[WingcommanderIV]

The Worst Fable of All Time

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Billy. Billy had a wish. He wished he could have a girlfriend. Isn’t that right Billy.

“Uh, sure.”

Unfortunately Billy was a social misfit, and no girl would even tell him the time, let alone go anywhere with him.

“Well, that’s not true...I’m actually quite popular.”

My Fable, Billy. What I say goes. Anyway, so there was one particular girl whom Billy spent weeks obsessing over. One night he looked up at the night sky, and wished upon the moon that she would want to be his friend.

“Okay, I’m not obsessed. I like her sure, but that’s it. And wishing on the moon? Who wishes on the moon?”

The next morning, Billy woke up to find a mouse sitting on his pillow, looking him in the eye. It was a talking mouse.

“Wait, so now I’m on drugs?”

Billy didn’t know what the mouse wanted, or why a talking rodent would have any interest in him.

“What are you doing on my pillow, what do you want, why are you interested in me, and most importantly did you watch me get dressed?”

The mouse smiled in its mousy way and spoke, ‘I have come to help you with your quest. You want to trap this girl, and no one knows better about mousetraps than a mouse.’

“Trap her? I just want to talk to her, not make her my slave.”

Eager for the help, Billy and the mouse got to work. They created blue prints, and strategies, and crazy inventions inspired by a marathon of MacGuyver on TV Land.

Finally they were ready, and it was time to spring their plan into action.

“Someone pray for me please, because this is not going to end well.”

The next day at school, the girl of his dreams, opened her locker, as she did every morning before class. This time however, the door to her locker, happened to be supporting a bowling ball which fell on her head.

Her body crumpled like paper through a photo-copier. Watching the sight with joy, the mouse let out a cheer, ‘We did it. Now go, Billy-boy, have your way with her.’

“Oh my god, we just assaulted the girl of my dreams with a bowling ball.”

Getting cold feet, Billy wussed out, and ran to the girl, in the vain hope of lending his help. Shaking her into consciousness he asked timidly if she was alright.

“Are you all right?”

At first she couldn’t speak, but instead regained control of her arm, which whipped pepper spray from her purse.

“Wait, what? Ahh, oh God, ah, ow, Jesus, stop, please, stop, I’m sorry.”

“You hit me with a bowling ball, you perv!”

“Uncle, uncle!!!”

“Who are you, the Phantom of the freaking Opera? You going to take me down to your secret layer, and force me to have sex with you, you ugly prick?”

“I swear the mouse made me do it, it was the mouse!”

Outraged at being ratted out (Get it?), the mouse left the school never to be seen from again. Meanwhile, Billy managed to escape from the girl’s revenge, and sitting down, he took a moment to ponder the lesson of his labor.

“What IS the moral of my Fable?”

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

“Really? That’s it? That’s the moral? This is the worst Fable EVER,” said Billy, as he fumbled with the frills on his dress.

“You think you’re the shit, huh? Think you’re so funny, and can just do whatever the heck you want? Well too bad, I’m in control of my own destiny, and I’m going back to talk to her.”

Okay, fine. So after Billy changed his pants, which he had soiled not ten minutes prior, he returned to the girl of his dreams, with the intention to apologize.

“Hey, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what? Dropping a bowling ball on me?”

“Uh yeah, and for being a huge creep. It’s just, I really think you’re cool. And kinda cute.”

“So you dropped a bowling ball on me?”

“Well it was kinda between that, or serenading you with a Barry Manilow song. I figured you’d prefer the bowling ball.”

“Aheh...you’re probably right. Well in that case, thank you.”

“So, you want to go for Dinner and a movie sometime?”

Repulsed, the girl flatly denied his request, “Well don’t push your luck, but I’ll let you buy me lunch, if you want.”

Wait, that’s not a flat denial at all.

“Where’s your power now, Mr. control-it-all.”

Okay, Eric Clapton. If you don’t like my moral, then why don’t you give us yours?

“If you want something, don’t make a huge elaborate plan on how to get it. Just be yourself, and everything will work out all right.”

Fine. So Billy and the girl of his dreams shared lunch and bonded. They grew to be madly in love, and dated happily ever after...

...Until he discovered she was really a man.

The End
By: Andrew Geczy

[Vince]

This is the worst fable ever! Haha just joking

I actually enjoyed it, especially the bowling ball part. The whole "breaking the fourth wall" thing, with Billy talking to the narrator was a bit surreal and worked for me.

Overall, it is humorous although I think you are quite capable and skilled to do the scenes a little more funny. Also good thought on the mouse, was a good choice.

[Razor]

I liked this. I would really suggest using color or something, italics to show when the narrator, the mouse, Billy and the girl are talking. I had to ask myself a few times who was talking.

This was a fun read though. Made me smile and I chuckled a few times.

Well done.

[FoxInari]

Very good. the last line was best, it opens a whole world of possible sequels.

[lizmarienv]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I loved this. It really was the worst fable ever! I loved that you gave Billy a voice and had him argue with the narator. Very clever my firend, very clever.

[Eva Marie]

That was really funny. I liked how Billy conversed with the narrorator.

[J. M. Hutson]

lmao funny stuff. like the originality. the braking the fourth wall thing made for an interesting read.

[subash]

Quite entertaining actually although I am curious about why you wrote this piece this way ... more along the lines of studying the working of the human mind than "what were you thinking?"


The Worst Fable of All Time

Isn’t that right Billy.?

One night he looked up at the night sky, and wished upon the moon that she would want to be his girl? friend.

“What are you doing on my pillow, what do you want, why are you interested in me, and most importantly did you watch me get dressed?” He's still in bed, right? So how come the question arises as to dressing?


Her body crumpled like paper through a photo-copier. Watching the sight with joy, the mouse let out a cheer, ‘We did it. Now go, Billy-boy, have your way with her.’ This is really Tom-and-Jerry-like!

Getting cold feet, Billy wussed out, and ran to the girl, in the vain hope of lending his help. Shaking her into consciousness he asked timidly if she was alright. The girl is crushed by a bowling ball and he shakes her into consciousness?!

At first she couldn’t speak, but instead (maybe slowly?) regained control of her arm, which whipped pepper spray from her purse.

“Uncle, uncle!!!” Huh???


Outraged at being ratted out (Get it?) yes, very good, the mouse left the school never to be seen from again.

“Really? That’s it? That’s the moral? This is the worst Fable EVER,” said Billy, as he fumbled with the frills on his dress. Now, what is this? Is he a transvestite?

...Until he discovered she was really a man.
So she's a transvestite too?

The End
By: Andrew Geczy

[kominbhai]

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
haha..funny

i loved the narrator and protagonist conversation
fresh idea!

[Zoidberg]

Wow. I liked the breaking the fourth wall humor that you used. Very funny. One mistake,

The next day at school, the girl of his dreams, opened her locker, as she did every morning before class.

Get rid of the comma after "the girl of his dreams".

[WorldWarCheese]

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

You made me laugh so hard I ripped ass in the library... loudly.

Wing Commander, you have successfully defeated the Fourth Wall. Congrats.

I loved it.