[Storiesmaniac]

There I sat one dark and dismal night under my blankets with a torch and snacks, reading from the 'forgotten legends of hockey'. When I heard the sound of skating, skating on an ice rink. It is just my imagination I thought, just my imagination and nothing more.

This dark night I remember reading of my book, each word seemed to mold and shape differently, as I tried to drown my sorrow of losing Lucy - our team captain and my lover. But this was all in vain, as my sorrow was great for the beautiful Lucy.

I felt a chill, a chill like that of ice, run down my back. The sound of skates on the ice filled my ears so close and yet so far. I thought 'tis my imagination, just my imagination and nothing more.

Pull yourself together I thought, 'tis just your imagination, too much reading, too much moping there is nothing out there, nothing at all. I jumped from my covers to find myself on an ice rink. A light layer of mist was rising.

Then I turned to see my beautiful Lucy skating around on the ice, gracefully moving and turning with her stick. "Lucy" I called, afraid at the answer. But the only reply I got was my echo of the glass walls of the ice rink.

Then Lucy was gone. But the sound of her skates continued, I turned and turned; I looked this way and that way but nothing I could see could be making such a noise. Surely I said this is a dream, and this is not real at all.

Appearing out of the mist I saw my rival team, the Ravens, skate, all in Unisom, they skated around and around. Not a word they peeped. Until finally the team stopped. But the mystery did not. The ravens all melded into one, getting smaller as the squirmed and bled into one. A pitch-black raven then flew from the spot the team had once been. It flew a lap of the rink and landed on the cross bar.

The raven sat there staring, staring with it mood-less yellow eyes, looking mature and stern.
"Where are you from Mr. Raven?" I asked, "for surely you are no normal raven. What is your name?"
"Nevermore" answered the raven

I could not help but feel amazed that this raven spoke to me. Yet even more fascinating was that no one in my team or any other had ever seen a raven sitting on a crossbar in the ice rink, talking to them. For a raven with the name "Nevermore" is a rare raven indeed.

The raven spoke no other word, maybe it was all he knew, or maybe he pours out everything within him in that one word. But I knew in my heart he would be gone in the morning, flown away like all my hopes and dreams.
"Nevermore" the raven said

Broken out of thought by the shrill reply, I said aloud "You probably only have that one word, it's all you can say, it's all you know. You most likely had a cruel master who took away hope and happiness, and replaced it with melancholy and despair. So you would have happiness 'nevermore'"

I sat down upon the ice and stared into the great raven's eyes, what could this mysterious, ghastly, and grim bird mean when it uttered the words "nevermore". As I stared into the eyes, my chest started burning from the heart.

And then, I thought that the air was heavy, heavy with an angel's perfume. An angel which flitted around me unseen.
"NO!" I cried, "My God has sent you hasn't he, I can tell by the angels. He has sent you, to wake me from my memories of Lucy. He has said to forget this lost Lucy"
"Nevermore" the raven spoke

"Tell me!" I said rising from the ice "Tell me! Devil bird, am I haunted. Tell me the truth and tell me now, are you here for my misery"
"Nevermore" the raven replied
"Devil bird tell me, by god tell me. Does Lucy rest in heaven safe and happy? Does the one the Angels called Lucy rest her head in heaven?"
"Nevermore"

Angrily I jumped at the bird.
"Black fiend" I cried, "Go back from where you came from. Leave my burning heart; get off the goal posts. Take your beak from out of my heart, and take flight from off the goals."
"Nevermore"

The Raven is still sitting, never moving, but still sitting, on the goals. He has the eyes of a dreaming demon. My soul shall be lifted from his shadow ----- Nevermore.

The end.

[foltgee]

This was a decent re-telling of the classic tale, but I have some confusion as to what you were attempting to do with this. You wrote it straight, that is, you did a decent job of maintaining the original intensity of the story, but the Ice Hocky thing was confusing. At first I thought I was reading a parody, but after further reading I realized it wasn't. There's my confusion. To parody or not to parody, that's the question. If your intent was not to parody, I would suggest a different setting than an Ice Hocky rink. If it is to parody, I would work to make the re-telling a bit lighter so that we can laugh at it.

In any case, a decent retelling.

[Storiesmaniac]

Originally Posted by foltgee

but the Ice Hocky thing was confusing.

i was given a setting an told to re write a edger alan poe story any i choose an i felt that the raven was the easiest one to do, thanx for the comment

[Peppy]

Hahhahahaha. The beginnning was really funny to me. Maybe I'm just losing it. Who knows??? I just want to ask, why didn't you write it as a poem???

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,<--------That's cool

One more thing, you miss spelled unison for "unisom"

[Storiesmaniac]

Holy crap i did too. Wow, thanks dude. Why did i do it? Well ask my old high school teacher that question, she made me, i complied. It was fun though.

[Storiesmaniac]

did you read my other posts? It was for school, it wasnt a choice thing.

oh and thanks by the way.

[Maud]

It feels like you tried modernizing too much, the hockey thing? Com'on! I didn't care for it but thats just me.

[Elvisceration]

Nicely irreverent, but it was too long. I stopped reading 'cos I got bored. And I'm waiting for my girlfriend to finish class any minute, so I'm watching out for her.

[Storiesmaniac]

Lol, it's funny how people write comments on poems and stories without reading the other comments, ima say this one last time. Maud listen carefully, this was for school, it wasnt by choice that i did hockey, i dont even like hockey.

Sorry that it was too long, this was all a bti of fun any ways. Thank you for the comments guys.

[rosetheruler]

I thought this was good. It was a new twist to something old. I liked it. The hockey theme was real nice.

[spinx]

that was good i liked it.

[Storiesmaniac]

lol what are you trying to do, be different? lol. Thanks for commenting

[Gigle]

This story was just funny to me.. Very different. The first paragraph made me giggle

[Storiesmaniac]

thanks mate...just a it's been a controversial peice this one.

[seebaruk]

Poe meets hockey, interesting combination! What did your teacher reckon of it?

[Storiesmaniac]

she really liked it actually...strangely enough....

[Syrah]

LOL. Considering the assignment, it was a decent piece. Hockey in Poe. Hmm. Trying to go outside the box much? I would actually like to see you rewrite the Raven in your own way. Hmm.

[Storiesmaniac]

yeah i was thinking about doing it, then i remembered all the crap comments i got on this one...and i thought hmm i'll steer clear of poe, he was a better writer then me and we'll leave it at that. lol. thanks fort he comment though... it was nice to get a little bit of praise on my well ridiculed peice

[Evrviglnt]

OK -