[Gurdit]

Black easel. Nineteen-inch canvas. Ten paintbrushes and twenty-six primary colours. I’ll mix them up and play with them. I promise to create magic…

But the morning comes, dark and gloomy. The lovely grey clouds of promise have turned ominous black. It’s the calm before a storm. In the stillness, I can feel the tension about to explode this silence. Fingers have stopped moving, but thoughts are running faster than ever. Brows begin to furrow. I jab hard at the backspace key. A line gets wiped out. Yet again, fingers come to rest. Yet again, thoughts run faster and more furiously. Brows furrow tighter, meeting in the middle - wrinkled skin. A final thought…

The storm announces its arrival with an explosion of thunder! With an angry shout of frustration, I pick up my sentence and smash it into the ground, words and letters going flying about - the result of a perfect thought and an imperfect expression. I stare into a semi-completed piece of art, in progress for days on end, and slowly get up and walk away ... for now.

[LullabyHearts]

I really like this but it throws me off that this is in poetry when its clearly just pretty pose. I suggest taking these beautiful pieces you write and expanding them. Breaking out of your confort zone.

[Gurdit]

That's what I told them when I submitted my first SoC piece. But there's no other section where I can submit stuff like this.

[Billbailey]

Very deep description, really catches my attention.

[Corneac]

Great job Tid.

Black easel. Nineteen-inch canvas. Ten paintbrushes and twenty-six primary colours. I’ll mix them up and play with them. I promise to create magic…

Loved the "twenty six primary colours", is that a reference to the colour of the storm? Is there a conenction between the painting and the storm? If so, that's what I got.

Great decriptions...you're certainly adpet at writing poetic prose, I'd love to see you attempt a longer piece with the ame vibrancy.

the result of a perfect thought and an imperfect expression.

My favourite line - too often that's the way it goes. A dazzling array of truth and metaphor. Very artistic.

['Ginnis]

Yay for streams of consciouness in prose! You do it quite well, Gurdit. Thing's done 'going flying' though, I don't know if someone pointed that out. Too lazy to read other comments. Sweet and well thought out, wponder metaphor with the destroying of sentences. Good work.

[Gurdit]

Thank you all

I might be ruining your interpretations, but I'll post here what I meant by the first line:

(Drag to select and read)

Black easel. (My coimputer's all black... monitor, keyboard, everything) Nineteen-inch canvas (the monitor). Ten paintbrushes (fingers) and twenty-six primary colours (alphabets). I’ll mix them up and play with them. I promise to create magic…

[Corneac]

Very Clever....I'm just a bit slow...

[Gurdit]

No, I doubt it... I don't think many people would have guessed what that line meant completely without having me explain.

[RENA HANDS]

Once again I am APPLAUDING ur work. But a few inquires and suggestions must be made...

Y did u choose the format that u did? Was it intentional for its emphasis or was it just for fun? Something nonconforming against the rules of writing?

Before the coming of morning, y not say something about ur brushes tapping or swirling about on the canvas? Then u could some how relate the clattering of the typing keys later.

Y not use ‘shatter,’ here...I can feel the tension about to (shatter) this silence.(?)

What about...Fingers have stopped moving (as) thoughts are (rushing) faster than ever.(?)

What about...Once more stirring fingers (have) come to rest.(?)

What about...While thoughts race faster and more furiously.(?)

In the following line about ‘brows’ coming together...Brows furrow tighter, deeper meeting in the middle-wrinkled skin.

The storm (has) announced its arrival with an explosion of startling thunder! With its angry shout of frustration, I am forced to pick up my sentence and smash it into the ground. Words and letters fly about-the result of a perfect thought and an imperfect expression.

I stare into a semi-completed piece of art in progress for days on end. I slowly get up and walk away for now.

Now for my comment; LOVE! LOVE, the imageries u have illustrated with ur words. And the bit about a ‘quid pr quo,’ regarding reads for/and comments...very funny...lol My rating for ur original write 4 of 5.

[Gurdit]

Originally Posted by RENA HANDS

Y did u choose the format that u did? Was it intentional for its emphasis or was it just for fun? Something nonconforming against the rules of writing?

I'm pretty sure I don't remember, but I'd probably say that it was a bit of everything.

Before the coming of morning, y not say something about ur brushes tapping or swirling about on the canvas? Then u could some how relate the clattering of the typing keys later.

Because the first line is just an introduction of sorts, a statement, a metaphor. I know it's disjointed from the rest, but that's how I was thinking and so I wrote it like that.

Y not use ‘shatter,’ here...I can feel the tension about to (shatter) this silence.(?)

Used too often with silence. And also, explosion has a bigger impact than just shatter. You can shatter something that's comparatively easier to break, like glass. You can explode things that are a lot tougher.

What about...Fingers have stopped moving (as) thoughts are (rushing) faster than ever.(?)

Because that English is far too prim and proper, and that's not the tone I intend for this piece, which I need to be a little grungy.

What about...Once more stirring fingers (have) come to rest.(?)

Because fingers are not stirring so much as they're violently moving up and down the keyboard.

What about...While thoughts race faster and more furiously.(?)

"race" versus "run". Again, 'thoughts racing' is just too common. As long as 'running' works, I'd rather not change it.

...Brows furrow tighter, deeper meeting in the middle-wrinkled skin.

Because I think "deeper" is just a little bit redundant in its current use. I think the way I've framed it, it's sufficient to create the required visual imagery.

The other suggestions you had regarding the change of tense kinda completely change the meaning of the piece, actually.

To be honest, this is a pretty random write, and I don't really think anyone would be able to see this or appreciate it in the same way as I would.

Thanks for your appreciation, though. I'll try to get a 5/5 some time.

PS:
The thing about comments is my sig, it's not a part of the piece.

[Lubesh]

Quite raw this except the pretty opeing lol enjoyed that. But rawness personified nd venting and angst it wasa joy to read. Loved the bit where he gets up and walks.

[Venomous Vixen]

I figure I am in debt to you for some fantastic reviews and I would have a stab at this one in return. Of course, I will bring up issues first and then make your head swell

twenty-six primary colours

I was an art student for a long time so this part was kind of like nails on a chalk board for me - there are technically only three primary colors, and another three secondary and then you have your shades and tints which can be created using black or white. Perhaps 'twenty-six shades of color'?

Now the morning comes, dark and gloomy.

The italicized part was an incredible opening, and then you started with a 'Now' which I thought a bit unnecessary. When I read it 'The morning comes, dark and gloomy', it seemed to be much more powerful standing alone like that.

words and letters going flying about

This seemed it should be 'go' and not 'going'... words go flying about. Maybe both are correct and this is merely my preference?

and slowly get up and walk away for now.

This bit felt underplayed... like there should be emphasis on the 'for now'. Perhaps 'and slowly get up and walk away... for now.' ??

OK enough of that, this was incredible. The dual imagery between creating words on paper (or a computer) and images on a canvas were incredible. I could almost see colors exploding into lines of poetry, textures raised like that of an intricate weave.

I have to agree with Chris, the perfect/imperfect line is incredible, and just alone makes a hefty statement. I need to filter back and catch up on the ones I missed from you, just wonderful!

[Gurdit]

Lulu, thanks for the comment

Banana, thank you too. I'll just try answering some of the points you made.

I was an art student for a long time so this part was kind of like nails on a chalk board for me - there are technically only three primary colors, and another three secondary and then you have your shades and tints which can be created using black or white. Perhaps 'twenty-six shades of color'?

Yep, I know that... Red-Green-Blue, Cyan-Magenta-Yellow, etc. In fact, we're doing that right now in an engineering subject called Digital Image Processing, which has a chapter on Colour Image Processing. Anyway, the property of the primary colous I wanted to use was the general belief that you can create almost any colour by mixing the primary colours in a certain proportion. Similarly, you can mix the letters of the alphabet (which are twenty-six in number) to create words, sentences, stories, SoC writings, some of which can be ... magical?

The italicized part was an incredible opening, and then you started with a 'Now' which I thought a bit unnecessary. When I read it 'The morning comes, dark and gloomy', it seemed to be much more powerful standing alone like that.

Mmm...you're right. I'm not 100% satisfied with "Now" either. However, the second paragraph is supposed to be in complete contrast to the first, which is like an introduction, a statement of intent. From the second paragraph onwards, there's an edge of pessimism and despondency, coupled with frustration at not being able to write properly. Also, the second paragraph sets the action going, whereas the first line. Perhaps I should replace "Now" with "But". I think that would be more appropriate.

This seemed it should be 'go' and not 'going'... words go flying about. Maybe both are correct and this is merely my preference?

I too am not 100% sure. I'll state another sentence, which I think ought to be similar in construction to this one. If you look at it, maybe you can tell me whether it should be go or going.
John hit the brakes hard, the tyres screeching as they skidded to a halt.
I think in a single sentence, it flies, but if I was to split it using a semi-colon, I'd have to use the form you used.
John hit the brakes hard; the tyres screeched as they skidded to a halt.

This bit felt underplayed... like there should be emphasis on the 'for now'. Perhaps 'and slowly get up and walk away... for now.' ??

Yo, good idea. I'll put in the ellipsis, even though I didn't actually really want to create too much of an emphasis.

OK enough of that, this was incredible. The dual imagery between creating words on paper (or a computer) and images on a canvas were incredible. I could almost see colors exploding into lines of poetry, textures raised like that of an intricate weave.

Thanks, I've always felt that really good writing is definitely an art form. Hence the very obvious analogy. And I say it's analogous because Ryankia has/had a similar analogy in her sig. Of course, I wrote this one long before she had that sig, and I think she hasn't seen it yet, so that's two people who've drawn that analogy already.

I have to agree with Chris, the perfect/imperfect line is incredible, and just alone makes a hefty statement.

Yus, it is! And it's entirely based on personal experience...the frustration of not being able to make a sentence sound exactly like you want it to, which happens particularly when you're having writer's block.

Thanks for the lovely compliments. I don't think there are too many submissions of mine that you haven't read. Most of them are probably in the SoC anyway. While we wait for the Stories/Poems/Essays tab to come back on the profiles, I think you can check out my other writing by checking the "Threads created by this user" option. Apart from submissions, I doubt I've created many other new threads.