[Masa]

Synopsis: Nightmares are always worse in the morning.

"...And then the last thing they saw was a bloodied hook in the doorway!"

Three of the girls screamed, the two guys looked around in a dazed fashion, trying to figure out what was so scary about it, and the storyteller sat back down, looking rather proud of himself.

One of the girls stood up and dusted off her pants. "Well Eric, thanks for inviting me and my sis over; it was really cool." She tied back her hair in a ponytail and smiled to the blonde boy.

"Hey, no prob. Come by anytime, alright Jess?" He gave her a thumbs-up and a little wink.

Jess's sister stood up, standing close to her fraternal twin. "Yeah, thanks for letting us tag along." She was a little shorter than her sister, maybe by an inch, and she had her shorter hair unbound. Her dark green eyes flashed with fright as the storyteller made a scary face using the flashlight in hand.

Eric's friend, the other boy who wasn't afraid of the story, stood up and kissed Jess on the right cheek. "I'll see ya tomorrow at school, alright?"

Blushing a deep red, she nodded and proceeded out the front door with her little sister in tow.

"Dude you can't kiss a girl who's not your girlfriend. That's not cool." Eric laughed weakly.

Giving a snort in reply, he went to the living room and sat down in a large soft-cushion chair. "So what are we gonna do, eh? Can I spend the night?"

The storyteller waved the flashlight around. "Yeah, can the 'New Kid' stick around for a while?" The light illuminated his black eyes and white hair; in truth, he could have frightened the girls without a story the way his appearance was.

Eric shrugged. "Why not? The folks are on that second honeymoon thing, so I guess it's nice to have company. But before that..." He grabbed the flashlight from the New Kid and held it under his chin, creating odd shadows on his face. "Want to hear a real scary story?"

The two other boys sat on the ground with amused looks on their faces. And Eric began...

About a hundred years ago... this part of town was called Yurei-no-machi...

"Ah, I didn't know you knew Japanese, Eric..." said the storyteller, rather interested.

"Japanese? What the hell are you talking about?"

The New Kid laughed weakly and waved off the question. "Please continue, Eric." Then he turned to the other boy. "Shut up, Sam."

"Yeah..."

Anyway... this part of town was called Yurei-no-machi, because they say the old shrine near the crossroads was the home of a demon. They called this demon the Gate Keeper, because in old times, a four-way crossroads could take you to Hell...

Sam snickered, "Gee Eric, where the hell did you hear this? This sounds like a load of rubbish..."

"Would you shut up! Listen to the damn story!"

Dammit... well... They called him Gate Keeper because it was said that those foolish enough to wander during the very early morning would be taken by the Gate Keeper and sent to Hell. He was ancient, as anceint as any demon was before the light. They say that in order to stay "alive" he would take different forms and take over human bodies. Some say he will wander the roads during the mist as an old peddler, or sometimes as a beautiful young lady. But like all demons, he has a weakness: they say that it is possible to escape him if you can tell him what his real name is.

The New Kid laughed. "Isn't that always with demons?" He suddenly turned very serious. "However they say names and words are the most powerful things in the world..."

"...you're being a little creepy, New Kid..." Eric patted the young boy's shoulder sympathetically.

"But... what does he call himself? Surely he wouldn't just go around and call himself Gate Keeper. He must keep some sort of..." Sam shrugged, getting confused.

Those sort of things need not be answered! So... well some people say they've already met the demon and escaped. Some say his name is Alastor, others called him Aldureged, but that's all things said from people who must have gone mad. After meeting the Gate Keeper, one's life is to be cut in half, and cut in half again for every wrong try at the answer...

The New Kid held out his hand. "So an average human male lives to be about eighty, so then it's forty when you meet him, and down to twenty if you guess his name wrong on the first try... that seems like slim chances..."

Sam crossed his arms and nodded. "If you go below your age, then..."

You die.

"Obviously."

Geez, will you guys stop interrupting? Well, they say the Gate Keeper is awfully vain, and that speaking about him in the early morning hours will summon him from his shrine to take the speaker away... and well... we have been talking about him alot, haven't we...

The front door slammed open and a large figure holding a walking stick emerged. The moonlight reflected off the creature's eyes, which shone like glass. A grotesque, featureless face stared out blankly at the three horrified boys. The creature was huge, barely able to enter through the doorframe without losing its head. A dirty gnarled hand reached out along with a deep moan that seemed to come from below ground. "Come...."

Eric and Same stepped back into the living room, their eyes widening to the size of saucers. The New Kid stepped forward, looking scared but defiant.

"Come to us... Eric... Sam..." Then from within the great beast came a gurgling sound, but after a moment it sounded like giggling... the giggling of little girls. "And New Kid..."

The thing toppled over, and the head rolled to the floor, along with a small body. Jess was laughing madly, tears flowing from her eyes, and she got her sister to her feet. "We got you!"

Jess's younger sister was doubled over. "Aww... darn it! Say New Kid, you never properly introduced yourself before..."

Eric and Sam, now laughing a little too, came beside the white-haired youth. Sam clasped his hand on the New Boy's shoulder. "Yeah man, what's your name? It must have slipped my mind..."

A chill went over Eric's body as the New Kid's face, hidden within the shadows, looked up very slowly, just enough for the feeble moonlight to reveal his mouth, which was morphed into an inhuman smile. "Take a guess..."

[Bluejay]

I enjoyed this. You have a good story voice; it's very natural and easy to read. The story flowed along effortlessly. And, of course, I liked the twist at the end. Should've seen it coming, but I didn't.

Was that a real fable or did you make it up? If the latter, then another very well done for that! It rang true for me. Nicely done, Masa.

[Masa]

Mm... well alot of this is derived from Japanese myth.

A four-way cross road is said to be able to take you to Hell, in Japan four is the number of Hell, or bad luck per se.

However the rest was all mine and such, so thanks! I'm no good at these sort of twists and stuff, and I'm horrible at trying out a horror genre, but I guess it came out alright...

Jay, Good job!

[Bluejay]

I liked that it was subtle, a bit understated. Horror doesn't have to be graphic, blood, all that.

[Masa]

Eww... I hate splatter horrors.

A horror is just a chilling version of a Suspense genre! Thanks for the assistance Jay, I owe you one!

[Deavlynn]

I really like using the significance of names as a theme throughout the story, but it does seem a little unlikely that these kids would have someone over to their house without even knowing his name. Where did they find this kid?

Also, I'm a little confused about the girls. Are they twins or is one older than the other?

Overall I think it was well told. My favorite part is the last line. Very creepy.

[Masa]

Mm... I guess I have to stop using Japanese themes over all of my stuff...

In Japan, you would properly introduce yourself to all of your classmates, otherwise you'll just be a "New Kid", I was a "New Kid" for a while because I wasn't properly entered into my school, so they called me "American".

They are twins, but one is two minutes older, that's what I mean by older!

Thanks for reading.

[Deavlynn]

Originally Posted by Masa

In Japan, you would properly introduce yourself to all of your classmates, otherwise you'll just be a "New Kid", I was a "New Kid" for a while because I wasn't properly entered into my school, so they called me "American".

Fascinating. I, obviously, didn't know that. I think it's great that you incorporate multi-cultural aspects in your stories, but depending on the target audience you may want to add in an explanation for the customs with which we may not be familiar.

Thanks for the Japanese lesson!

[Masa]

It's no problem, I guess if I do something Japanese in there I had best give out the assistance I have provided you with.

[Ferris]

Awesome!

Next time I need plot for a murder mystery / roleplay event, I'm coming to you!

Who would have thought something so simply could catch somebody out... but it twigged as soon as I asked myself who the new kid was, terrific!

Nicely done, even the italics helped move the story along.

Ferris

[alloallo3]

Nice spooky story.
There's no such word as alright, by the way. It's all right.

[Masa]

Thanks Ferris... but I'm really no good at this sort of genre... hehehe...

All right allo3allo3, I got you.

[Bluejay]

Isn't it "a'ight"?

['Ginnis]

I liked how you pulled from old Japanese folklore. A lot of the dark elements of that literature are forgotten in the modern world and it was refreshing to see it revived.

[Masa]

You can't see it, but there is a thumbs-up on the screen and a big goofy smile.

[xtremelady]

A very enjoyable read, I have no experience with Japanese culture - but had no problems following without flagging questions. All in all worked very well. i thought.

[Solman]

Overall, very nice job!

My main recommendation would be to play down using the "New Kid" do describe this particular character. I understand that this is derived from social Japanese traditions/culture, but I felt it emphasized this character's later importance a bit too early in the story. The moment you mentioned that the Gatekeeper poses as different individuals, I suspected the "New Kid" may have been him. Perhaps early attention towards the character might be deflected a bit not giving him such a pronounced name, using lower-case letters for instance (the new kid). Either way, the story still works and is great fun!

[ea_blue]

I loved the twist in the end. I really didn't expect that. I also enjoyed the lesson in Japanese culture. An explanation of the whole 'new kid' thing would be good just as you explained the significance of a crossroad.

Found a typo here:

Eric and Same stepped back...

I think you meant "Sam", yes?

Ever hear about the bluesman, Robert Johnson? Supposedly, he sold his soul to the Devil for fame and fortune. They made a movie about it called. 'Crossroads' (highly fictionalized). Good music in it too. Interesting parallel isn't it?

ea_blue