[WorldWarCheese]

Synopsis: A composer listens to something beautiful.


The World Is Perfect
By WorldWarCheese

What a wondrous instrument, a marvelous player. Incredible.

I have listened and critiqued the best and worst in music my entire life. From birth my mother serenaded me with her voice while father played sweet melodies on the concert piano. Later, I grew to be a premier musician and composer myself, creating fantastical pieces that took the world by storm.

This is better than anything I have ever heard.

Music without music, sound without sounds. I sit here in this concert hall, the same one where I received a standing ovation years before. I had led an orchestra through a piece that I had painstakingly crafted, pouring my heart and soul into and now I hear a song more beautiful and elegant than all previous in the World.

He sits there, on the stage, lit by a single spotlight. This is hardly for theatrics, because only one is needed. There is no band, no concert, just this one small, old man. Sitting alone, on the edge of the stage he wears a simple robe of white and black, the silvered hair of age falls thinly with his scraggly beard to the top of his back and chest. Eyes barely visible underneath brows of immense size are hidden by the severely wrinkled and seemingly permanently squinted face.

Sitting alone on stage he has filled the hall with a Silent Song, the air thick with his presence. His instrument, a shamisen, sits on his lap emanating the most perfect tune in all the Universe and he hasn’t even touched a string. His plectrum, as large as a small spatula still rests in his hand, on his lap.

How is this possible? Music without the need to play? It defies all logic. Yet, the rolling song fills me with pride and fear; I am awe-inspired and a thousand emotions composers have tried to capture in different songs and different ways for centuries fill my breast, heart and mind… and he hasn’t lifted a finger. And yet, somehow, I know this isn’t a ruse. There is no secret band. No hidden symphony. It’s just him. Sitting there, releasing the Song Ideal with his hands on his lap.

And suddenly, as I sit and revel in the clear and powerful music, he lifts his hand.

The song grows in strength and if possible, becomes more beautiful than before; for now it is a single tone. A lone note. A note so perfect that it suddenly makes all those before it into cheap imitations, imperfect attempts, poor copies at a beauty that had yet to be grasped. I am brought to tears.

The note grows and grows in volume, flooding the hall with beauty and supreme magnificence. I feel the ground shake. My seat feels like it will tear itself apart, but I do not care. I am filled with this tone; I hope it never ends.

His hand rises to the strings, I am on the edge of a shaking seat, leaning forward for I can tell that whatever I have heard up to now will soon be overshadowed.

The note intensifies. Stronger and stronger, his hand nears the string. Deeper, fuller, more vibrant than before. Oh, so beautiful! Louder and louder still I am filled with strength and hope and joy all at once! I rise to my feet; I want to shout my joy as I raise my hands to the air, raised in the glory of The Song!

And with a suddenness that shatters the World, the note ends. His hand touches the string and it seems to have sucked the air out of my lungs; the hall is void of all sounds, a vacuum. I begin to laugh; laugh hard, loud and hysterical my arms are still raised to the ceiling. Tears begin to stream from my face as I laugh and laugh and laugh! I have never laughed so hard!

He plucks the string.

The World is Perfect.

[Nupur]

This is really good. I like the voice, it's very strong with minimal punctuation or grammatical errors. Another thing I'd like to mention is that though this story stands well on its own, it seems more like an excerpt from an actual longer story. But it's very good as it is. Well done!

[Gurdit]

Well, isn't this an interesting little piece.

Chris was right. You do have a peculiar way of writing. It's very well brought out here in this story, especially from a first person POV. Your character certainly is somewhat eccentric, and your voice echoes that throughout. Good job on the characterization, some people don't get that part right at all. You seem to be quite intimate with your character and have written his thoughts quite well.

As for the story itself, I won't even pretend to understand it. Perhaps it's a very long drawn-out sarcastic piece. The composer wonders why a single instrument like that is being given so much important, perhaps. Or maybe it's a dream. In that case, what Nupur wrote is right... it seems like an except taken from a longer story rather than a story that stands on its own.

In this review, I'm focussing more on the content than on the actual editing, so I'm going to avoid all the editing advice, but you do need to go through this again with a fine-toothed comb. There were a lot of pretty simple errors. I think one of the best ways of finding the errors is to detach yourself from the story... stop thinking whether what you've written is good or bad and just read it.

Anyway, I really am curious about what this is about... maybe you could tell us in a comment.

[CryCandice]

Wow, this story is beautiful.

I like how you made the silence music, and the music silence. It's very clever. I'm not huge on literary analysis, like seeing the hidden meaning. I'm guessing that this story is basically just that, a hidden meaning.

I'd love it if you could tell me what inspired you to right this, and a little background on what the character was maybe laughing about?

Thanks.

[WorldWarCheese]

Haha, wow. Thanks for the quicker response. The piece is kinda abstract or out there a little like "Whoa, this is pretty fucked up" and just note: I never write when I'm high so it's not like "a stoner piece", my heads just fucked up I guess

I wrote it during a Psychology of Personality class that I was falling asleep in. Daydreaming. I had a small headphone on in the back of class and was listening to The Yoshida Brother's "Kodo" (Youtube it) when suddenly I thought: Wow, life is fucking beautiful. And encapsulated the joy of discovering how beautiful truly is in this story of a composer who spend his life in search of beauty and find True Beauty at the end.

Aaaanyhoo, this is a composer. Gerry Aldwin, and he was the premier composer of his time. He never had a family because he devoted himself to music and stuff. And he's dying. He's actually on his death bead back at home, dying. And God, in recognition of his life and it's strive for perfection gives him it at the end as he enter Heaven. You know? I actually had an ending that was a reporter going "Gerry Aldwin died in his room last night, the famed compoer..... etc etc etc" but my friend said it took away from the feeling if it all at the end and was totally anti-climactic so I left it out.

Oh, and the composer was laughing in joy. Something so beautiful that you couldn't even cry with joy, only laughter could be its release. Raising your face and arms and voice to the sky and letting it out. That's how happy he was.

And just to be clear: there's not "Hidden meaning" I'm not a fan of that shit. I always complain to my teacher that they're over-analysing and that maybe the author thought "What a great character" and not "What a great allusion to Jesus" or something. I'm just trying to get people to appreciate beauty.

...


Then again, what do I know? I'm just a Sophomore Psych Major in College. I'm sure if I gave it to an English professor saying "What does this mean?" I'm sure it's actually a biting social commentary on life values these days or something. Maybe I should...

[CryCandice]

Wow, that's a good way to explain it.
And sorry about that hidden meaning thing, I guess I try to over-analyze as well. But yes, this was very good, and it's a beautiful short story.

[WorldWarCheese]

Thanks, dude. If you got a story PM me the link and I'll make sure to check it out.

[CryCandice]

Haha, the newb knows not how to PM as of yet.

I'm still trying to find all of the hidden links.

[Masa]

Haha, excellent. I find music and all the fine arts the only reason to live in our present world. And yes, my dear friend, women do fall into the fine arts category.

Shamisen is a very pleasant instrument, but I always find it needs something alongside to match it, listening to it alone makes me feel very empty and weak. But again, for some this feeling can be thought of as a moment of absoulte bliss, an erosion, shall we say, of this world's viral worries and leaves only the bare soul underneath to be presented to the melody.

I think you've been reading Suzumiya... maybe.

[WorldWarCheese]

Nope. Just listening to the Yoshida Brothers and a lack of sleep.

[Masa]

Good man. (message to short)

But still good story, glad you've done what you could to replace me.

[cheung shun sang]

Camel toes are perfect . my finger know to go and my body roll

[WorldWarCheese]

o.O Wtf?
Camel Toe?

Finger know?

Body roll?

Are you masturbating?

[Mr Morbid]

It's nice to finally see you posting something serious for a change.

I liked it. There's a certain thing about it which blows me away, I'm lost for words.

[WorldWarCheese]

Thanks, dude. And most of my stories are serious (for the most part at least). I just tend to screw around in the Cafe.

[thelma&louise]

Chris: Dude. The other video game story I read is shit compared to this. This shouldn't even be in the Amateur section! Wtf!

Anyway, on a serious note...Very weird and all, I thought the guy was a little insane. I don't know what the hell he found so beautiful in some old man just sitting there and lifting his hand, but okay, whatever floats your boat. I guess it worked for the story, though. Overall, I liked it, the content was really good. Keep up the good work.

Sal: I have to say, Monkey, this was beautiful. Never seen anything like it. I thought a few sentences didn't read too well though, so I think you should go over this one more time. But if I had to rate it, I'd give this a 5/5. Good job.

p.s - i (chris) freakin' read it to her over the phone. happy now?

[WorldWarCheese]

The other video game story I read is shit compared to this.

Haha, thanks. Most of my scribbles in my writing notebook look more like this one. I call it "Excerpts of Perception" because I think that name is totally kickass.

Very weird and all, I thought the guy was a little insane.

Yeah, this was brought up in an earlier post.

Aaaanyhoo, this is a composer. Gerry Aldwin, and he was the premier composer of his time. He never had a family because he devoted himself to music and stuff. And he's dying. He's actually on his death bead back at home, dying. And God, in recognition of his life and it's strive for perfection gives him it at the end as he enter Heaven. You know? I actually had an ending that was a reporter going "Gerry Aldwin died in his room last night, the famed compoer..... etc etc etc" but my friend said it took away from the feeling if it all at the end and was totally anti-climactic so I left it out.

But if I had to rate it, I'd give this a 5/5. Good job.

Thanks, bodiless-entity. I was going to call you that shark where the male attaches itself to the female and uses her like a parasite would then gets completely absorbed into her body, but I can't find it's name.

p.s - i (chris) freakin' read it to her over the phone. happy now?

Yes.

[Gareth84]

Wow, really good job. The imagery is awesome. You must have a hell of a imagination to have thought this up -
I thought I had a strange mind but I think you may be the superior.....

Nice one

[Coadmaster]

I enjoyed this piece a lot, v