[Venomous Vixen]

It’s an odd sense of knowing too much when you get that first feeling that everything has changed. There’s nothing that can be pinpointed into an exact moment when the bottom fell out, just an overall sense that nothing is ever going to be like it was – and in the aftermath, for the few seconds you just try and catch your breath and brace yourself.

That’s where I am right now, arms and legs pinned, body taught, deep breaths and a little too much information for my liking. It all started last night, that sense of ‘I should have known it was too good to be true’ rushed over me like a wave of discomfort and no amount of backstroking could get me to the moments before my epiphany.

Quirky, the way life throws us curves just when we thought we were finally holding steady on the straight and narrow. I can only figure that life itself is on a power trip, and in turn just jogging our memory that we are but its humble servants and at any moment those butterflies can be smashed into a million lifeless pieces. If I had a bit more heart I may pity the poor things, but I am too engrossed in my own breakdown to mourn their flightless passing.

And as if all of this was not enough, when that moment strikes that maybe insanity has set in and overreaction is to blame for the glass-half-empty type thoughts swirling around, verification comes, or doesn’t come at all if that be the case. For example, that usual message or phone call, the one you have received to the minute for the past month suddenly is non-existent. You try and chalk it up to coincidence but at this point any rationalization is just grasping for things you know are untrue.

So where do you go from here? Somehow the knowledge does not make the passing of the inevitable any easier to swallow and here you sit, braced and breathing, waiting for your heart to shatter and lack the inability to stop cupid from ripping out that jinxed little bow.

Instead of picking up the pieces we wallow, start our own personal investigation to prove we are wrong and everything is as it should be. Funny how the deeper we dig, the more we uncover in the way of signs that were probably there all along but we were all too happy in our ignorance to notice. The word ‘idiot’ rears its ugly head, and the ‘I should have known better’ and now to no fault of our own we sit and kick ourselves down even further than we were initially.

It’s a vicious cycle, one that I find myself on the brink of. Even knowing the destination does not help me change the set coordinates to land me in a different location. Human nature? Weakness? Sitting here and pondering, breaking only to check the time and make sure that it is indeed past when that normal call comes, and the butterflies have indeed ceased their normal flight.

And then you ask, is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Well, I say yes, even in the aftermath of heartbreak. Now it’s time to just grab the memory and run with it, far from the depression that threatens to drag you down, and the inevitable blow to your esteem. Run, and run as far as you can, fast.

With a few good breaths in my lungs, I try to remove myself from that place I was holed up and take flight, off to the next vicious cycle.

[Vorcla]

Hmmm. Your title is self-deprecating. Doesn't do your piece justice - although I understand the reasoning behind it.

This is engrossing. The raw feelings come across on the page, and when you do that, you've really done your job. I know where some of this is coming from, and how genuine the emotion is. It's brave of you to share it, but that's where good art comes from. Nicely done, Bri.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you very much.

[RENA HANDS]

Should it be ‘falls out,’...There’s nothing that can be pinpointed into an exact moment when the bottom falls out,

I applaud this imagery/image the MOST...waiting for your heart to shatter and lack the inability to stop cupid from ripping out that jinxed little bow.

Not to say of course that I didn’t applaud the other, but sweet creepers, what a masterpiece! Again, though not certain if one can rate an SOC, a rating of 5/5!

[Venomous Vixen]

Again, thank you very much Rena!

[Storiesmaniac]

This was amazing Bri, the emotion dripped of the page...the words were literally soaked in sadness. You write so well. Great work.

[ea_blue]

I agree with Vorcla, the title doesn't do this piece any justice. This one is quite poignant and relevant.

Practically everyone (all those with any gumption) has been there. Though I doubt very many could express it with the depth of feeling you put into it. I feel like I now understand my own experience much better now and see it through clearer eyes.

Great stuff!