[bigchase]

Having a girlfriend has always been a rarity for me. With each lasting no longer than 3 months, a fish left in the dirt has a longer shelf life than a relationship with Chase. At age sixteen, in my junior year of high school, I spent my days alone so, as you can guess, I was ecstatic whenever females showed an interest. Lunches were spent with the same group of people for the entire year in the hallway outside of the CBL room and the library. We chose the spot because it was quiet and also because, on the occasions we got lucky, we would be the first to witness retards escape. Tard watching quickly became our favorite thing to do. Day in and day out we became more and more enamored with the fact that "professionals" were completely incapable of tracking down retards. Each time a special ed. teacher would run out of the classroom yelling, "WHICH WAY DID HE GO??" we would simply tell them that we didn't know. "DAMN! THAT'S A QUICK ONE, HE IS!" They would say, as if referring to an escaped chimpanzee. It became habitual for us to turn to one another and crack jokes about how shifty those retards were getting. It never made any sense to me that the retard wranglers would assume an escape as a personal failure as opposed to welcoming the out-of-the-box thinking that they had enlightened upon their students.

I suppose that my first mistake was not that I agreed to a date with a friend but, rather, I agreed to a date with a girl that enjoyed making fun of retards on a regular basis. Not that there's anything wrong with finding amusement in the form of the misfortune of others, but at some point the line has to be drawn. This particular female was completely blind to lines. The date began with a trip to a basketball game at her former high school. The night started off fine but took a turn for the worse when the game neared the end of the first quarter. It was at this point that comments began to fly that would make even the most vile of human beings cringe. "You see that guy? He's been their leading scorer but, luckily for us, his parents decided to get a divorce last week."

Finally, after 2 hours of verbally sodomizing the other team and copious amounts of premature hand-holding on her part, the game was over and I was in the clear... Or so I thought. She decided that it would be a keen idea for us to go to a movie with some of her former classmates. "Sure," I told her, "I can't think of anything I'd rather do more than to watch Miss Congeniality with a bunch of strangers and a card-carrying, fucking psychopath. SIGN ME UP!" These were not my exact words but I can assure you that this is what I was going through my mind. I guess I didn't get the memo but, "lets go see a movie," is apparently slang for, "lets see how far you can stick my tongue down my throat in the back of a movie theatre." This would have been perfectly fine if it weren't for her moustache which, in my defense, was completely invisible. James fucking Bond couldn't have spotted this thing. Once the movie let out we got up from our seats, walked out the door of the theatre and she bolts. Just runs off yelling, "OH, FOLLOW ME!" She's easily 4'11" so attempting to keep a tail on her in a crowd of people is damn near impossible. I try my best to keep up but she's long gone and the only thing I can think of to do ask a group of hippies, "WHICH WAY DID SHE GO?" This was a question to which they had no answer. "DAMN! THAT'S A QUICK ONE, SHE IS!"

[Corneac]

This was amusing at parts, but it didn't have any particular direction. I also thought your constant references to people with mental and physical disabilities, as 'retards', was not only distasteful but offensive. It was more like a diary entry than a story, and lacked any real substance. I think if you changed some of the language, added to it a bit, and gave it more of a plotline. It could turn out pretty well. I liked how you told the story, the language was honest and reflective of adolescence. You also used humour rather well, I enjoyed reading it. Keep working at it!

[E-bow]

Hmm, this was funny and all, not too sure about the 'msn' style languag. But good.

[User192021]

This had it's moments, particularly the ending, but as Corneac mentioned, appeared to lack direction. What is the point of the story? If it is meant to be humorous, I would recommend changing some of the language. Not because it offends me personally, but because it undermines your goal of making a certain point...whatever that point happens to be, but making you seem crude and ignorant. The irony at the end is clever though, this could be something worthwhile if you make some changes and give the story some substance.

[Cloud Envy]

I like the story and all but I have to agree with Corneac. The word "retard" is very offense, especially to me. I take that word very personally because.......I chose not to say. Besides the the use of the words I think it was a very entertaining story. I hope to read another one of your stories, but next time make sure you think of your writing because it could be offense.

[Aldo Rossi]

i guess retards is kind of offensive, but the story tied back well in the end...pretty funny. However, i don't know how much potential this piece has

[Laughing Man]

It wasnt much of a story as it was an anecdote. the complexity was lacking in both form and function but would amuse the casual reader. However, one would imagine, that this intellectual ignominy will be found very distasteful.