[Gurdit]

I spent hours in the rain, feeling the water slide off my skin, like the thoughts of you that I wished would do the same. Memories of you cling to me like the sweat on my summer skin. So I stood in the rain, eyes closed, face turned up to the sky. Streams of crystal water slid down my face, mingling with tears, dropping from the tips of my beard. Somewhere in the distance, life went on. Toads were rejoicing, and frogs were mating. None of my emptiness mattered to the world. Everything was alright. Somewhere beyond the limit of my vision, a rainbow peeked blushingly out from behind the clouds, taking its first look at a wet world, watched lovingly by its father, the sun. I think I heard its mirthful squeal of excitement. I wonder if I might ever find this world as wonderful as the rainbow did. Birds chirruped loudly, and I'm sure I heard their songs. For once, the cars were quiet and human life came to a standstill. No one was shouting, no one was yelling. No one was fighting or glaring in dislike. No one cared about anything but keeping themselves dry.

When I opened my eyes, I saw blurry hues of green and blue, speckled with the dull brown of the mud. It took a while to wipe the water and the tears from my eyes, and a little longer to wipe my glasses. But in that one moment when I put them on, I felt my breath being taken away. Here I was, in solitude, with no sounds to hear, but the melodies of nature and the voices in my own head and heart. For a few minutes, the voices were silent. I was absorbed, I was but a mere thread in the fabric of life, and while I stood surrounded by the truth itself, it reached out to me. I am but a mere thread in the fabric of life, and life is eternal. I am eternal. Everything I do, everything I touch, everyone I meet is a part of me, and I am a part of them. We are all different, and yet we are one, and we are all eternal. There I stood, finally finding the peace that had eluded me for days.

The rain abated finally, and the clouds parted lovingly for the sun to smile at me. I smiled back at it, my first smile in days...since you've been gone. I picked a fallen flower; so gently it lay on the soaked ground that it reminded me of you, lying gently and peacefully under the surface of the earth. But today, for the first time since you went away, I am at peace. I lay the flower gently back on the ground where it belongs, for in the end, everything must return to where it came from...even you.

[Ferris]

That is a very emotional piece, and I must say, quite moving.

At first you lead us to think that it is a love-hurt person wishing to forget a hateful partner, but then, at the end, we realise it is about lost love and not hate.

A very relaxing piece, and very sweetly sad. It gets my thumbs up!

Ferris

[thelma&louise]

Beautiful. I can't believe you called this crappy. -thwacks- What is wrong with you?!

-sigh-

Anyway. I really liked this piece. Short and bittersweet, but it pretty much said all there was to say. You do, however, have some grammatical mistakes you need to go through in the first paragraph, I believe...

Memories of you cling to me like the sweat on my summer skin.

No grammatical correction needed, but I did find the ending a little weird. Summer skin? I get what you're trying to say, but it didn't feel right somehow. How about just skin? Or even "The sweat on my skin on a summer day"? Just a suggestion. =)

watched loving by his father, the sun.

Do you mean "lovingly"?

I won't point out the other mistakes because I'm too lazy...And plus I know you're smart enough to read through it again yourself. =P

However, I particularly loved this line:

Toads were rejoicing, and frogs were mating.

Overall, a job well done. =) Keep up the good work, Tiddy!

[Gurdit]

Originally Posted by thelma&louise

No grammatical correction needed, but I did find the ending a little weird. Summer skin? I get what you're trying to say, but it didn't feel right somehow. How about just skin? Or even "The sweat on my skin on a summer day"? Just a suggestion. =)

No, "summer skin" it must be. When I was writing, that particular phrase leapt out at me. It may not be right, but I like it. Don't mean to sound headstrong or something, but yeah...

Fixed the other error...can't believe it escaped my notice.

Thank you, Chris and Ferris for your comments. It's barely been a few minutes since I posted this. Ferris, your comment totally took me off-guard. Thank you. For the sake of not ruining it for others, I won't divulge any details or interpretations for this. I'll leave it to the readers to make of it what they will. But thanks again for your comments.

[Vorcla]

Jesus.

Sorry. I can't find words for this. It's too excellent. Anything I say is going to pale by comparison...

[Nupur]

Great work, Sunny. The emotions you have portrayed here are truly mindblowing. Your descriptions, as usual, are perfect. I adore this SoC for its power to pull at the heartstrings of the reader in such a subtle, yet effective manner. Full critique on the phone. Or maybe later, because typing on my cellphone is a pain in the ass. Just want to tell you that I love this one. You have a way with words, and it's clearer than ever in this genre. Well done. (Bit of the review already texted to you. Wow, I'm not as lazy as I think I am. )

[Gurdit]

Thanks, Rick.
And looking forward to a complete critique from you, P.

[Lubesh]

Excellent and contrasted with soft emotions, real ones, day to day and the more phiosphical...alll blened and a beautful peice of prose.

Summer skin....wonderful!

[dearest]

I found it! ^_^ Took me long enough, I know, I know, but I found it! ^_^ Now, allow me to gush:

First of all, I love it! Exceptionally emotionally moving, descriptions are great, imagery is astonishing, the mood is perfectly tranquil, helps bring about the same enlightened feeling in the reader that the character is experiencing. Gah, too much to say! I just really like it, okay? ^_^ Especially this:

I pick a fallen flower; so gently it lay on the soaked ground that it reminded me of you, lying gently and peacefully under the surface of the earth. But today, for the first time since you went away, I am at peace. I lay the flower gently back on the ground where it belongs, for in the end, everything must return to where it came from...even you.

Great ending, and the comparison of the flower and the deceased loved one really serves to reinforce the character's realization that we are a 'a thread in the fabric of life' and interconnected. Well done! ^_^

In a piece I like as much as this, the few incongruous parts, as nitpicky as they are, really stand out.

I wonder if I might ever find this world as wonderful as the rainbow did. Birds chirrup loudly, and I'm sure I hear their songs. For once, the cars were quiet

I smiled back at it, my first smile in days...since you've been gone. I pick a fallen flower;

See the tense change? I think these were the only two places, but most was written in past tense, and you occasionally switched back into present in odd places. Quick fixes though, all of them. Not a huge deal.

Somewhere beyond the limit of my vision, a rainbow peeked blushingly out from behind the clouds, taking its first look at a wet world, watched lovingly by his father, the sun. I think I heard its mirthful squeal of excitement.

Now this one is totally a personal preference, and you may not feel the same (which is totally okay, by the way) but this bothered me a little. You've done such a great job setting up this very delicate, ponderous, fragile mood...and then the rainbow starts squealing. ^_^ Something about 'squealing' just grated. Made me stop, just didn't seem to flow as smoothly. Again, totally personal preference.

And that's it, that's all the nitpicks I've got, and I was really looking. You did good, G, you did good. ^_^

[Gurdit]

Thank you Lulu, and Tricia.

Tricia, your compliments have put me at the top of the world. I've corrected the couple of tense issues that I found, though I had originally intended to leave them as they were...as for the other issue you mentioned, I'll PM you.

[Syrah]

For a few minutes, the voices were silent. I was absorbed, I was but a mere thread in the fabric of life, and while I stood surrounded by the truth itself, it reached out to me. I am but a mere thread in the fabric of life, and life is eternal. I am eternal. Everything I do, everything I touch, everyone I meet is a part of me, and I am a part of them. We are all different, and yet we are one, and we are all eternal.

A brilliant bit. By far my favorite bit out of your SoC. Just wonderfully executed. I felt you throughout the entirety of the piece. Was this experience? It was so alive. Just- beautiful. Absolutely, amazingly beautiful.

[RENA HANDS]

If the rainbow is peaking out now then wouldn’t it be…I wonder if I might ever find this world as wonderful as the rainbow (does.)(?)

What about…Finally, the rain abated and the clouds parted lovingly for the sun to smile at me.(?)

What about…I lay the flower gently back on the ground where it (belonged),

Another BRILLIANT post Gurdit. The imagery and simplicity (still more) of your vocabulary taking the reader(s) beyond their natural words…SPLENDID!

I give a rating 5 of 5.

[Gurdit]

Thanks Syrah, and Rena
I was actually trying to personify the rainbow. In the second edit, I put the 'finally' in the middle of the sentence on purpose. As for the third edit, I really thought about it quite hard. Technically, I think you might be right, but the way it reads now, I just love it.