[JKerpan]

Synopsis: Quick little dialogue on an elevator.

"Hi."
"Hi."
"Can you press 87 please?"
"Sure."
"Thanks."
"Looks like were both going pretty high."
"Yea looks like it."
"Yeeeeup."

20 floors of nothingness...

"So you work in human resources then?"
"Yea."
"That sucks."
"What?"
"Oh, no nothing. It's just that that sucks."
"It's not too bad."
"What do you like do, hire and fire and stuff?"
"Something like that."
"That sucks."
"Really, it's not that bad."
"Doesn't it make you feel small, knowing your job is nothing than more than a creation and termination of others?"
"What do you mean?"
"It has no actual purpose; nothing gets advanced, at least in your perspective."
"I guess."
"Doesn't that bother you?"
"I don't really think about it."
"How can you not think about it?"
"I'm busy."
"Busy? With what?"
"Work."
"Oh... that-"
"Sucks?"
"I was going to say that is sad."
"Well what do you do?"
"I'm the mail clerk, just delivering stuff up to Mr. Hayman's people on 87 now."
"You're the mail boy, and you're telling me my job sucks."
"Yea."
"You're the mail boy."
"So?"
"So, that sucks."
"No, it's the best, if I miss a day, this place goes crazy."
"Really?"
"Yea, like this one time, I was sick because I ate this three-year old can of chili I had in my cupboard, and when I came back the day after, Hayman was all, 'I didn't get my mail and stuff', it was really inspiring."
"Why couldn't someone else just bring it to him?"
"Hmm, I don't know."
"That's odd."
"I don't think so, Hayman's always liked me."
"How long have you been here?"
"Ten years."
"You've worked in the mail room for ten years?"
"Nine, actually, I was a janitor before."
"That sucks."
"No it was great."
"You're strange."
"Yea well, you're gone."
"What?"
"You're fired, Hayman wants you out."
"What are you talking about?"
"Yea, he has me fire the H.R. people."
"You're joking."
"Yea."
"Oh, I almost believed you."
"No, I mean yea, it's true."
"You can't be serious."
"I'm always serious, that's why Hayman likes me."

15 floors of nothingness...

"You're crazy."
"No, no I'm not, but yea you really should leave by the end of the day."
"I'm going to speak to Mr. Hayman about this first."
"No, don't he doesn't like to be disturbed past two."
"You're lying, I'm not fired."
"Yea you are, and no I'm not. I don't lie, that's what Hayman likes about me."
"I thought he liked you because you're serious."
"That too, they kind of go together."
"Well I'm still going to have to talk to him."
"Let me ask you something Stacey..."
"How do you know my-"
"Mail guy, anyway, when you're to fire someone, who tells you who it is?"
"Well, Hayman, he's the boss."
"Yea, and what about when H.R. people need to be let go?"
"Hayman again."
"Yea but he's not going to tell you to fire yourself right?"
"What?"
"Think about it."
"I am."
"I'll save you the trouble. For H.R dismissals, he sends me, because he knows I'll do the job. I'm efficient, he likes that."
"This is crazy, I don't want to be told I'm fired from the job I've had for three years from a mail boy. I'm talking to him."
"Don't, I'm warning you."
"I don't care, press 101 for me."
"No."
"Ok I'll do it."
"You really shouldn't have done that."

2 floors of nothingness...

"...because it's extremely unnecessary."
"Who are you?"
"I'm the guy who's firing you."
"What's your name?"
"Oh, Harry Lemon, mail guy. I like to say sometimes I'm Harry Lime's estranged brother, you know Harry Lime?"
"No"
"He's Orson Welles's character in The Third Man, you ever see that flick?"
"No."
"Well he makes like the best entrance in any movie ever, near the end, you should see it."
"Why?"
"Because it's kinda like this, I'm showing up at the end - your end really, and it's great."
"What's great about it?"
"This is the best one yet."
"How many times have you done this?"
"Three, well this is the fourth."
"Were the others this skeptical?"
"Yea"
"Have they ever made it to 101?"
"No."
"Have they tried?"
"Yea."
"How come they didn't make it?"
"Because I'm trustworthy, they know that, like Hayman knows it."
"Well I still don't believe you, this is ridiculous."
"How is it ridiculous?"
"You could at least do it while I'm working, not on the elevator."
"Hmm, yea I guess, I just do what Hayman asks, I follow orders, he likes that."
"Well are you worried?"
"Worried, why would I be worried?"
"We're almost to 101."
"Oh, no worries."
"Why's that?"
"Because if they make it to 100, then I at least let 'em talk to Hayman's wife, she's the VP.
"I know that, but I thought she worked out of the house."
"No she has an office on 100."
"Oh."

The doors opened once they reached 86 and then again at 87. He smiled as no one got on.

"Well I guess I'll just talk to Mrs. Hayman then."
"I would suggest against that."
"Why?"
"She doesn't like being disturbed after two."
"Well this is my job, my life, so I'm going to disturb her."
"Your job sucks, you should just go."
"You're the mail boy!"
"Yea and I've been here ten years, how long have you been here again?"
"Three."
"Yea and time she's up."
"No, no it's not."
"Yup, see people don't realize that stability, no matter where, is beautiful. Some people can't take it though, it drives them nuts. They always got to be doing different things, hustle and bustle. Like you, hire and fire. But you see, me, I'm happy in the mail room. Hayman likes me, I'm not going anywhere. You, you're fired."
"This is insane."
"I suggest you just leave now."
"No, I'm going to see Mr. Hayman."
"Fine we'll talk to her, but you'll be sorry."
"No, not Mrs., Mr."
"Umm, no, that's never going to happen."
"I could swear she works out of the house."
"No, she has an office there on 100."
"Really?"
"Yea."
"Alright, well let's go talk to her."

The door opens on 100.

"This is empty, the whole floor."
"Yea, that's strange, well she must work out of the house now, hmm, well you should go because you're fired."
"You don't work here do you?"

"No, well yea actually, but I started today."
"What is your problem?"
"I thought you were pretty."
"What?"
"I don't know, I didn't know what to say."
"You're joking right."
"No, I'm sorry."
"You made up that whole thing, that whole-"
"Yea, yes ok, I'm sorry"
"So I'm not fired?"
"Oh, yea, no you're not"
"And you don't know Hayman right?"
"I know he's my boss, but no."
"You are the strangest person I've ever met."
"I'm really not, I just get nervous."
"No, that's strange."

They get back on the elevator, going down.

"Well, ok - I think you're pretty, would you like to go out with me sometime?"
"No."


End.

[Lost Snail]

Brilliant

[zophoria4421]

wonderful... i really enjoyed reading this

[Ryankia]

Interesting lol

[Matt Kaborga]

really funny and complete with awkward silences. have you ever heard that joke with the duck that says "got any gwapes?" the main character reminds me of the duck. or any duck thats a smart ass. and i picture him with a walkman.

[JKerpan]

ha yea, i can kinda see a walkman on this guy, but no i haven't heard that joke. maybe you would like to share it with us

that was sssssssssoooooooooooo funny !!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was fun reading it

[blackdeathvodka]

haha! i love the ending.

[Rhetorikal]

This was a really good read, could picture it as I was reading

[Jacob Samples]

it was awesome, i really liked it alot.

one thing though, i think you should have given us a little introduction before hand, whos who and what not. maybe put the names of whos saying what throughit, jsut to make less confusoin. onc eor twice i got confused on who was talking.

but other than that, i thought it was really funny.

[BookWhale***]

That was hilarious!

[Jasunford]

Good Stuff, nice job. I couldn't stop reading it, I had to know how it ended. It could have been 1,001 Floors of Nothingness and I would have read through every floor.

Jasun

[BoonBa]

Heeheehee good one.

[BookWhale***]

Messing with peeps minds is SO much fun!

[Miragedev]

it's so funny. i can see the whole scene in my head. i wonder what would it be liked if they were to meet again(just a thought). haha

its weird....but its funi....

[Anonymous]

Im sorry but this is one of the worst pieces of writing I have ever read, to me anyway, i can see that several people enjoyed this snorefest. Why dont you just document your life. Nothing Personal.

[BookWhale***]

Great feed back... *rolls eyes* I don't care. I thought it was funny.

[Darkened1]

I liked the originality but it disappointed me at the end.

[Evrviglnt]

The last stanza was akwardly done, but the rest was fantastic.

[Wordsmyth]

Not bad at all. I found it pretty amusing my self. Sounds like he was so nervous he got himself in to something he couldn't get out of. How awkward.

[Iggster]

What the hell just happened?!

I think I lost'a couple of brain cells at the end of this but I guess if anything it was not predictable. Keep it up.