[Cradenburg]

Awesome Debbie!

I know I shdn't have given a full mark... but it's so touching...

Despite using a third-person POV, your words evoked such great feelings in me. I went on an emotional roller-coaster during the story. Characterization was good as well, Jackie and Justin stuck resolute to their love.

Your mechanics, especially that of using of the flashback whenever relavant words came acros were so fluid and flowed well! It was as if the transition were non-existant.

The plot though, was rather alright, and not really cliche either.

Speeches throughout were very real and your vocabulary was rather adequet.

Description of needed aspects and not redundant stuff also scored in my opinion.

Though, like a previous reviewer inquired, lol, why do your names start with Js.

I'd be looking forward to your next piece

[Gwace]

This was a pretty good story. It was predictable, but at the same time it's hard to find romance stories that AREN'T predictable. I enjoyed reading it!!

[Anna L.]

I think it's a pretty good story. It is possible there there is a little too much mush, but it's not bad. Oops, gotta go.

[Lucretia]

I thought it was a great story, very romantic, but i think jackie should have been less forgiving of justin for abandoning her and jessica

[Corneac]

I've been meaning to comment on this for a while, I read it a while ago and haven't had a chance to comment on it yet, so here goes.

I think you succeeded in making it a romantic story, your plot was well-established your character developing nicely; the way it was written fitted the story well. But there were a few things that bugged me. Like Justin ditched his family for 5, years, he's missed milestones in his daughter's life that can never be attained again. I don't think first of all that she would take to him quite so quickly as that, or else she's going to have serious abandonment issues when she's older and he's going to be forking out cash for expensive shrinks. Second, If I was a girl, and my estranged boyfriend turned up on my doorway, after leaving me pregnant and alone, fending for myself while he went off, lived a cushy lifestyle and went to Uni. I wouldn't forgive him, I would throw him out on his ass, and sue him for child support payments. Sorry for being a wet blanket, but it was all a bit 'perfect' in it's conclusion.

It was a good story that left me with a warm fuzzy feeling...maybe I'm just a realist? Good going.

[Nupur]

I understand this member is no longer on the site, but this story deserves a comment and being bumped up so that anyone who hasn't read it yet can read it too.

Absolutely amazing. I have no other words. The dialogues were brilliant. There were a few typos here and there, but I couldn't care less. My eyes were all moist. This is so believable. Terrific!

[Angelwenasleep]

WOW...thats all i can say WOW...that would have to be one of the best short stories i have read in my entier life time... Its was beautiful

[Ella199688]

That was a pretty good story but I find that there is a weensy problem with it... You see, I keep finding that Jackie always reminisces about something when she hears a particular sentence. Sorry but its a bit cliched, with the whole reminiscing. Your plot was good but it would have been a tinge bit better if you had a wicked twist to it. That would inject more life into this story. I hope you found my criticism constructive!

[makethis_adream]

This story was really amazing. Very good work :]