[petsam007]

Synopsis: this story is based on a dream I had.


The sky looked as if it would pour in a few minutes. I was with someone but I couldn't make out who it was. It was most probably my grandma. I felt as if it was and I could hear her voice too. But I didn’t seem to concentrate enough to realize who it was. It was a crowded place - actually more messed up than crowded. I seemed to notice the surroundings and the street sides more than the actual roads, I think. While we were going, I was holding a few bags in my hand and evidently we had been shopping, or it seemed like that.

We approached a shop, and suddenly I realized without shock or surprise that the people in the shop were related to a friend of mine named Betsie. There was visible wailing in the house cum shop. People were gathering at the place, and an air of urgency surrounded it.

Talking to a person who was leaving the shop, we realized that Betsie had been kidnapped. I was shocked, and this time I felt pain in my dream for the first time. We learned from her father that she had gone to a distant marketplace to buy something for the ‘party’. What the party was, I don’t know and do not recollect. The only thing that was in my mind at that time was to find her, wherever she was. No ransom call was made; they weren’t even sure she'd been kidnapped. Maybe she was just lost. Whatever the case, we had to hurry to look for her.

Betsie was a very good friend of mine. I think I had a crush on her when I first saw her in school, but I never had the chance, or got the confidence to tell here about this, or even realize whether it was real love or not. She was really pretty, and so, I was always confused as to whether I liked her because of her beauty or character. But, I must add, her character was beautiful, and she was beautiful in the way she took things which came her way. I don’t have a crush on her now, nor do I think I ‘like’ her that way, but I really admire her as a friend and as a person.

We were searching for Betsie, my Granny and I. We were asking people here and there about her. I had a picture of her which had suddenly cropped up in my hands, and I was frantically showing it off to everyone on the streets, even some shopkeeper. Some of them had already heard about the news of her missing. Suddenly, I realized I had lost an important object at her dad’s shop. We headed back, when I saw Rick. Rick was one of the bullies at my old school, and we held grudges against each other. I don’t know why, but it was something due to the fact that I was the only one who looked him in the eye when I talked to him. This time, however, with my Granny with me, I was really horrified to see him. He was flanked by his friends, also bullies like him and they were also looking for someone, as was evident from their movements in the central crossing. Grandma sensed my feelings, but pulled me on to our route back. She gave me the confidence to go; I was really afraid that they were also looking for Betsie and Rick would take the credit for finding her. But I had to go on, as Granny was holding me tight….

It had been cloudy when we set off, but now it was clear and hot when we neared Betsie’s dad’s shop again. This time, we heard a rather louder reception at the shop awaiting us. It was even more crowded than before, and there was surprise on the faces of the people who were returning. As we drew nearer, I could see Betsie near the outside of the counter crying with her father. There was her sister, I think, but I’m not sure about this. I remember I felt a huge sense of relief and happiness; she was okay and home. Grandma hugged her tight, and she cried even more. I wanted to hug her too, but I tried to look more like an adult; I started talking to her dad.

"What happened?" I asked, but I didn’t listen to what he said, which is the reason why I don’t know yet how she got back and who brought her. I was just looking at her; how beautiful she looked when she cried. When Grandma had soothed her with saying good things and by consoling her, I went and held her close to me, and held her tight. At this, she almost broke down again, but she didn’t.

I whispered, “Its over now, don’t cry.”

“Now it is complete,” she said, pulling away slowly.

I don’t know why she said that; since it was a dream I had, it might be meaningless. But she smiled and hugged me tight again.

That’s the last thing I remember…and that was the end.

Or was it?

[Peppy]

Put in a Romance section? To me, it sounds like it belongs to The Stream of (Un)Consciousness -- not really there but there. But then again, it would ruin the story and the ending. This is a difficult egg to crack. Hmmmmmmmmm....

Nevermind that. I enjoyed the story inside, but I wasn't much a fan of the dream. The story was good, whenever I could munch on as I read. But the dream? Let's just say dreams just bore me (unless it's a special circumstance); I'm a nightmare guy myself.

I liked the ending. It was funny to me because the people I hang out with talk like that -- weird and ambiguous phrases or questions. I liked it for the "bigger story" plausibilty and its corniness and sappiness.

I liked it. It was good, Sam.

I had a picture of her which had suddenly cropped up n my hands and I was frantically showing

[petsam007]

Thanks really, that is possibly the first positive remark i have got for my work ever. Its really good. But the thing is that its not something i made up, it was actually a dream. I just wrote it down.

I am a dream fan. You will see more of my Dreambox titled things probably.

[Vorcla]

Dreams can be fodder for a lot of stories. Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" was the result of a dream. This is a good first effort. I urge you to do more.

Rick

[Gurdit]

Ah, well, that was an interesting read. When you say you based it on a dream, I was expecting it to be a little (or rather, very) far-fetched or hazy, since dreams have a habit of taking the most unexpected turns or giving you the most unexpected things at the most unexpected time. In that aspect, I was not disappointed.

I'm also not quite sure whether this should be in the Romance section or not, but I suppose putting it in the romance section means that you're giving a hint as to what the rather obscure ending means.

What I noticed when I read it, though, was that despite the fact that you said that it's based on a dream you had, it reads more as if you were simply narrating the dream itself. What I would have liked would have been for you to take the dream and flesh it out into the story. It would certainly have been a challenge, but the cool part about being a writer is that you control your characters and their stories, and you control what happens to them. For the characters you write about, you are God. Anyway, coming back to the point, I would perhaps have liked to know exactly who kidnapped Betsie and why, and how she managed to escape. But those are just examples. There are so many things you can change, or add to this dream to make it a real story.

However, having said that, if this is your first write, I'd still say that it's pretty good. The fact that you've written it at all deserves kudos because many people and incapable of writing down their dreams.

[RENA HANDS]

A necessity dreams are to the human mind. Some professionals say that dreams are used to deal with fears that we cannot face directly.

You have a very interesting write here. I think it should be in the SOC, but being not an administrator nor editor, you should look into the placing of such a category.

[Razor]

So this was really from a dream huh!? Yea, I've written about dreams. They don't always make sense when you are awake, but when you're sleeping they seem perfectly logical. I guess it's just one of those weird things.

Oh well, nice job, thanks for the read.

[Lubesh]

Pretty good in recapturing..what is ahrd is to keep the surreal and the snsations that go with msot dreams but getting it any way u can is always good experience.....nice write..hope you keep at it.

[petsam007]

thanks everyone for your reponses, i am writing my next story, and i will be posting it in a month i think, i have exams going on in my university. Wish me luck.
bye

VEGETA SSJ5