[desiraejones333]

Since as far back as I can remember, when the hormones started kicking in, and the girls started liking the boys, and the boys liking the girls, it was like no boy was interested in me. For a while it didn’t seem to bother me, but once people started getting a boyfriend or girlfriend, it hit me that I was probably the only girl in my grade without one. I tried to impress the guys I liked by being myself, but that didn’t work. So, later on I started acting like somebody I wasn’t. It worked for a while, but it got me in a lot of trouble. For instance, I was close to losing one of my really good friends over it, and the guys started expecting more from me. Finally realizing this I went back to being me.

For a while the pain of not having a boyfriend grew. And the only guy that liked me was someone that was like a brother to me. I couldn’t date him, it would be too weird. That’s what I told myself, but in reality it was mostly because of the way people saw him. I didn’t want to be seen as the “nerds” girlfriend. It just didn’t suit me. Finally, in grade 7 I started seeing people were not so uptight about having a girlfriend/boyfriend, sure it was cool to have one, but it wasn’t a big deal. Until I met this guy named Jessie Williams. Things changed, I thought I had pretty strong feelings for him, he was what I wanted. Of course looking back at it I wish I could deny the fact that I ever had a crush on him. He wasn’t a nice guy, and the only true reason why I ever liked him was because of his looks. But still, I wonder if things would have been different if I had dated him.

Soon enough, grade 8 came along. And after making new friends, losing friends and making more, I found myself being very good friends with someone that went to my elementary school, Patricia Hunter. For a while we were inseparable, and up until she introduced me to her boyfriend, I didn’t have feelings for any guy, except one, Cody Deslauries, of course I never thought I’d be with him, so it didn’t faze me. It took a while, but I began to like Matthew Barker, Patricia’s boyfriend. He was kind and caring, I felt I could tell him anything and trust him with my deepest secrets.

After getting the courage up, I finally managed to tell him how I felt. To my surprise he felt the same way. We became very close friends, so close that Patricia was starting to suspect things. She accused him of cheating with me, and that was that, they ended up splitting up for all of a week. During that week though, I was in heaven. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated. He held me the way I wanted to be held, and I trusted him with my heart. Little did I know, that this was all going to change. After a while, I discovered my true feelings for him, I was certain that I loved him. And I started to become depressed because he was with her and not me. It got to a point where I was very suicidal. Then finally, I thought it was best to walk out of their lives. Of course, that wasn’t what they wanted, and apparently wasn’t a good choice because they are now my enemies. But still when I look deep down into my heart, I see the love I once had for him.

This brings us to grade 9. In grade 9, I totally gave up on guys, and relationships, I didn’t want it anymore. Or so I thought. Soon, I found myself longing to be held buy a guy. And even sooner, I discovered that Cody liked me too. We dated for about a week, but I realized that he just wasn’t my type of person. All he wanted was to get friendly with my lower half. I didn’t want that and he’d get mad. Not only that but it felt as though he was embarrassed of me. He never hugged me in school, and didn’t make an effort to say goodbye to me at the end of the day. So once again, my heart was crushed, and I moved on.

The summer after that was what changed it all. One of my best friends Michelle introduced me to her boyfriend, Josh; he was a very cute, sensitive, funny guy. We almost hit it off instantly. For a while, I wouldn’t tell him how I felt, because I didn’t want what happened with Matt and I again, not to mention the fact that he lives in the states, where as I live in Canada. Eventually though, I couldn’t handle it anymore and told him. It took a while for him to return the feeling, or at least admit it. And soon, he wanted to be with me. I hated what I was doing to Michelle, but the feelings I had for Josh overcame me. The feelings were stronger then anything I ever felt before.

Michelle eventually found out how we felt, and she ended it with Josh, although she was heartbroken for a while, she overcame that in a snap. A few weeks later, the guy that liked me since grade 3 asked me out, again, this time, I couldn’t say no. We went out for a week, but then I realized the true reason I did it was because I was scared of getting hurt from Josh because of the distance, and I wanted the comfort of knowing someone was near. I finally gained the courage to explain it to Luke, at first he hid the fact that he was hurt, and then a day later he threw it at me. I told Josh, and he understood instantly. It has been a few weeks, and the feelings I have for Josh continue to grow stronger. I love him, not matter what people say, and no matter the distance.

This is the story of my loves. The ones I thought, and the ones that were true. I’m only 15, but I know the way I feel. And for a 15 year old, I reckon I’ve been through quite a bit. So, take it from me. You never know what’s coming in the future. So live in the present, not the past, and not the future, the key is to stay where you are now, and live a day at a time.

[Ryankia]

Hello hon Just thought I would pop in a give your story a run through since no one has seemed to already.

Since as far back as I can remember, when the hormones started kicking in, and the girls started liking the boys, and the boys liking the girls, it was like no boy was interested in me.

This is a run-on sentence and can/should be cut into at least two separate sentences.
"Way back when the hormones began to kick in; girls liking boys and boys liking girls, it seemed that no boys were interested in me."
Or something along those lines would work. Just cut it up, chop it up. It is just too long as you have it and needs more grammatical form.

For a while it didn't seem to bother me

I believe "seem" isn't really necessary here. Since this is given from your perspective and you would know if it bothered you.
"At first it didn't really bother me, ..."
Or something or that sort, because I remember that time in my life. It didn't bother me until the people around me made it bother me.

but once people started getting a boyfriend or girlfriend,

"hooking up" would be appropriate here. At that age, it was/is more referred to in that sense because most relationships didn't last more than 2 weeks at most.
"but once people started hooking up,
To me, it just seems to flow better in that sense, but it is truly up to you.

it hit me that I was probably the only girl in my grade without one

Again, since I made a changed to the section right before this phrase, this section would also need to be fixed accordingly.
"it occured to me I was probably the only girl my age not in a 'relationship'."
I changed the wording a bit in this section, simplly because I really do not care for the word "that" unless it is absolutely necessary for it to be there. There is almost ALWAYS a way to rearrange the words to edit out the word or something.

I tried to impress the guys I liked by being myself

"I liked" is inherent. Girls usually do not try to impress boys they do not like, so naturally, we would assume these "boys" you are attempting to impress, you have some attraction to.

So, later on I started acting like somebody I wasn't

"My attitude changed and I attempted to become someone I wasn't."
It just didn't flow right for me or insync with the rest of the story.

It worked for a while, but it got me in a lot of trouble.

"For a while I was successful, but not without consequences."
Like the previous, the flow was off and could be worded much better in accordance with the rest of the piece.

I was close to losing one of my really good friends over it, and the guys started expecting more from me.

"my friendship with my close friends began to falter and the boys began to expect more from me, which I was not willing to give to them."
I do not know what you meant by "the guys started expecting more from me", this could be expanded upon, or at least hints given in this direction because of its vagueness.

Finally realizing this I went back to being me.

I do not think she would have been too happy with not being herself in the first place and would have realized a lot of things long before, so it would be more along the lines of "tired of living a lie"
"I finally became tired of lying not only to myself but everyone around me and returned to being me, to the best of my ability."

Okay, I will stop there, but I hope it kind of gives you an idea on what to be looking for. Make sure you read through it, even starting from the bottom and working up. Editing is your friend and will always be helpful. If you want me to go through the entire piece like I just did, just email me or PM me and I will gladly see if I can find the time to do so, or at least give you pointers on what exactly to keep an eye out for.

[Odanion]

I cannot believe that I see but 1 whole review...it akes me as this is such a great story.

There are a few things in the that made the sentances seem so long, and I think it was because you forgot a comma here and there, or you could have just made the sentance smaller...but I am not here to tell you what you did bad and not what you did good, I am here to tell you both.

I enjoyed the writing style even though paragraph style is not something I read a lot as it gets harder to follow...

The only low rating I gave was for dialogue...as there was none

Description was very nice, there could have been words that could have been added to make the descriptions a little better, but it was deffinetly not on the short side.

The feeling I got from this story was a very down to earth feeling, something that you could expect from a real life thing, so it made the story feel all the much better.

Keep up the good work, I enjoyed it

[Total-Blam-Blam]

I won't try and correct anything, because I'm not very good at that, but I will say how much I liked this story! It's very refreshing, after reading all the little 'true love at first sight' stories where the guy and girl meet straightaway, and live happily ever after. I also agree with you about living in the present. But sometimes the past can drag you down a bit, don't you think?
Total-Blam-Blam x

[Zoidberg]

Nice Work! I like this story. It's not cheesy at all. It's just what happens and it's a great way to describe it.

I agree with Blam-Blam in saying that it was very refreshing to see a story like this. Also, the fact that it has no dialogue is fine, because it's almost like a journal. It's just the writing style you used.

I still should mention this: I found one mistake:'

I love him, not matter what people say, and no matter the distance.

I you said not matter the first time.

Good Work.

[WorldWarCheese]

You know this was made almost 3 years ago. And the author hasn't even posted in this thread within that time.

[kominbhai]

The piece is well written and there were not a lot of revealing mistakes (Infact, I didn't find any)
The one thing I may want from such a story would be a few witty lines in between to keep the reader smiling and breaking in to a chuckle or two.
Anyway, great job!

[RENA HANDS]

Are you speaking of one nerd or more than one nerd?

I didn’t want to be seen as the ‘nerd’s girlfriend.

What ‘things changed?’ And perhaps describe them in a completely different sentence.

I would state

…,but then I moved on.

I think you mean

no matter what people say, or (said).

A bit vague for my taste. You could have described these ‘loves.’ What happened that made the relationships so meaningful? What actions/emotions broke down the relationships? There’s just a amount of detailing that is absent from this write. So my rating shall be 2/5!

[CryCandice]

It was a good story, but like Delusional said, editing really is your friend.

Since this site is full of people who love to write, I'm sure little errors irk them. (I know they do for me.) So try to edit a bit more.


I'd like to see an expansion of this story, maybe like a chapter for each relationship. It would be really interesting to see the relationships in depth, I think.

[thelma&louise]

First off, good job. I liked it; cute and realistic. It needs alot of editting though, maybe you should read through it some?

For a while we were inseparable, and up until she introduced me to her boyfriend, I didn’t have feelings for any guy, except one, Cody Deslauries, of course I never thought I’d be with him, so it didn’t faze me.

I must say, I kinda held my head when I read this sentence lol. It's a little too long. All I could think of was a mental image of a million words sort of running over each other in an attempt to get to the end first. So, a little editting here would be nice here. For instance:

"For a while, we were inseparable. And up until she introduced me to her boyfriend, I didn't have feelings for any guy...Except for one: Cody Deslauries. Of course, I never thought I'd ever end up with him so it didn't faze me."

Something along those lines.

I think I'll rate it 3/5. But next time, try adding more detail. In fact, something like this is worth elaborating. A couple more paragraphs added to every relationship would make the world of a difference and will help the reader connect to the story more. It would also help answer a lot of readers' questions.

Keep it up.

-Chris.

[beverent]

"Since as far back as I can remember, when the hormones started kicking in, and the girls started liking the boys, and the boys liking the girls, it was like no boy was interested in me"

This start is awkward. I think you can rephrase it to something better.

"Finally realizing this I went back to being me"

I think you should put a comma between this and I

"And the only guy that liked me was someone that was like a brother to me"

It would be better if you replace that with who... I'm sorry if my review is very technical but correcting simple things would greatly change your work... *smiles*

"That’s what I told myself, but in reality it was mostly because of the way people saw him"

Hmm... people saw him? I think people see him fits better...

"I didn’t want to be seen as the “nerds” girlfriend. It just didn’t suit me."

I could revise this into:

I don't want to be seen as the nerd's girlfriend. It just doesn't suit me. *winks*

You stated:

"Finally, in grade 7 I started seeing people were not so uptight about having a girlfriend/boyfriend, sure it was cool to have one, but it wasn’t a big deal"

This sentence is quite wrong in my opinion. I would suggest to change the number 7 into seven. And I would revise this one with this:

Finally, when I was in grade seven, I started to realize that people were not so uptight about having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Sure it was cool, but it wasn't a big deal.

Oh my i'm so sorry but I've seen many errors and I just couldn't correct all of them. It would really consume more time if I go on every each of them.

Well, I just want to say that you've got a cute story. But I did not appreciate it much because of the errors in your sentences. I hope to see you post more of your stories and may there be changes on the way you write them... *smiles*

[WorldWarCheese]

Originally Posted by ME

You know this was made almost 3 years ago. And the author hasn't even posted in this thread within that time.

Stop bumping the thread. It should have died years ago. (I can only blame myself)

[petsam007]

see, i will say what i feel really. i think this is not a story, it looks more like a description or a chronology of sorts. i didnt like this one....... sorry.....