[McCoy]

Synopsis: A young woman is in a hurry to catch the train. She kills a man after she boards, and after being arrested, details about her horrid past surface.

“The ten-thirty train to Times Square is now arriving at track C.”

“Shit,” the young woman cursed to herself while she ran down the stairs of the crowded New York City Metro station. She was pacing towards the train, shoving people out of the way in the process, which caused some rather harsh words from some elderly women, and a blush on a rather timid looking gentleman.

She was a beautiful woman indeed. Her black, shoulder length hair, slim figure and nice curves made almost every guy´s head turn. She had been told by many that she looked like Anne Hathaway, except a little more beautiful. She got an enormous amount of attention because of her looks and it wasn´t always of the good nature.

She made her way down to track C and reached the train just as the doors were closing. There weren´t many seats available on the train, but after looking around the cart for a few seconds, she found an empty seat across from a middle aged gentleman. He was a man of around sixty, with short hair that was starting to turn grey. For a few minutes she sat there observing the gentleman in front of her, his tailor-made suit seemed to shout out how successful he was, not to mention the expensive gold watch he wore on his wrist. Her eyes were locked on this man, and after a while he was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable by the attention.

“Can I help you miss?” he asked her.

She didn´t answer, just kept her eyes on the man sitting across from her.

“Miss? I would appreciate you not staring at me like that,” the man said, and his voice was starting to get louder as he became more and more irritated.

“I´m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?" She asked the man.

“Yes, you are,” he replied, “You are invading my personal space.”

“Oh, I´m sorry,” she said with a sarcastic tone to her voice.

Her eyes remained locked on the man. She didn´t move an inch, just sat there getting angrier and angrier. The man´s patience was just about up.

“That´s it! Tell me why you´re staring at me!” he yelled.

Without uttering a word, the woman took out a large knife from her purse, jumped on top of the man and began stabbing him repeatedly. The people in the train started screaming and running around in panic. They were frightened out of their minds by the incident, and could only stand and watch as the woman brutally murdered the unsuspecting man. After a few minutes, the woman sat back down in her seat and put her knife away.

The engineer called 911 when he saw the brutal act taking place, and as the train pulled into the Times Square station they were greeted by the New York Police Department. The officers slowly moved into the cart and towards the woman, pointing their 9 millimeter at her as they ordered her to put her hands up. The woman showed no signs of remorse, or any emotions at all for that fact.

“I said put your hands up!” the officer screamed at the woman.

The passengers on the train were crying hysterically as the young woman raised her hands in the air. The officers approached her slowly, making sure she didn´t get a chance to attack them. The younger policeman pulled out his handcuffs and slipped them on her wrists, while the other officer kept his firearm aimed at the woman, and while she was escorted out of the train station and into a waiting patrol car, her Miranda rights were read to her.

***************

“Have a seat, Ms. McCoy,” the detective said as Jenna was led into the interrogation room. She didn´t move, just stood there by the wall and stared intently at the man at the desk. The officers who led her in, however, pushed her in the direction of the chair and ordered her to sit down. “I am Detective McAllister, would you like something to drink?”

Jenna kept her eyes on the desk in front of her and didn´t utter a word.

“Why don´t you start by telling me why you attacked and murdered Dr. Harrison?”

Jenna remained quiet, just sat there and observed McAllister who occupied the seat in front of her.

“Don´t make this any harder for yourself,” detective McAllister said. “We´ve got a train full of witnesses; just tell me why you murdered this gentleman!”

“He was no gentleman!” Jenna shouted. The rage in her eyes and voice could have scared off even the biggest men. “That bastard deserved everything he got! I would do it all over again if I could.”

Detective McAllister was taken back by her reaction. For a moment he sat there, observing her, wondering what could have happened to make this beautiful girl do such an evil and horrifying act.

“Why don´t you start by telling me what your relationship with the deceased was?”

Jenna leaned forward on the desk and poured herself a glass of water.

“Who knows, we might even go easier on you if you co-operate.”

Jenna sat silently for a few minutes, sipping on her water and staring at the ceiling. Then, suddenly, she leaned back in her chair, cleared her throat and looked at the detective.

It all started when I was five……”

***************

“Jenna!” her dad called out as he walked through the door. “Come meet a friend of daddy´s.”

Jenna jumped up off the floor and ran to greet her father. He had just finished taking off his coat and was walking into the kitchen.

“Jenna,” Robert said when he saw his daughter come racing towards him, “this is Dr. Harrison. He works at the hospital with me.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dr. Harrison said to Jenna, then turned to face Robert. “What a beautiful girl you have, Rob.”

“Thank you, Frank,” Robert said, “and she´s really smart too. She is going to make me really proud one day." He turned to Jenna. “Now go and play while I talk with Frank, all right sweetie?”

“Okay daddy,” Jenna told her father and ran off into the living room.

Dr. Harrison´s visits to the McCoy household became more and more frequent in the months that followed, and he always had some interesting stories to tell during dinner. Jenna took a liking to him, and before too long she was referring to him as Uncle Frank. The two seemed to share a special bond, and had many private jokes that no one else was allowed to know about. She was intrigued by his stories from when he was younger, when he used to travel around the world. It did help that he had a special way of telling his stories, filling them with humorous twists and spins. He even used to change his voice around when he quoted people from his past.

***************

“So Dr. Harrison was a friend of the family,” detective McAllister asked suddenly, interrupting Jenna´s testimony. He had been writing down the details he found most important as Jenna went on with her story.

“Yes, a very close friend,” Jenna replied, “I looked up to that man; I wanted to be just like him.”

“Tell me what happened next,” McAllister said.

“All right,” she said, “this one weekend my parents went out of town…..”

***************

“Jenna!” her mother shouted, “come down stairs for a moment sweetie, your dad and I are about to leave soon.”

“Okay mom!” Jenna gathered her dolls together and ran downstairs. Her parents were standing by the door and Robert was talking to Frank while he was waiting impatiently for his wife to get ready. He had been invited to speak at a doctor’s conference out of town, and had been feeling much more nervous than usual the past few days because of that.

When Jenna came to her parents, Robert knelt down before her. “Now, you know you´re supposed to do whatever Uncle Frank tells you to do, right?” he asked his little daughter.

“Yes, daddy,” Jenna answered her father.

“We´ll be back tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “You be good until then you hear?”

“Yes, daddy.”

“Staci, let’s go, we´re running late.” He kissed his daughter goodbye and ran out the door. Staci put on her overcoat and gave her daughter a goodbye hug.

“Bye, honey, I love you,” she said, and ran out the door.

Jenna was sad to see her parents leave, but was happy about spending the time with her Uncle Frank. She was already looking forward to all the stories and the games. Oh, the fun they were going to have! They spent the entire day horsing around. They had tea parties, played hide and seek, and Frank even dressed up for some of the games they played. Frank wasn´t much of a cook, but he could order one mean looking pizza. After dinner, Frank told Jenna to go brush her teeth and hurry on up stairs.

“I´ll be in there shortly to tuck you in,” he said as she ran off.

Five minutes later Jenna was in bed and waited eagerly for her bed time story. After a short while, Frank came up to the room and sat down on the bed next to Jenna. He told her a story of the time he went surfing in Australia, and how he almost drowned when the biggest wave he had ever seen knocked him under. Jenna hung on every word of his story, and loved when Frank played out his struggle to get to shore.

“All right, Jen, it´s time to go to sleep now,” he said, and gave her a hug.

Jenna had hugged Uncle Frank many times before, but somehow this felt different. She tried to get out of the hug, but Frank held her tight. He started rubbing her back, and constantly moved his hand lower and lower. Jenna didn´t know what was going on, what was Uncle Frank doing? All of a sudden, he started taking her clothes off and his as well. He climbed under the covers.

“Don´t you tell anyone about this, or I will hurt you,” he whispered into her ear. Jenna cried out of fear and didn´t move an inch.

The next day, Jenna´s parents came back home, her father overjoyed with how his speech went.

“Jenna!” he yelled as he entered the house. “Come greet us, sweetie!”

Jenna walked rather slowly towards her father, and hesitated for a while as her father knelt before her with open arms. She looked over to Frank, and noting the look on his face, went to her father and gave him a short hug. Robert noticed how distant his daughter seemed; she wasn´t as happy as she usually was.

“Are you all right, honey?” he asked her. Staci bent down and felt her forehead.

“She´s fine,” Frank said all of a sudden. “She´s just tired, that´s all.”

“It doesn´t feel like you have a fever,” Staci said to Jenna. “Did you have fun with your Uncle while we were away?”

Jenna didn´t say anything, but when she noticed Frank´s cold stare upon her, she turned to her mother.

“Yes,” she said, “we had fun.”

Staci stood back up and took Jenna´s hand.

“I think we should go upstairs and get you to bed,” she said, and led Jenna up to her room.

Jenna couldn´t look Frank in the eyes after that, and whenever he came to dinner, she tried her best to avoid being near him. But because of her father´s increasing business trips, he and her mother were away a lot more, and Frank was always there to offer his services as a sitter. Robert and Staci never suspected what was going on; they connected their daughter´s change in behavior to their constant absence, so they tried their best to spend some quality time with her when they were home.

***************

“For how long did the molestation occur?” Detective McAllister asked, and handed Jenna a tissue. She had gotten a bit emotional as she was telling the story, and the tears were starting to burst through.

“For three years,” she finally said.

“Why didn´t you tell someone?” the detective asked her.

“Because I was scared, and who was going to believe me anyway? That man was a saint in everyone´s eyes.”

“Why did he stop?” detective McAllister asked her after a moment´s silence.

“He got offered a job at another hospital in New York.”

“And did you see him again after that? Except for today, of course”

“Not in person,” she said. “He was all over the papers though…..”

***************

“Look Jenna, there´s your Uncle Frank in the paper again,” Staci told her daughter one morning as they were getting ready for breakfast. “Looks like they are giving him another award. He is such a talented man. I can´t believe it´s been almost ten years since he left.”

Jenna, now seventeen-going on eighteen, paid no attention to her mother´s remarks. It had been ten years since he'd left, but not a day went by when she didn´t think about those nights when he babysat her. Jenna hated when her mother talked about him; she would always paint such a pretty picture of him, how wonderful and smart he was. But Jenna knew better; she knew the truth.

She never spoke about what went on all those nights when her parents were away. The reason why became unclear to her. Perhaps she kept her mouth closed because she was scared, or maybe she felt humiliation. Whatever the reason, she never told the truth, just shook her head and faked her emotions whenever Dr. Frank Harrison was made the subject of conversation.

In fact, she had gotten quite good at faking her emotions. She faked her happiness, sadness, everything. Jenna was so good at it that no one ever suspected anything was wrong.

“Yeah, that´s pretty good for him,” Jenna finally said to her mother and fixed herself some scrambled eggs that Staci just finished making. After breakfast Jenna grabbed her back pack and ran to the door. “See you later, mom!”

***************

“So when did you decide you were going to kill him?” Detective McAllister finally asked.

“About six months ago,” Jenna answered.

“So what was it exactly that happened? What made you decide you were going to end Dr. Harrison´s life?”

Detective McAllister had been observing Jenna closely during her testimony, her movements, and her speech, just about everything. She didn´t have the typical look of a cold blooded killer that he had gotten used to throughout his career. He felt saddened by the thought of how many others like her were out there, being taken advantage of, and all the lives that were being ruined throughout the city as they sat in the little interrogation room at the NYPD building.

“I was finally putting it all behind me,” she said. “I'd just graduated from college, hadn´t had a single nightmare for weeks. Everything was fine. But then…”

“What?”

“He called,” she said. “About a year ago.”

“Dr. Harrison?”

“Yes”

“What did he say?”

“Humph! He wanted to congratulate me on my graduation. I asked him why he did that to me, and you know what he said? He just laughed and told me I was such a pretty little girl who was pretty much begging for it! Can you believe that?! He didn´t even apologize! After that phone call, it all came back. The nightmares started again. I couldn´t sleep or eat. It felt like it was happening all over again. I grew distant from my friends, I couldn’t work, and because of that I got myself into a hefty debt. My landlord finally gave up on me and kicked me out of my apartment. It was his fault, he did this. That son of a bitch deserved to die. ”

“The witnesses said that Dr. Harrison didn´t seem to recognize you in the train. Can you elaborate on that?”

“My parents weren´t the Christmas card-sending type. The last time he saw me I was eight years old, and I don´t look eight anymore, do I?

“No, you certainly don´t.”

“I spent the past six months following him around everywhere he went. I knew his daily routine by heart. About two months ago, though, I found something that scared me.”

“What did you find?”

“Pictures,” Jenna said. “Frank was still up to his old tricks.”

“You are saying he was still molesting children?” Detective McAllister asked Jenna.

"Yes. I even watched him doing it one night.”

“Why didn´t you call the police?”

“I didn´t want to risk having him get off because he can afford a good lawyer. That man deserved to die!”

“I think I´ve heard enough,” Detective McAllister said and nodded over to the guard. “Take Ms. McCoy to her cell.”

“He deserved to DIE!” Jenna yelled out as she was dragged out of the room.

Detective McAllister sat still in his chair for several minutes and stared at the wall. Just thinking about how many lives were being ruined right at that moment made his skin shiver. He thought about the case, about Jenna. Finally he closed up his folder and walked to the door. As he turned off the lights, he couldn´t help wonder who the bad guy really was.

Was it the young, abused woman turned killer, or the molesting doctor?

[tamaulipas19602]

I enjoyed that very much. Some unsolicitated comments. I've never heard a train announced in the NYC subway system. I hear "nawnappentingontrikeiysevenff d". lol. I liked your character development, they were easy to empathize with. I say this alot, but I like some "color" in my stories. Smells, sounds, light/dark, rain/sun, hot-cold-humid-etc. It doesn't take much to set the background pallet. Just my opinion. Great story!

[McCoy]

thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it.

I don´t want to sound like I´m being demanding, but I kinda wish more people would comment on this, I know there are parts on this story I need to develop more, add something/drop something etc.

[Gareth84]

Hi,

Really enjoyed your story, well done on it. Excellent use of the past/present.
Only comments that really came to me was that there was very little mention of how Jenna actually felt during the different parts. Might have been nice to know how she felt after she killed him.

But a great read still

[Jayna]

I love ur story. From te start you have action, then you introduce the character of the killer Jenna McCoy.
To me Jenna -the little girl -her point of view could have been a little stronger as she grow up into her later years. I would have like the story to describe in more details about what she felt when she was 17 after Dr. Harrison was out of her life for 10 years.
But the realism of the story, how you discribe the setting and the action of the story really kept my attention through out. When the story came to the ending it made me want more. All great stories have great ending. Great job and keep writing.

[McCoy]

thanks a lot for those comments, really appreciated.

now, this time I am going to sound desperate for a reason. I´m thinking about submitting this story to a literary magazine that´s published annually here at my university, so any suggestions, ideas to be added in, spelling and that stuff would be great.

[Peppy]

That made me sick to read. You were good at the details that I actually couldn't believe that you'd write something as taboo of a subject as this. You got balls of steal.

The characters were developed so well. They were believeable. Dr. Harrison and Ms. McCoy felt like real people, maybe because there are people like that in the world.

I don't think you really need to develope the story that much because, in my opinion, the conversions does the trick. The spoken word is the best way, I say.

[RENA HANDS]

Is it

Time Square or Time(s) Square?

And I think it should be Track C.
Is there too much space after the comma and

Anne Hathaway,?

Or is it me?

Should it be

He asked her.?

Would stabbing another person, just be an ‘incident,’ or some ferocious/vicious attack?

Maybe saying…

The engineer called 911(radioed in) as he watched the brutal act taking place,?

I think…

The officer screamed at the woman.

Possibly state partner instead of ‘officer,’ unless of course there is a group of them arresting this woman.

How did the officers know the name of the victim? Perhaps you could add a scene where there is an investigation into the attack?

I think…

Her dad called out…

I think…

He asked his little daughter(girl).

You need to watch your capitalization after ending your speech.

I think also there is too much spacing between your contractions.

I think you should return and review the spacing between your commas and words.
A very interesting read/write. Question; why not murder the Dr., when he was molesting the child? Certainly in that situation, one would have more than enough justification for homicidal defense?

My rating 3/5!