[McCoy]

Synopsis: Alice is about to get married, but at her wedding ceremony, the secrets about her past life come out


“I now pronounce you man and wife; you may kiss the bride,” Alice said, standing in front of her bedroom mirror. She had gone through the entire ceremony so many times by now she could probably do it in her sleep.

Tomorrow’s the day; tomorrow I become Mrs. Dylan Michaels! The thought of it always put a big smile on her face, and tonight was no exception. She was so excited that her face turned redder than the shirt she had on.

“Tomorrow,” she said, “everything will be perfect tomorrow.”

A lot of people were looking forward to the wedding. All of her friends were going to show up to support her on this special day.

Alice had never been honest to anyone about her past. Whenever questions were asked, she would do her best to change the subject, and she was really good at doing so. Alice’s childhood had been anything but a fairytale adventure. Everything she had achieved in life, she had to work her butt of for. As a child her life had been filled with disappointments, anger and fear. Her father was a drunk who could barely hold down a job for more than a few months, and her mother got pushed around by her husband so much that it left her frail and depressed.

********

Alice always knew she had to get out, get away from her family, and get as far away from Lake Providence as possible. She knew that it wouldn’t be easy, and the only way to achieve her dream was to get a good education, which incidentally, when you come from one of the poorest parts of America, is not such an easy thing to do, but she was determined to make it happen, no matter what.

One particular afternoon she remembered better than others. She was feeling very happy that day as she had finally gotten an A on her math test, her weakest school subject. She was running back home, eager to show her scores to her parents, hoping it would make them proud. Instead, as she approached the door, the familiar sounds of her father shouting greeted her from inside the house. Her smile faded away, and upon entering the house, instead of being welcomed home with a hug and signs of love as she would have in a normal family, she felt the back of her father’s hand as it struck her cheek. On the floor, she noticed that her mother was crying, holding a bloody tissue against her nose. Alice quickly ran out the door and promised never to return to this hell of a home.

She never did see or hear from her parents since that fateful day. A little over ten years had passed since then. Alice lived on the streets for a while and took whatever job came available to her in order to save up some extra money.

She was 25 when she met Dylan, which had been the best day of her life. Although she was only attending the community college, Alice loved going to the library of the finer, more highly rated colleges and imagined that she was a student there. One day she stumbled into Dylan’s school. They were both at the library at the time, and happened to reach for the same book. As their hands touched, sparks ignited between the two, and she knew it was meant to be. They were inseparable from that point on, and on her 28th birthday, Dylan got on his knees and proposed.

********

The sound of phone ringing brought Alice back to reality.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?” her friend Sarah said cheerfully.

“I’m feeling so nervous, but excited at the same time. I can’t wait for tomorrow,” Alice said.

“Don’t stay up too late girl,” Sarah said, “we’ve got such a busy day ahead of us.”

The following day it felt as if a tornado was blowing inside the apartment, as a group of Alice’s close friends gathered around making sure everything would be perfect for the ceremony. Her hair needed attention; they had to do her makeup; the bridesmaids needed to look good, but not too good; after all, the attention was supposed to be on the bride.

It was time for the ceremony to start. Dylan was already standing at the altar, everyone’s heads turned as the doors opened, and Alice started her walk down the aisle. Dylan couldn’t stop thinking what a lucky guy he was. He had a great family, many close friends, and was about to marry the most beautiful woman in the world.

Dylan’s passage through life had been much easier than Alice’s. He was the only child of wealthy business owners who knew of nothing better than to shower their offspring with love, but they loved buying him gifts even more. Because of his family’s wealth and connections, Dylan had no trouble getting a good education, and ever since he was born, he only got the best things in life, food, toys, cars, and now he was about to get the best woman too, adding yet another feather to his already crowded cap.

As Alice made her way to her fiancé, the music stopped playing. The couple looked deep into each other’s eyes, and the ceremony began. As the priest talked about the love between the two, and the life they were about to share together, only a few people in the church were able to hold back their tears.

Being the eccentric that he was, Dylan wanted to do something different for the ceremony. Instead of the traditional exchanging of the vows, he had planned a video montage which was to show his love for Alice. Everyone’s eyes were locked on the screen, as the priest gave the signal for the montage to start. Alice gazed lovingly on Dylan, and then turned to the screen as the video was starting.

As the video started playing, Dylan looked rather confused at what he was seeing

“I don’t think this is the right tape,” he whispered to his best man.

People in the church were shocked when the man and a woman in the video engaged in sexual intercourse; however, no one was more shocked than Alice. As soon as the video started playing, she started running toward the video projector.

“Turn it off!” she shouted, “turn it off!”

“Wait!” Dylan shouted, looking hard at screen. “Is that you in the video?”

Alice turned around slowly

“Answer me!”

“Ye..yes,” Alice said, bursting into tears.

Dylan never felt more ashamed of anything. Without uttering a word, he stormed out of the church, got into his car and drove off. Alice was left crying on the floor, feeling the judging eyes of everyone in the church burning a hole in the back of her neck.

********

When she ran away from home, Alice had nothing more with her than the clothes she was wearing and a few measly dollars in her pocket. Getting work proved more difficult than she anticipated, because not many employers were interested in hiring a homeless runaway teenager. She managed to score a few waitressing jobs at sleazy diners, and it was in one of them were she met Roger.

Roger used all of his charms to seduce Alice, promising her wealth and stardom. He introduced himself as a film maker, telling her she had the perfect look for his next movie. Alice quickly found out that his offer was too good to be true. Roger was indeed a film maker, but he only made one certain type of films, namely, erotic films. She didn’t feel happy about the idea of having sex on camera, but as she was determined to do whatever it took to get money for education, and she went along with it.

Alice stayed with Roger for three years, making a few low stream movies in order to pay her tuition. But the movies weren’t the only thing Roger made her do. Soon after they met, he forced her into prostitution, selling her services to his friends.

********

Seven years had passed since she cut off her connection to Roger, how did the video end up here? And why did it have to come out today of all days? Alice got up off the church floor and started running after Dylan, but it was of no use as he was long gone. Feeling ashamed and angry, she went back to her apartment.

As she walked through the door, she noticed a note had been left for her on the kitchen table:

RUN ALL YOU WANT,
YOUR SECRETS ALWAYS CATCH UP WITH YOU,
ROGER.

Alice’s hands shivered as she read the note. She had always feared that this day would come. She read the note again. Roger is back? What does he want?

********

It had reached the point that Alice couldn’t bear to look herself in the mirror anymore. All that her life seemed to be focused around were the movies, and the various sleazebags Roger brought over. Every day she asked herself, why am I doing this? Does Roger even love me?
They had been having an affair ever since that first night they met. Sure Roger said he would leave his wife, but as he kept making lame excuses when she asked him about it, she didn’t know whether his words should be trusted or not. Alice kept telling herself that Roger really did love her, even though he made her do all those things. He really did love her, she was sure of it.

The last night they saw each other, she finally realized what kind of a man Roger really was. He had been up in her hotel room so many times, his routine had become rather redundant. He would come up, tell her she was beautiful and they would make love. Afterwards he would go back home to his wife, leaving Alice feeling ashamed and lonely.

This particular night, however, Roger went too far. As he was walking out the door, he stopped, turned around to face her. “I’ve got some ‘friends’ coming over to see you in a few minutes,” he said, “so make sure you look presentable.”

Alice couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He wants me to sleep with his “friends?” Of all times, why now?

“No,” Alice said as Roger was walking out of the room.

“No?” Roger asked, walking back inside.

“I won’t do it,” she said, “not anymore. I’m done with all of this.”

“You don’t get to say when you’re done, I do!” he said.

Alice had never seen him this angry before. In fact, the only time she had ever seen a person this angry was the day she ran away from home.

“You are doing this, and that’s final!” Roger said as he struck her cheek, “Now, clean yourself up before he gets here.”

Roger quickly vacated the room, leaving Alice crying, naked on the floor. What am I doing? What has become of me? Is this the life I’m destined for?

No! Not anymore!

Alice got up off the floor. She wasn’t going to be a part of this lifestyle anymore. She was done. She got dressed, and ran out the door, but not before making a little call to Mrs. Roger.

********

Alice sat motionless by the table of her apartment. Why did he have to do this now? She got up and ran to the phone. She had to talk to Dylan, try to explain everything.

“What do you want?” Dylan asked as he picked up the phone.

Alice pleaded and pleaded with Dylan, but he wasn’t interested in her explanations. As far as he was concerned, the damage was done; his reputation had suffered severely. How could he possibly face his family and friends again? How could he face his employers?

“We’re through; I never want to see you again!” he shouted as he hung up the phone.

Alice was devastated. Her life was ruined, Dylan wanted nothing to do with her, her friends now knew of her past. She had tried so hard to keep her past a secret from everyone she knew, thought she had finally left her past behind.

It was going to be perfect! I was going to be like everybody else! For seven years she had been working to turn her life around, and in the space of a few minutes, everything she worked for was snatched away from her.

‘There’s nothing left, he took it all away, everything good in my life. I’ve got nothing,’ she thought as she sat back down. She wiped her tears away and took a look around the apartment.

“There’s nothing left,” she said. Slowly she rose up from her chair, and walked toward her 8th floor window……

[Vorcla]

Welcome to SM! This is a nice first effort; you have a good grasp of the mechanics involved with writing, and that made it easy to edit. I thank you for that! One thing - the ending seemed a little abrupt. Maybe a little more development as to how she arrived at this decision. A description of her climbing on the sill, maybe, and then fading to black. A lot of promise here, though, so keep at it.

Rick

[Ambrose]

Yeah, not bad. I liked all the background given for Alice, her dad the drunk, her involvement in Roger's sexual shenanigans, and how hard she had to struggle to escape her past. What you lacked in character detail, you made up in back story, so bravo there. That's not to say this story would not benefit from a little more character detail, like what Alice and Dylan look like, and more of what Alice is feeling. A lot of things felt rushed, especially the wedding. The story would have benefited from more buildup, a slow walk to the alter, she's nervous, maybe she spots Roger in the crowd, that kind of thing. All in all though, I agree with Vor that you have a decent enough grasp of how writing works. Now I think you just need to work on really getting down into the gritty details. Show us everything, and tell us nothing. Let feelings come across visibly whether it be tears, angry pounding on the wall, etc. And really describe the setting. I really wanted to know what living in the street was like for Alice. You could have exploited that scenario to really wrench our hearts out for the poor girl.

Good job and keep up the writing!

[McCoy]

Thanks for the comments. the thing with the wedding was that I was going for the shock effect, but I do see how I could work that out a bit better. I like your idea of having Roger in the crowd at the wedding, maybe just mention that she gets nervous when she sees a familiar face. I´ve also kinda juggled with the idea of having Roger visit her instead of sending her that note, maybe go on a bit about how she ruined his life when she called his wife that last night. I agree that I need to give further detail about Alice´s struggle in the street, her life with Dylan, and to develop Dylan more.

[Venomous Vixen]

I really liked this, though noted what has been said and I do agree you could flush this out a bit more. Usually while reading I get very distinct images in my mind of the characters but here I saw the white dress and the tux but no faces. There is something much more powerful about truly seeing the characters in the mind.

Aside from that I thought it was very well done. There were twists which is not always easy for something so short... like I did not see the video coming, nor the prostitution, nor the affair. It kept me interested and that is good.

Here is where you may not like me very much I apologize in advance but the end seemed like a cop out to me. It is hard to believe someone willing to subject themselves to prostitution and pornography would throw it all away because of a ruined wedding. People that are suicidal tend to have those thoughts throughout their entire lives yet she has shown no indication of being anything but a fighter. Fighters do not give up.

To me, I see her finding Roger and giving the prick a taste of his own medicine, and then seeking out Dylan and making him listen. Like the way she fought for her education (which she still has by the way) and fought out of her home (which she is still away from).

Anyhow this is just one opinion but I think you could do so much more with this, you have an incredible foundation!

[McCoy]

sorry for a late reply, but thanks for your comment. I kinda agree with the whole cop out thing you say, but I guess it comes out that way because I kinda rush through it here, I had a lot of ideas going, and kinda rushed through getting the short story done, this is draft one so that´s to be expected. I still fancy the idea of her ending it all, but I need to work out more how everything affects her, the whole Dylan-Roger thing. Yes, she is a fighter, but you can only keep fighting for so long.

the reason I´m posting here after such a long time since the last reply is the fact that I´m working on extending this story into a possible novel. the primary change I see that I need to make is of course to make Roger a stronger character, allowing him to make an appearance in the present time. Alice´s confrontation with Dylan needs expanding, and of course Alice and Roger need to settle things etc.

Can anyone give me suggestions on what you think I should focus more on? what should be gone into more detail, what should be focused less on? that sort of stuff, thanks

[McCoy]

also, I was thinking about changing the title, can anyone give me any suggestions?

[Brensew]

Very good McCoy, the story reads very well. I agree with the others... it needs to be longer, with added detail and character development. Still, a lot of potential. I would try drawing out the scene with the video though.. maybe a more detailed description of Dylan's reaction, or some reactions from the crowd/priest. Also, perhaps you could advance Alice's anticipation of her wedding day a little more... a forecast of doom... an uneasiness in Alice that something will go wrong, brought on by her experience with life. One last note... I would change "Dylan got on his knees" to Dylan got on his knee" or "Dylan got on one knee." Thanks for sharing, looking forward to your next!

[Jimbalaya]

Hey McCoy,

I read this some time ago and was sure I commented on it, but I suppose I forgot to drop one. So I'm doing it now.

I thought the writing itself was well done, nothing really stuck out to me. The story is one of tragedy and those are always good, and I liked this one, it was a bold move to reveal her past, but that way it was done and the affect it had is sad.

I also think that it was sort of an abrupt end, but at that same time I don't know what to tell you on how to fix it or add to it or prolong it, sorry about that.

Overall I thought it was well done, and a good effort! Keep after it!