[Gurdit]

Synopsis: The thoughts of a romantic standing at the edge of a cliff.

At the edge of the cliff I stand. The golden eagles under the golden sun, circle around my head. A black and white vulture watches keenly… waiting, perhaps? The wind is just a whisper, whispering in my ear. I’m so calm. How can it be? I’ve walked down this road a thousand times, a thousand miles and have never once gone beyond this point. This edge… so alluring. If I could, I’d speak a thousand things, a thousand different feelings pouring out all at once.

Smiling, I look over the edge. A thousand feet below, the pellucid water beckons me. It’s high-noon, and yet, the wind is calm and cool, waiting and watching. If you were here with me now, what would you say? What would you do? In this moment, everything stands still, here, at the edge of the cliff. The eagles seem frozen in a never-ending circular loop. The vultures are still watching impatiently, not moving a muscle. In the distance, somewhere far below, life goes on; but here, by myself, everything I see is still.

I close my eyes to see a million faces appear before them, all the while knowing that even among these, I’ll find you. I’ll recognize you by the way my heartbeat changes when I’m near you. I’ll recognize you by my sudden desire to stay alive. You bring a smile to my face. You give me a reason to live... I think I’ll get up and walk away for now, leaving this cliff alone again. Maybe I’ll come back here later… maybe with you. Maybe I’ll come alone again, only to stand at the edge of the cliff, and maybe then, the wind will push me harder, and I’ll float off the edge.


Author's note: When he talks about jumping off the cliff, it's not necessarily because he's dejected that he has to come to the cliff alone. I have had this certain fixation with death, and if I could choose how I wanted to die, it would be by falling off a cliff, floating weightless to the bottom, preferably staring into the night sky as I fall backwards.

['Ginnis]

Quite lovely. I'm not much of a poetry fanatic but I enjoyed it's imagery.

[Gurdit]

It wasn't intended to be poetry, but Corneac felt that it was too short (and somewhat poetic) to be filed under "Stories", so he put it under "Streams of Consciousness".
A lot of my other writing is very similar, and I'm expecting to be filing a lot more passages of this kind. Glad you liked it

['Ginnis]

I sorta felt the same when reading it but I suppose you could say it has some poetic likeness

[Gurdit]

yep, thanks

[Lubesh]

Very imaginative and vivid piece. The last para clinched it with sheer 'poetic' writing!

[Gurdit]

Thanks
I didn't realize it was as poetic as you all say it is
I'm glad it is, though

[Timmay]

vivid would just about summarize it. it was very good. id agree, a bit too short to be a story (not really) but since it has poetic value (it is peotic, very much so) i would definitly conciter it as a poem, a a brief little fetishy desire (not making fun; i just have a terrible vocabulary)

great job. Im not sure about weightlessness tho. trust me, your weightless until you splatter against the cement.

[Gurdit]

trust me, your weightless until you splatter against the cement.

2 things:
1. I'd be really surprised if I landed on cement after jumping off the edge
2. Once you hit the bottom (be it cement or anything else), there's nothing left to feel is there? I've always wanted Death to come to me in one quick, preferably painless moment.

[Timmay]

Originally Posted by tidruG

2 things:
1. I'd be really surprised if I landed on cement after jumping off the edge

if you wish it, it can only come true. not really, but hey.

still, great job

[LullabyHearts]

A black and white vulture watches keenly… waiting, perhaps?

Your dots look weird, strange spacing between them.
"keenly...waiting"

This edge… so alluring.

Odd spacing again. And I don't particularly like the choppy shortness of it. Add a similie.

If I could, I’d speak a thousand things, a thousand different feelings pouring out all at once.

If I could, I’d speak a thousand things, a thousand different feelings pouring out all at once.

I would've perfered to see a series of three "thousand..."

I’ll recognize you by the way my heartbeat changes when I’m near you.

Beautiful.

Maybe I’ll come alone again, only to stand at the edge of the cliff, and maybe then, the wind will push me harder, and I’ll float off the edge.

By far my favorite part of this whole thing. Really sums up everything.

[Gurdit]

Your dots look weird, strange spacing between them.
"keenly...waiting"

Try reading it out aloud. Everytime you get to 3 dots, pause. Pretend it's a period (.)

I would've perfered to see a series of three "thousand..."

So would I, but I didn't have anything further to add to that sentence. However, next paragraph, you have "a thousand feet".

[LullabyHearts]

Yeah I understand, but it just doens't look right. I was raised not to put dots, personally. But its just a matter of how you were thought.

True, true. Well, if you could think of something it would've worked.

[Ryankia]

The dots, called ellipses, are sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence.

There is nothing wrong with using them as long as they are used correctly. In some places, I would encourage the usage of them, but never would I tell anyone to "never" use them as they are in literature.

In my mind, T used them correctly thus there is no reason for them to be removed.

[Gurdit]

Yep, ellipsis is what it's called. I love them 3 little buggers.
All my best writing is nothing more than a flow of thoughts, like the compartments of a train, one following the other on a twisted railway track on the side of a mountain, unable to see what's coming around the bend.

In fact, I removed MOST of the ellipses from this entry. If you read it off my blog directly, you will see a hell of a lot more ellipses. -- http://www.gurdit.com/blog2/2007/02/...-of-the-cliff/

[LullabyHearts]

I am not huge on them unless they're with dialogue, personally. But it is always a personal choice of when you want to use them.