[Patricia16]

Prologue - From Love to Darkness

It was beginning to get dark as Machus and his little girl walked into the bakery to pick up some loaves of bread for the upcoming holiday
celebrations. The old roughened baker looked up from behind the wooden counter and smiled as his most frequent customer walked in.

"My my my, look who we have here. It seems that a certain little girl I know is growing taller and prettier everyday, dont you think Kita?" The old
baker smiled at Kita, who giggled and blushed a little. Lare, the baker was experienced with children, considering the large amount of grandchildren
he looked after during the week. This had become a tradition for the old baker and Machus' daughter everytime they came in.

"I guess so." Kita answered, still giggling. Lare glanced around and then came closer to Kita, whispering in her ear.

"I think there's a present here for you. Go ahead, look in that box over there." He pointed to a small wooden box on the counter not far away, and
Kita picked it up with a smile. She opened it up to find a bag of the round little chocolates she loved and her smile grew. She walked over to the
baker and gave him a big hug.

"Thank you!" She said with a big grin. The baker smiled back at her while Machus picked out a few loaves of bread and brought them up to the counter.

"You're spoiling her you know." He said good-heartedly, giving the old baker a wink as Kita popped a chocolate into her mouth.

"All children need candy every once in a while." The baker grinned and bagged the loaves for Machus, who gave him the needed coins of payment.

"Thanks again Lare. Oh and before I forget, Shair talked me into letting her cook a big dinner next week and we'd love if you and your family could
join us." He smiled and tooked the proferred bag of loaves and set them on the floor next to his feet.

"Oh I dont know about the whole family, but I'm sure me and Karlita will be there. You have a nice night now Machus. And make sure the little one
brushes her teeth tonight." He smiled and gave Kita a wink, and Machus picked up the bag and took her hand and began walking towards the door.

"I'll be sure of it. Shair will kill me otherwise. Good night Lare." He smiled and gave the baker a wave as they entered the cool air of the night.

Machus remembered how Lare had been the arms teacher when he was just a boy and Lare was still young and healthy. Now, though he kept his health,
he had retired to bake and take care of his numerous grandchildren. The old man was loved by all children in the neighborhood and wasn't known to
overcharge or charge at all for bread if the family was in need. Machus had learned much from the kind and wise man, and was glad that Kita enjoyed
his treats and company so much. Perhaps she would eventually learn some good life lessons from him as well.

The candles on the street were lit as they headed down the path towards their house, just a fifteen minute walk away. Out of the corner of his eye,
Machus noticed a shadow that seemed to detach itself from the house nearby. He started walking a little faster as he heard the following footsteps,
and he held Kita's hand even tighter.

"Daddy why are we walking so fast?" Kita asked him as they neared their home. The fireplace in the living room was lit and she could just make out
the outline of her mother sitting in front of the fire in the old wicker chair, crocheting a blanket as usual.

"Hush honey. We'll be home soon." Machus held her hand a little tighter and walked faster down the street. Finally Kita could hear the soft footsteps
behind them, even rhythms and almost lyrical as they followed close behind. She glanced back but saw nothing but the receding lights of the city and
the shadows beneath the lights of the withering candles. Suddenly her Daddy let go of her hand and whirled around.

There was a shadow in front of him with dark glowing eyes, and she screamed. It was so dark that she couldnt see what was happening, but her Daddy
fell to the ground and she screamed again. Her mother was running out of the house now but the shadow creature was right next to her. She ran towards
her mother but instead ran into the shadow, who grabbed her and lifted her up to see his glowing red eyes. She continued to scream and turned around
enough to look back at her Daddy. He lifted his head weakly and called out her name, but it was too late. Her screaming had stopped and the creature
let her drop to the ground, then walked back over to his first victim.

"Do you want her to die?" The dark thing asked in a low ominous tone. He shook his head weakly, tears streaming down his face. The dark thing kneeled
down beside Machus and looked at him with burning eyes.

"No.. I'll do anything, just let her live." Machus managed to croak out. The dark thing smiled grimly and placed a hand on Machus' shoulder.

"Very well then. You shall take my place!"

The world around him went dark, and the merchant known as Machus was no more. He was transformed into the darkness who had destroyed him, the
creature of darkness, taker of life.

He was Death.

Chapter 1 - Embracing the Darkness

Golden locks flowing down the back of her frilly dress, Marle pulled up her silk stockings and pulled on her little satin slippers. The adults who
lived next door had come over today looking weary eyed and sad, and told her something about putting on good clothes to go to a funeral. She didn't
know what a funeral was though. Maybe it was something like a church ceremony, where people all get dressed up to say "hello" to god, as her mom had
so eloquently put it to her before.

"Honey.. your parents... well, they wont be coming home for a while. Now come, sweety and get dressed. You'll have to wear your best clothes
today. We're going to go to a church."

The looks on the parents' faces seemed to be somewhere between pity and sadness, and their eyes were puffy and wet as if they had been crying, like
Marle had seen her mom do sometimes when Daddy hit her after they had yelled at each other for a while. She could hear their hushed voices in the
next room, though she couldnt make out but a few occasional words with all of the muffled crying.

".... going to do with the poor child, I just dont know..."

".. such a shame...."

".... poor thing, she probably doesn't even realize..."

Marle scrunched her toes inside her little slippers. She hated this! She wanted to know why everyone was crying. She remembered crying when she fell
and skinned her knee... maybe one of the big tall adults had hurt their knee? Well, maybe she could go in and give it a kiss to make it better.
That always made mommy feel better after her and daddy had fights together.

Opening the door quietly, she slipped into the barely lit room. Everyone suddenly became quiet, their eyes on her, and the woman who had been crying
stopped herself with only a few sniffles.

"Come here, child. Let me look you over." The old man from next door said.

She walked over to him and he checked her outfit, making sure that the laces were pulled tight and the dress properly fitted.

"We're going to a church now, so remember to be on your best behavior," the old man warned her, then took her hand and led her out of the room with
the crying woman and the others following behind them from a distance. She could hear the soft sobs of the woman still, and it bothered her to think
that there was nothing she could do to make the person feel better like she had done for her mom so many times.

She saw the long dark carraige that waited, and the woman that came out of it, tears flying from her face. The sobbing woman who had been following
behind went to embrace the other, and the old man let go of Marle's hand. She found herself alone in front of her house as the others wept,
comforting the sobbing women and exchanging weary hugs. She began to walk away from them down the long cobblestone streets, angry that she could not
understand their weeping.

"Marle..." A low whisper came from nowhere, and Marle turned towards the voice. There in the shadows stood a young man, dressed all in black
with pale skin and an inviting smile.

"Who are you? Mommy said I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." Marle said quickly, glancing back at the cluster of adults down the street from her.
Her curiousity got the best of her though, and his smile was rather inviting, so she took a couple of steps closer, and he did the same, though he
did not come out of the shadows.

"But where is your mother youngling?" He asked softly. Marle looked down at her feet. She didnt know where her mother was, she wanted to say, that
her mother had left yesterday night with her father and had not come back since.

"I dont know.. she went away and didn't come back..." Marle frowned, a tear falling from her eye. The young man stepped closer and gently wiped her
tear away, then cupped her cheek with his hand and lifted her face.

"Hush now child. I will take you to see your mother." He said, smiling softly at her. Her eyes brightened at this offer, looking at him in a
pleading manner.

"You promise?" She said, sniffling as another tear fell. He smiled down at her and wiped this one away too, looking into the lunimous depths of her
green eyes.

"Of course, my child. Come now, let us go visit your mother..." He said, and she embraced him tightly, her eyes full of joy now that she would be
seeing her mother.

"Thank you." She whispered quietly, holding him close to her heart. The young man stepped back into the shadows, holding his new child in a tight
embrace. This one he would keep forever, with her young innocence. He cupped her face in his hand again, and looked into her eyes.

"If I take you with me, will you promise that you wont ever leave me?" He asked, a sudden urgency in his voice. She looked frightened for a moment,
but nodded.

"Good. Then we will see her." Death embraced her tightly and bid her to sleep, her golden curls spread about his dark robes beautifully like the light
of dawn spreading throughout the skies to warm the land. The skies parted and they were gone, vanished from the world of the living.

Chapter 2 - In Between Worlds

The world spun around the pair, the figure of darkness and the little child who clung so tightly to his robes, full of innocence and light.
The darkness around them was cold and whirled at their feet, then slowly stopped its revolving and resolved into a house. They had crossed from the
Realm of the Living, Earth, to the land in between, Purgatory, or Limbo as Death would soon tell his little one. He looked around the room and smiled
to himself, for the house was just as he wanted it, an exact replica of his Little One's home.

"You can open your eyes now Little One." He said to her softly. She slowly opened her eyes and loosened her arms from around his neck a little.
Her mouth fell into a little gape and her eyes were wide with wonder at the site around her. It was her house! A wide smile was spreading across her
face and when she looked into Death's eyes, he could see her blue eyes sparkling.

"We're home! Are mommy and daddy here?" She asked brightly. She walked over to the couch and looked under it. Her fathers slippers were tucked under
the edge of the mattress, in their proper spot, and her mother's sewing basket was next to it.

"No Little One, not yet. But they will be here soon, I promise." Death said to her. Marle looked up, her face sunken and her bright smile lost into a
frown. Her eyes welled with tears, but she held them back and sniffled a little.

"As long as they get here soon..." She said. Then she came over to Death and hugged him unexpectedly. He could feel her tears on his shoulder and her
golden curls on his back.

"You'll be here though, so I'll be all right..." Marle said, sniffling quietly to herself. Death hugged her tightly, glad to finally have his Little
Angel back again. Then he slowly pulled away, remembering his duties that were a part of the deal he had signed a long time ago.

"Little One, I must go for some time, but I promise I will be back before that fire dies down." He pointed at the fire place, which was lit with a
few small logs in place. Marle looked over then back, her face covered in another frown, though not as mournful looking as the last one.

"Why do you have to leave?" She asked, pouting. Death sighed inwardly and stood up.

"I have to Dearest. I will be back soon." With that he slipped out the door and closed it behind himself, leaving Marle in silence in her home. She
sat by the fire and took her satin slippers, shoving them under the couch next to her father's slippers. She pulled her knees up under her chin and
wished that her parents were here with her, that she didnt have to be so alone.

And she stared at the fire, wondering when her Dark Angel would ever come home.

Chapter 3 - The Death of Innocence

Marle sighed as she sat by the fire, tired of this daily routine that had gone on for so long. Death had gone at dusk, and now the sun's first rays
were touching the window panes once again. In the three years that Marle had lived here, she could never remember Death staying away for so long.

Marle's days were spent in Death's company, touring the different fantasy lands of Limbo, the dreamlands of candy canes and ice cream, and the
futuristic golf courses that the elderly seemed to enjoy. Marle had learned much since then, but she still did not understand just exactly where
they were, or why she had been here for so long. Death would leave at dusk every night, and return around midnight the same night. It had become a
habit for Marle to sit near the fire and read during these lonely times that Death was away from her.

Always she would daydream of times years ago when she was with her parents, held in their warm embrace in the carraige on the way to school and
sitting by them at the fire being read a fairy tale as her father acted out the scenes. Death searched for them each day, he said, but always told
her that he could not find them, that heaven was a big place and people were hard to find. And each night Death gave her a gift, a rare peice of
jewellery or a beautiful dress, and stuffed animals and dolls. Her room was full of these lavish gifts, almost kicking her out of her bed, though
she hardly ever gave any of it a second glance. Yes they were beautiful, but she wanted to be with her parents, not some stupid peices of jewellery.

Where are you? Why do you leave me here to wonder? Please come home soon...

Marle returned her attention to her book, a tale of a knight who awakens a sleeping princess with a kiss on the cheek and soon get eloped in a
magical kingdome. Even these stories had become increasingly boring; each one was the same. The same happily ever after ending that made her full
of envy for that fair princess who had it all. She had waited for a happy ending for three years, and still had none. No parents, no friends. Just an
old house and lavish gifts, and a guardian who could stay only during the daylight hours.

Why must I stay here? Why do you forbid me from ever leaving the house without you?

These thoughts were becoming monotonous, for she thought of them daily, though she was not brave enough to leave the house without Death. The void
beyond the door was a powerful one, and it was very easy to get lost within the darkness, a future Marle dearly wanted to avoid. She had opened the
door once when Death was not home, and had almost been sucked into the void. That had been the last time she had even gone into the parlour room with
its big white doors on their heavy hinges. Now she kept the windows tightly shut and the curtains drawn at all times.

The door creaked open, emitting a rushing sound like wind, and Death stepped through, inky black robes flowing as he quickly walked into the living
room and angrily threw his tophat onto the couch. He paced the length of the room for a moment, anger as Marle had never seen about him evident on
his handsome face. Marle sat quietly near the fire, afraid to make a noise.

Finally Death seemed to notice her and stopped pacing, then eased himself into a sitting position on the floor next to her. He sat quietly for a
moment before speaking to her.

"I have some news for you Little One." He said softly. Marle's brows knitted together in confusion while her heart leapt nearly to her throat.
My parents?!? She did not voice her thought, but instead clearly masked her face to look as if she was clueless.

"What is it monsiuer?" She asked. Death was quiet for another moment, as if contemplating what to say to her. When he finally spoke, he whispered it
so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

"You are going back tomorrow." He said. Marle watched his face, but it showed no emotions. Now she was confused, for this news was nothing like she
had expected.

Going back? Going back where? What about my parents? Marle thought to herself.

"What do you mean?" She asked him. He glanced at her for a second before returning to staring at the fire in front of them.

"You are going back to the real world. To be with your parents." He spoke simply.

She leapt with joy again, and her face was transformed into a wide smile as she leaned over and hugged Death as tightly as she had when they first
met. She was laughing with joy, filled with a happiness she had not felt in years.

"I'm going back! Oh thank you! You finally found them. Thank you so much!" She hugged him harder, rocking him from side to side in her excitement.
Death carefully unwrapped his arms from her and stood up from the floor.

"Yes. You will be happy there. Thank you for being good to me Little One. You have taught me much about human kindness." He hugged her, the first
time he had ever initiated such a motion.

Marle felt tears drip out of her eyes as she hugged him, feeling a kind of regret that she would have to leave her Guardian after so many years.
But to be with her parents was a promise she had long awaited to be fulfilled.

"Now come. I will take you there immediately." Death said quietly, and walked her to the front door. Marle swallowed uneasily as he opened the door
to the void and the darkness, and closed her eyes as she stepped out into it, Death by her side.

The world was spinning around her again, a remembered sensation that she had felt before. Blue skies were approaching, and clouds, and now there was
a peculiar landscape, slightly out of focus and discolored. It seemed as if she was looking at it from another place.

"What is wrong with it, Monsieur?" She asked, looking at him in confusion as they descended even lower towards the Earth. Death looked of a man who
has lost everything and is still in denial.

"If I am not allowed to keep you anymore, than no one shall ever enjoy your company again."

Marle screamed as felt her body dissipating, and the world faded a little more before she reached the ground, with Death no longer beside her. When
she opened her eyes, she realized that she could see, though the land was still slightly wrong, and realized that she could feel her legs and arms as
well. But something was wrong, though she could not pinpoint it.

Epilogue - Beware the Shadow Lover

Marle slowly opened her eyes, aware that she could feel her body and everything seemed to be in working order, and that it was quite dark out at what
seemed to be an ungodly hour of the morning. The moon was low and silvery in the dark blue sky, and the leaves around her on the road were scuttling
in the slight November wind. Marle looked around carefully, wondering where she was, and saw her house in the distance, its white picket fences
shining tall in the moonlite. She ran towards it, joy letting itself be known by the smile on her face, and she stopped at the closed gate, smiling
upon her house. She went to open the gate, and her breath caught as her hand passed through the lock.

What? What is happening? What is wrong..? She tried again, with the same result.

Now she remembered what Death had told her, some time ago, about the ghosts of spirits coming back to the real Earth, haunting those who had left
them long ago. He had explained that if spirits in Limbo did not reach their destination after three years, they would be forever banished to haunt
the realm of the world, to watch their loved ones grow old and die.

And this was it. Her personal Hell. All this time, she had not known. And now it all fell into place. Her parents had been taken by Death, the very
same man who had protected her for the last three years. Who had really only kidnapped her as a child, to keep as his own. He had left every night
to kill, to destroy lives and love, to do the same as he had done to her parents. He kept her until her time was up, and instead of letting her go
on to heaven, became greedy and cast his grief upon her, leaving her to live on Earth only as a shadow.

I must not let this happen again... not to another innocent child.

So instead of haunting the inhabitants of her old home to release her anger, she instead spent the rest of eternity warning those of whom Death would
love of the danger, of the dark Guardian who would kill you for his love of you. She returned to the old cobblestone street, where she can be heard
today, whispering warnings about the Shadow Lover.

"Beware... the Shadow Lover's Embrace."

[RENA HANDS]

The spacing was deliberate, yes? The word is don't. The word is every time. "Go ahead; look in that box over there." There is no such word is tooked, the word is took. The word is proffered. "..and Machus picked up the bag, took her hand, and began walking towards the door." The word is fifteen-minute. The word is couldn't. "..and then walked back over to his first victim." "He was transformed into the darkness that had destroyed him,.." The word is won't. The word is sweetie. The word is couldn't. "..maybe one of the big tall adults had hurt their knees." The word is carriage. The word is curiosity. "She said sniffling as another tear fell." The word is luminous. "He asked a sudden urgency in his voice." "Her father's slippers were tucked under.." "No little one, not yet." "..have his little Angel back again." "Death hugged her tightly; glad to finally.." The word is fireplace. "With that, he slipped out the door and closet it behind himself,.." The word is didn't. The word is windowpanes. "..she still did not understand exactly where.." The word is piece. The word is jewelry. The word is pieces. "Yes, they were beautiful,.." The word is kingdom. The word is top hat. "..anger, as Marle had never seen about him evident on his handsome face." "Finally, Death seemed to notice her.." The word is monsieur. The word is moonlight. "..where she can be heard today whispering warnings about the Shadow lover. The story contains many fragmented ideas. The story contains repetitive words that could be substituted with another word. The story seems brief but has great potential.

[EternalPen]

Rena Hands seems to have all the spelling and gramatical mistakes taken care of, so I'll go ahead and say this. It IS a little easier to read without those mistakes, but this was an overall wonderful story! Though not my favourite, it was great. I like the idea and conscept, keep it up! I enjoyed it! ^_^

[Deanne]

This is a good story. The end is a bit abrupt and not fully explained or linked into the thread of the story. From the title, I would have expected a more mature relationship between the characters.

[katofmystery]

overall a good story, there was gramatical errors and the ending COULD have been planned better, but the thing I had the biggest trouble with was the two different children or were they??? That alone had me thinking and it ruined the rest of the story for me. . . I mean why have TWO different children or have a nickname like Kita for a child named Marle??? If you had not have done that in your story I would have enjoyed it way better

[Hazel]

I thought the premise of this story was so intriguing. The prologue would have been a very nice introduction, although I felt that it was disconnected from the main story and epilogue. What happened to the shadow creature after he took Kita's father? What happened to Kita? The prologue and main body do not seem to relate to each other. I would suggest building a better bridge between the two pieces. As I said, I really liked the main body of the story and your descriptions of Marle's time in Limbo. It was an interesting touch that she could not leave the house without Death, and I liked how you shut down that line of the story (eliminating the 'run away in Limbo' possibility) by describing the void outside of the doors. For the most part you seemed to take your time describing everything, but in some places it felt rushed, such as the time lapse between Marle's arrival in Limbo and the passing of three years. I think, again, a bridge relating briefly what she experienced or learned in that time would be helpful. It is also unclear what her relationship to Death is when she lives with him. Does she know who he really is? Has she found out where she is? It would be interesting to see some of Marle's thoughts on this matter. It also would be really nice to have the epilogue extended into another chapter or two, because the conclusion seemed like it left a lot still to be told about Marle's story. There are also some places where certain words are repeated unnecessarily, and using another word would make the story more appealing. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this; the story line was mysterious and you made me sympathize with Marle and even Death. Very nicely done! =)

[DanHill]

Cool Can you read my stories and see what you think of them.

p.s yours is awsome

[cubjamaican]

I enjoy the story very much and hope to read more future stories from you. Keep up the good work.

[Sanctelos]

I really liked the prologue. I loved how it started out so innocent, then turned so dark.

When Kita recieved the chocolates and went back to Lare, I noticed that she only "walked". I felt the excitement when I read what she was saying, but I think if you wanted to portray that a little more you would have had her skipping, or running.

The word "proferred" is actually spelled "preferred".

I love when Marle is getting ready for the funeral and you so vaguely put in the fact that her parents fight, and her father has hit her mother. Excellent.

Oooh, I loved that. When the "yount man" in the shadows asked her where her mother was, and she was thinking how she didn't know, BRILLIANT foreboding. Beautiful entrance of a vital hint. Loved it.

Wow. I absolutely loved the prologue. Very wonderful. Please, write more!

[DarkPhoenix]

interesting... nice i look forward to reading more of your stuff