[peter_pyne]

The Photokillers

My shrink, therapist - whatever, says I'm overstressed due to my current career and its controversial moral implications. I am a scientist - recombinant DNA specialist - and at the moment I'm performing a significant amount of animal testing. Throughout my university years, I've become desensitised to the writhing creatures, their screams... We had to. We were taught to, for God's sake! So, I don't really know from what source my problem stems.


They tell me it isn't anything physical, and therefore must be classified as an auditory delusion, the noise, that is. They say it's a unique case because of the linear relationship to the simple act of closing my eyes. For you see, when I shut my eyes, even blink, during daylight hours I hear a noise that no one else can.


It didn't much bother me at first, despite its oddness, but recently I can't help but feel that the noise has taken on a sinister, excited, predatory tone. Right now, when I blink I hear an eclectic melange of the following sounds - this is the best that I can describe it: Multiple water-skiers slicing through the surf (sans boat motor thrum), the many laboured breaths of an oncology ward full of elderly ex-smokers, and a high-pitched tone like that of an audible dog whistle.


I started taking the meds my shrink gave me when the whooshing of the water-skiers became painfully load, the breathing more ragged, more bloody, and when the dog whistle pulsed & faded, pulsed & faded - like a heartbeat of something so alien, one dares not even picture it.


I used to close my eyes to listen to it, out of curiosity, wonderment. Now I feel as if each time I blink, the source of the sound is ever-nearer. Paranoia, they say - Relax.


I took my vacation time, went to my lakeside cottage retreat. I never married, nor forgot to don a Durex when I had my fun with hookers - so I had none of that moronic family life to keep me from my work, or my relaxation time, like now. Alone, isolated from the freaks who gaze at me with - probably false - concern for my mental state, I could truly relax, and figure this thing out. Or so I'd hoped.


***


I live by candlelight only now, as the night is the only time I can stand to be awake. There are no sounds at night. My 'hallucinations' are not nocturnal, nor do they occur when I'm sleeping during the day. I've nicknamed them the Photokillers - Photo meaning light, and I'm sure you get the rest. They've eliminated my daylight, and I don't know what to do about it.


***


Louder - My God, have they ever become louder. It shakes me, burns my brain with an acetylene torch of noise. Once, I woke up at noon, blinked, and literally tried to back away from the terrible noises, and noticed that they now had direction. I could tell they were coming from the East, from the lake. They were coming. As I regained my composure, I noticed my pillow was sticky with warm blood; it had come from my ears.

I sat, for seven hours, in a staring contest with no one, terrified. Night came, and as the peaceful dark always does, it went again. It went, quickly but agonizingly for I needed to keep my vampire-inspired routine in order to survive. I couldn't fall asleep though! Tell me, how can you sleep when your fate rests on keeping your eyes open while the sun is up?


***


I was deaf by 9:00am. Of course though, to my terror, for I could still hear the Photokillers. I felt my time was running short now, and I knew it when I saw them - they four the Photokillers; suspended atop the water in a glimmering mockery of Jesus Christ's miracle. Five-hundred feet away... and waiting, wanting, wondering when they would be allowed to move forward by way of a flutter of my eyelids. Human-like forms they were, with a pale stainless steel skin, like incomplete industrial mannequins in that they had no apparent functioning sensory organs. Eyeless. Earless.


Into my deaf ears they spoke as I listened, shook, and stared. In a cacophony of need and rage, a controlled but yearning voice of millennial suffering said:
"We four are the saints of humanity, the immortal witnesses of evil and terror. We take you now with righteousness and pride."

I blinked, they roared. Eyes open, they were at the shoreline - their hunger palpable.

I blinked away a tear of regret.

[Peppy]

Wierd, the descrions in your story telling is good.

[peter_pyne]

Thanks guys!

[Hagetaka]

Hi there Peter Pyne! few suggestions,

My shrink, therapist, whatever – says I’m overstressed

A censura is an indefinate pause, while the comma is only a suggested, hm, breath i suppose. This sentence might be better read as:

"My shrink, therapist - whatever, says I'm overstressed." There is something about the word "whatever" that suggests a pause in that manner.

I felt my time was running short now, and I knew it when I saw them – They 4 the Photokillers; suspended atop the water in a glimmering mockery of Jesus Christ’s miracle. 500feet away…

minor fixes, "They the 4...." lowercase T.

"500feet away" space between 500 and feet. Also, you might consider using word form of "500" as there is no specific interest in using the number form.

all in all, great story. I love the journal format you have written in. Though, I was a bit confused at the ending. Perhaps Im just tired, anyways, keep it up!

[peter_pyne]

Thanks Hage, I'm horrible for using dashes or 'censuras' as I've just learned. I'm trying to wean myself off of them with semicolons and the like. I've also edited the parts you've suggested. I've really got to get this basic stuff down before I submit any manuscripts to publishers, so it all helps a ton. Thanks.

[Hagetaka]

You might be interested in this: (if you havent already read it)

Some interesting notes I found

[Wordsmyth]

NIce job Peter. I liked the journal type aspect of your story. This was a very haunting and suspensful story. Sort of reminded me of a guy I read a few times. I think his name was Stephen King, yeah that was it. Reminded me a little of him. Good job.

I myself, am not very; good with the ' punctuation! I"ll leave that to - others? However, I do know an entertaing story when I read one.

[peter_pyne]

Is it appropriate to shudder with immodest glee and joy because my name was used alongside that of Stephen Kings?

Just want to make sure... 'cause... you know, I'm like totally not or anything... I just wanted to know if it was cool... If it's not I'll just stop... I mean, not do it at all or whatever.

Thanks Wordsmyth.

[Tongo]

It IS a bit Kingesque. Maybe a bit too specific in the details though "many laboured breaths" etc... It's a bit too short to spend so much time on the detail, perhaps. Kind of breaks up the flow. Remember, S.King books are almost all very long, so he gives himself more room. I love the central idea, but I still want to know WHY?

[RENA HANDS]

"..-and at the moment, I'm performing.." The word is desensitized. The word is melange. The word is labored. "Now I feel as if each time I blink, the source of the sound is ever nearer." The word is Photo killers. The story gives insight to the consciousness of a scientist, a rare side viewed by society.

This is a great story. Listening to it on the radio show right now. Very good. Adds a whole depth of meaning when read aloud.

[TheColorSplorge]

King has written himself a damn good amount of short stories too though, and they are quite the stories as well.

I enjoyed this one quite a bit - I like the growing tension as I read on, the weird sounds growing and growing. However, one piece that never gained closure was regarding why those sounds were what he heard - it obviously wasn't simple deafness descending, for that comes pretty much in just a high ring (when the hairs of your inner ear die, that is).

Just a thought. Good job.

[EternalPen]

Excellent! I enjoyed that! It was interesting. At first, I thought this should hve been under the mystery section, because of the name, and when I heard it on storiesmaniac radio, I LOVED it! Great job!
I like the idea of him going deaf, but him still hearing the PhotoKillers. lol pwned. I love this story and can't wait to read some more! ^_^

[iyengar]

nice insight and i really appreciate this as a grad student in biochem , but shudder if this is what i'll become. hope not though, grand idea.

[peter_pyne]

Wow, thanks so much for the fantastic feedback. This was one my very first stories that I submitted to SM. I'm so glad you liked it and am just jumping at the coolness of having it read on the podcast!

Thanks guys!

[marty2shorty]

Peter, have you ever read "The Langoliers?"
Your story reminded me much of it.
(4 Past Midnight #1 The Langoliers by Steven King)
It's a very good story. Points for easy reading, doing your research, and good idea.

[Zoidberg]

I liked the story, and it was kinda spooky too. What was wrong with the guy? Was he going crazy or something? Were they ghosts or something? Also, the end was kind of confusing, but I liked the detail you used. Pretty good story overall.

[Coadmaster]

I loved it. Simply amazing. I loved the ending the most.

[Mr Morbid]

Almost a homage to King's work, of which i am huge fan, so naturally i liked it. keep it up

[Themis Fallidas]

This is something new, well done! Very well written. I like your emotional narration very much. The story is quick without gaps. The concept you have presented here could be original and the title is very good also. Any thoughts of developing this story further? It could be the basis for a good novel. What i want to know is more information concerning your photokillers. They are fresh and new to my readings and i need a little more profiling! Anyway, i've enjoyed your story. Keep on the good work.