[Randomgold]

Synopsis: A story told from two different perspectives


As the sun rises, I leave my home and greet the new day with enthusiasm. Mornings are one of my favorite parts of the day. Seeing the rising sun glistening off the morning dew and feeling the cool morning breeze always makes waking up worthwhile. Going out for my morning meal, I travel the nearby mountains for something to eat. Spotting a heard of mountain goats, I dive in and take one that looks good. I can practically taste it as I enter the cavern I call home.

Mornings, how I hate waking up in the morning. The rising sun hurts my eyes, the dew on the ground makes everything slippery and soaks my boots if I’m not careful about how I walk, and it’s still too cold out for my tastes. If I didn’t absolutely need to wake up this early, I would gladly sleep until noon. Going down to the dining hall for breakfast, I find the meal has been set out, but not so long ago that it’s gotten cold. At least this is done properly. The meal is good as well, eggs, with bacon this time. My cook is learning.

After my meal is done, I once again head out, this time just for fun. At first, I take my time to look around the beautiful fields that are close to my home. After a few minutes, I pick up speed and move along so I can better feel the wind blowing across my body. It all feels so good this early in the morning, before it gets too hot out. Done with my morning run, I head back to my home and go to the small pool in the back. It’s calm and the water is cold, but I always fell refreshed after a quick dip.

Breakfast is over. Now comes the reason that I must wake up at this ungodly hour. The peasants expect me to take a ride through the village that borders my castle home. I still can’t for the life of me figure out why I must do this, but it keeps them complacent, so I can’t truly complain. I ride through the village as quickly as I can while still satisfying the peasants. The morning breeze makes me too cold for my comfort, so when I finish my ride, I order a bath to be drawn. When it’s ready, I get in and find that not all my servants have learned how I like things yet. The water is cold. I order it be drawn again, this time making sure it’s hot. When the water is to my liking, I enter the bath and can finally start to relax.

Hearing something at the entrance to my home, I leave the pool to find out who it is. Having guests is always a pleasure for me. Pity I get so few, and they never seem to stay very long. My guests are a small group of people, they seem to be nervous for some reason. They all hold long, pointed objects, what they are and what they’re for I can only guess. When I come to greet them they point these objects at me and start shaking. I think these things they hold are supposed to be some kind of gift; I’d heard people like this like to give gifts to neighbors. They must be nervous because they don’t think I’ll accept them and let them stay. I tell them quite simply that they have no need to offer me anything, and that they are welcome to stay as long as they want. When they hear this, they look even more nervous, almost scared. I just laugh, and turn around to get them some of the specially prepared food I keep exactly for this situation. When I get back to my guests, they’ve all left. Oh well, I was so looking forward to having some company today.

As I lay in the bath, a servant knocks on my door. I’m about to send him away, when he simply blurts out the reason for his interruption. There is a small group of peasants at the gate that seek an audience with me. I tell the servant to find out why, and thereby gain a few more precious moment of peace. When he comes back, he tells me that the peasants want to hire me to kill a dragon that’s been causing problems. Well, I can’t refuse a job like this. It might make me look bad. I get out of the bath and prepare to meet with my guests. Just as well I suppose, the water was starting to cool off anyway.

Ever hopeful my would be guests might return, I keep watch for them for a good deal of time. When it becomes apparent they won’t be coming back, I'm ready for my midday meal. I go out and look around for something to eat. I travel for quite awhile before finding a heard of cattle grazing in the field. Spotting one that looks good, I move in, grab it, and start heading back. As I leave, I hear something that sounds like someone shouting at me for some reason, but it soon goes away. When I get back, I roast the cow, and eat. It is a bit tough, but otherwise quite good.

After talking to the peasants about the dragon, I prepare myself for battle. It won’t take me all that long to reach its lair on the edge of the northern fields at the base of a small mountain range, so I take a bit more time than I otherwise would have. After making sure both my specially made dragon slayer spear and broadsword were sharpened and my armor and shield would be able to stand up to the wyrm’s attacks, I saddle up my hoarse and set off. Around noon, I dismount and beak for lunch. Going into battle on an empty stomach is never a good idea. The salted pork I brought, while not the most pleasant tasting meat, is surprisingly filling. After eating, I continue my journey.

I spend the rest of the day enjoying the simple joys of life. Watching the clouds move in the sky, seeing all the animals going about their own lives. It can be a bit dull, but one can’t really complain all that much out here. As the sun sets, I’m about to go and hunt for my dinner, when I see something that makes my heart leap with joy. There is someone riding up to meet me! Having guests once a day, even for a little while is very rare for me, but two? This is a first I am more than willing to deal with. As my new guest reaches me, he gets off his hoarse and quickly removes a long, pointed pole, like the items held by my earlier guests, only longer and heavier looking. He is also holding another piece of metal, this one flat and slightly curved, on one arm. As he approaches slowly with the long object pointed at me, I enthusiastically greeted my guest and invite him in to stay as long as he wants.

I arrived at the beast’s lair around sundown. When I got there, I was greeted by the sight of the dragon, ready and waiting at the entrance to the cave, as if it had known that I would arrive and was ready to do what I knew to be its last battle. The beast standing before me was a truly great, ancient wyrm. It’s great, towering body almost blocked out the sun. The huge red scales glistened, as if the let me know of all the blood this wyrm had spilled. As I dismounted and readied my spear and shield, the great beast gave a mighty roar: a call to battle. Showing no fear, I steadied myself and charged.

The man shakes very slightly right before running at me with the end of the pole pointed at me. This catches me by surprise; I have barely enough time to get out of the way. When I avoid his charge, he stumbles a bit, but quickly regains his footing. He turns and thrusts the pole at me several times before I simple take to the air to avoid it. Having reached the safety of the sky, I tell him to be careful with the pole, otherwise one of us might get hurt. His only response is to take the pole and throw it at me.

My attack was straight and true. It would have finished off my enemy, but it managed to avoid the strike with surprising grace and agility for something so large. Losing no time to allow for a counter attack, I thrust at its heart again and again, each time it avoided the fatal wound. Then, as I was about to attack once again, it spread its huge wings and leaped into the air. There, the beast roared again, as if taunting me about how I could now do nothing to it. Even with the distance that now lay between us, I was able to see the maliciousness to its jet black eyes. With the dragon in the air, beyond the normal reach of my spear, it must have thought it was safe, but that assumption has lead to many dragons’ lives being ended at my hands. With a great heave, I hurled my spear into the air. The spear ate the distance to the dragon effortlessly, but once again, it was able to dodge my attack. I quickly drew my sword and prepared for the for the wyrms attack.

His pole doesn’t go very far, and falls to the ground uselessly. I think he must have been aiming at me, but he didn’t do a very good job. As he takes out another piece of metal, this one being a long, flat piece, not like his first two, but more like it was made to be a bit of both. He holds the bigger, flat piece in front of him, as if he was waiting for me to do something. This is a bit confusing, so I asked him what he wanted. When he doesn’t say anything, I am ashamed to say that I am getting a bit annoyed. In my annoyance, I accidentally let out a small wisp of flame in his direction. Although it didn’t do much against the metal he is holding, I still feel terrible after this, so I land and try to apologize, but all he does is run at me with the new piece of metal raised above his head.

With my shield at the ready, the wyrm let loose its mighty flames. The massive inferno sped towards me with all the power and fury of a volcanic eruption. But, against my tempered shield, it was as a mere candle. Obviously enraged at the futility of its attack, it landed and readied itself for a frontal assault. I met it head on with my sword poised to strike. The beast took a mighty swipe with its razor sharp claws, but I avoided it as easily as it had avoided my attacks. Seeing this, it turned and lashed at me with its great tail. This was just as easy to dodge as the claws, and it left the beast open to another attack.

As he gets closer, I figure that he must be running to me because he wants to give me the metal objects as gifts before I go away again, which was also why he was being so forward with the pole. Confident in my reasoning, I hold out my hand to accept the gifts, even though I don’t really want them, he doesn’t look like he is going to stop unless I accept them. All of a sudden, he clumsily sidesteps my hand. As he regains his footing—again—I start to think that maybe all he wants is something to eat, and the pieces of metal must be something used to eat with. With this in mind, I turn away from him, to try and get him something to eat and a place to lie down. As I am about to enter my home, I feel him jump onto my back and wedge the longer piece of flat metal under one of the scales on the back of my neck. As the cold metal pierces my skin, I am overcome by pain. Pain such as I’d never felt before in my life. He removes the metal, only to thrust it back in, under a different scale a moment later. Again and again he pierces my flesh, until I no longer have the strength to stand anymore, and collapse. With my dying breaths, I ask him what I had done to deserve this. He doesn’t even bother to answer me, or even glance in my direction. All he does is wipe my blood off the metal, pick up the pole, get on his horse and leave me to die, alone.

As the dragon swiped at me with its tail, I ducked and rolled under it and ran in close to its belly. Giving a single mighty thrust of my sword, I felt the dragon writhe with pain. I pulled my blade out of the felled beast and moved out of the way just as it hit the ground. As I cleaned my sword on the grass, the beast gave a few last pitiful whines, as if, even now it wanted to try and fight me. Chuckling to myself about the futility of this desire, I merely picked up my spear, mounted my horse, and started on my journey home.

[Peppy]

Your story was well-told. The characters were excellent--organized perfectly. The knight, or king, was likeable, but not much so. The dragon was awesome, he was kind and likeable. So innocent. I liked how you used two different but similar dialogue to tell the story. I haven't read anything like this before.

The ending, I have to say, is sad. Communication...lack of.

Hmmmmmmm...

But throughout the story, you misspelt words. I think you still need to learn how to use a hyphen. Hyphens (-) are easy to use and learn. It's no problem-o.

Spotting a heard of mountain goats, I dive in and take one that…

herd

The morning breeze makes me too cold for my comfort, so when I finish my ride, I order a bath to be drawn.

is

Ever hopeful my would be guests might return, I keep watch for them for a good deal of time

would-be

After making sure both my specially made dragon slayer spear and broadsword were sharpened…

specially-made <-----It needs to be an adjective. “made” is a verb.

As my new guest reaches me, he gets off his hoarse and quickly…

horse

The huge red scales glistened, as if the let me know of all the blood this wyrm had spilled.

they

I quickly drew my sword and prepared for the for the wyrms attack.

wyrm’s

[Alex]

I liked this, it was sad how the dragon was merely trying to reason with the arrogant and full of himself knight. It makes you wonder if all the dragons the knight was suposed to have slain were evil or as innocent as this one. If it was the case that they were innocent then it would kind of be murder. Good story and I particularly liked your writing style.

[Ferris]

Evening,

'Around noon, I dismount and beak for lunch.' hehe, 'Break'

'...as if the let me know of all the blood this wyrm had spilled...' 'as if the beast' or simply 'as if to'?

I dont recall spotting a single metaphor in this piece, and its a shame because it has potential. You dont have to over do it on metaphors, but the odd one can help bring a third dimension to your writing.

I'd like to read this again when you have had another go

Ferris

[blue]

I really liked this piece gave me a entirely new perspective on things.

[airbee848]

good story

[Evrviglnt]

Creative. Alluring story. I love dragons and the clumsy mortals that club them, though in this story I think you're description of the "ancient wyrm" belies the utterly naive beast that martyrs itself. I found myself losing respect for it.

It may be the style that confounds me. It's plodding - almost as if it were the descriptive paragraphs to a script cut out and pasted together. Considering that you tell the story in first person I can see why you wrote it the way you did, but something feels amiss. I think it might be that you tell us too much.

Let's take this paragraph:

Breakfast is over. Now comes the reason that I must wake up at this ungodly hour. The peasants expect me to take a ride through the village that borders my castle home. I still can’t for the life of me figure out why I must do this, but it keeps them complacent, so I can’t truly complain. I ride through the village as quickly as I can while still satisfying the peasants. The morning breeze makes me too cold for my comfort, so when I finish my ride, I order a bath to be drawn. When it’s ready, I get in and find that not all my servants have learned how I like things yet. The water is cold. I order it be drawn again, this time making sure it’s hot. When the water is to my liking, I enter the bath and can finally start to relax.

It's point by point - which steals the warmth from your storytelling. Your imagination is obviously colorful and full of detail, but you're not letting us experience much of it. Write as if your standing amongst your friends, a campfire crackling as you build a world and the characters within it. Use more than the character to tell his story - use scenery and smells, thoughts and whispered musings from those around him. Your dragon is like a clay statue unpainted. Let us see what you see - describe it using all five senses, and use vehicles like analogies and metaphors that not only describe the wyrm but clue us into the time period we're in.

You've got the start of something great here - keep honing the gift.

[Razor]

Pretty good story. I liked how you stated it from both angles with the misundestandings sprinkled in and a touch of irony. I enjoyed this, though I will admit I was hoping for a dramatic dragon fight or mystical story of dragon lore, but this is welcomed too.

[The Ugly Mitten]

I thought this was amazing! Maybe you didn't use the best adjectives and words in some parts, but the way you organized the story was great! I loved how at first you had no idea the dragon was a dragon. I mean, I thought it was a little weird that someone would just "grab" a goat. I also love how you made the good guy obviously the opposite of most dragon fairy tails of knight in shining armor defeating an evil cruel hearted dragon on top of a collection of stolen sparkling gold. Keep up the good work!

[Ameasha]

How creative! Your story was awesome. Your choice of two different perspectives was a great angle. I have to agree that I haven't read this type of writing before either. The ending is sad, but that goes to show how humans sometime act needlessly and are unkind. Great potential!
Ameasha