[superbum]

Synopsis:Title says it all

John opened the bathroom door and turned towards the urinals. There standing in the middle stall, the "gay" stall, was a tallish, broad, old man with flowing white hair draping down his back, wearing an all too white linen robe, and those sandals that you see Greek warriors wearing in movies. John's steps stuttered as he took the old man in, but he knew there was nothing to do but take a piss next to the old coot, he just hoped the old man wasn't going to talk to him.

As John unzipped his pants he heard just what he was hoping not to hear, the old man began to speak, and to him, "Hello John."

John bewilderingly replied as he turned his head to face the old man, "Have we meet?"

The old man chuckled, "Well, not in the manner you were thinking, you see I'm God, well THIS," the old man took his hands off of whatever he had held in front of him and waved them at himself, "is not actually God, this is just my avatar here on earth, kind of like the burning bush."

John started to wonder if he should take his shoes off.

"You had better leave those on," God began to laugh, "God knows what kinds of diseases are crawling around on the floor in here."

John didn't laugh, he didn't think it was that funny, "So what made you abandon the burning bush look?" John asked.

"Nowadays people don't stop to talk to burning bushes, they just whip out they're cell phones and call 911 as they're running away, or they would if I gave them a chance, but obviously I know that so I don't. No these days I just appear exactly as a person expects me to, although I like to have a little fun with the location."

John looked down before he could stop himself, and of course saw exactly what he expected to see.

"Free will, you can't blame that on me." was God's answer to an unasked question.

There was an awkward silence- well it was awkward on John's side, God didn't seem to mind at all. Which is why John felt the need to break the silence, "So, uh, do you need something from me or... are you maybe waiting for somebody else?

"Yes, I do have something to ask of you, but you're not going to like it. I would like you to stop smoking pot, not that I'm opposed to people smoking pot, I invented it after all. I just need YOU to stop smoking it. Not forever either, but for quite awhile. I'll let you know when you can start again."

John was depressed. He really liked smoking pot and here God was asking him to stop. There was really only one option but it sucked.

"Since you're willing to do it just because I asked you to, I'll give you a little compensation." God's eyes looked down for a second, "You now have the largest penis in the county."

"County!?" John stammered.

"Okay, state."

John said thank you as he zipped up his pants, and because God was there went and washed his hands. John was kind of wondering why God was still hanging around.

"I've got one more thing to do before I leave," God answered John's thoughts.

"Ohh, ok" John said as he walked out the door.

As John walked away from the bathroom he thought about God's gift to him and it's implications. I mean what else would a guy use it for besides lots of premarital sex, did that mean God approved of... A voice boomed from the bathroom, "NO!!!" And assumably, God disappeared.

[Syrah]

Funny Superbum. You had a couple sentences without a punctuation at the end and a couple run on sentences that I shortened up (where it naturally stopped anyway). Besides that, only one spelling error noted and corrected. Funny story. Considering this audience, I think it'll be well received. LOL

[ejenk21]

because God was there went and washed his hands.

I suppose this God does not demand fear and trembling. But this is a really low grade of respect.

And assumably, God disappeared.

I looked up "assumably", but I couldn't make sense of the sentence. Did you mean drawn up into heaven? By his bootstraps, or what?

[superbum]

Originally Posted by ejenk21

I looked up "assumably", but I couldn't make sense of the sentence. Did you mean drawn up into heaven? By his bootstraps, or what?

I meant you could assume that he disappeared at that point.

I wrote half another story about John in my blog on myspace and in that story immortal beings had the habit of just dissapearing when they where sick of talking to John.

[Lubesh]

I know we shouldn't over analyse stuff such as this but because i have read your other zany stuff i felt there was something missing which i can't put my finger on....i have questions such as why pot why a large other and....why didn't he ask why Also he took it rather well fining god in the next stall. I think really what it is i enjoy ur little outbursts and would like to have more and prob longer ones!

[xtremelady]

Thought this has potential, feel contains many different opportunities for development. Half thought it a shame the whole element of the conversation with god was not just a guy talking to his penis - an interesting concept - do you not think?

[superbum]

Actually I wrote this because I like the character John, it really doesn't go well with the other thing I never finished writing about him. The other thing started out really well and quickly went down hill as I got bored. I want to finish it and rework the whole thing to make it better, but I'm not very good at finishing stories.

[Evrviglnt]

Great stuff, well worth the read. I had absolutley no idea what was going to happen, and actually, I still can't believe it!

I've always thought that no one has any idea what God is like, it is likely he is far more tolerant and humerous than we can imagine.

Well done...

[Nephilim]

twas quite funny. not many people would expect to meet God at all, much less stand next to "he who is called i am" at a urinal. the picture you made of him was funny, and i could recognize its godlike qualities even before he was mentioned as God (i mean i read the title, so i knew it was coming, but i could still tell, which was good...its a friggin compliment, you get it)

but still, great story. it would be funny if it became a serious of curious events with God. like people running into him in more strange places, like getting stuck with him in an elevator or something funnier, i dont know.

but its a good idea, and i think more can come from this, it has lots more potential.

keep it up man, its lookin good.

Neph

[Kitzwa]

This is a funny story. (Like you didn't already know that) John's awkwardness is shown really well, and I love how it doesn't even faze God as to how awkward it must be for him. I wish it was a little longer though, an idea that good should be played with a little more than what it was.

[superbum]

Thank you all for the compliments, they are very appreciated.

[TheColorSplorge]

Pretty good concept. Could have used some more dialogue work, such as instead of simply accepting that God was "peeing" next to him and was going to incresase his penis size in return for asking that he reduce his marijuana ingestion (for an unnamed reason, might I add), John could have wondered why the bathroom, or asked any of the billions of questions that are in all of our heads when the man upstairs comes into mind.

[BoonBa]

Hmmmm, kinda Bruce Almighty...It has potential, just that I felt, in my humblest opinion, that the story was not very well paced. I don't know, God giving John a bigger penis to stop his addiction isn't very funny.

[Aldo Rossi]

some might call it blasphemous, but i thought it was pretty dam funny

[maxaynjj]

Boy oh boy was God in a mood, no pot and a penis large enough to pleasure many but only able to use on one.

Good one!

[niamhoneill]

I have to agree with some of the comments already made here in that I thought it could have done with more development. It has potential to be expanded further. There didnt seem to be enough surprise from the main character that he was meeting God. Also, I felt that the characters could have done with more descriptions etc as at times it reminded me a bit of 'a man walked into a bar' scenario, with not enough depth.

[Dur the Fish]

Meeting god in a men's room is a pretty funny idea. I think a better explanation of why god wants John to quit pot is needed. I didn't like the reference to the "gay" stall, it sounds like Larry Craig is involved. I think your idea of a man that is visited by multiple deities that all just get bored with him may make a better story.

[fishnchimps]

This would be great as the first part of a continuing series. This is how I would like to think of God so it was a good read for me. As others have said, it would be good to see why God needs John to stop smoking pot. In general its a great initial concept, and with a bit of fleshing out could be something rather good methinks

[RENA HANDS]

I didn’t get it. So John gives up pot. God enhances his sexual organ, so what? Also, premarital sex against God’s law? Perhaps a longer more detailed write of this story/encounter would answer my questions. I’ll have to re-read this again.

[tamaulipas19602]

Reminds me of an old George Carlin bit getting confused with the legendary Cosby monologue. I liked it. I have no problem with writers making up words to move their stories forward. As long at they provide meaning and perspective to the words used in their stories. Assumedly.

[Zoidberg]

I thought this was pretty funny. Although, why did John have to give up smoking pot?

I apologize but I don't know what else to write. I liked it.