[Gurdit]

Friends. Strangers. People I don't know, people I love. Through silence, I hear you speak, your words arranged like flowers in a garden. My breath gets taken away by the beauty. Every thought you plant blossoms in my head, giving rise to emotions and feelings that come all that once, making me confused. All at once, I am honoured, delighted, happy beyond belief and then frustrated beyond anger. I want to be here in your garden, and yet I seek to run away. Behind a tiny flower plant of my own, I hide myself. There's nothing to show, but there's so much to say. Here, by myself, I speak in whispers, so that no one hears but me.

[Venomous Vixen]

I have already told you I absolutely love this one. I have used the metaphor of a garden before and I like the take you took on it. I have my own thoughts on the meaning of this, to me I got a bit of the restraints of distance and computers out of this, seeing such beauty yet not being able to immerse all of the senses in it, and then alone writing your own snippet of it as well. Haha just ignore me if I am off... but this is one of my favorites of yours, this style suits you well. Would love to see you attempt to throw it into a poetic form... seriously, challenge yourself a bit!

[Lubesh]

A nice, relaxed even though sad piece and as has been said good use of the garden motif.

[Gurdit]

Thanks
Bri, your comment is almost as long as the piece itself
As for putting it to poetry, I'd rather not. I like it too much to play around with it. My poem isn't going to be as good as this, I know, so I'd rather not frustrate myself.

[Corneac]

Woot. You're really good at these streams of consciousness, you have an ease with description and poetic prose...does that make sense? It speaks to you. Ambiguous enough for the reader to draw something from it, but a strength that maintains the metaphor and your original meaning. Rather beautiful - simples, poetic, dripping with ideas, emotion - I loved it mate. Keep this up...and yeah, go with Bri's idea. Challenge yourself. By the way, good way to start off a piece like this...fragmented, choppy snatches, something different...grabs you right away. Well done.

[Gurdit]

Ok, I'll try poetizing it, but not right now.

[Ryankia]

I always love your SoC. Really down to earth and logical, even if that is a bit ironic. :p

[Gurdit]

Down to earth? Really?

[RENA HANDS]

Maybe…People I don’t know, (the) people (that) I love.(?)

What about…Through (deafening) silence, I hear you speak, (your) words arranged like flowers in (my-to make it more personal) garden. My breath (is carried) away by (its) beauty. Every thought you (have) planted, blossoms inside my head. (Vibrant vitality gives) rise to (concealed) emotions and feelings that comes (rushing) all at once, making me confused. I am honoured, it is my delight, happiness beyond belief to be in your life.

The ‘frustration,’ almost seems irrelevant to the ‘positive’ of ur intent. At least for me unless u give ‘more’ to this ‘frustration.’

What about…Through (deafening) silence, I hear you speak, (your) words arranged like flowers in (my) garden. My breath (carried away-another possibility) by (its) (natural beauty). Every thought you (have) planted, blossoms (inside) my head. (Vibrant vitality gives) rise to (concealed) emotions and feelings that (comes rushing) all at once, making me confused. I am honoured, it is my delight, happiness beyond belief to be in your life. Push aside the grief, darkening frustration that you occasionally cause me. My anger is pulled out by your grace/loving touch. I want to remain here, in your garden. Still I seek to run away. Behind a tiny flower plant of my own, I hide myself. There’s nothing to show/illustrate my love for you. There are so many words to say, to express my beating/growing heart. Alone I stand here and no one, not even you hear me speak.

Of course my suggestions/thoughts have added and or deleted some if not most of ur original words. Sorry about that.

Ur initial write was just charming, attractive in all its imagery and emotional out pour. But I think with a few more or less words, ur SOC could be extremely exquisite. So I ask where’s the color? The illustration of this man/boy who is so lost? Who wishes to linger in this ‘garden of love?’ Y did u not compare her beauty to the flowers? Where is the consistency of the contractions? I too did not in my write keep consistency and for this I apologize. But I must ask, where is it?

Regardless of inquires and or my personal thoughts, I give a rating 3 of 5.

[Gurdit]

Rena, thanks for the comment! I made some changes, some of them based on your suggestions.

Maybe…People I don’t know, (the) people (that) I love.(?)

While that's technically correct, I feel it's not as poetic as what I had written.

My breath (carried away-another possibility)

Though on first reading, "carried away" seems to have a little more appeal, Nupur pointed out that it is, in fact, a phrasal verb, and consequently, it would probably change the meaning of the sentence.

Every thought you (have) planted, blossoms (inside) my head. (Vibrant vitality gives) rise to (concealed) emotions and feelings that (comes rushing) all at once, making me confused.

This type of a construction to me seems to be a little too verbose. I prefer simpler sentences. Most of the beauty in nature lies in simplicity, or so I feel anyway. I would put it down to just a difference of style.

I am honoured, it is my delight, happiness beyond belief to be in your life. Push aside the grief, darkening frustration that you occasionally cause me. My anger is pulled out by your grace/loving touch.

Woah! This part quite completely changes the idea behind the write. And the rest of the sentences too. You see, it's not really a garden of love. It's more a garden of art. Every flower represents a piece of, well, writing, actually.

[Vorcla]

Simple is best; I agree with your decision to trim out excess verbiage.

Well, shoot. Not much to say. When I see your name on an SoC, I know it's going to be well-crafted and damned near perfect. I like the metaphor of the garden, and I like the way you play up the conflicting emotions you portray: "All at once, I am honoured, delighted, happy beyond belief and then frustrated beyond anger." It's smooth and relaxing, and actually fun to read. When I read it aloud, it feels like water running over smooth rocks.

Nice job, G.

[Gurdit]

Thanks, but I disagree with you there. Not all of my writings are near perfect, and I'm not saying that out of modesty.