Cancerous

[Venomous Vixen]

There is a stale smell coming from the ashtray, it lingers, half smoked butts and a half empty shell. The smoke still rises of its own accord, dancing against the dingy walls, dancing against the burning corners of my mind. I could just empty it, be thoughtless and free with a clean ashtray and the smell of spring. I could just dump the half smoked carton, so easily dismiss life in the bottom of the trash. But I let it linger, half smoked and half full, waiting for my stale thoughts to finally burn out.

[Lubesh]

Put like that it sounds easy....also half attempts as with life also invlauable metaphor and a ncie ponder.

[Bluejay]

Wonderful little piece! I especially liked the connection between that burning in the ashtray and tthoughts, stale and burning out, in the mind. And the join between dumping the ashtray and becoming thoughtless. Nicely done.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both!

[dorian hanes]

It’s short and very simple. Still, it’s not. Ur words have not only delivered extremely powerful imagery, but u have illustrated potent metaphors concerning life and how one lives in it. Or at least this is what I got of ur writing. (Many apologies if I’m wrong or way off the point of ur original intent.) I’ll give a rating 5 of 5.

[Peppy]

I shall take this literally. There's always something someone needs in order to write, to produce thoughts, and without it we might as will be "thoughtless". Me, I clean, I don't smoke. I'm a cleanaholic. I love to clean--too bad I'm not a janitor.

As Rena said, it's short and simple.The right words, the right paralleling subjects.

Nice piece, Vee.

-

[Dark-huntress]

i. can.relate.

[Vorcla]

I can't believe I missed this. I distinctly remember reading it, and I can even remember my thoughts on it. Maybe I didn't save the comment when I wrote it. Anyway, I'm here now.

I like the way your descriptive language runs counter to the unpleasant imagery. You have the skill to take something ugly and make it pretty. Lots of metaphorical comparisons, and in a literal sense there is the image of the "cancer sticks." They claimed my Mom and my Dad, and second hand smoke nearly got me. For me, anyway, it's a very frightening image.

Rates a "damned fine," hun.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks all. I had forgotten about this one... funny it was exactly a year old yesterday. 'Spring cleaning' of the mind

[Alex]

I agree with Peppy, it's clear that everyone needs a trigger to pull in order to get their creative juices flowing. But this is more than just describing said trigger, it's almost like it's describing the aftermath of something. I don't quite know what it is. Maybe the downward spiral that you feel when you alone or maybe the succumbing to the the silence as it takes over and the only thing you can possibly do is watch the smoke rise and wallow in the thoughts that you wish to release from your mind.