[LullabyHearts]

Synopsis: Taking the cliche love story of high school sweethearts and taking it the next step farther in the story.


Her fingers are uneasy with anxiety as the fear of rejection sweeps across her mind. Closing her eyes, she shakes it off; he wouldn't dare let all those years go to waste. As she takes another step she reminisces about the old days when she was walking this same path on Friday nights to spend the evening at her beau's house. Too bad that's not the same reason she's here tonight. Her heartbeat pumps in her chest as her mind pulls up a distant memory.

"Natasha?" The fourth grade teacher whispered, avoiding startling the little girl in the corner of the room, books surrounded her as she ferociously sketched a flower in a little notebook; she had sunk into the depths of a large beanbag. The small girl with ocean water eyes slowly lifted her head from its position, hovering over her paper. She gave a small blink, breaking her young minded concentration.

"Could you do me a favor?" The young woman asked, smiling broadly; making herself as cheery as possible.

Natasha nodded, snapping her notebook shut. She looked behind her teacher, noticing a tall dark haired boy.

The smile on the young woman's face broadened, "Well, this is Derek; he's new! Would you like to be his tour guide for the next couple of days and show him around the school?" She placed her hand on Derek's shoulder blades and gently pushed him closer to Natasha, to make the introduction less awkward.

Natasha bit the bottom left side of her lip; unsure of what she should do. Her eyes were now wide with indecision. Her head tilted down and back up, "Sure." The boy awkwardly stared at the inspirational-learning posters covering the walls trying not to look at anyone in particular. He wasn't sure if this was cool or uncool. He personally thought it was cool; but he thought he heard a snicker.

The teacher worriedly looked back and forth between the two children, "Derek really enjoys building things and I know you like to create things...maybe you two could talk about that? Maybe? Collaborate with...each other."

Natasha blinked in response.

The phone rang, the woman's head turned in confusion, which to take. She looked back once, concerned, then she left without a word.

Boldly, Derek took the lead and put his hand up for a high five. The look on Natasha's face was startled and then turned to curious. Her hand lifted ever so slightly in a cautious motion, and then unexpectedly she let it go limp. She left him hanging like a monkey on a tree branch.

Feeling guilty Natasha raised her hand initializing the high five again.

But before their hands could connect, Vivica Anne reared herself in between them. "Oh look did you find a new friend Puddle Duck?" She smirked, "finally."

Many of Vivica's groupies surrounded them at her last comment. They all had smug looks plastered on their chubby little cheeks. Tiny Natasha bowed her head, her long black hair falling over her face; covering the despair in her eyes.

"Puddle Duck?" Derek asked, looking curiously toward his tour guide.

The curly redhead, Vivica, turned all her attention to the brunette boy, "Yes, Natty here had a little accident in first grade. Big pee puddle in her seat. And she just sat in it all day-"

"She was in the first grade-" Derek tried defending Natasha.

"I'm Vivica!" She thrusted her arm at him, demandingly; taking his attention away from that subject. She hated being corrected.

Startled by her straight-forwardness, he introduced himself. "I'm Derek-"

"Sing with us!" Vivica ordered like the short attention-span child she was.

And at that, Natasha brought her head up, tears in her eyes. She ran out the classroom, not noticing the single pair of eyes watching her leave hopelessly.

Then the class started in with the song, "Quack Diddly, oh so, quack, quack, quack. Van a rico, rico, rico. Galore, galore, galore, galore, galore."

Derek gave a confused look at the girl's sense of humor, and walked out of the room looking for Natasha.

He didn't have to look hard for her; she was standing right outside the door.

"Uh Natasha?"

"Go ahead sing it!" She said bitterly as her first full sentence to him.

"They're stupid," he shrugged. "So when is recess, tour guide?"

A silent "what?" escaped her lips, with a confused look attached.

"I'm a Puddle Duck too," he grinned.

She sees the same grin appears on the older version from the porch. Her foot tapping on the pavement, upset that the memory wasn't as precise as it used to be.

Her hand forms into a soft fist, hovering in front of the big red door. She is panicky about what is going to happen when he sees her.

And then...it made one, soft knock.

She immediately dropped her arm, shocked that she really had done it; she hears a movement inside. She stares strangely at the door.

The door knob begins to twitch and then twist. Finally, the door slowly opens.

And there stands...Derek.

"Natasha?" He stammers.

She could feel the same embarrassment from when she was in fourth-grade. Her eyes wouldn't unite with his, and all her words were incapable of forming.

"What are you doing here?" He demands, in a cruel voice.

"I've come-to say-that. I'm...sorry!" Her words are like a giant jigsaw puzzle, that she is frantically trying to sort out.

"You're sorry? You're sorry? Natasha it's been six months, have you not realized that?! After leaving me a note saying, 'I think I just need some space, love ya,' You really expect to just drop by, say you're sorry, and for me to drop everything and forgive you?"

Natasha nods, blushing, "Well, sort of-yes!"

Derek sighs, and leans against the door frame. "I don't think I can do this again."

"But I love you."

"I loved you once; I won't make the mistake again."

Natasha's body becomes stiff, not completely registering the rejection, as the door slams shut in front of her. Quietly, she turns around and leaves. Again.

Natasha falls hard onto her bed, her face burrowing into the pillows. Her tears and makeup, imprinting into the soft color of her lavender pillow. The day turns into night, as her tears soften, "I didn't...think...he'd let more than a decade of love...just be lost like that."

She hears the downstairs door click; her head lifts. "Who's here?"

Natasha creeps down the hallway of her parent's modern-day home. She had decided to live with them, for the summer, after she graduated college.

Peeking around the corner she sees the door knob begin to twist open. Why didn't she lock the door? Taking a quick breath she hurries back to her room. Looking for something...anything! An old teddy bear Derek gave her three years ago at the fair? No. A book? Maybe. Hairspray? Yes! She grabs it. By the time she arrives at the end of the hall, the burglar is checking out the house. He picks up an article of clothing from the pile her mother left her to put away, and begins sniffing it. Natasha's eyes widen, "What a freak," she accidentally whispers aloud.

Natasha presses her back to the wall, worrying that he heard her. If he comes up she will be ready with the hairspray.

The dark clothed intruder turns the corner momentarily. It, he, halts, realizing Natasha is right there; he lets out a small laugh.

Natasha quickly thinks it's a stalker as she raises the bottle of hairspray, placing her finger on the top, turning it so it faces in his direction, she presses down hard and fast. The eccentric particles release in a huff toward the stranger's face.

A moment later, Natasha realizes, he's wearing a mask. The hairspray did no justice. So she throws the bottle at his head; stumbling back, not realizing her second attempt to knock him out. He glares at Natasha, but his face falls when her hands on his chest. She pushes him. He staggers, his hands try to grab the corner of the wall, but it was too late. His feet lose control as he trips over the first step down the staircase.

Natasha's eyes flicker. She dashes for the phone on the wall. Dialing, she hears the front door slam shut. "Oh no!" She groans aloud.

"Hello, 911. How may I help you?"

"Someone just broke into my house. Yes, he got away-" Natasha rambles off her address. The police click off, and she runs for her room, throwing together anything she might need for a night away.

Natasha's nerves finally begin to settle down after the cops leave; but the moment the door shuts all these frightening images burst right back. She heads to her room and grabs a whole bunch of clothes and things she would need for a regular sleep over. She nearly walks out the front door but rethinks it and heads to the kitchen, which is located in the back of the house and leaves through the back door. She could not stay in a house where she felt threatened. She was going to a place her memories dream about every night.

[Corneac]

So she throws the bottle at his head; stumbling back, not realizing her second attempt to knock him out. He glares at Natasha, but his face falls when her hands on his chest.

Huh?

Ok mate. Going to be completely honest with you. Because judging by your posts you respect honesty. There are elements of this story I enjoyed and other not so much.

First style. Now grammatically this was in shambles. Did you read through it before posting? You changes tense every couple of minutes and there was verb confusion, apostrophe misuse, excess of commas and incorrect capitalization in your dialogue. But then again what am I here fore. Also your writing style also can be a bit imprecise at times, and run on sentences and whatnot don't help your flow.

Now the story. Interesting idea, you're right, the high-school love story is so cliched it's not funny. But this wasn't bad. The whole 'puddle duck' thing could've turned out nauseatingly dull but you used it subtly so it didn't induce vomit. Quite sweet actually. I don't see the significance the burglar, I have my theories, but I guess I have to wait for the next chapter aye?

Well you hooked me in. Keep writing, you've definitely got skill, just a style that could d sue some refining. Nice job.

[LullabyHearts]

Grammar wise this piece sucks. And no I didn't look over it before I posted it...I will admit that. I wrote this last year. My writing style has changed a lot. So I'm looking for some feedback and then I'm going to fix it up.

Yeah the idea is seriously sweet I think. And the burglar won't really show up again for a little bit longer. Its basically a foreshadow, teaser.

Glad you didn't think the puddle duck wasn't sickening.

So yes the grammar. I'm ashamed...Oh and the dialogue is horrid. Eww its so bad.

By the way: Thanks for finally posting a story of mine. I'm so excited.

[Corneac]

Haha. Thanks mate. Don't mind me...I'm usually a lot nicer. But it's late and my eyes are starting to get blurry. Looking forward to seeing your newer pieces mate and the next chapter.

[LullabyHearts]

Next chapter...hmmm might be a little longer. I've been having a hard time with it...for well...a year...

[Masa]

It'd decent, but

OH HERE IT IS! THE WORST THING MASA CAN SAY!!!

It feels really broken. Like you put an idea down just to write it, then you sort of break up a little and shoot for another go... almost like a bad game of golf.

However seeing that Masa is actually quite good at putting things together, I could understand it! It's a nice story, I DO LIKE IT!

[LullabyHearts]

Well, there was a flash back and a major foreshadow, and a slight reconcile...A lot goes on in this chapter

[Seraph]

Main recomendation? I recommend trying page breaks, keeping everything in one tense - preferrably past tense. One more recommendation: try to rewrite it as I don't think you've touched it for awhile, correct?

Well, good job and good luck! I wish there was a thumbs up I could use but...

[LullabyHearts]

Oh when I rewrite this. Woah. It'll be so much better. Like crazy.

[katofmystery]

i wasn't really paying that much attention to the grammar, but there were a couple of parts that i had to reread, i guess i've been roleplaying too much to really notice the grammar mistakes like i should. . . i really can't wait for more. . . plz keep it coming. . .

Kat

[LullabyHearts]

Like I've said there won't be anything coming for a couple years. My characters are too old for me. I haven't experienced everything they have.

[katofmystery]

ohh thats too bad. . . keep me posted anyway though. . . and your warning still won't keep me from checking every week. . .

Kat

[LullabyHearts]

Well I have other pieces. And currently brainstorming a new idea out.

So any suggestions to make this chapter better?

[Darkness]

The change in tenses made me sort of trip out for a second. (But I guess that's already been stated by others...) Other than that, I think it's pretty good. I really like the idea behind it and you have interesting characters. I can't wait to see the next chapter! (Whenever that would be...)

[LullabyHearts]

Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.

[superpararanger]

I liked it. The whole "Puddle Ducks" thing is pretty cool. I'd have never thought of something like that.

Nice job

[LullabyHearts]

Ah! Its definitely a reminder of when I was 15 haha

Its a really cute concept and it really makes you want to pick up the book (once it gets published) doesn't it?