[marty2shorty]

Synopsis: A teenager who might be on drugs learns a lesson from a crow. The teenager continues to try to justify his addiction. Never coming up with a real reason. It's up to the crow, who takes some time out of his life to do something important to help the kid. Is he on drugs? Is the crow on drugs? Does the crow even exist?




Even though it is cold outside, Noah doesn't wear a coat. He wears his black gloves and black
scarf and black shirt and black pants. A dark child? Maybe. Or maybe he was out to cause some trouble. Dressed ready to rob a bank he stops outside his front door and decides where to go. Maybe the park, he just felt like getting out of the stuffy house. The small neighborhood park designed for kids his place to think. No one ever goes there due to it's extremely small size. Noah starts walking. The park can see him coming and the trees start shaking. The sky is grey and cloudy, the silence is only interrupted by an occasional car across the street.

Noah can see a dark blotch in the park's sand. It is nothing but a blur, Noah curses his damned vision. He goes back to thinking about time. Probably five thirty? Probably September? Maybe October? It's in the damn fall! Whatever, it doesn't matter, he will not live his life by the clock! Steak for breakfast and eggs for dinner. His eyes droop half closed, he walks slow, if he ever spoke it'd probably be slower. A dog relaxing on the grass raises his head to watch Noah walk.

'What the heck is wrong with him? I crawl faster than that kid. He's probably on drugs.' The dog makes his assumption and lays down again.

Noah arrives at the park, and the trees shake fiercely throwing their leaves everywhere. Noah notices the blotch, which is only a massive crow. It walks like a human, pumping it's head and looking for worms in the moist sand.

'What the heck is wrong with that crow? There's plenty of worms in the grass. That crow is stupid!' Noah makes his assumption.

"Hey dummy! Here!" Noah picks up half a worm and throws it at the crow, who enjoys it. "Yeah, eat it ya stupid..."

The crow doesn't fly but runs to Noah and looks up at him.

"What?"

-caw!-

"Ugh." Noah finds another worm and feeds it to the crow.

-caw!- It jumps and flaps to land on Noah's shoulder.

Noah, stricken by this unusual animal behavior, shakes.

-caw!- It hangs on to him, the claws dig through his scarf and shirt to scratch his shoulder.

Noah, the kid who always hated animals, sighs and continues to walk, but ignores the park. "This is really wierd. Are you high?"

"No."

"What the-?"

"But you might be, idiot."

"I am? You're the talking crow! Shut up and fly away!"

"Maybe I'm just talking because you really are high."

"Ha! I don't think so!"

"You smell like drugs to me, and you have it written all over your forhead."

Noah turns the corner to a much larger street. "How do you even know what drugs smell like?"

"I don't know, you're the crazy kid talking to a crow. You tell me. Unless you're too high."

"I'm done arguing with a crow."

"Good, so you're done doing drugs."

"No, and leave me alone."

"So you can't quit? I think you're addicted."

"I'll quit when I run out."

"Pfft. Yeah right."

Noah turns the corner again to see a vast field with tall grass. The Helman's farm. The crow holds on tighter. "Hey how about you get off and walk?"

"I'm scared."

"No you're not, you are a crow. Crows are fearless."

"I beg to differ." They approach a scarecrow.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of that!"

"Everyone's afraid of at least one thing!"

"You do know it's fake right?"

"I thought it was real."

"Ha, stupid crow, it's fake. Farmers stuff clothes with straw and slap a hat on it just to scare your kind."

"I could've sworn it was real. I saw it move once, I swear!"

"The wind."

"Couldn't have been the wind, I didn't feel it."

Noah stopped in front of it.

"Stop!"

"What? Why?"

"I'm scared!"

"I just told you, it's fake."

Noah looked at the scare crow's face, looking for the sunglasses covering the straw face. He couldn't see it, the straw hat covered it. But nevertheless: "See? Look at his face! It's obviously fake. What are you color blind?"

"Color?"

"I'll feed you ten worms if you fly over and land on it's shoulder."

"No way! Those guys are vicious!"

"That THING, is harmless."

"How do you know?"

"I told you, it's just straw."

"I don't know about this."

"I'll quit drugs if you do it. Just don't stop talking when I'm sober."

"Well, if this is what it takes for you to quit." The crow takes off.

"By the way whats your name?" Noah called after the nameless bird.

Silence.

"Well?"

The massive crow lands on the scarecrow's shoulder.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?"

The crow doesn't say anything but looks away uneasily.

The scarecrow's head raises to look at the crow.

Noah blinks and the crow is gone. "Wait, but what's your name?"


-Martin

[Peppy]

I always wanted to read this, but I couldn't get through the beginning. For some reason.

The title kicks-ass, The Headless Crow. Does that sound interesting, or does that sound interesting. That’s the main reason why I needed to read this.

I never really read a story bout the "high". But from what I read, I enjoyed the factors I saw involving drugs--loss of time and weird thoughts.

The paranoid delusional epiphany of a story was interesting to me, kind of weird and creepy, and makes you wonder about the "characters". The scarecrow. The crow. The dark child. Interesting.

I started liking this when the dialogue came into motion. The dog one just seemed a little too random, but he serves his purpose in a small way. The crow and the dark child's dialogue between each other was awesome and cool. The crow is mysterious (and annoying) in some cultures, and I guess you did a good job at transferring its aspect(s) in the story. I kind of lost track of who was talking, but I figured it out by the tone they used in their choice of words and "voice".

That's all I'll say. I have a lot more to say, but I'll keep it at that.

Good read, mister.

"Not you're not..."

No,

"By the way what(')s your name?"

[marty2shorty]

Thank you!

I've been waiting so long for a post!

I was wondering if anyone thought it was stupid, insane, or good!

Thanks man, thank you.

I'll also fix those problems.

[RENA HANDS]

The synopsis could be reworked. Also the spacing between it and your first paragraph that too could be tweaked.

The spacing of the first sentence of the first paragraph needs adjustment.
What about…Even though it was freezing outside, Noah…

Does your character have a last name? For now to prove my point, I’ll assign him one.

Even though it was freezing outside, Noah Smith decides not to his winter jacket. Rather Noah chose to dress himself in a pair of black pants with matching shirt. He rushed out the door grabbing his black gloves and scarf off the…(what’s the table in the hallway called?)

You get the idea. Also why are you not showing more action(s) about him readying himself to travel outside?

You’re missing ‘was,’ here…The small neighborhood park (was) designed for kids. It (was) a place to think freely. (I added something more also.) You could add more imagery to the park and its location.

If your character is already under the influence of a ‘narcotic,’ shouldn’t his vision, his state of mind be altered? You know seeing already a ‘change of his hands,’ his bedroom/home environment as the drug(s) takes its toll?

Your sentences are plain. Consider combination of other sentences and adding more descriptors.

Add more details about ‘unusual phenomenon’ as he makes his way to the park. Something like…It’s nothing but a blur Noah screams to himself…a caterpillar wearing a tuxedo and tipping his top hat passes him by.

Where you are flashing through the phases of time, why not show the autumn change/stages?

Maybe show a sizzling, A1 sauce dripping steak flash through his ‘tripping eyes.’ And the eggs, you could describe them too.

Consider other words for ‘walk.’

Describe possibly the breed of dog as it watches Noah strolling by. Maybe while in his ‘state’ the dog itself could say something. Or do a little paw wave.

You need to change this ‘it’s,’…It walks like a human, pumping (its) head and looking for worms in the moist sand. MAYBE something like…It walks like a man, but it/he was pounding his head into the moist dew covered grass pulling out squirming fat pink worms.(?)

You could give the park a name so you are not repeating ‘the park.’

Where did the worm come from that Noah threw at the crow?

I think…It jumps and flaps to land (onto) Noah’s shoulder. We know that the flapping of wings would elevate the crow, but you could still show it/describe it.

Here you could combine ‘onto,’…It hangs (onto) him, (its) claws dig through his scarf and shirt to scratch his shoulder. You could show the dripping, the gouging of the golden claws into Noah’s flesh. Just give more ‘imagery.’

Be consistent with your contractions…(it is OR it’s. I am OR I’m).

Show more in imagery and action of the examination of the crow while Noah explains (it’s a fake.)

I don’t get the joke. What was it? Even though this posting was meant to be an anecdote, hilarious too, the words could have been more added.