[Jiamin]

Synopsis: Her smile determines everything.

Wendy woke up at 11am. She walked into the bathroom and took a look at herself. Her hair was a great mess and there were shadows under her eyes. But she smiled. She combed her short hair and washed up. She was going to make a very big decision that day, and it all depended on that smile of hers.

She went into the kitchen and boiled a kettle of water for her coffee. She took out a jar of peanut butter. But it slipped from her fingers and smashed on the floor. Wendy swept up the mess, her smile still on her face.

That smile didn't even flinch when Wendy scalded her fingers while pouring the hot water into her black novelty mug. She retained that smile.

At 1pm, she turned on the radio, only finding that she missed her favourite song. That was frustrating, but she was still smiling. She turned off the radio, and went to do her chores.

When Wendy was clearing that cupboard, she found the photograph of her long-term boyfriend. It reminded her of the night before.

She remembered being excited. She thought her boyfriend, David, was going to propose to her. Her friends had planted those thoughts in her mind. A few days before, David had been going through the days they were together. Wendy thought he was hinting something.

She thought he was hinting a proposal.

Last night, David called her, and asked her out to their favourite restaurant. Wendy was psyched. She wore her prettiest dress, spent a few hours with her hair and makeup. For she thought David was going to propose to her. She wanted to look her best.

But when she was there, she saw someone else beside David. It was a girl. Wendy walked up and demanded an explanation. David had asked her to calm down and take a seat. When she did, David started to say something Wendy feared ever since she stepped into the restaurant and saw that girl.

David said she was Emily, the girl he loved most.

Wendy couldn't believe it. David had asked for a breakup. She was devastated. That night, she cried herself to sleep.

Now that Wendy remembered, her real smile was gone. Her heart broken. It ached like it did last night.

Wendy stood up slowly. She walked just as slowly towards her balcony. She took a deep breath of the afternoon air and glanced down from her tenth-storey apartment.

It was a bed of bushes and flowers. Wendy closed her eyes and pictured herself lying below, lying on the bed of flowers, with her eyes closed, her lips smiling.

When Wendy finally open her eyes, she looked down again.

Wendy climbed onto the railing. She curled up her lips, forming a fake smile. Wendy took another deep breath.

Probably my last, she thought.

Finally, she pushed herself off the railing.

The wind blew on her face. It reminded her of a certain day David and her were on the beach, and the wind was blowing on their face.

Wendy kept her smile. Even with this painful memory.

Even when she felt her head hurt so much...

Wendy was lying on the bushes, just like how she had pictured. Only that this time, there was a pool of blood where her head lay...

[Odanion]

I must say, this is a twist from the other stories I have read from you...but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Like all your stories, you lack nothing in the sense of descritption or the way it is set up, I did not notice anything that bothered me...It was very nicely written and the dialogue was true down to earth stuff, it really made the ending worth the read, it made you want to keep reading untill it was done, and then at the end, you could do nothing but wonder...What would that guy think when he finds out...will it be shocking, or does he truely no longer care for her...

[Stamile]

Well i enjoyed the story thoroughly and everything seemed nicely in place. The large number of extremely brief paragraphs made it a little hard to grasp each individual event though. I liked the ending but also felt it could have used a little dialogue.

[ms_mae572]

I really like how you wrote in the short brief sentences and then a break in between them. Your story actually gave me chills. It started out kinda happy, and then you leard depressed Wendy is, until she throws herself off her balcony and into the flowers below. Great work!

[WillFreeman]

Interesting. This "david" guy seems like a real class act. He invites the girlfriend to his favorite restaurant and introduces her to somebody else that he loves?

A few editing suggestions- it starts off very choppy. I'd combine a few of those sentences. For example, between "jar" and "but" just put a comma and it would work.

[Clliw]

I liked it. I wish it was a little longer and you would have characterized Wendy more, I found it hard to visualize her.

[RENA HANDS]

A wickedly fascinating story illustrated by simple sentences…

1. I wanted more physical, emotional possibly even mental descriptions of Wendy.

2. The same is true of David.

3. And what about this Emily?

4. Perhaps more descriptions/information about this home where there are more memories of David and Wendy?

5. The scene at the restaurant seemed too abrasive. A lot more could have been explored/illustrated there. There was no fight? No name calling? No throwing of fists or table settings?

6. The last image of herself lying upon the bushes, there could be blood gushing, hair meshed with broken/fractured facial bones, eyes sunken in, the body too could take on a completely new look…then restate how here smile never changed. Discuss possibly that the CSI photographer captured her immortal smile.

Being a woman, I would like to have scene or read more about how she maintained her ‘smile.’ Not just by her emotions or positive thoughts, but by her physical means of maintenance. Who else was impressed by it certainly not David.

My rating is 3/5!

[Ravane]

Wow. I would recommend some more character details, but other than that it's really good.

[WorldWarCheese]

The ending was the best. The standing on the balcony, the possible suicide with a smile. That was nice.

I wasn't a fan of the beginning. I mean, I use the same style a lot: Lists for a meaning with repetition as a sort of way to say "HEY! LOOK AT ME! I'M IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT!" so I have nothing wrong with the style itself, but how it could have been done.

From the moment she woke up she was a mess. Sad but smiling is what the title should be. Where's the initial reason for a smile? Is she just smiling simply because? Or is she really happy? How can we know if she'll feel good eventually on the inside if we never see what initially made her happy in the first place?

Personally, I'd start out with positives. Make the morning positive. Make most positive. "She looked good, she smiled" then "She just caught her favorite song, she smiled" etc etc etc, right up to the invitation to her favorite restaurant. That way we can she was a happy girl before the boy friend fucks with her head. She was happy, had a good life and then he screws it up with his infidelity and she goes batshit crazy. It's such a stark contrast that I wish I thought of this story first.

I'm not saying I don't like it your way, I just think the contract would have made it easier to empathize with her instead of simply saying "Wow, her life sucks. She's just a victim" and may garner some sympathy but a LOT of us have had great days ruined by a horribly traumatic event like that and nearly lost it ourselves and can really relate to that situation.

Do I make any sense at all?

EDIT: No real need for an edit session here. Maybe clump some of the mini-paragraphs together to make it a bit more cohesive, but that was fine.

[kitten]

One thing that really struck me is the noun-verb, noun-verb usage. You have a lot of sentences which begin with "Wendy verbed" and besides making use of more pronouns, you could really spice this up by usiing action before naming the actor. Otherwise, I think you've got the workings of a very pretty story here.

[camiroxursox]

Good story. Make your paragraphs a little longer, but keep up the good work. I liked the beginning. It was cute! The ending was kind of a shocker, but overall it was good.