Synopsis: A mutated virus has strange effects on different people...
Prologue:
Adam Grey, a United States marine, was ranked as one of a hundred elite marines in the United States Marine Corps. The U.S. government took these 100 marines and cryogenically froze them after bombing North Korea with a toxic gas that would kill all the people in the area of the blast. The United States decided to bomb Korea because the country harbored W.M.D.s that they believed were going to be deployed against the U.S.
They froze these marines because of fear that Korea would retaliate, and they wanted military units safe for later use. The U.S. aimed for Korea's main military base, known only as KB-03, killing all personnel, including high ranking military officers.
They were very accurate at hitting Korea's main military base. Unfortunately, Korea also had a second military base unknown to the United States. The U.S. definitely underestimated Korea's superiority. Korea used the gas in the bomb that was deployed against them to engineer a second bomb.
Scientists added a chemical to this bomb that would cause anyone exposed to the gas to mutate uncontrollably. How this chemical worked was unknown even to them at the time. All they knew was that it would wreak havoc in the United States.
The United States found out about Korea's construction of the bomb. Using spies and other sources to get information from Korea's military, they extracted information that was vital to their defense. They found out what this bomb contained and how to defend against the gas. The top researchers of the military started to work on a vaccination for the disease. They tested the virus on lab animals, and were stunned at what happened.
The animals' skin actually peeled right off, revealing an inner layer with a darker pigmentation. They also grew moderately larger, some more than others, became more violent and had a much bigger appetite for meat.
Researchers succeded in creating a vaccination. What was unknown to the researchers is that the vaccination would not work on everyone. The vaccination would strengthen the immune system of the subject, creating a basic immune system against the virus. If a subjects immune system was too weak, the vaccination wouldn't stengthen it enough to protect against the virus.
This vaccination was incredibley strong and if used incorrectly, it would kill the subject. When the vaccination was released to the public for use in the U.S., people came quickly to get the vaccine. Since so many people needed this, doctors were of limited use and they would have to treat themselves. Some of the subjects had a natural immunity to the virus, but it was a very rare circumstance.
Some of the people who took the vaccination would accidentally overdose on the drug, killing themselves. The people who were very frightened of getting the virus took too much, killing themselves within a few minutes.
The virus had different effects on different people. When the outer skin peeled off people of very strong build would become a large mass of muscle with the likeness of a humanoid. Researcher Tom Fesfield described the creature as "...a body builder, but without skin. That's what they look like, except taller and more muscular."
People of medium build would have an additional layer of skin with similar pigmentation as the animals had.
Why this happened for different body builds was based on how much muscle content they had. When a person infected with the virus was of strong build, the muscles would rapidly grow larger. This broke the inner layer of skin that a person of normal build would have when infected. Even though the inner layer of skin is showing for people of medium build, they will still be stronger and deadlier. The muscle did not deteriorate because the virus did not target muscle cells.
This effect created a creature that looked like a reanimated corpse. These creatures could move much faster than a normal human.
And they had a craving for human flesh.
The military nicknamed them "zombies" because of their resemblance in appearance and behavior to the mythical cinema monsters.
Even some trees were affected by the virus when an infected animal decomposed nearby, the roots absorbed the nurtrients from the ground, which contained the virus and infected the trees.
Some of the plant cells in the infected trees mutated into animal cells, making them more flexible because the cell walls deteriorated. They were then able to freely move their limbs, allowing them to grasp and attack potential food. Once a tree was infected, it could spread the virus through its pollen.
This also included other plant life, such as flowers and bushes. Some plants that got infected had immune systems that were too small and instead died from the virus.
The virus was airborne, which made it extremely deadly. Anybody could be infected by it if not vaccinated, or if their immune system was weak.
Researchers gave a special name to this virus. They named it C.A.D.I.V. for Cell And DNA Infecting Virus.
__________________ I reject your reality and subsitutue my own.
Last edited by Gus2.0; 22-03-2008 at 11:20 PM.
Reason: final edit
This story has a nice plot, but the whole thing in general is hard to read. Switching around the paragraphs so they'd be in chronological order would help a lot of that. Also, this sentence, "The U.S. government took these 100 marines and cryogenically froze them after bombing North Korea with a toxic gas that would kill all the people in the area of the blast." is tough to follow. Sentences like this need to be broken down so it's understandable, otherwise the reader's eyes get pulled directly to the sentence, and conflicting messages clash inside their heads, making them read it over and over again.
Other than that, it looks good looking forward to Chapter one
__________________ "You could put a whole regiment of Dicks on my back without making me feel any better."
-Rudyard Kipling
The Jungle Books, Servants of the Queen
When I look for a prologue I kind of look for an ultra-short story that sets the scene while still being interesting. The problems I have with this is:
A) You try to put too much in. Let the rest of the story flesh out any parts of past that need be written. You have so much here that doesn't need to be.
B) If I took apart your sentences and bulleted them in a list it would still work.
C) I don't meet a single character so it really sets only a general backdrop (that can be hinted at later in the story if need be) and so a second, more specific prologue must be written to actually start your real story
Why not try choosing who you're going to write about (a group of zombie fighting marines, I take it) wakes up and must do some Recon or something or you meet the scientist who fucks it all up at the moment they do or something. I need some CHARACTERS!
In the beginning i mentioned Adam Grey. That is what the story is about. Adam Grey waking up and finding out that the world he once knew is now infested with furocious flesh eating monsters. This basically gives a background of what the virus does. I can't really put all the information of what it did in my story because then it would be boring. You would just have two people talking, one answering questions and one asking them. It would also be kind of cheesy. Im only talking about one marine. Once they were released from the freezing chamber, they were relesed to the family they were otherwise entitled to. They were still asleep for hours after they were relesed though. I know this is long, but it gives a basic background of whats going on. I see your point and i will add the information about them being released to the home in the actual story. Not the first chapter, but the second one when he gets more information. Thanks for the comments though.
__________________ I reject your reality and subsitutue my own.
I wouldn’t just say ‘Korea’ in the second sentence, it’s a proper noun so say its full name.
Your being self redundant, if you’re going to ‘bomb’ another country because they ‘harbored WMDs’ then saying they wanted to ‘bomb in fear of retaliation’…you could combine the first two paragraphs. Actually you could combine the first three paragraphs.
Not to sound ‘witchy,’ but how would the ‘intelligence’ know accurately that ‘all personnel, including high ranking military officers’ would be at this installation?
What was this ‘gas’ used? What was the ‘bomb’ used by the North Koreans?
For me personally, I am not impressed by ‘this’ prologue…Why not start off with the Americans; scientists, government officials, military officers all in some ‘War Room’ strategizing the coming ‘fall out?’ Have radar screen glowing, screaming officials, chaotic telephone conversations…there is just so many ways you could have introduced this then refer back to America’s final ‘hope,’ the frozen Marines…Then somehow work in the ‘effects’ of this ‘zombie’ making virus. I will hold off on rating this story until I read further.
__________________
If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
It is alsmost suppost to be like an entery in a scientist's journal or something or like a lab observations kind of thing.
No. History. Trust me. Lab reports = the bane of my intelligible existence
I can give you a couple dozen examples of a lab report that would change your mind, but taking my word would be for the best (especially since I WON'T turn all my reports onto online copypasta for your whims)
Oh, you made the story. Okay, well, if you want I'll send you one copy of a lab report/observation timetable/manual/journal deelee. It wouldn't come out like that tho'. And I see your story's up, I just haven't gotten around to it. Maybe this weekend. (Smoke a bowl, get some chips, read a story, sounds like a good afternoon to me )
Last edited by WorldWarCheese; 02-04-2008 at 10:32 AM.
Nice story! I'm not much of an expert when it comes to criticizing on peoples' writing but I think that this is going to be much better than Resident Evil (which I'm personally too scared to watch lol) . The storyline is easier to follow but more complicated at the same time. I give it two thumbs up.
I'll be honest, this reminded me too much of I Am Legend.
I'll give you praise for the military areas, as that had some good originality.
Like others have said, this seems more of a report, or a letter that someone is writing. I'm hoping that in the actual story, it will be more story-like
But, everyone has to start somewhere (You should've seen my first stories =P )
The U.S. definitely underestimated Korea's superiority.
So this means in your story Korea is FAR more powerful than the US right?
Quote:
Some of the people who took the vaccination would accidentally overdose on the drug, killing themselves. The people who were very frightened of getting the virus took too much, killing themselves within a few minutes.
You are saying the same thing twice.
Overall this needs some work. I did a similar thing with my first prologue. You have to show and not tell.... 90% of the information you gave here will be forgotten before the reader is even done reading the prologue... You also have a slight issue with repeating the same thing with slightly different words. Sometimes repetition can be useful, but you have to know when and where you are using it. I would go back and slim this piece down a bit.
Overall I'd give it a 6.9/10. Not quite there yet but you've got a nice story going here!
__________________ "I generally sleep, eat, and sleep when I get tired of the other two..."
Intresting. highly interesting however it would be better if you didn't begin your prologue with technicalities otherwise it would be hard for a reader to get into it. I believe a prologue should be sooo attention-grabbing that when a reader reads just that first page ..he would be led to buy the book itself.
I think prologues should always have cliff-hangers and build-up tension to make the reader excited to read more. I think the more you wrote ...it sounded interesting except for the begining it was just to technical for the eye to follow.
Ofcourse there is room for improvement. it sounded interesting enough that I may read the the next chapter. so thats a well done =) you've captured enough interest.
__________________
My penmanship is hardpressed / with wordy
weight / hurried and broken / unpracticed, unscripted / untamed
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I reject your reality and subsitutue my own. 
looking forward to Chapter one 
Re: Prologue to Plagued Nation
Re: Prologue to Plagued Nation
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