[masaruhibbert29]

Chapter 1:

Harry Potter is sitting on his bed looking at one of his many spell books. The book is called,"Spells of Destruction," by Marcela Goddriff.

"Harry," said Mrs. Dursley, "get down here and eat your breakfast before your uncle gets up!"

"Coming," said Harry angrily.

Harry hated it when his aunt yelled at him. He has always had a grudge against his aunt, but the one he hated the most was his uncle. "Harry," said Mrs. Dursley, "get down into the kitchen, now."

"Ok," said Harry, "I'm coming."

When Harry got downstairs, he saw food sitting on the table. He sits down, and looks at his plate. There, on his plate, was an egg and something that looked really disgusting that he didnt even want to know what it was. He turned to Dudley, he had on his plate: bacon, eggs, hashbrowns, toast, and juice. Now Harry was ferious, he had, had it. "I am not putting up with this anymore," said Harry angrily." I want some more food. I want as much as Dudley has, or I'll cast a spell on you all."

"You know that if you do anymore magic you will be expelled from Hogwarts, and will have to go to school in the real world," said Mrs. Dursley.

"What is going on out here, and weren't you suppose to of already ate and be back in your room?" said Mr. Dursley.

"Harry told me that he wants some more food, or else he is going to cast a spell on all of us," said Mrs. Dursley.

Mr. Dursley starts laughing at the sight of what Mrs. Dursley said.

"I am not kidding," said Harry. " I will do it."

"How are you going to cast a spell when your stuff is locked in the closet," said Mr. Dursley.

"Really," said Harry.

Harry pulls his wand out of his left shirt pocket and points it at Dudley.

"How," said Mr. Dursley, "did you get that."

"I bought another one last year just in case I needed it," said Harry.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, it was more like a pound, after five pounds Harry said, "Dudley, go open the door."

"Ok,' said Dudley, "just dont hurt me."

Dudley walked up to the door slowly and silently, he opened the door and screamed. Suddenly Head Master Dumbledore, Hagrid, Dobby, and Professor McGonagall walk in the door. "Dumbledore, Hagrid, Dobby, McGonagall," said Harry, "what are you guys doing here dressed in your wizarding clothes"

"Harry," said Dumbledore, "someone is after you, and this time it is not Voldemort."

"You are in grave danger," said Dobby.

"You must come with us at once," said Hagrid, "your life depends on it."

"Come on," siad Dumbledore, "we must leave now to Hogwarts.

"Who is after me," said Harry.

"We don't know, said Professor McGonagall, "the only thing that we know is that the person knows where you live, knows all the spells that you have learned, and has counter spells that would turn your spells against yourself with double the strength."

"Yes," said Dumbledore. "This person has more than double the power as I do, so i can't protect you by myself."

"Will I be safe at Hogwarts," said Harry.

"Yes, now you will be safe even from Voldemort," said Hagrid.

"How," said Harry.

"We have a new teacher," said Dumbledore, "and she is teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Why do we need Defense Against the Dark Arts?" asked Harry.

"It is her just in case anyone is face-to-face to the person and has to defend themselves," said Dumbledore.

"So, are you coming," said Dobby.

"Yes, just let me get my stuff," said Harry.

A couple minutes have past, and Harry was ready to go back to his life, to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Let's go," said Dumbledore.

[Peppy]

Harry Potter rules!!!

Anyways, it looks like you created your own version of Harry Potter. He's different... more spoiled I think.

As for the Dobby dialoue, I miss him saying, 'Harry Potter' other than 'You'.

ps this is more fan-fiction than fantasy.

[BookWhale***]

I am a HP fan. the 7th book comes ut 7/7/07.... So excited!!!!!!!!!

I was hoping this was going to be longer, but ah well. Maybe you should proof read it, b/c some periods are missing, ect. but that is an easy enough fix.

good job

[Storiesmaniac]

yeah, im not obsessed with harry, but i think j.k has done a good job on him, sorry to say that this was nothing like her version of harry. A good attempt none the less just maybe you should stick to writing stories that arent so well known/popular, because it dosent matter to me, but other people might get angry. lol.

[Lubesh]

not just angry..you by doing this et urself up for a fall in terms of comparison etc

[Gigle]

Um sorry but a little bit of the warmth I get when I read Harry Potter was destroyed when I read this story. I mean youy made HP into a spoiled brat, taking away much of his appeal, and it is just.. annoying.

[Vincentii]

Harry Potter is already too much defined by Rowlings to undergo 'such' a drastic shift (or slight shift, really)
You rely too much on Rowlings, which is why none of 'your' characters have any depth. Everything is sudden and unsubtle, which makes it feel like some old batman-episode (you know, the ones with Adam West). Though I admit Rowlings' attempt at creating anything new is also quite lackluster (something is bad, it's probably Voldemort who has devised a new scheme... up to Harry and his band to save the day).

That said I must say that you did approach the story with your own style; as such you have not copied Rowlings' style. A nice try, but I concur with storiesmaniac: maybe you should stick to writing your own characters and stories.

[BookWhale***]

Jammus, I have a feeling you are not actually commenting on this story, but J.K.'s story. How dare you insult her?! LOL JK. I am mad J.K, killed off Sirius, and Dumbledore. Plus in the 6th book Harry sounds so... Arigent? Harry just doesn't sound like Harry to me in the 6th book. Perhaps it is because it was a hard year, or something like hormones... LOL JK

[NateShelley]

i didn't like this at all... the writing was just flat and boring, no expression, besides all the inconsistencies with the books.

[Arnklit]

I must admit I thought this terible too. I love Harry Potter, it's great escapism in my opinion, but I really don't get what you´re trying to do with this - perhaps it's because I don't understand fan-fiction. I espicially don't understand this because it doesn't use the original books' strengh, when you change all the characters.

I'm sorry to seem harsh, but there simply are no redeeming features in this piece.

What are you trying to do with this piece?

[Ravane]

I do love the story harry potter, but your characters don't match up too well. This is okay, if you plan on making it a different harry potter, however your intentions may have been different, and you eneded up making it into this. The plot is okay, but i have a few things to tell you. First of all, Harry can't buy another wand. Unless, it is exactly the same as his old one. Remember the wand chooses the wizard. If he chose another wand, it wouldn't work for him. Also, Harry potter doesn't get breakfast. He makes it. Not mrs. Dursley. another thing Mr. Dursley, the man of the house is the one who's always the first downstairs. He's the easygoing one, not ms. dursley. Harry, really hates mrs. dursley. Last thing, if harry was in danger, only one or two of the teachers would come. Not the whole school.

[Serac]

I agree with what Fen had to say, pretty much word for word. Seeing as how you haven't said anything in return to these comments, and how no more of this piece has been posted, you don't care enough, yourself, to continue. Probably not much of a loss, because you'd have to do some overhauling. Sorry for sounding like a jerk.....

[Kitzwa]

I agree with pretty much everyone else. The characters in this story dont match up at all from the original HP, but I think anyone who is a fan of the books would think this because they are so popular. I just don't think that it should be messed with.

[Epsilonist]

Hi masaruhibbert,

Don't feel too bad about the criticism you've been getting here. I don't know if there's anyone on this planet who could successfully pull off a fan-fic of Harry Potter. As previous comments have said, the characters are too well defined by the original author. Even J.K. Rowling has trouble making them do new things. When Book 6 came out, there were some sections in it where I thought "that doesn't seem like what Harry would do!".

My suggestion would be to keep writing, but not about Harry Potter. Work on developing your own characters, with histories, personalities, and sets of behaviors all their own. Once you have your characters, then give them something to do, and you're off...writing a completely original story.

Keep it up, and keep bringing your work here to Storiesmania!

[WingcommanderIV]

Grr. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. This isn't Harry Potter, it's a disgrace to his memory!!!! JK Rowling is the only person who can right Harry Potter. Stay away from her license. Nobody acts right, it's a poor attempt and Harry Potter deserves respect. Sorry...

No offense though.

I don't mean to be mean...But I love Harry Potter, and I just don't like seeing him done wrong...I'm sure you're a great writer, you just need to try writing your own thing, not stealing from the richest girl in england.

[jason]

I'd suggest you check out mugglenet.com. It has a great fanfiction site exclusivley devoted to Harry Potter. They only accept longer submissions, but you can always rewrite your story and submit it again. Don't worry about critisism, it only helps people become better writers. Remember that fanfiction is meant to brings nods and smiles of recognition from readers of the source material, so try to always write in character.
Good luck

[WingcommanderIV]

Abominations!!! Mugglenet must die!!!

Actually I go there daily for all my latest Harry Potter news.

[Aldo Rossi]

Ya I agree, this wasn't the greatest...but in all fairness, those are pretty good books. It's hard to write like Rowling

[katofmystery]

i have to agree with everyone else. . . there wasn't any depth, the characters didn't act themselves at all. . . harry's is not that rude at ALL!!! you made him seem like. . . i don't know. . . spoiled brat is a little harsh though don't you think???? more of a arrogant little boy. . . emphasis on the LITTLE!!!!! it was all too short. . . and there was no feeling at all behind the words spoken. . . it was like vaguelly(sp?) remembering a conversation instead of living it you know????

work harder next time to put feeling into it. . . all your characters were flat. . . none were in 3-D

Kat