[RENA HANDS]

Synopsis: What did your lover bring home this Valentine's Day?

WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS A MILD SCENE OF ADULT CONTENT. ADULT SUPERVISION IS ADVISED.

*A NOTE: To all who read this story...this write was very, very impulsive. I welcome any and all suggestions/comments that would improve or correct this story. It was my intention to leave many, many unanswered questions. Can you guess why?

Valentine!

Valentine!

You bastard! How dare you come in…

She kicks him violently, landing him on the brick floor; he grabs his denim groin growling.

How could…

The freshly cut crimsons enwrapped by leathery emerald flutes shimmered as her forcible backhand pushed the bouquet off the marble counter. Her piercing eyes burned. But she didn’t burn him.

"Please," he begged.

She slammed his chest against the marble island; the champagne bottle thumped. “Please, I want…”

"You! You always want!" She heels his dropping jaw. She is thrashing her head, trying to forget this moment…

He had pulled into the driveway as she clipped her pearl earring; she lightly patted her lips before dashing to the door. Her golden curls wavered against ashen walls adorned by black and whites of their loving embraces, her breasts against his toned chest. His exposed groin concealed by her mechanical, stained hands. Her knee pressed to his lips as he lies on his back, reaching up to her licking lips. Their portraits were passionate. Their lovemaking was fierce. Aging scars healed; scars on their back verified it so.

She shivered, remembering their morning kiss, his tongue slithering into her puckering mouth. With eyes closed they searched each other out. A tickle of his tongue as he pecked her bottom doughnut powered lip. “Ah. Ah,” she giggles, pulling back. He grunts, grabbing her hair and cupping her breast. “I love you.” He walks off to work.

She dashes, returning to their bed; she shrouds herself in their smell. Old Navy. Her eyes roll she smiles, pressing the sheet against her exposed breast…

The phone rings. “Hello?”

“Yes, I am calling to confirm your reservation.”

“Oh, yes.” She pulls the blanket over her shoulder. There is a light growl. “Sorry.” She smiles uncontrollably. “Yes, eight o’clock.” The moist satin brushes her curls.

“Yes, ma'am, eight.”

The phone taps the night table; the cell phone rings. The landline drops and she’s upright text messaging her “man.”

HELLO.

SHOW ME YOUR TITS. She laughs, tapping her foot, crossing her legs like a ballet dancer.

SHOW ME YOUR TITS. She types back.

PLEASE! He responds.

She huffs on the cam, blurring his view; with her naked breast, she wipes away the sprayed dew.

I CANT PLAY. MY HUSBAND WAITS. The phone is closed, and she’s off to the shower - or maybe, for just a few more minutes, she would stay in bed, smelling his scent…

Now the only aroma rushing her flared nostrils is blood, splattered scarlet gushing from his slashed lip. He embraced her with roses and a white envelope. She kissed his flushed cheek.

“Let’s have a drink before dinner.” She walks off with the flowers and sealed epistle. It was doused in his scent. Old Navy. She rolled her eyes, kissing the paper. They walked into the kitchen. But something was different - he lagged behind her. Normally he would have cupped her breasts, rubbed himself against her ass followed her wherever she went.

She laughed as the champagne cork struck the ceiling; a rush of white bubbles dribbled down her hand and onto the envelope. Her mouth dropped. He grabbed for the bottle as she reached for the sachet. She licked the contents. “What is inside?”

She notices an unidentifiable sadness in his grey eyes. Never had she seen him so defeated. He was frowning. That was not there before. He reaches for her hand. “I want…” he stutters.

He grips her hand firmly. “I want a divorce.”

“What?” She punches him in the face. Her fist is shattered; the envelope lands upon the counter, sprayed by her blood. She pulls his auburn hair, slamming his head against the counter. “How can you do this?” She slams him to the floor; the brick dust puffs up, then down, showering him with light debris. “How can…”

Valentine!

It’s Valentine!

You bastard! How dare you come in…

She kicks him, throwing him back on the floor; he grabs his denim groin, growling.

“I am not happy.” He reaches out.

She hisses vehemently; white sprinkles hits his bruised face. “You’re not happy?” She bends down, grabbing his hair. “How can you not be happy?” She drops him, walking away, crossing her arms.

Rena Hands February 2008

[Lubesh]

that was an amazing effort Rena, though easy for you. hardhitting excuseth pun or not lol but yep Ilike it!

[xtremelady]

At first you think my, that’s over the top – what could this guy have done to deserve this. You actually pull this off nice; you give a sense of her anticipation, and excitement for the romantic evening and how deep she feels for her hubby - whilst leaving the reader in suspense to the end. Then as all becomes clear...we are fully behind her actions...too right - his kick in the teeth a physical one - to the mental one she had received.

A couple of thoughts;

SHOW ME YOUR TITS. She types back.

PLEASE! He responds.

She huffs on the cam, blurring his view; with her naked breast, she wipes away the sprayed dew.

I CANT PLAY. MY HUSBAND WAITS.

This made me lose the flow slightly...maybe a little more on what is going on.

She drops him, walking away, crossing her arms.

This line seemed to be out of character, duno ..She had just beat the guy up.. a magnificent burst of anger and disappointment; and to end with the folded arms...just seemed a little weak in comparison.

Both very small points cos you did a good job of the plot. N1

[RENA HANDS]

Well that’s in the moment passion for you…or at least that was my thought. I didn’t want the woman to kill her husband but I didn’t want to show a passive side either.

As for the text write…this was the first time I’ve ever done something like that. So it was definitely awkward to write. But I’m glad that I did.

Even the “smallest points,” can make or destroy a story. I believe so thank you for pointing them out to me.

[Wordsmyth]

I thought I posted on this. Anyway, you know how I feel about this one, it's an amazing, powerful, emotional peice fo work! You are a wonderful writer, keep it up.

[Vorcla]

I thought I posted too, but I've been off in la-la land. I've pretty much been on a date on and off since Monday night! I got to edit this piece, and I really enjoyed it. Brutal and gritty and sad, too, to see the romantic evening spoiled. Nice job, RENA.

[RENA HANDS]

Most ecstatic to read those who have read this story have enjoyed it.

[Lilyfaery]

I think that this story was a little confusing. I wasn't quite sure what was going on at any given moment. At first they're fighting and then they aren't and then they are again. I find it to be slightly unrealistic that the woman could take down her husband so quickly, but in the heat of the moment I guess it's possible. I liked the description, but i think some of it was confusing like describing the roses. I had to look twice before I realized what they were supposed to be. I did like, however, the fact that you started and ended the story the same way although I didn't think that there was enough distinction between the the time where the woman is attacking her husband to what I assume is earlier that day. Overall, I felt that the story could be a little better but it has a really great base.

[yume no hasu]

Well, I don't understand the raving reviews. I mean there are moments in this that are okay, but the writing is confusing. Things jump around so much that it is like "what?" And I mean I know you meant it to be slightly confusing but I think it was just almost a little too overwhelming. Also there are a bunch of grammar and syntax mistakes that need revision. And sometimes the descriptions are off and need clarification like I noticed toward the beginning you said "denim groin" and I know you meant that as jeans or the pants but a groin is not denim, no matter which way you look at it. Following, parts are a bit unrealistic like the wife taking down her husband so quickly. I mean, no man is going to take that...especially a heel to the chin. The man is made out to be a sex-craving, strong, independent person and a man like that would not just let his wife beat him up so horribly. It is also very cliche. And because of this I would probably give a one out of five, but with revision it has a lot of promise.

However, I do like the way the story circles - how the beginning is revealed at the end and it does a circling technigue which is unique. I'm all for the woman being pissed off and everything (go girl power) but I think it can be a bit better handled

But keep writing.

[RENA HANDS]

How much do I grin to re-read and comment on this story…

Lilyfaery, TY for read and comment. This tale, in the moments that I wrote it was to be passionate/confusing. Is not love to be in state of ‘chaos’ when experienced then lost? Or nearing its end? With these statements and questions expressed…I can only say now that ‘to write is to grow,’ and I have matured (hopefully) sense this post. I may and may not revisit, then rewrite this tale, but in doing so I think it may lose its original purpose. And of that even I am not certain what that was.

yume no hasu, TY also for the read and comment. I will of course take your thoughts and point outs under great consideration when and if I return to rewrite it. Most likely it will be revised only because I hate to be ‘confusing’ and ‘out of order.’ And now to repeat myself which is most common of me… ‘to write is to grow,’ and I hope to mature with each tale that I post. Have a look at my poems and you will most certainly read/see ‘growth’ in its infancy and current maturation.