[SimpleSpence]

Prologue:

Hello, my name is Laura Riviera. I've come to the Westwood Mental Institution to study and check up on patient Howard Stulks, a man whose profile contained more psychological imbalances and more unknown killings to fill a library and that's just his background. Stulks was charged with a total of seventeen victims and twelve unknown cases in that area, which pointed all fingers at Stulks, though he never pleaded guilty to any of them. Recent studies and reopened cases have called me to try and communicate with this man about five murders that had happened around the same time Stulks had been caught and sentenced to the Westwood Institute with a plea of unsanity from Stulk's attorney in his court case back in July of 1993.

Since then Stulks has been locked in a level 4 security chamber two levels under the Institue, it is there I must talk with this man to get the answers I had been sent in to find. Which was simply a "Yes or No" answer to the murderers. Then, after his statement was made study up on Stulks to see if his behavoirs have changed or simply peaked over the last 14 years he had been in the Institue and then send a report and await further instructions.

Though I've always had a fear of a prisoner breaking free from his cell, I had chosen psycholoy as my career path to better understand the human mind, and researches that tried to show and explain some symptoms to look for in the eyes of an accused killer. I've been having nightmares lately, as I'd wake up in a pool of sweat only to hear a footstep, or a shadow move across the walls. I'm Laura Riviera, and today's my first day at Westwood Mental Institution.

[spinx]

i liked it but it was to short and need more info.

[One_Man_Band]

Sounds like a complete rip-off of The Silence of the Lambs.....try doing something original

[Palusscrib]

Interesting concept, the story I surmise will deliver as well.

One thing: In the first paragraph there is a really long run-on-sentence, it needs to be tightened up.

[Coffee_Zombie]

I like this idea of the criminal psychologist afraid of criminals kinda doesnt make sense but also does. I'm deathly afraid of spiders but i always watch shows on them. I think its a know your enemy sort of deal.

[Syrah]

This is just the prologue.. where's the story? lol. Seriously, I think this could be the beginning to a wonderful story... or crap I am inclined to lean towards a good story just because I know that this piece has many places it can truly go... even though it begins with a basic prologue. There are many misspelled words.. like unsanity is insanity and psycholoy is psychology. Simple hint... spell check helps find those simple mistakes.

[S.Coristine]

It's an interesting beginning that has great potential to hook the reader, however you need to be more careful with your sentence structure. Example:

"I've come to the Westwood Mental Institution to study and check up on patient Howard Stulks, a man whose profile contained more psychological imbalances and more unknown killings to fill a library and that's just his background."

When you state that this is is profile after the first comma, you have eliminated the need to add on "and that's just his background".

Also in this sentence you state "whose profile contained more... and more... to fill a library". When you're stating 'more' you have to use a matching expression. It would make sense to say "more... than a single bookshelf could hold" or if you wanted to keep the library analogy "enough... to fill a library".

Hope this helps a little!

[little.gypsy]

A little hard to follow due to long sentences, but the idea seems good. Will you be adding to this story line?

[Bluejay]

Interesting opening. This particular sentence made me pause and back up, a bit confused:

Recent studies and reopened cases have called me to try and communicate with this man about five murders that had happened around the same time Stulks had been caught...

When I first read this, I saw "this man" as being different from Stulks. I think you could have said "around the time he had been caught".

It has potential, but a bit rough around the edges. Keep at it!

[maxaynjj]

I liked it but the character was introduced in the beginning and the end, repetitious. I found the description pretty good although I would have liked more information on the scenery or background.

[Nastizzy]

That wasn't a short story. It was a short short story.
But I liked where it was going. I'd like to read more of it.

[RENA HANDS]

I thought I had commented on this early but…

I thought maybe you could introduce your character walking the halls of the asylum, flipping through Mr. Stulks’ file reviewing his history. And then move to his fighting or anxious state in his cell or corridor? As she “observes” him she remembering why she became what she is and then opening the door…And this my first day at Westwood Mental Institution…

It has a good start but it could be more and leading into something even greater...

[marty2shorty]

Well this got me, I want to see the rest of it!
... I have no idea what the levels of security are in a mental institution.

[jback]

I like it but wheres he rest? It definetly needs to be finished up or started. But I think it is intriguing and could have potential.

[Mr Morbid]

It needs to be longer, with more detail added. also it could do with a few commas here and there, such as:

more unknown killings to fill a library and that's just his background.

Perhaps put a comma after library.

Since then, Stulks has been locked in a level 4 security chamber two levels under the Institue, it is there I must talk with this man

Add a comma after then and lose the comma after institute by replacing it with a full stop.

Then, after his statement was made study up on Stulks to see if his behavoirs have changed

Put a comma between made and study.

other than those minor things, it was a good begining. hope to see more in the future

[Themis Fallidas]

Nice prologue and i hope you are thinking of the rest of the story right now! Well, it seems to me that you are working on the concept of this story for a long time. If my speculation is true, try to get organized and things will come out of your mind easily.

First, work on your characters. Write them down. Point out their attributes, all the simple and special characteristics they have.

Then work on your plot. Try to think that your story consists of a series of episodes, or chapters. Think of the plot of one episode at the time with a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Don't worry about the ending of your story right now. You must create a series of events first and then the plot will give you the options to decide.

One last thing is that you should be careful when you are creating a story with special serial killers and psychologists. You don't want to fall in the "Silence Of The Lambs" trap! I'm sure that you have many ideas to help you avoid this mistake!

[Mark_Mulkeen]

Well first of all I take it someones going to break out unless it's psychological horror - or maybe you could introduce flashbacks - to give it that horror 'tint'.

It's not worth reading what you've done so far unless your seeking approval on the idea? Well, you've had it. Goodluck