[EternalPen]

Synopsis:The real, untold truth of those coniving kindergarteners.

Note: This is meant to be funny, but that doesn't keep me from expressing the Darkness I like to put in my stories. You have been warned.


Her eyes darted back and forth. She had fallen and scraped her knee, but she knew the others smelled fresh blood. The three short cuts that snaked along her left knee silently leaked a drop or two of blood, but that was enough to alert her fellow classmates. She knew she was doomed.

A group of about five or six kindergarteners stopped what they were doing and sniffed the air. The elitist of them all, Bobby, stopped peeing in his teacher's soda and sniffed the air also. He knew right away, Ashley had fallen and injured her leg, rendering her temporarily immobile. He was a bit hungry too, after all, the last thing he had eaten was that weird lump of chocolate that chipmunk had dropped. Mmm, manna from heaven...

He zipped his pants back up and began to run to where Ashley sat on the ground. Ashley knew she would be their next meal, so she cried. That usually got the teacher's attention.

Mrs. Dumley heard the crying and set down her soda that she had just picked up. She took a quick sip and scrunched her eyebrows in surprise at the flavor change. It was probably all in her head, she would tell her psychiatrist in their next session.

The teacher reached the child and wrapped her arms around the crying kindergartener. She stroked Ashley's hair and whispered in her ear that it would be okay, they would get a band aid in a little while.

Ashley cried more, her teacher didn't know...

The little girl would never be "okay".

-(<*****>)-

Ashley returned to the playground the next day, void of any loose blood. She knew she had to be more careful, because next time the teacher might not get there fast enough.

As she walked towards her favorite swing she observed her surroundings. She made sure everyone else was already... preoccupied. She didn't like the way Jamal was following her around all day today, like he was looking for a meal, so she fixed him up. She took his backpack and set it next to the fire alarm. She had backup on the other end of a baby monitor, waiting for orders.

She reached the swings, but passed by them. She went behind a tree and looked around for Jamal. Bobby was chasing more chipmunks, eating whatever they left behind. She noticed that Tommy had found an anthill and was scooping chunks of it into his underpants. Then she saw Jamal, he was following the teacher like a hound, staring at the doughnut she had. Mrs. Dumley set the doughnut down and walked over to a little boy who was crying. The boy must have just joined Jamal's guild. They were working together to get that doughnut. The guild would payoff big if they could do this.

Jamal pulled a bottle of paste out of his pocket, and he splattered a glob onto the table. He then proceeded to grab the doughnut and shove it in his mouth before the teacher saw. A little girl exclaimed to the teacher that a bird had flown by, took the doughnut, and pooped something out. The teacher sighed and walked back inside, apparently to get another doughnut. Jamal ran to the See-Saw and waited until the boy that was crying and the girl that was lying came to him. Two other kids were there, looking at him like an animal that hadn't seen food in weeks. Jamal spit the ground-up doughnut into his open palms and they each grabbed their share. Jamal placed the leftovers back into his mouth.

They would so get noticed for this. Talk of the town.

Jamal saw Ashley and began to walk toward her. Ashley faked a frightened look and jumped behind the tree. Then she began to cry. Jamal quickened his steps to get to her. He got to the tree and went to the back to see a metal pole swinging with extreme velocity.

Ashley had faked it all and hidden a metal pole which she used now to exact revenge. Jamal fell to the ground with a bloody nose. Ashley then smashed his right knee-cap with the pole. For being five years old, she was surprisingly strong. As Jamal tried to suppress his screams, Ashley radioed in to pull the fire alarm and leave the scene. He would die, and everyone would think he just got expelled for bad behavior.

Jamal had been so mean to Ashley, so...

"Bobby!" Ashley yelled in a very 'girly' voice, "Are you hungry? Come over here!"

Touche.

She walked away from Jamal and as Bobby passed her he stopped. He congratulated her on getting him food, and the leader of a guild to top it off. He let her know she could join his guild, but she told him she was a loner.

As she walked off, Jamal's screams faded into the noises of bones snapping and flesh being torn off the very muscles that used it. Ashley smiled.

It was a brutal way of life, but then again...

She was a kindergartener.

[Corneac]

Haha...bloody hilarious Dude. One of my favourites of yours. I loved it. I'd love to see another instalment.

Great job EP.

[EternalPen]

Thank you! I didn't thi nk myself it would be very good, just throwing some of my fry humor in a story. I'll make another installment and probably put it up around tuesday. Maybe it'll be bad, maybe it'll be better. Let's just see, eh? ^_^

[peter_pyne]

lol, wow, that was weird.

I don't even know what to say. I mean, it's really out there. Sure, they've had books and movies on intelligent animals, and even babies - but cannibalistic, vengeful ankle-biters?

I could bet an English teacher would put an Animal Farm spin on this, where Ashley actually represents Hitler and Jamal is Italy, (just an example, I wasn't intending it to make sense). Anyway.

All in all, um, I'm perplexed. I'd like to read more of your stuff, I think...

[Jon%]

For me, the story gets points for shock value which is obviously what you're going for here. But for me, there's not much substance beyond that. I think with some character development and a little less sophmoric humor (i.e. child eating chipmunk poop), you could give this a Lord of the Flies feel. As it is now, you just kinda go "whoah, what was that?" and then its over.

[awelgraven]

I agree with JonnyTail. This story has a good premise, but with some developement, it could be freakin' awesome.

[angel]

for me EP this is a light hearted approach. anywayz this is excellent mate*virtual pat on the back*

kel

[EternalPen]

lol It wasn't intended to excellent. I just made it because I wanted to try out the humor genre, but even then I can't surpress my Dark Side long enough. Which is where the eating each other comes in. I've made an add-on, but I probably won't be able to post until... Sunday at the least.
Hope it's better. ^_^

['Ginnis]

Ha, sick, and slightly Lord of the Flies-esque...William Golding would be proud.

[RENA HANDS]

A catchy title.

Bobby eating chipmunk droppings that was laughably disgusting.

Tommy putting ants into his pants that sounds extremely painful.

What are these children, freaks of nature?

Many laughs and applauds to this revoltingly, but hilarious creation.

[subash]

Very interesting humor....you could create a series with these characters and their antics in the kindergarten class and probably at home but don't follow them as they age...stick with this age group.

[Jimbalaya]

I laughed the most when the little guy was shoveling ants into his shorts. Why something so wierd would strike me so funny is still a mystery. Interesting read.

[EternalPen]

lol.
Thanks! ^_^

[J. M. Hutson]

lol funny. reminds me of when i was in kindergarden.

[Coadmaster]

o.O Chipmunk chocolate XD Very funny. Very out there. I like it

[fishnchimps]

"He was a bit hungry too,"

If I have one criticism, its that the phrase above seems a bit simplistic and basic, especially since it comes after a brilliantely descriptive passge. Other than that, it was hilariously dark slice of goodness. Well done, have a gold star

[fishnchimps]

"He was a bit hungry too,"

If I have one criticism, its that the phrase above seems a bit simplistic and basic, especially since it comes after a brilliantely descriptive passage. Also, the bit about eating chipmunk shit seems a bit silly in the context of dark humour. But thats just a personal thing. Other than that, it was hilariously dark slice of goodness. Well done, have a gold star

[EternalPen]

Thank you! I seriously did think this story sucked, but I'm beginning to change my mind. ^_^

[ms_mae572]

Kindergarten Cannibals, eh? It was, surprisingly, very well written. I look forward to reading a part two.