[Spirit_Wolf]

"So, back here again, I see," Dr. Boggle said, getting his clipboard from his desk and sitting down in his chair.

"Yes, Doctor," Sasha said, lying down on the comfy couch in front of her shrink.

" I just... I just don't know what to do. I've had the dream everyday for about two weeks."

"Okay, has the dreams changed any?"

Sasha thought for a moment, and then remembered there was a small change in each of the dreams.

"Yes actually. Every single dream, the motorcycle changes color. One time it was blue then purple, then silver. But, mostly green. Venn looks the same, hot as ever. Um, other than that, no, there hasn't been any change in my dreams."

"Ok, have you had any other dreams beside the one with Venn?"

"No, I don't think so... No, actually I had one very short dream."

"Can you tell me about it."

"Yes. It's about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. I'm walking down the street to the convenience store, I look back, and I see a figure walking behind me. He's wearing all black, a black hat that shields his eyes. I look forward again, and start walking little faster. When I look back the second time, he's gone. I look forward again, confused, ya know? But, the guy is walking in front of me, towards me. I stop for a moment, and he just disappears."

"He didn't walk off or anything? He just... poof, he's gone?"

"Yes, Doctor, poof, gone, that's right."

"Interesting, go on."

"Ok, I woke up then," Sasha said.

"Ok, I'll get a hold of you when I figure this out. If you have any more weird or strange dreams, call me, or just come and see me."

"Thank you, Doctor Boggle. Thank you for your time. I feel much better now," Sasha said, walking towards the door.

"You take care now," Dr. Boggle said, closing the door behind Sasha. "Weird child," he said to himself.

*****

When Sasha walks out of the office building, she finds herself walking into an alleyway. It was really dark, even though it was only noon.

"This alley looks familiar," she said to herself, looking around. Then she heard a loud noise. It was a man on a dark green motorcycle. She climbed on the back, held on, not saying anything. Then they got to his trailer; it was small, though. He was just an ordinary guy.

[JirQUEST]

not too bad for now... a lot of questions for this story. i hope it is just the beginning.

[Spirit_Wolf]

Originally Posted by JirQUEST

not too bad for now... a lot of questions for this story. i hope it is just the beginning.

I am going to add some stuff to the middle. I can't do that right now though becasue I am at school. but, it will be added on soon though.

[maxaynjj]

I like the beginning, I would just add more description like Dr. Boggle's office etc. Otherwise I like where you are going with this.

[AnimeFreakGeek]

Good start- catches the interest and makes the reader want more. I would like to see deeper descriptions and details and also, is there going to be anymore after this?

[subash]

Suggestions:
Even if a shrink is young and in touch with the dialect of today's youth, (s)he would be likely to use correct grammar. So I think you should be careful about the shrink's speech in your story. For instance, "Okay, has the dreams changed any?" Also this kind of pilot episode is a real torture for those who like mystery/suspense--let there be suspense in the storyline not suspense due to lack of content. I want to know who, what and why all these motorcycle riders are going around picking weird girls up on dark afternoons. So why don't you flesh the story out more and THEN post again soon?

[marty2shorty]

I don't understand the ending.
"He didn't walk off or anything? He just... poof, he's gone?" <-- fantastic line!
- he means to say something else
The dialog rocks.

I edited this line:
I look back and I see a figure walking behind me. He's wearing all black and hat that shields his eyes. I look forward again and start walking little faster.

Two extra uses of a ',' and one extra use of the word black.

It's a good story, it's just kind of short.

[marty2shorty]

by the way, JirQUEST's clown avatar scares the crap out of me!