream nothing but a heavy breath came rushing out. She closed her eyes tightly and pulled her legs tightly to her chest and hid her face within the protection of her own body. Footsteps were getting closer, they sounded as if they were running but they were not going anywhere. The bedroom door flung open and she heard a voice but she started to hum as loud as she could to get her mind off of the pain and what was about to happen. A hand came over her and she heard the soft gentle voice that came flouting in her head. She looked up and realized for the first time she could hardly see out of her eyes. Everything was a blurred vision of her room and a group of people crowded around her. Voices were ringing in her ears and she felt someone picking her up as if she was a lump of potatoes. She gasped and closed her eyes only to see the darkness that was consuming her.

"Don't worry Miss Valentine... You're going to be okay." She heard as she finally passed out from the pain.

['Ginnis]

You have strong ideas, and the ambiguity is perfect for a suspense thriller, however you really ought to pursue a higher level of development with your charactes. The fight scene in the early morning is a treasure trove for basic characterzation, you hinted she was hungarian, there's so much more you can do! Never shut down your options in your writing for when you do you just close another door without opening another window. You like to make your quotes in to complete sentences when they're not, revise that. Also, with the cowering women you had the phrase "Oh GOD! He's back" consider re-writing that perhaps as a personal thought rather than a narrative statement. Keep playing with this, it has potential.