[Aleox]

Synopsis: This is a combination of a comic strip and a cartoon in story form. It is based off an idea I have had for a comic strip/cartoon for a long time. For any questions, "Lo Que Sea" is Spanish for "Whatever." I've decided to write it in short "episodes," and I'll be happy to write other additions if there's a good positive response.

"Yeah, that'll be twelve fifty-four, Mac."

Burt opened up his wallet and handed over his credit card to pay for the two-medium pizza combo.

"Hey, this is one a dem travelers cards, eh? So ya fly around the world a bunch, where ya been?"

"Oh, um..." Burt mumbled. He had actually acquired the World Airways credit card by accident a month ago when Wiley discovered he would have a chance to win five hundred dollars that he was going to put towards the new Y-Sphere. All he had to do was apply for the card, (for free, no doubt), and would be contacted instantly if he won. For a whole day Wiley sat in his room, new unused credit card in hand, waiting for the call that would end the injustice of not having the best gaming experience ever. Burt decided to keep the card anyway; the interest rate really was the best he'd ever seen.

"Ah, so many places ya can't pick just one, eh? Haha, the life some people have! Can ya sign right here, eh? Thanks, watch yerself on the road out there. 's mighty slippery."

Burt smiled to the Italian-Canadian as he took the receipt and pizzas as he walked out the door. It was only the first time he had ordered pizza at "Papa Pete's Pizza Palace," and he chuckled at the picture of a lumberjack cutting slices with an axe. It didn't make sense, but it didn't need to. Papa Pete liked it, and that was all that mattered. Burt handed the pizzas to Wiley as he got into the car.

"They're a little hot," Burt warned.

Wiley took the pizzas graciously and held them on his lap. The heating in the car was broken and any more warmth was a bonus. He opened the two boxes for a quick peek.

"Hey, where are the anchovies? I specifically asked for anchovies!"

"No you didn't," Burt replied as he started up the engine. "You said you wanted everything on it, except anchovies."
"Exactly, I wanted anchovies on the side. When they cook them into the pizza, it takes the unique fresh-out-of-the-can flavor that all anchovy lovers admire."

"Wiley, you've never even had anchovies. The only reason you wanted to try them was because you just saw that episode of Futurama last night."

"I know! I mean, that guy paid millions of dollars for one pack, and we could get them for virtually nothing! Look at the deal! Wait a sec, here's an idea. We go to the store, buy tons of cans of anchovies, build a time machine, go to the future..."

Burt let the twelve-year-old ramble to himself about his fabulous futuristic business idea and turned out of the parking lot onto Route 30. He flicked on the radio to check the weather.

...the roads are still slippery from the freezing rain throughout the day, the temperature tonight only getting up to 23 degrees. This'll cause some freezing, so you might want to watch out for some black ice. Tomorrow it'll be clearing up and we could exp-

"-Hey Burt!"

"One sec."

-The high will get up to 40 on Tuesday, and expect a wintry blast coming in Tuesday night into Wednesday, that could-

"-Burt!"

"I said, one sec, I just want to hear this."

-eight inches of snow in the suburbs, six in the city and to the west. By Thursday, we'll see some sun, and it'll get up to a comfortable 45 degrees. Friday more of the same, helping melt the sn-

"-Burt!!"

"Wiley, hold on!"

-Saturday and Sunday both in the mid 40's. This is Roger McFarly, your man on the mountain, giving you the most accurate weather every hour on the fives. You're listening to KYW, News Radio, 960-

"-Burt!!!"

"Yes, yes, what is it?!"

"How come they call it 'black ice'? Has it really come to discriminating against ice just because of its color? What, am I supposed to call lemon popsicles "yellow ice" because it's racially correct?!"

"Wiley, they only call it 'black ice' because it's difficult to see."

"Oh, so that makes it any better? Just because it's difficult to see, they call it black! Again with the racial slurs! Oh, so just because imaginary friends are difficult to see, that automatically means they're all black!?!?"

"The ice appears black because it's on the road, which is black, and it's night time, so it's dark out. Or do you want me to say it's black out?!"

"Well you might at as well, you've already gone this far!"

Burt tried to calm his voice. "The ice is clear, Wiley. If all the roads in the world were purple, then it would be called 'purple ice.' Do you get it?"

For a minute, Wiley looked as if he was pondering one of the most complex philosophical theories of his time. Then with a flash of insight, he exclaimed, "Ohhh.... Okay. I got it. Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

Burt sighed as he pulled into the neighborhood. Applewood, a townhouse development, had been his home for the last five years, and the houses were nice for their price. The rows of townhouses were spread along the side of a spacious hillside with a beautiful view of the city below, set in the quiet town of Mailverne. At least that's what the realtor said, and for the most part he was true. He didn't mention the wildlife reserve adjacent to the neighborhood and the occasional black bear or cougar that decided to escape. But that wouldn't sell a home and should be pretty common knowledge, right?

Burt parked the car on the edge of the street in front of his home, still scantily adorned with a few Christmas lights that he was too lazy to take down. If he was going to have to put them up again in nine months anyway, what was the point of wasting the time in taking them down?

Upon entering the house, Wiley quickly placed the pizzas on the kitchen table and raced upstairs. Burt reclined in a seat at the table, taking a brief rest.

Burt was a relaxed guy at the age of 31, but he had a few prominent premature wrinkles in his forehead. He had a long wispy mustache and similar hair in a pony tail, which he once initially had to explain to Wiley that some guys, not only girls, also can have. He wasn't very tall or short, and was generally happy about that.

"I thought you went to the bathroom right before we left," Burt inquired as Wiley walked back into the kitchen.

"I did," Wiley replied, "but all that talk of ice made me go again."

"I thought water only di-," Burt started, but smartly decided to stop. "Anyway, can you get some plates and cups out? I'd like some milk, and I want you to have some too."

As Wiley was retrieving the tableware, they heard a knock on the front door.

"I'll get it!" Wiley yelled as he escaped to open the door.

As Wiley opened the door, he saw a familiar short black friend and a slightly disgruntled white guy with glasses.

"Hey Burt, it's Louey and some other funny looking guy! Should I let them in?"

"Of course, Wiley!"

Well, you never know, thought Wiley as he opened the screen door. "Come on in. We just got some pizza," he invited.

"Sounds great. Thanks buddy. Hey Burt, how are ya? Ya ready for some poker tonight?" Lou took off his shoes, and his friend did the same as they walked through the living room into the kitchen.

"Ah, so that's what you've decided we'd do? All right, sure, haven't played for a while, but I doubt I've lost the touch. Who's thi-"

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot! This is my buddy Phil Hellmuth that I told you about. He's hanging out with me this weekend because his mom's on vacation."

"Hey! I have friends!" Phil rebuked.

"Yeah, then how come they went with her?" Lou laughed.

Phil mumbled something under his breath and took a slice of the supreme "specifically without anchovies."

"Anyway, you know how my brother's trying to become a poker pro? Well I ran into Phil at a tournament my brother undoubtedly sucked at, and we started hanging out a bit. He's a professional poker player, surely you've heard of him?"

"Umm..." Burt stumbled.

"Wait, you're Phil Hellmuth?" Wiley interjected, suddenly awakening from a daydream with cheese hanging from his mouth, "That guy who always gets really angry on T.V. when he plays poker? Hahaha it is you!"

"Hey little guy, poker's not as easy as you might think."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, start whining again. Haha, wowww! The actual Phil Hellmuth! Hehe, hehe, ahhh...okay, I'm done," Wiley sighed with tears still in his eyes.

"It's nice to meet you, Phil. It'll be a fun time tonight," encouraged Burt.

"I'm sure it will. You don't mind, do you?" Phil reached for another slice of Papa Pete's pizza, which was actually very good.

"No, not at all. Help yourself."

"Thanks."

"Hey, Wiley, can you pour that milk for us? And what would you guys like?"

"We'll just have water," Lou replied for the both of them.

After Wiley retrieved the drinks, the four went in the living room to watch some television. Lou and Phil happened upon the remote at the same time.

"Come on, Lou, I'm a guest. You're going to let me have it, right?" Phil grabbed the remote, but not without opposition.

"Hey, wait a minute! What, and I'm not a guest, too? How about this: I'll flip you for it."

"Fine. You got a coin?"

"Yeah." Lou pulled a quarter out of his pocket. "See this side's heads, this side's tails. Call it in the air."

"Heads!"

The coin landed with a few hops on the carpet, wobbled to halt, and revealed an eagle.

"Tails! Hand over the remote, Phil!"

"If there was no luck involved, I'd win every time..." Phil mumbled.

"Just give me the friggin' remote!"

Phil reluctantly handed it over, and Lou turned on the T.V.

"Save up to 15 percent switching to Gei," <click!>

"... -ction lasts more than 8 hours, contact a physician imediat-," <click!>

"Coming to DVD this April, 'Harry Potter and th-,' <click!>

"Louey, go back, I want to see that!" Wiley urged.

<Click!> ".... -ire,' Unrated Director's Cut, with scenes never shown in theatres!..."

"So, you're the famous Harry Potter!"

"For the hundredth time, yes!"

"The famous boy who somehow survived You-Know-That-Really-Evil-Guy-Who-We're-All-Afraid-Of-Because-He-Killed-So-Many-Peo-"

"Just say his damn bloody $&#! name already!!!"

"Man, I can't wait!" Wiley exclaimed.

"I'm sure you can't," Lou remarked as he went back to flicking channels. "There's not much on right now, only crap on Fridays."

"How about turning it to ESPN. There's probably some poker on," Phil suggested.

"Thanks for proving my point."

"I'll go get the chips and cards. You guys mind putting your dishes in the sink?"

Burt went upstairs to excavate his closet for the poker chips he was sure were there while Lou and the others rinsed off the dishes and cleared the kitchen table. A minute or two later, Burt returned victorious and placed a dusty carousel with chips and an unopened deck on the table.

"So, are we playing Hold 'em?" Burt asked as he tore off the plastic cover and started shuffling the deck.

"Sounds good," Lou said.

"So, how much?" Phil inquired.

"Let's go ten bucks," Burt said.

"Easiest twenty bucks I've ever made," Phil jested with a smile.

"Don't get your hopes up, Phil. I've been reading some books, and I've got a pretty good strategy for tonight," Lou boasted.

"And who wrote them?"

"It was, um, Phil He-," Lou stopped quickly.

"Eeexactly, my sorry friend."

"Well, I...I know your game pretty well, so don't think you can play any of your little tricks!"

"Right. I guess we'll just see, won't we?" Phil settled into his seat and put on some shades.

"Can I play too?" Wiley had turned off the T.V. and was hovering at the edge of the table, looking hopefully to Burt for confirmation.

"Wiley, have you ever even played before?"

"Of course, Burt! I mean, I don't really pay attention when it's on T.V., but I play with my friends all the time."

"Oh, do you?"

"Yeah, and I win too! Come on, I'll bet my allowance from this weekend."

Ignoring the fact that he was letting his twelve-year old son throw away ten bucks, Burt let Wiley play, hoping that it would help to steer him away from gambling in the long run.

"All right, if you want to waste your hard earned money. Grab a seat."

"Sweet, be right back!" Wiley sprinted upstairs and came back down with a pair of huge bulky headphones and CD player, an Atlanta Braves baseball cap, and some black sunglasses.

"What are you getting all decked out for?" Lou asked, chuckling as Wiley situated himself.

"I'd suggest you concentrate on your own game, Louey, or you might not be looking at any more chips."

"So the little guy's going all out! I guess I have two pros to be wary of now," Lou said, still chuckling as Burt dealt the first hand.

A few hands went by where one person or another eventually folded, no one showing their cards. Soon enough, though, a serious hand broke out. Wiley and Phil had been betting and raising since the flop, with Burt and Lou folding early. Wiley was first to act after the river showed an Eight of Clubs. He held a pair of threes, and had a set with the Three of Hearts that had appeared on the turn. He was very confident after the flop of an Ace of Spades, King of Diamonds, and Two of Clubs. With no straight or flush in play, Wiley seemed in great shape.

"I'll bet five hundred." This was a majority of the rest of Wiley's stack, and whether Phil folded or called, he knew he'd be in the money.

"Five hundred, eh? You wouldn't still be bluffing, would you, Wiley? You don't really think you have me beat, do you?"

Wiley kept astonishingly still, keeping a respectable poker face. He was hoping desperately for a call, wanting to humiliate this supposed professional.

"Okay, then. I'm all in."

"I call!!!" Wiley broke in, quickly revealing his three-of-a-kind. "How about that, Phil, what do you got?"

Phil smiled and flipped over pocket rockets, making a set of aces.

"Yes! Yes!!! You didn't think I'd do it Phil, but I so owned you! The little whiney pro is beaten by a kid!"

"What are you talking about? I have aces. You lose."

"I lose?"

"Wiley, aces beat threes," Burt cut in. "They're the highest cards you can have."

"Yeah, I thought you said you played poker!" Phil added as he gathered the large pot and started making stacks.

"Wha, what?!" Wiley stammered. "I thought we were playing aces low! Aces were low, aces were low!!!"

"Wiley, aces are never low!" Phil laughed.

"What!?! On the street, we always play aces low. Otherwise you have to specifically say we're playing aces high before the match! That hand is void; you guys are trying to rip me off!"

"Calm down, Wiley," said Burt. "If you can't accept to lose, don't play at all."

"I didn't lose!!!" Wiley took a deep breath and tried to settle down. "Fine. Okay, fine. Don't explain the house rules, and slam it all down on the helpless kid. Back up "Mr. Professional" over here and play your screwy little game. Can you at least spare a little justice and give me my ten bucks back for a clear misunderstanding?"

"What?" Phil blurted in surprise. "Fine, Wiley, I'll compromise. I'll give you back your chips for this hand, and we'll keep on playing with aces being high.'"

"Sorry, Mr. Hellmuth, but I'm not going to keep playing under these conditions. For all I know, you guys think a full house beats a flush."

Phil, Burt, and Lou sighed as one. "Wiley, just keep your allowance, okay?" Burt encouraged. "You can go; just let us play our game."

"And next time you see poker on T.V., pay a little more attention," Phil added. Wiley took his stuff and went upstairs, trying to keep an air of dignity. For the rest of the night he watched cartoons, trying to ignore the obvious debauchment of poker occurring in the adjacent room.

This is very well written Al, I mean the only mistake that I saw was:

"He had a long wispy mustache" - moustache

Apart from that it's solid writing that flows well, easy to read. Top marks there. I'm not sure about Wiley's diction for a 10 year old, seemed a little beyond his years (or is that what is special about this character?), and some bits did make me smile. I can't say I found a lot of it funny, but again I thought it was superbly written. You gave us sufficiently detailed character introductions and the beginnings of a story.

I did enjoy the bit about the black ice, that was funny.

[Aleox]

Thanks! Wiley's actually 12, and yeah you'll find he's unique in many ways. There were a plethora of poker jokes in this episode, so if you don't know a bit about that, most of jokes would probably fly over your head. Thanks again!

[RENA HANDS]

Do you mean…

Hey, this is one (of) them Dem Travelers’ cards, eh?

I would separate…Ha, ha

Are you ending this sentence…

on the road out there(.) It’s mighty slippery.

…on the road out there, it’s might slippery. ?

You need to separate the speeches here...

except anchovies.

Exactly, I wanted anchovies on the side.

Maybe…

See this side’s head, it’s tails. ?

I think you’re missing ‘they,’…

he was sure (they) were there while Lou and the others rinsed off (their) dishes and cleared the kitchen table. ?

Why not actually illustrate the ‘few hands?’ You’ve written out much action before, so why not more now?

Possibly quote

Pocket Rockets.?

I think you mean ‘slammed,’…

and slammed it all down on the helpless kid. ?

Possibly capitalize the hands,

Full House and Flush. ?

There were a ‘few’ comical moments, but I would have liked to seen/read more. It is a poker game after all and don’t most ‘players’ joke about as they play when they are not insulting or showing off to other players. Perhaps a little less of stretched out dialogue and more short, quips. And, yes I know about Phil Hellmuth. My rate 2/5.