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Old 21-10-2007, 07:43 PM
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Hours Ago...

Non-Fiction

I woke up hours ago in disarray. I'm afraid to go to sleep now, I'm pretty sure that someone is in the house with me. I try to convince myself it's just my imagination gone crazy, but I'm not wholly convinced. I'm sure I saw his shoulder before it turned into a regular box. I'm sure I saw his whole figure, faceless and armless, before it turned into a stuffed bag(the head) and a drawer(the body). I'm sure he's in the main room, watching in the darkness...

I guess I'll start from the beginning where everything should makes some sense.

Before I woke up, I had sleep paralysis. My mind was awake and my body was asleep. I saw him in my "dream state" as he took the form of a young boy. Why a boy? Well, I'm house sitting alone and I thought that he broke in to steal expensive items he could not afford. I first saw him in the light emitted from a tiny screen in the heater which displays the room temperature. It's so cold in here. He was wearing white clothes and a white cap. He stood in the light for awhile before looking around. He didn't make a sound until he started rummaging around in heaps of magazines and what-nots. Now that I think about it, there was no sound to his steps as he wandered from place to place! I tried to move, but I couldn't. All I did manage to move were my arms, but they were rubbing helplessly against my chest. I tried to say "Hey! Get out of here!", but all that came out was air from my throat. That was when he noticed me, when he heard my hard breathing which was suppose to be my dialogue. He came to the foot of the couch I was sleeping in and stood there looking at me with a face that changed into a blur. He stood there until I frightfully snapped awake--to find that he had vanished.

I lied on the couch for a moment, waiting for a singular sound to be made by him. There was none except for the wind. The damned wind is making everything creak and thump. I knew if he made a sound I would not confuse it with the wind. Too natural. Then I assumed he went into the spare bedroom, just a foot away from the couch I was sleeping in. There was no noise from there either, giving me a little courage to help myself escape the world of my insanity.

I turned on the lamp over my head and was relieved to see the ordinariness of everything. No Alice-In-Wonderland-shit.

I turned on all the lights and searched every room of the house. He was not in any one of them. There was also no sense of him anywhere. But I'm pretty certain he's real. Real like me, only in a vague sense or form. Ghost-like. When I stopped my search in the spare bedroom--the last room I checked--I assumed he left a mark of himself somewhere. Then I noticed the answering machine. What if he left a message for me? I went closer to it and...realized it was nonsense. Much too impossible to happen, ironically.

I turned off the lights except for the lamp I originally turned on first.

Even now, as I am typing this, I'm not secure. My thoughts are banging in my head, saying, "You forgot to look in the shower!" or "You forgot to check under the bed in the spare bed room!" I'm going to ignore these thoughts. No need to check.

All I'm worried about is the main room from where he came from, before he stepped into the light emmited from the heater's screen. The door is wide open now, I'm just waiting for him to come out now. I want him to stop taking his forms from boxes and drawers. I want to see how he really looks like. I want to face him.

(This brings to my mind the two verses in Edgar Allan Poe's, The Raven:

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before...)
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Last edited by Peppy; 27-10-2007 at 10:26 AM.
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Old 27-10-2007, 10:20 AM
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Re: Hours Ago...

It's good to go. I'm ready for karma--my laziness.

You talk about underdeveloped and rough, that's how I write like in my journal(but a lot more underdeveloped. You can say under-underdeveloped!)

As for the incompleted sentences, or singular word, it's a technique I'm trying to get use to. Other than that, I tried to listen to what you typed.
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Last edited by Peppy; 27-10-2007 at 10:21 AM.
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Old 06-12-2007, 06:35 AM
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Re: Hours Ago...

Hello, Peppy

I really enjoyed your story, and think your sentences flow very smoothly. The only negative remark I could mention is that you made one minor mistake in your grammar which "..everything should makes some sense."
I'm not an experienced writer myself but this is just my opinion. Hope you keep writing.
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Old 06-12-2007, 08:45 AM
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Re: Hours Ago...

A Non-Fictional story? Interesting. This reminds me of my “Stalker” submission, but of course that is Fictional.

I think perhaps the suspense could be more in-depth, but this is only one opinion. The rational thought ending this dilemma seems reasonable.
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