[DanHill]

THE CHRONICLES OF TIMEWOLF
By Dan Hill

BOOK 1
DESTINY

Chapter 1

A plane roared past the clear glass window of the Airport Building. The soft steps of leather boots thudded on the metal tiles. One cracked but the boots kept thudding. The metal detector beeped as TimeWolf passed through. He stopped in his tracks as the security officer walked up to him, taking the smoke out of his mouth, dropping it, and then stepping on it.

“Please remove any metallic items you have on you, sir.”

TimeWolf turned to look at the security guard his jet black sunglasses perched on his face. “Why should I?” he replied staring the man down.

“Alright buddy if you don’t do what I say I am gonna bust you up.”

TimeWolf pulled out a Colt from inside his trench coat and pointed it at the man's head. “No one gives me orders mortal!” and with that he pulled the trigger. The body fell over as The Vampire Hunter walked away from it, putting his Colt back in his leather trench coat.

He Then walked out of the airport and stopped. The icy night air blew TimeWolf’s trench coat so that his black jacket underneath was showing, but he didn’t seem to care. He turned right and started walking toward the exit.

There was a flash of lighting and rain started to pour down onto the dry earth. There was another flash and TimeWolf looked to see where it came from. As the lighting flashed a shadow emerged. It was shaped like a girl and its long hair went down to the end of its spine. That’s all that TimeWolf saw of it, then it was gone.

The streets of the night were busy and rain didn’t make it any easer for TimeWolf to make his way over to his black Dodge Charger with a super charger sticking out of the bonnet. He got in and reached into his coat pocket to try and find the keys. He pulled them out and put them in the ignition, then twisted the key right. The engine roared to life as TimeWolf drove out of the airport carpark onto the main road.

As he was driving he was thinking about how he was going to get the Vampire he was hunting at the moment. The last time they met, it had transported into the past somewhere. So how was he going to get there? A mobile phone ringing tone interrupted his thinking and he reached towards the passenger seat to pick it up. He opened up the flip phone and said "Hello." No answer. "Hello?" he said again. No answer. But just as he was about to hang up the person on the other end spoke.

"You may be a Vampire Hunter but you will never find me in the past." Then the person on the other end hung up.

[Mark_Mulkeen]

Well first of all

The soft steps of leather boots thudded on the metal tiles. One cracked but the boots kept thudding.

I didn't know if you were writing meaning to contradict yourself?

I had alittle problem with the shooting. Firstly because while TimeWolf kills vampires he's obviously unethical so he would be a hard character to relate to or develp a sympathy for - having said that it is the horror genre so maybe that was intended. The second thing was if he doesn't take orders, why did he stop in the first place?

Someone that has no respect for the rules/laws doen't follow them. Therefore if you had of say, made him jump the gate or something to portray his character better I think.

Another thing was you said 'he then walked out of the airport and stopped.' Later in the same paragraph you wrote. 'He turned right and started walking towards the exit. The question is, what exit if he's already exited the airport?

As he was driving he was thinking about how he was going to get the Vampire he was hunting at the moment.

- You can improve this. Sometimes like - 'As he was driving, his throughts turned to _________,
the vampire he etc etc.

For example maybe it's the head vampire or something. The ______ is if the vampire had a name
or something..

In general it's a good idea. You can see people being interested and you can see how you can
introduce horror into the mix but you really have to think about what sort of character Timewolf
is. If he kills the guy in the beginning please don't do what so many people do and turn
him into a complex character that nobody understands except mystec meg who senses under his hairy bush, he has a heart of gold...

Goodluck

[RENA HANDS]

Dramatic introduction, but the actions and detailing was vague. You could be more in depth with your vocabulary. I might return to give more thoughts, but not right now, sorry.

I think…And with that he pulled the trigger. (Originally, and…).

I’ll wait ‘til the full story is posted to rate.

[Ryankia]

Above, beyond, and in agreement with what the others have said - this aspect could me much longer to really help us get a feeling and immersed into the piece. Details are your friends, and there isn't a lot of description going on, so we don't really understand what you are trying to bring across as clearly as you might.

A bit 'flesh' would really help give this piece some potential to be awesome!