[Pule]

Category:Fantasy

Synopsis: Kaia lived a happy life. She could not use magic like some others, but she was happy. However, when the mysterious Shield that covered her world begins to deplete, she loses her parents and the Shield is gone. Now she has to find somewhere to go and discover who she really is.


Kaia

Chapter 1

The tears were coming again. The tears again. Why had this all happened to her? Why was everything going wrong all at once? Kaia looked around her at the rocky, reddish landscape surrounding her. The tears continued to stream down her face as she remembered that these had once been lush jungles, vast plains, and regal mountains. Now it was all a hellish wasteland, no longer protected by the Shield. The magical Shield had failed her, her entire world. She looked down at the molten rock and sand below her feet. She felt no pain, even though she was barefoot and she was surrounded by a slightly bluish glow.

She lay down on the sand to try to get some rest. The sky was filled with fiery red clouds, day and night, but she managed to finally fall into a fitful sleep.


"Kaia hurry!" yelled her mother urgently.

"The Shield is falling!" her father shouted.

She ran out the door of her hut. She turned and looked frantically down the street. The Shield, the magical shield that protected their world from the dark magic was rapidly shrinking. The village was being replaced by a red, hellish wasteland of burning sand and lava. Kaia and her parents turned and ran from the depleting magic shield. Kaia's parents, like many, could use magic, but only one element, as was the case with every magician. Kaia, however, could not use it. They ran for their lives, the protective dome closing in behind them. Kaia ran frantically, it took her a minute or two to realize she had passed her parents. She turned and saw them far behind her, too weak to catch up. She began to run towards them, but when they were close, her parents yelled.

"Run, Kaia!"

"It's too late for us! You can save yourself!"

She began sobbing, her parents still urging her to run. Then, they stopped yelling, grasped each other's hands and nodded. Then, they closed their eyes and conjured a blue glow around their free hands.

"What are you doing!" yelled Kaia through her tears.

"Live to restore the Shield. Find refuge while your Shield lasts..." said her mother quietly.

Then, they thrust their palms outward and the blue glow left their bodies and surrounded her, latching onto her, though she didn't feel it. Her parents collapsed, all their energy drained from them. They were dead before the dying Shield passed over them.

Kaia screamed in horror and fell to her knees. She dropped all the way down, onto her side and lay there sobbing as the Shield's protection passed over her, giving way to the fiery sands.

She woke with a start. She could feel the tears that had streaked down her face while she had slept. They still dripped from her nose and chin. The lava and sand still lay below her, though she was completely unharmed because of the Shield her parents had conjured. How had they done it? Her father was a Mage of Water and her mother was a Mage of Lightning. How could they have created this?

It did not matter, for now her parents were dead. Obviously her own Shield would soon fade as well, as her mother had said. But she did not care, for everything had been taken from her. Her happy, quiet life in the village was now over, and her parents dead. She was only fifteen, and already she was alone. As far as she knew, she may be the last human still alive.

She looked off into the distance and found the faint glow she had been following this whole time. She didn't know what it was, but there was a faint hope deep in her heart that a part of the Shield was still intact, that maybe other humans lived. It still did not matter, though, for her parents and her entire village was gone. She stared bitterly at her glowing feet.

Though magic protected her now, it had truly failed her. She had never been able to use it, despite desperately wanting to when she was young. The Shield had failed her, for somehow its magic was gone too. And it had failed her because it had taken her parents lives, when they could have been able to run further themselves if they had not used all their energy to protect her. She had once wished she could use it, but now it had only brought her pain, it had only failed her in her time of need. Now, even if only for a while, she forgot her childhood and despised magic.

She set off to continue her trek, not really caring if she didn't make it before the Shield protecting her was gone. The scorching, red sands and the swollen crimson clouds surrounded her on all sides except for the faint blue glow in the distance. She could do nothing but keep walking, keep hoping.

After many hours had passed, the blue glow was closer. She could see it a little better and she thought it looked like a surviving remnant of the Shield. But was it her hopes or her eyes that saw it? She shook her head started walking again. She was tired, but refused to stop. She knew that whatever the blue glow in the distance was, it was her only chance of refuge. Could someone else be alive?

She trudged on for many hours since there was no change in light to signify the night. But even though she knew it must be very late, she walked on until the blue glow became a huge shining dome rising before her. Was it the Shield? After all, she had never seen it from the outside before. She hesitantly reached her hand out to touch it, and her hand passed through. She drew it back quickly. Then she scooped up a handful of molten lava with her protected hands and thrust it at the blue dome. The lava hit the dome as if it were solid and slowly slid back down, leaving no marks whatsoever. Kaia closed her eyes and stepped in.

She waved her arms, teetering on the edge. Below her feet was normal rock and dirt. In front of her lay a huge low crater, miles in diameter. In the center lay a huge city, surrounded by tall stone walls. The sky above, which Kaia now knew was the inside of the Shield, was deep blue and flecked with stars.

A city. It lay before her, the only place still covered by the Shield, the only safe place. She took a deep breath and began to stumble down the crater wall. Surely this city was still inhabited? Surely she wasn't alone? The huge city loomed closer and closer as she half slid, half fell down the sheer, rocky edge towards the center of the crater. Before long, the ground began to gradually level. Soon she could walk normally. Kaia continued towards the walls until the huge metal gate stood before her. Beyond its crisscrossing beams, she could see that the city was motionless, all its inhabitants asleep. Or gone. For a moment she hesitated, fearing that she would find no one. Her mother's voice echoed through her head. "Live to restore the Shield. Find refuge while your Shield lasts..." She stood up tall and reached her hand out to touch the gate, to try to swing under it; she was probably small enough. As soon as she touched it, she heard a shout from beside her.

"Who goes there?"

She drew her hand back, though the metal was not that cold. She turned fearfully to see a guard standing to her side; he had been hiding in the shadow of a tree. Behind her, she heard another guard stir on the other side of the gate. The guards seemed to be puzzled at the light blue glow surrounding her.

"What is that? Who are you?"

"I am Kaia," she said, trying to keep her voice from wavering. These guards were obviously mages, and could harm her if they thought it necessary.

"You are surrounded by a Shield. How?"

"My parents conjured it before... before the Shield's protection left them. I don't know how though, but they said it would wear off. Already it has faded some."

"Where are you from? Did you walk here?"

Kaia was tired of questions and she only wanted to find a bed, but she answered it nonetheless.

"I am from the village Reya. I walked here after the Shield disappeared."

The guards looked puzzled; Kaia was obviously the only one who had survived in the absence of the Shield. They relaxed a little though, for she was not some sort of monster from outside the Shield. After all, who knew what was out there?

"You may go in, but I doubt you will find anyone to shelter you. A newcomer would be... unexpected, and few will
truly trust you. Good luck to you, Kaia."

She nodded and slid under the gate into the city. It was quite like her village; it had small stone houses all around it, as well as a square in the middle. But this place was much larger, had a huge castle-like building in the middle with an impossibly tall tower that touched the shield in the center of the city, and was surrounded by the thick stone walls. She hesitantly stepped onto the street, not knowing where to go. Even though it was night, shouldn't someone be outside?

She wandered down the street, toward the center of the city. Toward the castle. She did not know why, but she soon found herself at its huge doors. She reached out and knocked on the tall, wooden door. After a few minutes of no response, she started to leave, but a voice stopped her.

"Who are you?"

She stopped in her tracks and turned to face the castle once more. The doors slid slowly open to reveal an elderly man in a blue robe. He was holding a walking stick.

"I have never seen you before," he said curiously.

"I just arrived here... My parents somehow conjured a Shield around me before the world's Shield shrunk to this city."

"Hmm... Do you have a place to stay tonight?"

"No, I was looking for-"

"Say no more. You may stay with us. I am Brandel."

"Thank you so much. I really need to rest," said Kaia gratefully.

Brandel led her through multiple stories to a small but comfortable bedroom near the top, about five stories up. It had a bed, a table and a small window over looking the city. She thankfully collapsed onto the bed and was asleep in no
time.



Chapter 2


Kaia woke with a start. Another nightmare. It was very early, and the sun's rays were just peeking over the horizon, though it was all just an image from the Shield. She looked down at her hands and realized her Shield had entirely dissipated by now. She climbed out of bed and looked out the window. There were a few people venturing from their houses now and gathering in the square. She turned and went out of her room into the hall, where she nearly collided with someone.

"I'm sorry," she said. She stepped back and straightened her dress. She was tall and pretty, with golden hair and a flowing white dress. She looked to be about seventeen years old. "That's funny; I don't think I recognize you," she continued. "Who are you?"

"I am Kaia. I arrived at this city late last night. I'm from Reya, a nearby village."

The girl looked puzzled but she answered politely. "I am Zelara. I'm sorry to leave so soon, but I must hurry. I have a speech to make."

Kaia nodded courteously and Zelara walked off down the hall. Kaia turned to the staircase and made her way down towards the first story. She passed many puzzled-looking maids but they said nothing and she continued on. When she reached the bottom, she looked around until she found a side door, through which she left the castle and circled around to join the crowd.

They chattered quietly; they seemed scared but determined not to show it. The crowd appeared to be waiting for someone, as there was a stage in the center of the square. After about ten minutes, the sun had risen more and was half visible behind false mountains. The wooden stage stirred slightly. Then, a strangely shaped hole appeared in its center, and from it rose Zelara's elegant form, her dress covered in thorn-less rose vines.

The crowd cheered half-heartedly as she began to speak.

"I am Princess Zelara," she said, completely unnecessarily. "Rumors have been spread that the creatures from outside the Shield are somehow making their way through. I assure you that these are only rumors and no monsters have breached our shelter. The city of Crataria remains a haven, and we will be safe. Our magicians have found a way to channel their energy into the Shield, and we will keep it alive. Do not panic or spread such rumors, as they will only tear this city apart. We do not know why the Shield is shrinking, but we will find a way to restore it. Have faith, people of Crataria, and we will restore the world!"

The crowd cheered again, this time more enthusiastically. Brandel approached the stage and Zelara helped him up. He hobbled to the center of the stage.

"Listen to my daughter. Soon we will rebuild the world and replenish the Shield. I am too old to be the king now; therefore I relinquish the crown to Zelara."

The crowd was mostly silent and even Zelara looked a little surprised. She bowed to her father and took the crown he was offering her. It was a crown crested with blue waves, white foam lining their edges. As soon as Zelara touched it, it transformed into a rose-covered coronet, with tiny vines hanging from it.

She lifted it above her head and lightly set it down on her hair. The crowd cheered again and the coronet glowed brightly. Kaia hung her head. Most of these people could probably use magic. The king and his daughter could as well. But she could not. She was one of the few non-magical humans still alive.

It had been a short speech, but the crowd began filing back towards their homes or shops. Kaia stayed there as the crowd dissipated and soon she was standing in the middle of the square alone.

Zelara descended from the stage, accompanied by Brandel. They approached Kaia.

"Well, now that's finished, I can properly introduce myself. I am Princess... excuse me, Queen Zelara of Crataria. And perhaps you could tell me a little more about yourself."

Kaia tried to smile and then related her tale. Zelara seemed quite surprised by her parents' ability but Brandel seemed strangely calm and thoughtful.

"Hmm..." he said. "And you say you are not a magician yourself?"

"No, I'm not. I do not control any of the elements," she said shamefully.

"I would not be so sure," Brandel replied. "Some of the greatest magicians do not find their power until later in their lives."

This cheered Kaia up a little bit but she still didn't believe she would ever be able to use magic. She remembered kids making fun of her because they had discovered their element. She remembered them playing games that she wasn't allowed to take part in. Sure, there were other kids who couldn't use magic, but their parents usually couldn't either. Kaia's parents could use magic and she couldn't. She sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help here? It seems like you have a lot to do." She said, hoping that some sort of task would take her mind off of it.

"Not really... but perhaps you would enjoy coming with me to check on the Shield's magicians?"

Great, thought Kaia, just what I need. Still, she tried to be polite and accepted the offer. Zelara smiled and turned toward the castle.

"Follow me," she said.

Kaia trailed behind her, trying not to show her disappointment. Zelara led her through the front doors to a small door on the first floor, beyond the main hall. They went through the door down a narrow spiraling staircase and then through another small door. As Zelara opened the door, Kaia was blinded by a flood of light. They emerged in a huge room that was entirely white. The walls seemed to glow simply because they were so white. The center of the room had a circular raised platform, on which Zelara and Kaia now stood.

At six different spots around the circular room, magicians stood in front of small spheres that were swirling with different colors. One had yellow streaks churning with in it; lightning. The next was flashing with burning red lights; fire. Then, there was light blue for wind, brown for rock, dark blue for water, and green for flora. The six elements were all there. This only furthered Kaia's dejectedness. As she recalled, most children had a natural gravitation towards a certain element, one they later mastered. Kaia herself did not like any in particular, and would give anything to only be able to use one of them. Zelara's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Apparently, the Shield is made from all six elements combined. These orbs channel energy from the magicians to the top of the tower and combine them to sustain the Shield. These magicians are relieved hourly, so for a moment, while they switch, the shield flickers. For some reason, a large amount of energy only powers the Shield slightly. We're doing all we can just to keep it sustained. We've been trying to find a way to keep the Shield from flickering or shrinking, for the rumors of creatures outside may be true despite what I said."

Kaia nodded. Though she hadn't seen any creatures outside, they may still exist. After all, if she had a Shield, why would they have com near her?

"What will we do if creatures attack?" said Kaia anxiously. The more she thought about it, the more she believed that something was out there. The more she believed that some sort of creature had attempted to destroy the Shield, not that it had failed on its own.

"I... I do not know," she said sadly. "I know it is my duty to protect these people, but I don't know what I can do."

She turned around to leave. Kaia followed her through the door, up the stairs, and back into the room on the ground floor.

"I'm not sure what you can do now. You could take a walk around the city... there's not much to see but the sunlight might do you good."

"Thank you."

"Please, return tonight and you can stay here again."

"I can't thank you enough for your hospitality."

"Well, you are the only survivor from outside the city. Of course we will shelter you."

Kaia bowed to Zelara and then exited the castle through the front doors. It was a beautiful day outside, the sun shining brightly. Kaia looked around her. In front of her lay houses and shops and people were moving about. It all looked the same... but on either side of the castle and behind it was something that caught her attention.

A forest. Kaia had always been in tune with nature. She loved spending time outside. She ran to it happily and entered the fringes. There was grass growing, trees standing tall, birds chirping sweetly; it almost felt like the forest surrounding her village at home. She smiled sadly and took in everything around her. The varying shades of green, the smell of pine, and the sounds of small woodland creatures.

Kaia spent most of the day wandering around the forest. It was the closest thing to home she could ever find. But now there was no more "home". Now, she had to fit in where she was and hope that some day someone would find a way to enlarge the Shield. But even if that did happen, would the forests and mountains and plains reappear? Or would this city alone have to restore humanity and the world itself? Kaia did not know, but for now, she contented herself with the forest.


**********


Outside the Shield, the land remained a hellish wasteland. But something did stir. A dark hand rose from the sand near the edge of the Shield. It was entirely jet black, and appeared to be made of solid darkness. The hand pulled against the ground and another rose out of the sand. Soon, a head emerged, humanoid, but surely not human. The rest of the body followed, and soon, a tall, muscular, humanoid figure stood on the boiling sands, its whole body completely black. The shadowy creature may have smiled evilly, but no one would have been able to tell. The featureless face looked about and set its eyes on the Shield. It was willing to wait.


**********


The magicians were growing tired, and replacements were on their way. The Shield held strong. They all sighed with relief as six more magicians entered the room, one of each element. They all stood next to the orbs, and in one swift movement, the first mages took their hands from the orbs to be quickly replaced by those of the next shift.


**********


The Shield flickered. And the shadow took its chance and leapt through the momentary gap lightning fast. As the Shield returned, the creature lost an entire leg. Again, it may have smiled but no one could have known. Its leg slowly grew out from the bloodless stump, until it was as if nothing had happened. It looked down; below it was the back of the castle and the forest.


**********


Kaia sat down on a stump and looked up. The sun was starting to set and it was late afternoon. Kaia heard a noise ahead of her in the distance, but she ignored it; probably just a bird or something.

She heard someone yell to her from behind her. She turned to see Zelara approaching.

"Hello Kaia, I was wondering where you had been. I see you like the forest?" she sounded much happier than she had before.

"Yes, I do. Do you?" Kaia asked.

"I love this forest. It's the place I come near the end of the day, and I stay here till night."

Kaia stood up as Zelara finally reached her. Suddenly there was a deafening screech that echoed from somewhere in front of them. The shadow creature leapt from the tree and landed in front of them. From its hands grew long curved swords. It charged at the two girls.

Zelara screamed as the monster knocked her down with its elbow. It spun its blades expertly and slashed Kaia across the shoulder. Kaia yelled and fell backwards against a tree. The dark creature raised its swords to strike her again. Kaia turned her face away and swept her hand in front of her. The monster's swords clanged as they bounced off of the glowing blue screen that hovered in front of her hand.

Kaia turned her head and her eyes widened as she stared at what was in front of her. A Shield. It had a similar effect on Zelara, who lay on her elbows a few yards away. Kaia felt powerful, and she rose onto her feet. She thrust her hand outward, and the Shield grew and moved forward, flattening against the shadowy demon. Kaia closed her hand into a fist, and the Shield wrapped itself around the shrieking creature, which now struggled uselessly.

Kaia waved her hand once more and the Shield shrunk until it and the monster were completely gone. She fell onto one knee, suddenly exhausted. Zelara struggled to her feet, despite a few bruises, and helped Kaia up. Her shoulder was bleeding badly.

Once Kaia was standing again, Zelara closed her eyes, and the grass around them flattened itself into a thick mat. It rose from the ground, roots and all, leaving behind rich churned soil. Then, it shot off through the forest, dodging trees as it carried its passengers to the castle.


Chapter 3


Kaia lay unconscious in a bed on the third story of the castle. Her shoulder wound was bandaged, but no one could do anything else.

She soon woke, in the middle of the night. She felt tired and restless at the same time. She climbed out of bed, cringing as a jolt of pain shot through her shoulder. She ignored it and left the room, quietly walking down the hallway. She felt strange. Though she barely remembered what had happened, she longed for that feeling of power she had had before. As she passed by a door, she heard voices, and looked down to see light leaking under the door. She was about to walk in but she changed her mind as someone inside raised their voice.

"But it's impossible! No one can master more than one element at a time, let alone all six necessary to conjure a Shield!" The voice sounded like a woman's.

"Shh! I know it's supposed to be impossible, but it obviously isn't." This one sounded like Zelara's voice. "Perhaps she can help us; maybe she can enlarge the Shield."

"Is it possible? You saw how much energy only that miniature Shield took from her. She won't be able to make any difference in the Shield, let alone sustain it."

"You're right, she's only human. But with proper training she could learn to use her power more efficiently. Maybe we could teach her to better use her abilities."

"But you don't even know what abilities she possesses! How do you plan to control her, we don't even know if she can control herself!"

Kaia had heard enough. She grabbed the door handle. But then something stopped her. A voice that she recognized as Brandel's spoke up.

"There was a legend of the past that said that the Shield was created by powerful magicians with mastery of all the elements. If the Shield ever failed, then one person would hold the key to stopping an evil villain, an ancient one who originally attacked the world before the Shield was made."

"Father, those are just old legends. Kaia couldn't possibly be some sort of chosen one. Could she?"

Kaia felt sick. Did she truly have the world's fate in her hands? What would happen if she failed, or if she didn't have the power necessary to save everyone? She walked away from the door and lay down in the bed. She twisted and turned, unable to sleep. Memories of her parent's last words invaded her thoughts and she found herself sobbing quietly. She wiped away the tears and clenched her teeth. No more crying, she thought. She had to be ready to take on whatever tasks lay ahead of her.

Eventually, she fell asleep, though her dreams were in turmoil. Her mind was filled with thoughts of her parents and the things she had heard from Zelara, Brandel, and the other woman.

Kaia woke late the next morning. Sunlight streamed in from the window and Kaia covered her eyes in annoyance. She sat up and looked at her shoulder in the mirror next to the bed. The bandage was stained with blood but it was dry. It still hurt when she moved her arm, even her right arm, but it felt a little better.

She blinked and rubbed her eyes, careful not to move her left arm too much. She felt so tired, as if she had been awake all night. She shook her head and stood up.

At that moment, the door opened behind her. A maid stepped in.

"Ah, you're awake," she said. It was the same voice as one of the women she had heard that night. She was a somewhat large lady and she wore a white apron over her blue dress.

"Good morning," said Kaia politely.

"Zelara wishes to see you in her room. When you're ready, please follow me."

Kaia straightened her long, dark brown hair and then turned to follow the maid. She led her to an enormous multi-room area on the seventh floor with a huge bedroom, a library, a bathroom, and a cozy little sitting room.

Zelara was in the library, and she ushered Kaia in. She sat down in a large, comfortable chair across from Zelara.

"Kaia, we don't know what to do about your recently discovered... talents."

"I understand. I don't even know how I used them, it just happened so fast. I'm not sure if I can use them again."

"According to Brandel, there is some sort of legend. It says that if the Shield ever falls, some of its magic will be instilled in a single human, one who must banish the enemy and restore the Shield."

Kaia gulped.

"So this task falls to you. I understand it is a heavy burden to bear, but you must do so. I think that you hold the key to saving this world. Our magicians will teach you the ways of the elements and perhaps, if you can master them, you can learn how to conjure a Shield on your own."

Kaia felt a little faint. The weight of her world lay on her shoulders, and she had a long way to carry it. How could it be that she, of all people, was the chosen one?

"I understand," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I have no choice. When will I begin to learn the elements?"

"Immediately. If that creature attacked you yesterday, we don't know how many more of them there may be."

"Yes... where should I go?" She was starting to feel a little better as acceptance settled over her still-aching heart.

"Follow me."

Kaia nervously followed behind her. What if she couldn't use the powers again? With this thought her doubts grew again, and she felt strange, somehow powerless.

After descending seven stories in uncomfortable silence, Kaia was led to a large area behind the castle. It was a flat rectangle of stone, and many magicians practiced their elements at various spots upon it. Zelara led Kaia to the center of the rectangle, where Brandel stood.

"Hello, Kaia," he said. "I will teach you how to master the elements. Of course, water is the only one I can truly teach you, but once you understand that you can move on to other types of magic."

Kaia felt even worse. If she couldn't do it, what would happen? How would she be able to explain the incident yesterday if she did not possess theses powers?

"Now, creating water is more difficult, as you must extract it from the air. But, if you learn to manipulate it you will soon be able to do the same."

He closed his eyes and held out his hand. Above it, a sphere of flowing water appeared, swirling around until he opened his eyes and unraveled it into a thin rope.

"Now, you will need to learn how to control it. Look at the water and feel it, see it flowing and then try to touch it with your mind. One step at a - hey!"

Kaia giggled as she slowly pulled the water away from Brandel's hand, making it swirl around her. She felt the water floating near her, she somehow knew it was there through some sixth sense.

"This is pretty easy."

"You won't be saying that when you have to pull it from the air, its much-"

Kaia laughed again as the ball of water floating in front of her enlarged until it was as big as her head. She spun it around, shaping it into tiny statues and then spinning it into other things.

Brandel almost became angry, but then he smiled.

"You really are the chosen one, aren't you?"

Kaia smiled back. She felt better now that some of her doubts had dissipated, and her confidence rose with each new trick she learned. Brandel taught her how to freeze water into ice and how to move it with great force. Kaia could feel the water with her mind, close her eyes and sense its presence. She could manipulate its form and size simply by thinking it so. Somehow, it was far easier than she'd ever imagined. As she thanked Brandel and set off towards her room to rest, she began to wonder; had she been able to use magic this whole time? What if she already possessed these abilities, and had never known it?

It was getting dark outside and Kaia was exhausted from spending an entire day practicing magic. She lay down on her bed and looked up at the ceiling.

"Who am I?" she whispered quietly. She turned on her side.

Soon, the fatigue took its toll and sleep claimed her.


Chapter 4


She woke up early, lighthearted and well rested. It was the first night that she had not had nightmares, the first night she had slept well. She felt so much more confident now that her powers had been unlocked, even though she had only used one element.

She accepted breakfast from a servant and ate it hungrily. Her shoulder felt much better, though she could still feel the injury every time she used it. She finished her breakfast and went down through the castle to the practice field. Again, Brandel had already arrived.

"Now, since you have already learned many of water techniques, I think you should move on to another element. Which would you like to try next?"

Kaia did not care, for they all sparked her interest. Brandel decided that the next element she should attempt was lightning.

By the end of the day, Kaia could manipulate and channel electricity, as well as strengthen or weaken its power. She retired to her bed exhausted but still happy. She not only had the power to control one element, but all of them.


**********


Kaia continued this routine for the next five days, until she was able to move and change all six elements. She could instantly alight any item, she could shake the ground itself, she could constrict an object in vines, and she could create a tornado at will.

She woke troubled on the seventh day. She had not had any nightmares about her parents, and somehow the things she had learned had almost caused her to forget about them. She felt ashamed of her self. She also felt scared of herself. Were these powers going to her head? Would she forget about the things that really mattered? She wanted to care more about her parents' deaths, she wanted to cry again. But some part of her mind had already accepted that they were gone, and now she did not know what to think.

She ate her breakfast more slowly and then descended the stairs again and went onto the practice field. She looked around for a while, wondering what she would do today. But Brandel was not there, so she turned around to go back into the castle.

As she opened the door, she nearly collided with him.

"Ah, Kaia, you're here already," he said.

"Yes... what will I learn today?"

"Well, you seem to know much of the six elements. Now, you must put them together in a Shield," he sounded unsure, as if he though Kaia might not be able to do it.

"I think I can do it... I'll have to feel all the elements at once..." her voice trailed off as she closed her eyes and held out her hand. Slowly, she searched for the elements with her mind until she felt all six of them. She tried to combine them together, careful not to lose focus of any one element. Soon, a tiny fragments of blue light started forming together in front of her palm. Slowly, the Shield began to form.

By the time it was as large as her hand, she found that she was breathing hard, tired very quickly. Somehow she didn't have that same power that she'd had before. When the creature attacked, she had drawn her strength from instinct. Now, it seemed much more difficult.

"Father, look!" Zelara's voice carried across the field. Kaia's concentration was shattered, and with that, her Shield. She and Brandel turned to look as Zelara came running up.

"Father, a message!"

"What is it, Zelara?"

She stopped for breath and then spoke again.

"We have received a message from Lozar! They have sustained another fragment of the Shield!"

Brandel hugged his daughter and laughed happily.

"We are not alone!" he said.

"Where is Lozar?" asked Kaia.

"Lozar is one of the largest cities in the land. It is very close to us; about five days walk north. A powerful Wind Mage from Lozar sent a message to Crataria. This means that we may have help restoring the Shield!"

"What does it say?" asked Brandel.

Zelara held the note up and read it aloud.

"Dear surviving city, I wish to inform you that the city of Lozar is still covered by a fragment of the Shield. If you can think of any safe means of travel, send a representative to us. If not, try to get a message to us on the wind. Perhaps we can shed some light on this situation and find out how to restore the Shield. Regards; Siralana, Queen of Lozar."

"I should go," said Kaia.

There was a short pause, and then Brandel spoke.

"Do you think you can sustain a Shield for that long? It would take much energy, and you struggled to create one just now."

"I know... but I must practice, become more efficient," she said. Her duty seemed clearer and clearer as she spoke. "If I continue to work I may be able to create it without using as much energy."

Zelara frowned. Kaia closed her eyes and felt for the elements again. She just barely managed to grasp them all when she felt something. She released the other elements and touched it with her mind. Then she opened her eyes and looked down as a pulse of blue light ran up her body.

Brandel gasped. Kaia stared at her hands and pushed the magic further. Her whole body glowed brightly. It was her parents' Shield. Somehow, when its power was exhausted, it must have become dormant. But now, Kaia could feel its remaining energy, she could channel her own into it to revive it. And it took so little from her.

"How is that possible? You were struggling to make a Shield only moments ago!"

"I think I've tapped into the remnants of my parents' Shield, the one the conjured around me. There's still energy in it," said Kaia, happy to feel capable again.

"Do you think you could sustain it long enough to walk to Lozar?" Zelara asked excitedly.

"Easily," she said enthusiastically. "I could probably get three people across with the energy that remains. She closed her hand into a fist and the glow grew to surround Zelara and Brandel as well. Brandel seemed troubled though.

"And what if it runs out of energy? If you could not build a Shield even with your extensive powers, how do you expect this one to last?" he asked.

"I have faith in my parents," Kaia said firmly.

"Hmm... I will get two more to accompany you, Kaia."

She ran inside. Brandel followed her, and Kaia had the day to herself.

Kaia put the energy from the Shield in reserve; she would need it for the trek to Lozar. She began to practice different elements, but she soon found herself wandering into the forest. She looked at nature around her. All of its six elements were hers to command. She spent the rest of the day in the forest, until the sun began to set. She retired to her room and lay down to rest, for tomorrow promised to be an exciting day.


Chapter 5


Kaia blinked away the sunlight. It was late in the morning and the sun was up and shining through her window. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up. She yawned and then stood up and looked outside at the already busy streets. Then, she turned around and walked out the door into the hallway. She made her way to the stairs and climbed up to Zelara's room.

She reached the seventh story and knocked on the door. Zelara opened it almost immediately.

"Kaia! I was about to go look for you."

"I'm here. Have you found the two who will accompany me?"

"Yes. I want you to meet them, they're in here."

She led Kaia into her library. Standing in the center of the room was a smiling girl that looked to be about nineteen and a dark haired boy who appeared to be sixteen.

"Hi," said the girl. "I'm Kalina. I'm a Fire Mage."

"I'm Boraku. I'm a Rock Mage," said the boy.

"Well, I'm Kaia... um... the Chosen One or something."

Kalina smiled wider and a crown of fire shot up above her head. Boraku lifted his hand and three large rocks appeared through the window behind him, hovering in the air.

Kaia smiled back.

"I have some Shield energy left in me from my parents. We can use it to cross to Lozar safely."

They both nodded. Zelara spoke up.

"You should leave as soon as you can. I have packs being prepared with food for the journey and supplies. Perhaps you should rest here and prepare."

Kaia nodded and sat down in one of the chairs, as did Boraku and Kalina. There was an awkward pause.

"What will happen if you run out of energy? Can you build your own Shield?" asked Boraku.

"Well... I'm sure the energy is still there. I should be able to feed my own energy into it. Look."

She focused on the energy and expanded the Shield around her again. Kalina gasped, and Boraku looked surprised too.

"That's incredible, Kaia!" said Kalina.

"That's what I thought at first... but it's still a lot of responsibility."

Kalina nodded understandingly. Boraku was still unsure.

"But what if the energy doesn't last?"

"I... I think there is enough energy to survive five days. We should probably move fast when we can."

Boraku looked worried. If the Shield did not last, none of them would survive long. Kaia was about to try to reassure him when Zelara's maid appeared in the door. She held three backpacks.

"Here are your packs. Zelara will meet you outside the castle to send you off on your journey."

The three of them nodded and followed her down the staircases to the front doors.

"I wish you good luck in your journey, and I hope to get a message back," Zelara said. "You're sure your Shield can last that long?"

"Yes," said Kaia confidently.

Zelara also looked unsure. Why didn't anyone ever believe her?

"I'm sure you will be fine. I've seen the power of that before."

"We will send a message back. I believe I will be able to send it by wind, but if not, I'm sure Siralana will."

Zelara nodded. "I wish you luck on your journey."

And so they set off; through the city, past the gates, and up the steep crater wall, with Boraku's help. They stood on the edge, Kaia's Shield surrounding them. They silently dared themselves to step through the thing that had protected them all their lives. Kaia gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, and stepped through the Shield.



Authors Note: I almost forgot, but thanks to a friend of mine (I won't say her name) for help with fantasy names.

[Peppy]

You know, I was trying to secretly edit this.

Anyways, pretty good. Your shining moment in the story was when the shadow creature(I don't have great memory if it is a shadow creaute) attacked.

BRB

[Ravane]

Is this the story, that you told me and dolayvinced about? The atlantis story. It is sort of a borrowed plot, which is why i rated it low on plot. You should work on it. Also, your begining ends a little too fast. She cries, and cries, and when she enters a new city It's the "I have parents?" theme. Fix it. Also, You happen to tell, not show. Show her actions as she is talking. Example.
"I like trains," Bob said
"I like trains," Bob said, throwing his hands in the air.
Now which one is better?
Another example.
"The pope is coming," bobo said.
"the popo is coming," Bobo exclaimed, throwing his legs in the air and giving a very loud shout, which was...
Which one is better?
Fix that too.

Ravane out. Zeda out. Puleinator out. Bobo out. Bhatman out. Michael Jackson in. Jeremy snicket out.

Oh ya, btw. did you take that majic thing from sky high?

[Pule]

what magic thing? what do you mean from sky high. I thought i did use some actions when saying what they were donig .

[Serac]

I'm gonna kick off my post by saying: Damn, that was freaking long! Then I'm going to snicker at myself for saying that, because I'm about as mature as a thirteen year old.

First off, the introduction seemed kind of lifeless. Not just because everything was already dead for the most part, but because I didn't really connect with Kaia, or her parents. While they made an admirable sacrifice, it just didn't seem right how they did it. The whole clasping hands and giving each other a nod.....not in that situation, at least. Her mom.....when she said that bit about restoring the shield, you said she said it quietly. I was under the assumption that they were within yelling distance of each other, but we didn't have any communication problems. Just something that caught my attention.

Kaia, even though its understandable, didn't do it for me with her crying. Early on its pretty essential, I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it needs to be in there. It just didn't seem too.....I guess 'sincere' sort of fits the bill here. See if you can add some.....well, read some of Evrviglnt's stuff. At least for the moments where she is crying and feeling awful, you should try and instill some serious analogies and emotion, descriptions is his specialty, in my opinion.

Also, still on Kaia, other than her age, I think it wasn't until the third chapter that we got any sort of physical description of her: long brown hair. See how early you can reasonably insert a description of her, because that may have been part of why it was hard to connect with her. I had a picture of the hellish landscape, but the girl wandering through it was a big blank spot.

Sorry if I'm taking too long, but it WAS a huge post, and I'm not through all of it yet.....

When Kaia made it to the crater city, (ironically named Crateria) I think the guards let her in way too easy. If some worldwide disaster had just struck and I was set up to guard what I believed to be the only civilization left standing, I would be blowing away anything that came near me. Also, how did Kaia know they were mages? It was somewhere in there that didn't sound right, see if you can spot it and if you agree.

Also.....it seemed kind of strange to me how quick she found a place to stay (if you'll take a look at The Night Isle, you'll realize I'm a big fat hypocrite, I did that too). But found by the king and invited to stay in the castle? That one just seemed too unlikely (In pretty much all of my works I use Fate, so, once again, I'm pretty much a hypocrite).

I'm gonna stop telling you things that you probably don't want to hear for a second to tell you a good thing. I love your idea with the elements. Having to be a specialist in magic, rather than being able to jump from element to element, is a great limiter. Also, how you have to combine all six to form a Shield is a very cool idea, too. The only thing I would want to change here is to make it eight elements, adding shadow and light to the mix.

Brandel stepping down in the world's time of need to allow his inexperienced-at-leading daughter to succeed him.....that one blew my mind, and not in the 'I-can't-believe-you-just-pulled-that-one-off' kind of way. It doesn't really matter right then how old he thinks he may be, the people trust him (I hope, he's their king) and count on him to keep them safe. That's probably why the people didn't riot when he announced his retirement (Zelara is only seventeen, at least that's what I've gathered).

When Kaia talks.....it just doesn't sound right. Almost like she doesn't have any emotions, at least that's what I picked up on. Of course, since we get an inside look in her head, I know that's wrong. She's got doubts, sadness, confusion.....but the only one that really seems to be conveyed when she talks is confusion. I'm looking for Boraku to bring the life to the party, and some character diversity (I know, there are only three main ones up to that point, but they all seemed pretty bland).

While we're on the topic of character diversity, let's get a quick bit on what they're wearing, too. You said at one point that Zelara was wearing a white dress, but if I remember correctly, that was the only garment described. This is bringing around the problem of a blank character again. Knowing what they're wearing, it'll be like coloring in a big white spot in a coloring book. It would bring a lot more satisfaction to the reading if I could see the characters, clothes and all (I like to throw in eye color, but that's not really a must have).

When Kaia went to meet Zelara in her mansion-like room, I was expecting (at least for the room where she was actually in) some heavy details and description, but there wasn't any. I myself can't do these very well, so a lot of the time I just kind of dodge them when I can. If that's the road you're walking, I'm right there next to you, man. But try and add some details where you can, because that's the kind of thing that's going to come back to drive you nuts later, you can take my word for that one.

While I understand you can't really change it because it would screw up your timeframe which can be incredibly hard to manage, I didn't like how Kaia mastered the elements so easily. If I was Brandel, I seriously would have been mad (Of course, her doing well could possibly mean that the world is alright, but I'm just saying). Oh, I almost forgot. You kind of pulled a Harry Potter with the parents (both this time and not just the mom) saving the kid with something they probably shouldn't have been able to do ('Course, you could play my game and just use Fate.....).

The acceptance Kaia had towards the weight of saving the world astounded me. She even kind of belittled it by introducing herself to Boraku and Kalina as 'the Chosen One, or something'. Of course, I've never been a fifteen year old girl, so.....never been a fifteen year old girl who had to save the world, either, so I can't really put myself in her shoes, but I would definitely not say that.

About the Shield.....sweet idea. It sounded kind of like the ozone layer to me, only visible and without it we'd die a lot quicker than without the ozone layer. See if you can spruce up the description around the Shield in the sky, because you could paint an absolutely beautiful picture with that. Also, Kaia's being able to generate a shield is awesome.

But, now I've remembered, the fight with the shadow didn't play out so well. It had to swords, right? But it didn't cut into Zelara, it just knocked her down with its elbow. Then, it swung the sword 'expertly' at Kaia, but only managed a cut to her shoulder. So far, this monster doesn't seem too proficient at fighting. Kaia tapped into her powers to pretty much make the monster disappear, which I also didn't think much of. I still understand it, but I wished that she had her powers introduced in some other way.....

God.....holy crap.....that was the longest reply to anything I've ever done. I thought the reading and reply would only take half an hour, but it's been more like two and a half or three hours. Sorry that most of my response wasn't praise and good jobs, because those are nice to get. There's a shot at something good here, but it's really going to hinge on how you get the characters rolling into actual and believable people, which I suggest get done soon. If you can distinguish Kaia, Kalina, and Boraku as each with their own personallity and establish a little bit of depth to them, the things such as description (though it will still be, and will always be, important) won't have to be such a hot button issue. It will be fun to read if the reader can connect with a character and want to read more parts on them, I think. Think of an example.....crap, I don't read a lot, that's just what I think. Anyway, keep it up and see what you can do with it. I am interested to see what happens.....

[Pule]

I'm glad you liked it Serac and I agree with you on almost everything. I really gotta get some more characterization, but as for the plot I have some great twists in store for the future. Part 2 should come soon, but i'm having writer's block.

As to your response, one thing was that Brandel remembered that legend and believed that the chosen one would be alive. So, someone comes from outside the Shield, perfectly unharmed? Who else? See what i mean? I'm not sure if you picked up on that... maybe i should make it more clear?

Also, I will start changing these things as soon as I get aroudn to it.

btw, thirteen year old?

[Serac]

Nah, I picked up on it, its just that if I was Brandel (which for the sake of the story its a good thing I'm not) I wouldn't have been so trusting. Of course, if every character acted and thought like I did, there wouldn't be very many good stories out there.

[Arnklit]

Hi Pule. I'll just start with pointing out a couple of flaws I spotted.

She felt no pain, even though she was barefoot and she was surrounded by a slightly bluish glow.

I think you should move the slightly bluish glow to another sentence, at the moment it sound as though it was to be expected that she should feel pain due to the bluish light.


When she arrives at the crater city she seems not to know about it, and she doesn’t know about Lozar either; it does seem weird that a fifteen year old doesn’t know anything of the cities/towns lying close by.


When we hear about the shadow creature, you talk about smiling evilly; I believe you used that for the bad guy in Dragons of Elador too. Telling that a character is smiling evilly is how you would tell a story to a five year old, there's nothing mysterious or dangerous about a guy smiling evilly.


There are a lot of repetitions, especially in the beginning; you should definitely eliminate a lot of them.


Okay on to the story itself. I generally like your setting, though I think you could make it even better with some more detailed descriptions of the world. As it has already been mentioned you need to work a lot more with your characters; we don't much care for them when we don't know them better. The descriptions of Kaia's emotions are not working very well; you should take some time in the beginning really going in depth with how she feels, and then let her act in ways later where we look back on her emotions and wonder how she dealing with stuff and why.

I'm not really sure what advice I can give you other than try to work your pieces through more times and keep honing it...

Keep writing pule, I'm looking forward to more of your installments as always.

[DarkStar]

I'm going to say that this story, though long as it was, felt a bit rushed to me. The idea with the elements, though original, isn't unused but I like the way you added the extra elements to stop it from being at the traditional four.

I say, good job at everything, though you need to work on your style a bit. I would like to see what happens next in the story, but just remember a little tip I keep in mind whenever I write. Try to keep things realistic. It helps add those fine extra details that make the story that much more interesting. Example, poeple don't always speak perfectly, and tend to make mistakes when they speak. All the small details help.

It must be a bit bitchy to hear negative comments, but with such comments comes ways to improve. At least you got a better response to your story than I did with mine. Good luck, and I look forward to future instalments.

[Ravane]

Originally Posted by Puleinator

what magic thing? what do you mean from sky high. I thought i did use some actions when saying what they were donig .

She gets her powers sort of late. That's what happened in skyhigh. You didn't yuse to many actions.