[automan]

The Clockmaker Diary - entries 00001 - 00003



entry 00001

It is a truly unique time when mankind joins together to create for the common good. Knowledge is power. The consolidation of power in too few hands yields tyranny. We decided that information must be free to all.

We fucked it up.

By an overwhelming vote, we started a free network. From dark fiber, a light was lit that was to enlighten the world... to rejuvenate the beacon of hope in that shining city on the hill. A free network. Free from wires. Free from cost. Free from the hands of those that manipulate information to gain power over others. The idea spread with the sound of a billion peoples' synchronistic demand for equality. A world of free information. That beacon had never shown so bright, nor cast a shadow so long.

It started with sharing. It ended with sharing.

His name was Ashida Shin-ra. He ran a torrent tracker on a server in Singapore. He liked anime. He was in university. He was average height and build. He wore glasses, no contacts. He was afraid to touch his eyes. He is famous where we come from. His was the first site banned from the Worldnet. An outcry rang like the ripples of a tear in the ocean... unrelenting, yet invisible after the initial rings. The second torrent tracker was brought down. Another tear in the ocean. When the 50th tracker went down, no one really noticed. No one except for us.

#50 - Fernando Gomez, Costa Rica. torrent tracker.
#143 - Allan Greenfield, Ohio. private ftp.
#233 - Adrienne Laroque, France. pornography (assumed child pornography).
#1224 - Sasha ?, Russia. anarchist calling for violence.
#23111 - Mark Hammond, California. political satirist.

Complacency Is Slavery

At #50,000 (Allison Belue, Kentucky. reason unknown), a small group of us decided to build a second net. A free net.

The Clockmaker



entry 00002

Two computers, one line. That is how it started.

It was a network built without plan or design, just people linking to each other. Then these pairs paired off with pairs. The second net was thousands of private networks isolated from power, yet isolated from each other. Out of each of these private nets, leaders arose, counsels were established, freedom breathed new life.

The meeting was called.

It is unknown who initiated the line that lead to the Great Hall, but by air and by sea, 19 made their way through the snow to that relic of empires past. That Great Hall. We knew we had to go. Some of us leaders, some of us emissaries, all of us unified in the belief that freedom is a
right. For six days and six nights, we worked towards an agreement. A document. A set of beliefs. In the end, it came down to the Four Principles.

1) Our net is free from censorship.
2) All material posted on the net is copyrighted to the creator with an "attribution, noncommercial, no derivative" license. All else is public domain. The creator may remove any part of this license, but may not add to it.
3) All material posted on the net moves into public domain 15 years after being posted, regardless of license.
4) The net will remain neutral. No person, company or organization will have preference in speed, access, or connection.

The actual document was longer, but these were the main points. These points could not be altered. There were other sections that were meant to be changed as time passes by a 2/3 majority, but the Four Principles were an enduring, everlasting agreement committed to repairing the mistakes of the past.

Our net thrived.

Though never overtaking the size of the old net, our net was a sanctuary of freedom. What are a few million people when compared to the billions on the Worldnet? The older generations either never knew about us or did not understand us, yet most of the software they used, goods they
bought, and art they loved came from us.

It was a beautiful day in the autumn when the world turned it's eye towards us.

We thought the red hue on the horizon would never fade...

It never really did.


The Clockmaker





entry 00003


Six explosions on as many continents in as many days.

Chicago
Sao Paulo
Bombay
London
Sydney
Alexandria


We called them one explosion, but that would have been too clean. In reality, one major explosion was made in the heart of each city, then the smaller bombs struck the evacuation routes three hours later. Same story in every city. We lost 4 of the 19 that day.

The word anger does not seem strong enough. The word hatred does not do justice to the feelings towards those that would diminish the light of the world by 1.27 million flames. Again, everyone joined together for the common good of humanity. Again, that beacon of light was twisted into the sour beast of control.

It was when we first heard that word that we began to see what was happening directly before our eyes, yet hidden behind the green curtain of power.

There are moments in time that are different from all other moments. Moments that mark a split time. There is time before this moment and a time after this moment. Shortly after the attacks we saw such a moment pass. On a little screen, we watched a little man utter a single word. A word that would change our lives.

Terrornet.

They dubbed our freenet... Terrornet.

We did not realize it at the time, this was the actual moment the war began. Though, there would not be a shot fired or system dropped until 40 days later.

With that one word, the old world declared war on the new frontier in a last effort to claw back from the depths of obscurity.

Complacency Is Slavery.

And so the war begins.




The Clockmaker

[SeaN]

auto this is an intense story my friend. The style of writing creates a unique tension that builds throughout the work. I found myself drawing many parallels to the world today; issues of freedom, terrorism and government control. I was really drawn in quickly as this momentum toward a revolution of sorts seemed to grow.

Interesting and effective form you picked in terms of presentation; I like the journal entries. The title is catchy and intriguing (I'm actually quite surprised it hasn't gotten any responses yet). On top of that, your choice of topic is quite clever- presenting a story about the internet to an online community. Nicely done.

Well written as well. There were a couple of points I thought were worth mentioning;

His name was Ashida Shin-ra. He ran a torrent tracker on a server in singapore. He liked anime. He was in university. He was average height and build. He wore glasses, no contacts. He was afraid to touch his eyes. He is famous where we come from. His was the first site banned from the Worldnet.

I wasn't crazy about the simplicity of sentence structure here. I believe you are using it as a literary device; to reinforce the feeling that this is just a regular guy- not really unlike you or me. Nothing special about him really- simple, straight and to the point. I have to admit though, it seemed out of place- almost like a change-up pitch. The sentence after you 'pick up the pace' again with complex diction, introducing metaphor's and precise descriptions.

(oh and you should probably capatilize 'Singapore' by the way)

I really liked the way you list the names and offenses right after that. The way you allow the reader to absorb list and notice the progression is very cool.

___________
Overall very good read and interesting idea man. I hope there will me more entries! I feel like the story is just beginning.

[automan]

Thank you, I was beginning to think my stories were not going to get replies, heh. The simplicity of the sentence structure is intentional. I was trying to slow down the flow of the reader so he/she would pay attention to how fast the numbers of people getting banned from the Worldnet grew. There are seven people listed, starting with Ashida and ending with Allison, but they span 50,000 people.

I wrote these while bored at work (state employee) and really started to get into them. So much so that I am a little less than a third of the way through my first novel, which is based on these diary entries. I sort of feel like I was bashing the imagery over the reader's head, though. That is greatly toned down in the book. And by imagery, I mean the many MANY biblical references (Six explosions on as many continents in as many days (666), for six days and six nights (creation), ...or system dropped until 40 days later (Great Flood), etc.) There are many more if someone really wants to take a look.

Again, thanks for your feedback. It is greatly appreciated.

Otto

Hi Otto,

This is a great short story.

I would like to translate it to Hebrew and submit it to Sf community here in Israel (with your permission of course)

Please contact me at:

rr250@netvision.net.il

Thanks and best regards.

[automan]

Email sent. Please just use the same license I talked about in the story: Quote me as the author, use it non-commercially, and don't change it (other than translation.)

I am making great headway on the novel. One of the fine members on these boards has agreed to edit it for me

[purpulfantom]

Powerfully written; the authorial voice is absolutely perfect in getting the message across, much like the advertisers on TV who tell us to go and buy their new car because it has knobs on the dashboard. It definately strikes a chord and we are dragged into this futurist world of two webs.

To say that the first three "entries" are merely exposition, the way in which this is done is very subtle indeed. Whilst I don't know who the main character is, I know the sort of person he (or she) is, and the world they live in. Expertly done.

On the other hand, whilst the short sentence structure serves to get the reader to reel from the blow of the last sentence, it gets a little weary after a while, and the impact is lost slightly. Short sentences are like giving your audience a gentle nudge away, and seems to say "Stop. Think. Now read on", over-use can feel like someone is driving a car and hasn't quite got used to the gears.

Don't get me wrong, I liked it, and it scores quite highly. The only areas it fell down on were really due to there not being enough material to score higher yet. Others may disagree, but I'd like to read a little more before the high marks start flying.

[Jon%]

I liked the tone of the piece, and it definitely drew me in. That being said, it reads like an intro and feels far from complete. We're just kind of hanging here with a lot of things unexplained. I really like the format though and would love to see more. Cheers!

[Masa]

Truly amazing, I really enjoyed it. I'm no good at reviewing, but just know that this has intrigued me very much, and I am desperately wanting to know what happens next. If my mind is left to draw in the blanks, so be it. Wonderful. Truly remarkable.

[Gurdit]

He was average height and build.

He was of average height and build?

Some of us leaders, some of us emissaries, all of us unified in the belief that freedom is a
right.

You've inadvertently pressed the Enter button here I think[/quote]

yet most of the software they used, goods they
bought, and art they loved came from us.

Another inadvertent Enter button?

Though, there would not be a shot fired or system dropped until 40 days later.

An unnecessary comma?


-------

Amazing work! Truly splendid!
Your simplicity is astonishingly endearing. I can't wait to read what happens. You're talking about a revolution. You're writing about technicalities, about technologies... that's always intimidating. This isn't just a short story you're writing, you're writing something that's relevant, and huge.

Your sentence structures were just fine. I could only find those small flaws I pointed out. Good job.

[automan]

Thank You!

This was just the sketch pad. I did this in my spare time at work. I am more than half way through the novel right now. Hopefully, I will finish it before spring. When I finish, I will send off a few copies to friends to take the red pen too. Someone from the boards here started to edit my first four chapters, but I guess life has taken a bit more of his time that he thought.

Would you like a copy of the first draft to take a red pen to?

[Gurdit]

Sure, but you'll have to give me time... I'm in college and my work load has just gone up because of some projects we have to do this semester.

[moltensliver]

This is very, very good beginning, are you going to continute this? I would love to read more, keep me updated.

[DanHill]

Cool story. it's a weird set out though. [I hope I spelled werid right]

But over all cool story

[sci-fi-dude]

This has tremendous potential. I like the gritty feel to the narrative. I would love to read more. Let me know when you finish your novel!