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Old 01-03-2008, 12:36 AM
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The Curse (Chapter 4)

The exchange between the two women brought a smile to Andreous’s invisible lips, pleased with himself at his compulsion to drop in on Sharisze. He often watched her without her knowledge, wishing to know all which was occurring in her life, and the progress she made.

Occasionally he offered his aid by placing the solutions to problems into her head, but in such away to make her believe they were her own insights. Andreous did not doubt for one moment that should Sharize guess the extent of his influence in her life, she would withdraw completely. He fully understood the fine line he walked, and the pressing need to physically penetrate himself into her life. With Sharisze being propelled so quickly through the ranks, despite all high senate maneuvers to prevent such an occurrence, left them with little choice but to reveal to her the details concerning the Langton curse. Lady Farthal’s request for a private meeting had sent a cold, sweeping chill through his consciousness.

He wasn’t ready yet for this revelation to be bestowed, and the escalating need to become a trusted advisor, and soon, nagged at him insistently. He knew full well if he didn’t, Sharisze could easily be persuaded to pull her application to high senate. He had to make Sharisze believe he would not make the same mistakes he had made with Anna, that he no longer burned with the anger he’d had back then, and no longer had the desire to destroy the foundations they’d created.

Now as Andreous eyed Sharisze, he felt only relief, and amusement at the conflicting anger dancing across her expressive features. This new assignment would afford him with just the opportunity he needed, and he had already ruthlessly calculated all the ways he could use this new project to his advantage. Only he could help Sharisze succeed in the task of achieving peace talks with Crimin. This thought brought an inner satisfaction to the surface.

Because to have any hope of success in this endeavour, Sharisze would soon discover she would need his advice and knowledge.

Andreous inwardly grinned, feeling no sympathy for Sharisze whom he studied attentively, his presence undetected by both her eyes and sixth sense. The girl was beautiful even in anger. As his eyes roamed over her slender body. they rested briefly on her pert breasts which were accentuated by the fall of her elegant red robes, before being drawn upwards to her stunning, wide-set blue eyes, which glittered like polished gems. He knew every contour of her body and mind intimately, but she could have been an inanimate statue for the lack of desire her presence elicited. In his present, unsubstantial condition, and without a body's emotional responses, a physical response was an impossibility, leaving nothing but detachment.

An old anger surfaced briefly at what Celesy had taken from him, at what he’d been reduced to, and of the physical pleasures he would never again experience. Hope had dimmed with the centuries of being trapped like this, and the centuries which rolled out before him. Lessons learnt in the past made Andreous quickly stifle the rage before it could consume him. He needed a cool, level head if he was to execute the intricate strategies which he hoped would release him from this hellish existence. Sharisze was but a stepping stone to pave the way for the others who would come after her. Others who would, little by little, change people’s thinking and beliefs in keeping him, and other dark lords, in what amounted to eternal torment.





This one is short and was an afterthought between two chapters. I have re-written this several times – originally spanning nearly 2000 words and cut down to this – as much as I felt Andreous’s motivations needed to be known before part 6 {chapter 3}...I did not want him to reveal too much and felt was walking a fine line between the two. All thoughts most welcome.
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Last edited by Vorcla; 03-03-2008 at 07:08 AM. Reason: final edit
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Old 03-03-2008, 12:39 PM
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Re: The Curse (Chapter 4)

Another nice addition to "The Curse" saga, Claire. You can feel the tension building; something's going to boil over, I fear! The characterization of Andreous is well-sketched. Good atmosphere and tone. Looking forward to Chapter 5!

Rick
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Old 05-03-2008, 09:07 AM
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Re: The Curse (Chapter 4)

Thank you for editing – pleased I kept the build-up whilst expressing motivations also, appreciated. Rick.

Just editing chapter 5 now, maybe take me few days
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Old 05-03-2008, 10:18 AM
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Thumbs up Re: The Curse (Chapter 4)

There is nothing wrong writing something “short,” as long as you make your point precise and clear…

I think you should space out “a way.” ,but in such a way to make…

You don’t need a period here…his eyes roamed over her slender body,? they rested briefly…

How many robe(s) is she wearing? What about saying crimson robe or ruby robe?

That’s a very long, long sentence with many, many commas.

What about…
Quote:
An ancient anger resurfaced…?
Is not Andreous centuries years old?

What about saying…
Quote:
and of the physical pleasures he would be denied?
(Or something similar.)

What about…
Quote:
would release him from his hellish prison.?
I think you need to capitalize Dark Lords. It would be like say Darth Vadar*. Sorry not sure of the proper spelling.

You’ve in my opinion achieved your goal. You were informative and visual making your point to the reader.
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Old 06-03-2008, 03:24 AM
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Re: The Curse (Chapter 4)

Thanks Rena – excellent points, appreciated
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