[Jon%]

Synopsis: How Helen changed the world.

The evening was warm, and I was home late. I stepped into the house with a briefcase in my right hand and a dozen roses in my left.

"Helen, I'm home."

Light footsteps pattered down the hall, and then Helen was in the foyer with me. I handed her the roses. She looked up at me with a smile that could end wars. A cute house dress hugged her chest and hips and flared out at her thighs.

"Hello, Sammy. Dinner is ready."

She was the only one who called me Sammy and I loved it. It didn't work for anyone else. My mother tried it once in awhile, and it made me want to punch her.

Helen beckoned me to follow and I did, admiring her ass as we headed for the kitchen. Sure enough there were steak and potatoes, vegetables and wine waiting. The food sat on our best dishes and was lit by candles. Helen pulled a chair out for me, and as I sat, she kissed me softly on the neck. She then placed the roses in the middle of the table and took her seat facing me.

"I'm sorry I'm late darling. I know today is special."

She simply smiled back at me, not even a hint of trouble on her face. She understood.

"Can you believe we've been together for a year now?" I asked.

"One year, two hours, seventeen minutes, forty-one seconds," was her quick response.

I checked my watch and laughed, "You're right."

We ate then. The steak was tender and seasoned perfectly. The potatoes were baked crisp on the outside, and the vegetables were a delicious medley with butter melting over the top. The wine was fragrant, sweet, and easy. I couldn't have picked a more perfect meal. Helen knew me so well.

When we'd had our fill, she led me by the hand to the living room. The lights were low, and with the flip of a switch, queued up jazz began to play. I took off my shoes and we slow danced, her head on my shoulder, my arm around her waist.

We danced that way for a long time. After a while the perfect body that I held in my arms began to have an effect on me. She sensed it and looked up with a coy smile. As she did, I slipped the dress off her shoulders. She giggled and stepped away. As she turned and walked toward the bedroom, the dress fell to the floor. There was nothing underneath. I followed quickly.

A few minutes later, I fell back breathlessly onto the mattress, the sheets damp with my sweat. Helen lay quietly beside me, and I felt compelled to say something.

"I love you."

"I love..." But her voice trailed off before she could finish. I smiled slightly.

For a while longer I rested quietly in the darkness. There was no sound but the soft vibrations of the ceiling fan, its breeze cooling my sweat covered skin.

Eventually I got up. I checked Helen's battery pack and sure enough, it was dead. I picked her up and set her on the charger. In twelve hours she'd wake. I headed back to the living room with a big grin on my face. It was Monday night, and a football game was starting soon.

#

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This was originally a piece I submitted for the 55 word challenge called Pillow Talk. I thought it was a cool enough idea to do an expansion. I can't decide if I like the closing "epilogue" like paragraph so let me know if you think it's cheesy.

[tranquildrifter]

At first

One year, two hours, seventeen minutes, forty-one seconds

completely threw me. Now I am laughing at myself. You even had me a little worried when she didn't finish her reply, which tells me you certainly created an impression of real love (as opposed to creepy robot love) in the beginning. Very sweet. I like your clear prose a good deal. The epilogue is pretty funny. You could dress it up to be even more guady sales-man like if you wanted. Pleasure to read.

[Charles Nesby]

I didn't know about the 55 word thing so this is the first time I'm reading this. Just from that point it's a cute, unexpected story. I suppose the epilogue could be expanded some but not by much

[Jon%]

Thanks for the comments gentlemen. I'm glad you both liked the epilogue, perhaps I will expand it a bit. I think it fits well with the content so I'll probably go ahead and keep it.

[adrianhayter]

See if you like this-

I love..." But her voice trailed off before she could finish. I smiled slightly.

For a while longer I rested in the darkness. There was no sound but the soft vibrations of the ceiling fan, its breeze cooling my sweat covered skin when the phone interrupted the quietness.

"Good evening sir, I represent the Tru-Love Robotics company . We recently received information that you might be interested in our new product line.- The Perfect Wife. Why covet thy neighbor's wife when you can have one just like it?

The salesman went on and on until I finally broke into his pitch with, " Sorry sir but I bought one last year. Thanks for calling though".


Eventually I got up. I checked Helen's battery pack and sure enough, it was dead. I picked her up and set her on the charger. In twelve hours she'd wake. I headed back to the living room with a big grin on my face. It was Monday night, and a football game was starting soon.

[peter_pyne]

lol, creepy robot love...

It was well written, nice work. I didn't suspect the ending. I didn't know what I expected. I think I'm feeling loss for what I thought would be a nice relationship with two people. Which means this story was effective. It really is. I miss the human Helen. I wish she wasn't a robot.

[Jon%]

Thanks for the suggestion adrian, I think I like it better as an epilogue though...

Thanks for the feedback Peter, I have a few more Helens in stock if your interested.

[Maud]

This is a short piece so I think it warrents a shorter review.
While Reading:
" “One year, two hours, seventeen minutes, forty-one seconds,” was her quick response." This is a good example of foreshadoing, great actually. I just looked over it not paying it much attention other then thinking this is an odd thing, but not much other than that, afterwards it came togther and I remembered it which must mean something. Good example of crafting your end into your middle.

"We ate then. The steak was tender and seasoned perfectly. The potatoes were baked crisp on the outside, and the vegetables were a delicious medley with butter melting over the top. The wine was fragrant, sweet, and easy. I couldn’t have picked a more perfect meal. Helen knew me so well."

Another good example. At first I hated this and was going to complain but at the end it worked well.

"The lights were low, and with the flip of a switch, queued up jazz began to play." A littley over done and stereotypical. Really not necessary.

"There was once a woman whose face launched a thousand ships and started a war. The war began because there could be only one Helen. Now there are millions, and each man can have his own. Why covet thy neighbor’s wife when you can have one just like it? Don’t wait, call 1-555-TRU-LOVE now."
I didn't like this at'll. I don't know if you know what it is but in theater (I haven't heard the term applied to literature but it works best) there is something called the fourth wall. It is the invisable wall that seperates the actors from the audience. An example of breaking it would be an aside. You do this here. Before it was a narrative now it is well something else. Never end a piece with one of these. Even in theater the narrative, or the characters story, or the plot itself, ends at the end. That is why it's called the ending. What it does for the reader is wraps it up and lets them no for sure ok its done I can stop now, and feel fufilled. here you have this digression, while it helps to explain what's going on is not neccessary. When you said she had to be pulged in *bam* I got it. Shes a robot something you had been able to conceal and carry out perfectly. Then there was a Helen of Troy reference and a fake number and wow that was helpful.

Analysis:

Characters:
Normally I would go on a rant about undeveloped characters but I really dont care to because in this case I dont care. The plot was good enough to cover up the characters and make me really bother with it all. I did like how you didn't make the narrator lonely or pathetic, that would have been the normal persons first shot.

Plot:
Good turn around and ending. I enjoyed it and didn't see it coming. I cant say what I liked about it wasnt funny or exciting or thoughtful but Im happy I read it.

Imagery:
Sme pretty good imagery, with him laying under the ceiling fan and it was all ok. Nothing here detracted from above.

Final Thoughts:
Not the most novel idea, but well executed, and that is whats important. Later on there became aha moments like that makes sense where otherwise I for the most part jumped over it.

Like I mentioned before, get rid of the last part. If you can find away to work it in to the narrative and not an aside go for it, but dont lose your little twist, but if it were me I would just highlight it and delete it. Or I might try for it. I dont know myself very well I guess.

Good story.

[DragonLover]

its good but its short

[LullabyHearts]

As a woman I'm not entirely sure I like this.

It seriously needs to be much longer, more "perfect:" scenerios drawn out.

And please do not change the ended at all. If you did well this piece would be like every single other love, we've been together piece of love crap out there.

[Star_Princess]

If it's supposed to be a romantic story, please don't use the word "ass". It just doesn't go well together for some reason. The feeling isn't quite right. If it's supposed to be a romantic story, there's not enough emotion in the whole story, just actions, and actions aren't enough. There has to be a lot more emotional telling than actions when you're writing a love story. Not to mention the end of it all. If it was supposed to be a romance, then end totally completely destroys it all. There is no feeling at all. Just comedy. If you were writing a comedy, maybe this would work. But this story in the romance section, I would think that you were writing a romantic story.

[LullabyHearts]

There are such things as romantic comedies. I enjoy the ending completely.

Also the food descriptions, I didn't like that. I could care less about the food.

[katofmystery]

it was soo sweet in the beginning, but when helen turned out to be a robot, it was a little much. . . i did think it was sweet that helen knew to the second how long they had been together. . . that is before she turned out to be a robot. . .

good story though

Kat

[makethis_adream]

Hahaha I thought this was funny and mad eme think of the stepford wives.. .which is good I guess, since that was a successful movie and all..

But overall, nice story.