[j_doug]

Have you ever thought you were dead? Not thought you were going to die, or even knew you were going to die, but believed undoubtedly that you finally tapped out. The thought alone is so powerful, to actually tell yourself, "this is it, I'm dead", and ask, "what now?", without even the slightest idea that you're wrong.

Now that I can remember, I'll never forget my feelings of mostly fear mixed with a child's curiosity at what was happening to me. Well, that's not exactly right, nothing just happened to me, I did it myself. And although I took a very long break (about a few years) surprisingly it wasn't the last time I did acid.

I considered myself kind of a pro, kind of a frequent fryer you could say. I wasn't like most of the other kids finding new toys to play with for my trip, "this would be so cool to trip on," that was for amateurs. And I knew better than to believe everybody's stupid stories about the things they had "seen". Purple elephants and magical gnomes, bullshit! Kids that did acid lied almost as much as those stupid tweekers, as if there were some amazing contest to see who had the best trip.

If people stopped trying to have such a good time frying they would have had an awesome time! I would just drop, usually with my same tripping partners, get comfortable- that's the most important part, we'd take off our shoes and empty our pockets and see where the night took us.

That's the thing, you can't force an acid trip to go one way or another, it's gonna take you where it's gonna take you. I learned that early on, somehow not realizing that that could also be a bad thing. You could do, say, seven hits and have a regular old trip, or do one or two and have your mind blown for the next ten hours straight. And yes I just had to try dropping seven hits, because of the well known rumor (real or not I still don't know and have never cared to find out) that that much acid in your system made you 'legally insane'... a title I wore proudly being a stupid kid. But like I said you can't plan your trip, those seven hits didn't do anything extraordinarily crazy to me. Not like the two hits I would take some time later.

It was called "Dennis Leary", I could write a novel about most previous trips but that might take some time, you know after the comedian. That guy's hilarious! I scraped up money for two hits, cigarettes- camel wides back then, and still had some left over to throw in on food later.

It was looking up to be a good night. Lets face it, economically speaking acid is the greatest drug you could get your hands on. At five bucks a hit, and even cheaper by the strip and who the hell ever fries alone so it's always cheaper, it just couldn't be beat! Not to mention it lasted a good eight to ten hours, compare that to a nickel bag on value. Which by the way somebody did have weed that night as well which I also enjoyed. Dennis Leary, acid going around has always had different funny names. You never knew if you were getting something special or if it was just and advertising gimmick, hey I guess even drug dealing assholes have to make a dime.

So, getting closer to the point, we get to a friends apartment, we drop, we remove shoes and empty pockets as always, so far so good. We're not all frying that night just two or three of us that night, the rest of the people are drinking so we start a poker game. Of course eventually I start to get a little distracted from the game. As a usual start off the body fry starts in, it feels like you shot up about a gallon of pure adrenalin. The small dark pattern of the wood on the table starts shifting slightly until it seems as alive as the couch. What's that supposed to mean? It means that the couch is breathing, no mouth or anything stupid like that, just soft subtle movement all over. A gentle rising with an inhale and exhale pattern no different than watching the chest of a sleeping dog. This however wouldn't be the highlight of the evening.

Somebody had some pot, I don't remember who but I was never one to pass up a good smoke in those days. There is some amount of time, I don't know how much, that I can't remember at all but eventually we made it into one of the people's bedrooms. We'll call him "Joe" for today's purpose. I got caught up in the mirror, which never happened to me. People always warn you about the mirror when on acid but I never had a bad experience yet, why would I now? Well when I finish with my adventure with my own face something's different about the room. I realize it's the lighting. There's now a green glow throughout the room, not bright at all but just like a couple green bulbs have been turned on without my noticing until now. There's an American flag on the wall and camouflage netting hung across the ceiling. But that's not all. The people in the room are now all dressed in camouflage, and they're all looking at me. There's music coming from somewhere, it's not loud at all actually quite soft but it's like something from an old war movie. Now when I think of it it's always the Air Force song, but that's for different reasons. Even stranger, everybody is posing like they're doing a calendar shoot, hands on hips and so on and they're all kind of humming or singing along quietly. I have no idea what's going on, but everything's still okay, I'm not scared or anything. And then the light turns red.

With the new light comes a new song, new faces, and a new feeling. The music has turned into something scary for the lack of a better word. It's like the slow kind of eerie music you would hear during a suspenseful part of a horror movie. When the camera is moving slowly with the person approaching the bathtub with the curtain all the way closed and you know what's coming next. You don't even notice the music but it's there and it's feeding that feeling you have while you clench onto something or someone, waiting for the big scare. Everybody's face seems different as well, they're all still looking at me but seem very angry. They all have this glare in their eyes but there's more than that. They seem to be shaking their heads in disapproval and mouthing something. There's no lyrics to this music, but they're all saying something in unison under their breaths. And for the first time in my life I'm really scared. Then all of a sudden the lights are green again, the happy music has returned, and my B.D.U. clad friends were all posing for their next calendar photo and singing along with smiles. I'm not sure how long the relief went rushing over me before everything went red again, this change went back and forth several times. Just how many times I have no idea.

You would think that getting out of that room would be the best thing that could happen to me but where I found myself next was a different story. Without any kind of transition that I can remember I was out of the room and alone in what could only be a different plane of existence. The best way to describe it is that it was like floating through outer space. Everything was black but there were small specks of light all around. Then things like letters and numbers started flying past me and they were all sparkly like that PBS ad. It was strange and peaceful, and apparently this went on for some time. Back in the "real" world I'm told that I was laying on the floor screaming violently and basically spazzing out. I was yelling things like "E E E E E I I I I" and "ETERNITY IS ETERNITY, E E E E I I I I" you get the idea. This stage according to friends lasted at least a few hours but to me I was just in my little sparkly letter space world, watching in amazement as things flew past. I do remember several times during this stage fading back into the room, and these times there's no doubt that they were all actually looking at me with strange faces. They didn't know what to do with me, one specific thing I recall is the person who's apartment it was picking me up off of the floor by my shirt and yelling "reality check mother fucker", of course to me he was quite blurry and his voice was low and distorted so I couldn't actually make it out. They tried things like showing me pictures of my friends from my wallet, but couldn't get through. I almost wound up in an emergency room that night. Whether it was fear or faith that kept them from taking me, I think I'm glad that they didn't. Of course I did die that night.

Well I guess I didn't really die, but I started to believe that I had. I asked my self "what else could this be?" Here I am surrounded in nothingness strange letters and symbols floating around, the fading trips into the "real" world had stopped, I was just here now. Then I knew I was dead. I wasn't scared though, I was fascinated to experience what every person wonders about many times in their life. This was it, but was there more, could I go and see my friends and family to see how they were doing? But I just remained there and this made me unhappy. There had to be more, somewhere there just had to. Now I can only repeat that I had absolutely no concept of time but some time later I was somewhere else. It was beautiful and I was satisfied.

Now I'm sitting on the ground, in the woods next to a small river maybe a creek, and it's the most peaceful setting I think you could fine anywhere. It reminds me of some of the places I'd been in Vermont when I was a kid. Except this couldn't be real anywhere on earth and I knew that but didn't care. It was too perfect. Everything was bright and colorful. The trees went up for days, the grass was vibrant and the most soft and comfortable place you could ever sit. Sounds of birds and the creek flowing by echoed throughout the forest. I guess I've found my heaven. No more doubts, I was definitely sitting here in this amazing place it felt as real as anything ever had before. I sat in awe. Then I was fixated on the water, the sound was musical, it looked so crystal clear the way that no river or creek ever could it was amazing. All I could think about was the water, and then a voice all around me throughout the forest, "water". Then again, and again, and again simply, "water". Then to my surprise sitting facing me cross legged just as I am right next to the creek is Joe. He has a large blue plastic cup in his hands, and he says "water". Suddenly we are both pulled from this world and back in his room, he asks "water, do you want some water?" It's just Joe and I in the room, I assume now it was his turn to watch me awhile. The room and his voice were as clear as that creek was, but all I can do is nod. I slowly reach for the cup and take a sip, I feel like I have been crossing the desert for days, or maybe just been yelling a lot. Joe has a look of relief on his face, me I'm just scared and confused. I drank some more water and Joe asked if I was okay and with another nod from me he left the room.

I laid there for a little while and drank my water, trying to remember what the hell had happened. Tiny flashes of images filled my mind but it didn't make any sense. So I wasn't dead, then what the hell happened? That was way beyond "hallucinations" of any kind. I finally got up and went out into the living room where most everybody was playing poker. They all kind of looked up at me but didn't say anything as I walked past the table to the couch. Except it didn't feel at all like I was walking, more like floating at ground level. I sat down on the couch, nowhere near as comfortable as the grass by the creek, and still not a word from anyone. Finally I asked "what happened", "you don't know?" one of them responded. No, I sure as hell didn't. I joined them at the table and they told me a little story about the who freaked out on acid like no one they had ever seen. Some of it sounded familiar and went together with what little I remembered but I'll never know just when or how it all started. Was it when I was in the mirror, what about the part with the lights and music, where did all that come from?

So like I said it's gonna take you where it's gonna take you. That was two hits and a little weed. I had done way more that that before. And it wasn't crazy strong acid because I didn't fry alone, acid is not for solo flights, and theirs wasn't anything extra special just a regular trip. Something happened to me I'm not quite sure what, and have no idea why. The next morning I decided to quit drugs and smoking, and did for two or three years. When I did do drugs later it was only a couple times, kind of a nostalgic good old days kind of thing. I don't know what to think about this story, and neither have the few people I've told it to, well at least those who believe it. But I assure you it's entirely true, the people there remember it well and occasionally tease me about it. I don't know how to end this because the story is already over. I guess all I can say is be careful in whatever you do, no matter how many times you've done it. I'd say the rules always change if I thought that there were any, but there aren't.

[j_doug]

please somebody say something!!!!

[Tbob418]

Damn...that was crazy. Is it a true story or what...?
Seriously ..? if it wasnt you should put the whole story to 3rd person or something, cause its creepy...

I like it though.

[j_doug]

well to make it even creepier, it is completely true. man i've done some stupid things.
thanks

[Tbob418]

you are not the only one...

The story was good, and right now I cant force myself to read something that has more than one page (being drunk has its influence), and I read this so... Hope you post more...

[Perscription]

brillant. crazy trip, great read though, acid is such a mind bender....