[Not_Write_Now]

Author's Note: Just the beginning, I'll update when I write more.....
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The Fallen
By: Andrew Scruton


Cold, so cold. The gun held heavy in my arms. My hands numbed by the metal: I brought the cigarette to my lips, taking a deep drag. My eyes closed as I felt the warmth of the smoke bellow down through my lungs. I exhaled and looked at my watch, 7:23; only a few more minutes. I tipped my head back;looking at the ceiling, took one more drag and threw the cigarette on the floor of the hotel, making sure to smother it with my shoe. I looked out the window and brought the scope once more to my eyes to make sure of the shot.

7:28:any minute now. I sat staring through my binoculars at the front door of the Russian mansion. Seeing nothing but my breath, I brought the binoculars back down to my lap. It was a cool clear night, almost to good to be true. After this hit I would take a well-deserved vacation, go somewhere warm; That would be nice I thought to myself.

I brought my scope up this time to check the front door. The limousine had arrived and that meant that my target was on his way. I settled myself into a comfortable position in the chair and waited. The door opened and he walked out, a woman in each hand. My heart started pounding. I steadied myself and took a long deep breath. I settled the butt of the gun gently up against my shoulder, still waiting. He stumbled down the stairs to the limousine: Drunken bastard. He then opened the door and let the women slide into the limousine first-This was my chance.

The sound was deafening, leaving my ears ringing. My shoulder hurt from the surprisingly hard recoil of the gun. I gathered myself trying to control the adrenaline. Still looking through my scope, I checked my shot. Perfect hit. Objective one was complete, now all I had to do was get the hell out of here.

I got up and walked over to the bed where the suitcase laid; Quickly, I disassembled the gun separating the barrel from the stock. After placing each piece in its foam cut out section of the suitcase, I closed it and got ready to leave. I would take the stairs down to the first floor and exit through the back door, where my car was parked just down the block.

As I opened the back door, I heard the sirens of police cars speeding to the scene of the crime. This was a sound that had become way too familiar for me. But I guess it is just one of the things that comes with the job. I hardly notice it anymore.

I unlocked my car and opened the driver's side door. As I did, I glanced back over my shoulder watching a cruiser drive by. The passenger in the car took notice of me but seemed to have no interest. I sat down, closed the door and reached into my inner left pocket of my jacket pulling out my cell phone.

"Agency this is Trenton, it's done. Deposit my reward, in gold, to my usual account."

"Your deposit will be made upon confirmation."

This was how all conversations ended, after a hit, with agency. I'd be paid by midnight. In the meantime, I had good drive ahead of me. From the Moscow to one of agency's stationary houses located in St. Petersburg. I put the cell phone back in my pocket, started the car and went on my way.

I arrived home fairly late. I opened the door and threw the keys on the counter. So tired. The answering machine was flashing with a new message. I'd listen to it in the morning. It had to be my deposit conformation anyway. I made my way to the fridge looking for something to fulfil my thirst. Finding a 12 pack of bud, I grab one and went to the couch.
After a short 5-minute hunt for the remote I turned on the TV. It was an Ukraine news broadcast. I could only make out some of it, but when the picture of the Russian President came up on the television screen, I knew what they were talking about, my hit, the assassination.

"Ain't I the popular one," I said as I put my feet up on the coffee table. I continued watching the news broadcast until my eyes got heavy and I slipped into a deep, restless sleep. That night I slept like a rock not being disturbed or woken up once. I caught up on past, lost hours of sleep and gained a few by the time I woke up.

My eyes opened only to see the bright light of the sun glaring through the blinds of the window. It was mid-morning. The plane left at 1:00, I'd slept in. Startled, I jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom. I started the shower and then ran back out to the kitchen to check the time. It was 10:16. With a 2-hour drive to the airport, that gave me less then forty-five minutes. I better get moving.

[JirQUEST]

not a bad piece, though it seems a bit weird as to how come our main character's shoulders would hurt if he had done this several times. "surprisingly"?

and given the amt of confidence he exudes, it is a wonder how come his heart can pound like he was afraid. i would have thought he was dispassionate about it already.

[Epsilonist]

I can understand the heart-pounding; any assassination attempt would carry the chance of failure or of being caught. However, your assassin's shoulder hurting and the recoil being "surprisingly hard" does lend the impression of unfamiliarity with the task, or the gun, or both.
Twice you used the word "conformation" where it should be "confirmation", and there's a couple of missing commas, but otherwise very good writing. I look forward to reading more.

[Not_Write_Now]

Hey guys thatnks for the heads up. I agree with changing the shoulder scenario but the heart ponding is just adrenaline that you cant get rid of. But anyway thnx i'll hopefully will write some more and update soon

-Not_Write_Now

Hey you, nice job. I definitely look forward to reading more, that is a great start. You already have the knack of starting a story in a way to keep people wanting to read it all the way through. The grammar stuff gets better the more you write, no worries. Fantastic! I want the second signed copy when it's published! (you should know who I am from the name!)

[DarkPower]

Hey nice story, I have to admit with Jir and Epsi though.. the whole shoulder bit gives the impression that he has only done that a couple of times. I like the story though and will gladly read more if you post.

That was amazing. Really, really, amazing. I've been searching through books and online sites for great short story material to make a short film about. Your's is one of the best I have read. I could imagine each shot while reading. If you ever want to make it into a short film, email me. You have a lot of talent, I can't wait to read more of it.

[Sith Lord Jim]

Well done. The idea is becoming increasingly overused, but you did it well. It really drew me in and made me keep reading. The shoulder thing did jump out at me as I read it. It makes it seem like its his very first time. Other than that i enjoyed it. Keep writing dude.
Yours Truly Jimmy

[Intrinsic]

Good story:Question-If this was a seasoned hit man,why didn't he use a silencer?
I kept wondering that while I read the rest of the story:It kind of took away my
concentration.

very boring, the story puts
you to sleep. It needs to be
re edited bigtime......

[Wordsmyth]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

very boring, the story puts
you to sleep. It needs to be
re edited bigtime......

A perfect example of why the unregistered shouldn't be albe to post. Just a slam while hiding.

While this story is far from perfect and a little on the cliche side (hard not to be these days though) It's not a bad begining to a story. Depending on where he goes with this story, if he ever does, it could turn out to be pretty good. I would like to see more so I could judge better.

[Tongo]

Reminds me of Robert Ludlum, Lee Childs et al. Well written, but I have to agree..seen it before. Would he really need to tell the agency how to pay him? Still shooting Rooskies huh?

[oinker262]

Wow. Now There's a story for ya'll. I like personally how it seems he would have hesitated with the shot, as if it was someone special- maybe to him, to the world, like an important underground figure of somesort. 0.0

[J&JBombControl]

Good story. I am looking forward to reading more.

[Ambrose]

Not Write Now just brought a question to my mind: what do hitmen and assassins do in their spare time? Are they practicing Tae Kwon Do in their backyard or do they drink beer and watch TV like the rest of us?

[boRsirhC]

I want more. When are you gonna update...????

Is there more coming? I'd like to read a bit more then just a teaser trailer.

[Aleox]

Not a bad story, I like the empathy the assassin feels after the job. I hope to see more of this... will he get caught? Where's the plane taking off? Who's next...

[Holden Blake]

I agree with everyone when they say: you MUST write more! This is very interesting and look how much popularity this has got already so please update asap, don't leave me hangin!!! This was so well written I though for sure you were goinna kill him! but then you didn't and I was like Phew! Very intense read and I can't wait to see what happens next

[One_Man_Band]

Its an ok story, not entirely original…the hitman scenario has been done to death, pardon the pun….. why a hardened assassin would be surprised about his rifle recoiling is beyond me….ok overall

[RJ_Opal]

except for the mistakes pointed out, or maybe even with them, it makes a great article to read, with a strong base. good job!

[kayzee]

Very Hitman like ( the PC game) if anyones played it.
Only thing that bothers me is how easy it is to kill the president of russia, i doubt they would allow a hotel to be built right across front their mansion. Im also surprised that the president didnt have lots of body guards as anyone and every1 important today carries body guards. Theres good description and great imagery but maybe the story's let down by being a little to predictable, hitman stories open alot of avenues to be explored - i mean i remember an idea i had of a hitman who didnt have a reflection in the mirror - maybe because of the sins he'd commited. So you have to build your hitman, tell us more about him, his past etc - the fact that his shoulder hurt from the recoil - maybe because of the sheer volume of hits his performed or of a previous injury - delve in to his past and make him stand out from other Hitman stories.

kayzee

[seebaruk]

An interesting start, is there more to come? I agree that it seemed a little easy to kill the President, no bodyguards etc. Still, would be good to get a continuation.

[Fimber]

I really want to read more. I keep thinking about the answer machine flashing and wondering if it's a much more important message than he expects, especially as he didn't listen to it when he got in and now he's got up late. What's going to happen next? Has he made a huge mistake?

[Enreg]

I liked it. Everything was well explained. I want to know what whas on the answer machine. (Watch it be his Mother... LOL ) I would love to read more about this story. Next Hit please