[Peppy]

Norman entered Howard's room. The room was in a mess. A mattress laid on the floor, with a single pillow on top of it, and it has no sheets--only yellow and brown stains on it. Lined and blank papers were scattered all over the floor. These papers contain completed and unfinished stories, poems, and drawings.

A man sat at the corner of the room, but Norman took no notice of him. The man stared at Norman as he pulled out a piece of paper out of his jacket pocket. He leaned against the wall and unfolded the paper in the sunlight.

When I look up ahead, the ugliness destroys my soul. The broken tableau of the future has brought me down, and I cannot and will not rise up to meet it. The faces I see are disfigured; nearly all the faces I see in the world masquerade with masks so as to play the role that comes with it, which they do very well.

The phantasmagorias of the past still looms over my head and it haunts me. The burdens of my life is killing me with its weight, I hoped old age would kill me. Certain remnants of my past life lacerate me as if they were broken glass. Death is my only solution, I can't seem to find another.

When I am dead, I picture myself and others in serenity. I would no longer be around to destroy or ruin the people I know by the mere touch of my hand. In death I would reach a forever dream where everyone is intangible.

I once had royalty as a child but it's gone. By opening up my childish eyes I created the world and the things in it. I knew where the moon and the sun danced when the stars were left alone in the dark sky, and to this day I will keep it a secret. The world was mine until I lost control of it.

I've felt alone throughout my life. The earliest memory I can think about is my mother. She visited me everyday when I was in the hospital. When she left me to go to work I felt so alone. There was nothing in the hospital that comforted me--not even the happy memories I carried with me. Every time she came back for a visit she dropped a part of herself behind until she no longer looked like my lovely mother but a stranger altogether.

But you, my brother, were different from my parents and the others who occupied my life. You were whole. A light. When I had my doubts about you, you'd shine my way through to you. I wanted to be like you but I am too afraid to even try.

I love you my brother just as much as you loved me, it's just too hard to love myself anymore. Good bye, I'll miss you dearly.

Even though Norman's brother was dead, he still felt his presence with him in his waking moments and he always remained what Howard liked about him: A brother that would never forget about Howard.

Norman folded the paper and threw the paper onto the bed. And he closed the door behind him as he left.

Howard stood in the hallway, smiling at his brother when he saw him. Norman felt him but he could not see him. Together they walked away from the room and the man inside it, as faraway as possible.

The man put his head down and cried.

[Peppy]

Peppy, you are a depressing person. HEE HEE

Yes its depressing, but there's something very 'grown up' about the way you wrote this. It was a quick read, and it was well written. Simple, to the point, it was nicely written given the subject matter.

Good job Peppy, I enjoyed reading it.

I love you my brother just as much as you loved me, it's just too hard to love myself. Good bye, I'll miss you dearly.

Very sad and effective writing.

[solidsnakebite]

Quite depressing my friend. I like this because it is short and sweet. Anything that can be entertaining and so short is worth reading. Nothing bothers me more than reading for an eternity just to be disappointed. Good work.

[Bluejay]

The irony about this story is that, though it's about someone killing himself (I assume), the ending doesn't seem sad or depressing. In the end, Howard was happy. I like the touch of Norman adding the (assumed) suicide note to the other of Howard's writings, to make the collection complete.

The letter itself was quite effective. In a short bit of writing, you conveyed so much about the lives of the two brothers and their relationship. I especially liked

I once had royalty as a child but it's gone.

I'm assuming that didn't mean he was literally a prince or something as a child, but that you were talking figuratively about the way we all are - the center of the universe, pampered, etc. as a child, losing that as we get older.

My only complaint is the first part, before the letter, and it's minor. I have a personal issue with reading present-tense prose. (I'll have to explore why some day.) But it's even harder to write. You gave it a valiant effort in the beginning, but you couldn't maintain it. By the time the letter was done, you were completely back in past tense for the ending. For example, you have this sentence:

A man sat at the corner of the room, but Norman takes no notice of him.

which has both a past tense "sat" and a present tense "takes". I would prefer that you keep it all past tense (or all present tense, if you feel it should be that way).

Overall, I enjoyed this. Keep up the good work!

But one point of confusion (and it's not a bad thing - I like stories that make you think): who was the man in the corner????

[Uga Stormchan]

Wow. That was a very nice read. Short and with feeling to it. I like that.

But, ya, who was the man in the corner?

This may sound wierd but, It seems somewhat to me that the man in the corner is Norman(now that is) and when you talk about the brother feeling that he was beside him was Norman's old self before whatever happened. (In a way.)

However, the suicide idea is more than likely closer to being right though. (Sorry if I'm getting a bit philosophical about this story.)

Course, I guess that could be the father or something.

[Peppy]

the man, I thought it was oblivious, but you people draw your own line. As for the present tenses, I was thinking about writing this a a play of sort, but I quickly changed my mind

[Bluejay]

Originally Posted by Peppy

oblivious

Hee hee. That's me, boy.

Like the new title pep.

[S.Coristine]

Quite liked this. Kind of sad and sinister all at the same time. I think setting up the room in your first paragraph was a good move, as it set the tone right away. Good job.

[Peppy]

I know I'm weird but who cares:

My buddy said this about my story, "I like it. I like the letter part. Norman and Howard. Howard, and the bed with...stains...I was wondering what you mean by that."

Yeah, the new name rules. It was going to be Tinnitus but changed my mind quickly

[Syrah]

which the do very well.

they not the


and you did this right....

But you, my brother, were different

but you turned around and missed it here

I love you my brother just as much

As for the rest.... I take a note from Duncan. This seems, to me, very mature writing. Sad, but not overly so. Just enough. Interesting.

O and BTW. I think you need to give up your 'King of Crap' title if you are going to be producing pieces like this.

[Stamile]

I enjoyed it although it was a little strange for my taste. The descriptions were wonderful and you seem to have a good grasp on the language. I'd suggest trying something a bit longer next time and spreading your creative wings.

[Stamile]

A good strange depressing read. I think it would have benefited from having been longer though, and perhaps with more description and events.

[Lubesh]

If I was as 'weird' as you claim you are, i'd have no worries. That was just sheer excellence and beauty in such an unfitting arena. You got me there out in the hallway. Just epic Peppy.

[Peppy]

epic Thank's Lubesh, I shall give you a wink . Sweet.

['Ginnis]

Check your verb tenses in the narration.

[Rudy]

I really do not know how to criticize this work. It seems very well done to me. Excellent short story.

[Lubesh]

Come back Peppy...I will track him down somehow.

[Wednesday]

I wouldnt call this depressing at all....more like dark...filled with emotion....I like it!!!