[BurningBlade]

Eratos lived in Melthor, the last known rebel city against the Empire. His mother and father were killed in an Orcish raid on the city and so Eratos went to live with Telador, a swordsmaster. Eratos is 18 and over the 3 year period of time while living with Telador, he's become quite skillful with a blade.

Eratos is just under 6 feet tall, has short red hair and maroon eyes that glow in the moonlight. He has an x shaped scar on his right cheek and wears a legendary sword known as 'The Jadakai', which means Demon Slayer. His father's last dying wish was for Eratos to hold and treasure the sword for good and never to use it's power for the false reason. Till this day, Eratos has tried to unlock the swords hidden powers, but has been unable to. Telador does not know either, or has been hiding it from Eratos to protect him.

* * * * *

Eratos swung his sword towards Telador's neck, but he evaded by vanishing and reappearing behind him. Eratos spun around quickly and swung at Telador's ribs, but he evaded but drop to the ground. Eratos jumped up to evade a trip attack and swung his sword down at Telador's back, but he vanished once more. This time he did not appear immediatly, instead he waited, and Eratos did too. He closed his eyes and listened to the wind and to movement of the grass. He concentrated closely and heard Telador running in circles around him, he then saw in his mind exactly where he was. Eratos jabbed his sword forward and almost stuck it right through Telador's stomach, but he jumped up and landed, standing up on the tip of Eratos's sword.

He crossed his arm, with Eratos struggling to hold him up, laughing. "Come on, you're faster than that Eratos!" he continued to laugh as he backflipped off the sword and vanished once more. Eratos spun around and jabbed his sword in a fury of attacks, but only hit air. He then stuck his sword in the ground and closed his eyes once more. Telador snuck around him without noise, Eratos had trouble finding him, but he did. He suddenly jumped up and spun around, his legs flinging around. Without any notice, both his feet smashed into Telador's face and knocked him into the ground. He landed and grabbed his sword then walked over to Telador on the ground and held his sword up to his neck.

Telador laughed. Then at amazing speed grabbed the sword in a way so it would not cut him and yanked it out of Eratos's hands without struggle and then chucked it behind him. He then spun his legs around and tripped Eratos, making him fall face down into the grass.

"You're too fast, I didn't notice you had grabbed my sword till it was in the air..." Eratos commented as he turned and sat cross-legged.

"True, I am probably faster than you, but that does not matter, the secret to winning is to predict your opponent's next move. Now for some people this is a very hard task, especially when their opponent is someone they've never fought before. But you, you're different, you can predict exactly how I'm going to attack, unless I try something new." Telador explained. "The secret to winning is staying one step ahead of your opponent."

"I understand, but what happens when you've never fought them before?" Eratos asked, as he tilted his head slightly to show his curiousity.

"You have to hold them off until you've seen most of their moves, once they've used most of their attacks on you, you'll know what to expect. If I continually attack from the side, you'll know which direction they're going to be." he replied. "But the key there is staying alive long enough to memorize their movements."

Eratos stood up. "I understand." he repeated to himself quietly, stay one step ahead, know where your opponent will be, win. He ran over to grab his sword and sheathed it then followed Telador back to Melthor; they were training on the outskirts of the town.

[Serac]

A good opening. The characters remind me of my own (which may be part of why I enjoyed it). You were very clear about what was happening during the fight, which was a very nice breath of fresh air. It's been awhile since I've read something and wanted to keep going. With the inroduction of a full cast later on, I think you could have a real winner. I look forward to more.

[Trela]

I like your beginning. I like it when a story starts off with a bit of action, otherwise the exposition can get dry and boring.

[Evrviglnt]

One thing - you write out Eratos name too often, as if you leading the reader through the fight by the nose, afraid they might not know who is doing what. True, it is an action packed paragraph, so let it free - maybe like this:

Your paragraph:

Eratos swung his sword towards Telador's neck, but he evaded by vanishing and reappearing behind him. Eratos spun around quickly and swung at Telador's ribs, but he evaded but drop to the ground. Eratos jumped up to evade a trip attack and swung his sword down at Telador's back, but he vanished once more. This time he did not appear immediatly, instead he waited, and Eratos did too. He closed his eyes and listened to the wind and to movement of the grass. He concentrated closely and heard Telador running in circles around him, he then saw in his mind exactly where he was. Eratos jabbed his sword forward and almost stuck it right through Telador's stomach, but he jumped up and landed, standing up on the tip of Eratos's sword.

Or....

Eratos swung his sword towards Telador's neck, but it only cut the air as his teacher vanished and reappeared behind him. He took a step back and spun, bringing the blade coursing toward his opponent's ribs, causing Telador to drop to the ground and attempt to kick his legs out from under him. Young legs and a quicker mind sent the youngster jumping into the air to avoid the sweep, and while in midair he raised the Jadakai over his head and brought it slicing down toward his master's back. Alas, all he hit was dirt as the target that was once there simply disappeared. Standing alone, he waited for a partner who refused to show himself. Slowing his breath and clearing his mind, Eratos concentrated on using the senses that would unveil Telador. The sounds of wind whistling through the grass and between the branches of ancient oaks could not hide the sound of feet running in circles around him, bringing to his mind's eye the fleeing figure evading him. As quick as the arrow flies from the bow the young student lunged with a knowing sword, bringing the razor sharp tip against Telador's stomach. This sent his teacher jumping to the next safest place, which was standing on the tip of Eratos's sword.

Sorry for running on like that, but do you see what I mean? There are many ways to describe your characters, think of what they are and what they represent and you'll have more than enough names for them.

[RENA HANDS]

Should it not be Eratos, the Traveler?

Till this day, Eratos has tried to unlock the swords hidden powers,

You need the (‘) there.

There is repetition here but that could be dealt with a rewrite as Evrviglnt has suggested. I didn’t see the comment there until now…An interesting story.

[Total-Blam-Blam]

Great start! Stories are more interesting when they have aciton packed beginnings. Will you be writing more chapters?

[Zoidberg]

Looks like a pretty good start. I can't wait to read more. Just one thing:

and wears a legendary sword known as 'The Jadakai', which means Demon Slayer

Maybe you should change "wears" to "wields". It just sounds a little better because he doesn't "wear" the sword as clothing.

A Nice Start. Good Work.

[Randomgold]

It is a good start to a larger story, and your setup is good. I'm not sure you need that first paragraph though. A good description of a character is good to have, but it could be made better by integrating it into the story, instead of giving it before the story.