[Peppy]

(Mr. Gliddy sat handcuffed in front of a metallic table, staring at the dirt in his finger nails. He wasn't paying much attention to the details around him, he did not even notice the cop, Steven. McIntyre, sitting across from of him.)

Steven MacIntyre: So, Mr. Gliddy, do you know why you are here?

Mr. Gliddy: What?!? (He looked up from is fingers and put his gaze at Steven.) What did you say?

Do you know why you are here?

Yes, I accidentally killed a mother of two. No matter how hard I tried to run from her, I found her presence with me. Her blood and the crunch noise in my head remains in my head like an echoe.

An accident, it did not look like it in the surveillance video I watched. It looked like you were intending to kill her, to stab her. You took your steps as if you were trying to scare her. You were even smiling.

Believe what you want, I'm tired. I don't care anymore.

(Mr. Gliddy tilted his head back and breathed in.)

All over America, you went into convenient stores and supermarkets and slashed all the boxes of cereal.

Hahaha, yeah, that's a stupid thing to do. I was reading about serial killers at the time, and I particularly like Ed Gein. He had sex with the corpses, even though they were all assumptions. He's such a stupid bastard.

Why Ed Gein, why not someone like Ted Bundy?

Ed Gein is more like me that's why. Ted Bundy is just a stupid rapist, I hate rapist-women are the perfect flower made of flesh and bone.

More like Ed? How?

My mother was not an interesting character, rather dull and negligent. Ed Gein had been dipped into scalding water by his mother, I kinda found it sad for a child, whether or not if he was going to be what he was inevitable going to be: a killer.

One day, when I was eight, my mother was in the kitchen as I searched for food. I looked in the drawers and refrigerator and I could not find anything. "There's no food, honey. There's not a single crumb." She was lying, there was food but it was either rotten or infested with ants.

"But I'm hungry," I whined. I shouldn't have whined. I regret whining.

She smiled and said, "I'll go get cereal at the store for you to eat. Okay?"

I hopped up in the air, "Hooray!"

She never came home. She left and never came home. I waited for her at the window where I viewed my neighbors with their children, looking all happy and clueless on what was happening around them. I waited as long as I could until my stomach hurt so badly I went to the neighbors for help.

That's not a very good childhood memory. I wouldn't know how to cope with what you went through. No way at all.

You'd find ways. I read a lot but it only suppressed my sadness, until my sadness turned into rage. I never ate cereal, and when I saw it at the store at my local hometown, I cracked like an egg shell and I punched it. I punched all of them. I pushed them down to the floor. I stomped on all the boxes. Stomped on all the rabbits, captains, "Dracula," and other various disgusting characters on the boxes. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH. I lasted as long as I could until security came before I ran, along with my shopping goods. From than on, I decided to go into every store to kill cereals.

You can't kill cereal. It's not alive.

Not alive? No shit, Sherlock

If they were alive, I would have regretted killing them all with a knife. I would have regretted it like the woman I killed. She was holding it when I was lost in my rage. She's stupid for holding it up as a shield, as if it's going to protect her. For Christ's sake it's only made of cardboard and cereal bits. So stupid. There was a crunch and than blood and a collapses body on the floor when I intended to kill the cereal she was holding. The blood was so amazing to look at when it soaked the cereal bits on the floor. It was like red milk.

Why didn't you just leave her alone, there were plenty of cereal boxes on the floor and shelves all around you?

She reminded me of my mother. (Mr. Gliddy pressed his finger against his lips. He looked around, but could not find what he was looking for.) Shhh... Do you hear music. It's awesome. I love this song. It reminds me of my mother, she used to listen to it all the time.

There's no music. No music

We passed upon the stairs,
We spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there
He said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise
I spoke into his eyes -- I thought you died alone
A long long time ago

He's crazy, let's dump him into the asylum. (Steven looked at the double way mirror, assuming the detective and cop were agreeing with him before he listen to the rest of the song Mr. Gliddy was singing.)

[Lubesh]

needs a bit morefixing. but u never cease to amaze peppy.....

[Peppy]

Glad you enjoyed it. I know it needs fixing, and I shall again. Bwa ha ha ha

[adrianhayter]

I believe you nailed the title - cute idea.

The format is easy to follow. Just let me nit-pick a couple of minor things.

staring at the dirt in his finger nails

under his fingernails.

Yes, I accidentally killed a mother of two and a wife. No matter how hard I tried to run, from, I found her presence with me. Her blood and the crunch noise in my head remains in my head like an echoe.

I accidently killed a mother of two. No matter how hard I tried to run, I found her presence with me.

An accident, it did not look like it in the surveillance video we watched. It looked like you were intending to kill her, to stab her. You took your steps as if you were trying to scare her. You were even smiling.

an accident? It didn't look like that in the survellance video. It looked a whole lot like you were intending
to kill the woman. It looked like you scared her on purpose. Hell man! You were smiling.

they were all assumptions

I'm too slow to understand assumption.

I kinda found it sad for a child, whether or not if he was going to be what he was inevitable going to be: a killer.

that's a mouthful!

She smiled and said, "I'll go get cereal at the store for you to eat. Okay?"

I'll go to the store and get you some cereal.

She never came home. She left and never came home. I waited for her at the window where I viewed my neighbors with their children, looking all happy and clueless on what was happening around them. I waited as long as I could until my stomach hurt so badly I went to the neighbors for help.

She never came home. she left and never came home. I waited for her at the window, watching my neighbors and their children. They looked so happy and clueless about what was happening around them.

and when I saw it at the store at my local hometown,

and when I saw it at my hometown store,

Stomped on all the rabbits, captains, "Dracula," and other various disgusting characters. CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH. I lasted as long as I could until security came before I ran, along with my shopping goods. From than on, I decided to go into every store to kill cereals.

I stomped on all the rabbits, Captains, and Draculars - all the disgusting characters

collapses body on the floor

collapsed body on the floor


Finally, the conversation seem's a little too formal. You might want to loosen it a bit.

Overall, a pleasant readable story.

Thanks for sharing

Adrian

[Belle86]

I really enjoyed reading this... I liked the title it really pops...( haha cereal pun) It's also fairly original... and I do so enjoy original work with potentially insane characters...

['Ginnis]

Is it morbid to call a piece like this cute? Good work, as you've acknowledged, grammar and punctuation errors to be fixed but really, nice.

[Princess]

Aw this was a funny/morbid story to read, however the format I found diffcult to understand. Maybe you should write in a bit more formal layout.

[Meatspin]

Was a good story, some work could be done. As what was said above, the format was a bit off.

[Timmay]

Originally Posted by googgaggle

Is it morbid to call a piece like this cute? Good work, as you've acknowledged, grammar and punctuation errors to be fixed but really, nice.

i would say not. i thing its pretty crafty of him. of course, i could be insane for all you know, so perhaps you shouldnt take advice from people online. makin ya think there, arent I?


I liked the story. like all dark writing, i find it sometimes hard 2 follow, but this one was a quick and easy read. well done. 9.5/10

[fishnchimps]

It was darker than the title led me to believe, which was a nice touch. Although I don't really understand the last line, its a bit jarring compared to what comes before it. who are the detective and cop, and is the music really playing? it's not very clear. But other than that, a ripping good story chum

[MasonHung]

Very creative story with a nice twist.
I liked it...

[marty2shorty]

I enjoyed it. When I read the title, I was confused about why it might be the the dark section.
Good story, I was heartbroken when his mother disappeared.
I like the main character too, he likes the works of other killers but he would never do more than beat cereal into a fine powder.
Also, he's not upset that it was all a mistake (the death of the poor lady shopping for something for her kids to have for breakfast).
Aww, she must've been scared.
Points for a good story.
Minus only a couple points for the mistakes pointed out by adrianhayter.

[Verbalcody]

This is an interesting piece to say the least. I particularly like the bit where you find out he enjoyed killing the girl. 'the blood was amazing to look at' that's a pretty powerful line right there. To mention I am a huge Bowie and Nirvana fan so that nod was pretty cool too. Well done, but needs work as mentioned above. As well, a double way mirror I don't think that term exists. I know you meant a two way mirror, and I googled it just to be sure I may be wrong but I don't think double way mirror is the right name.

anyway thanks for this

[jback]

I really like the story. I thought it was well written(except for a few minor grammar errors). I loved the title(great pun). I also like how you were able to make as sympathize with the main character a bit, very good.

[FoxInari]

I like it. The title is a very good pun, and I especially liked the way you displayed it, with the prosecution's part in normal text and Gliddy's part in italics, it enhanced the mood, i think

[Ambrose]

Clever interpretation of the meaning of cereal killer. I like the background and the references to actual murderers. I don't really get the song at the end though. Care to clarify?

[Peppy]

Thanks for enjoying it all. I don't usually write back to comments made to me, but this is an exception. An exception because I even like reading this. Ha ha ha

[timtornado3721]

A great beginning so far, the sentences were a bit choppy but could be worked out easily enough. A great story to the serial killer pun. Very cute in a sick sorta way.

[Peppy]

Haha, thanks, man. I know it needs fixing, but I'm going to remake it one day.

[RENA HANDS]

Can dirt be found ‘in his finger nails?’ I thought dirt could be smeared/captured around the cuticle perhaps even underneath. Also, you are being too vague saying that ‘a cop sat across from Mr. Gliddy.

Wouldn’t it be more specific to say detective or investigator? Lieutenant even?

He ‘put a gaze to Steven?’ And why are you being so formal or is informal? When one is addressing an officer or official of sorts, doesn’t he/she address by using their last name?

Wouldn’t it be ‘crunching noise’ inside Mr. Gliddy’s head?

Shouldn’t you give more actions of each characters as they are speaking?

Where Steven is ‘agreeing’ with Mr. Gliddy, you could have shown him taking his hand or offering something to illustrate that he ‘cared’ for Mr. Gliddy and his childhood memories.

Wouldn’t it be ‘collapsed?’

A very ‘morose’ tale indeed, still catching to the reader(s). There are punctuation errors to be corrected (ex., a missed period after Sherlock, I think.) Also, I think you could extend and expand the whole story in its entirety (referring back to a rewrite if there’s to be one made). I will rate the original as 3/5!