[EternalPen]

***Prologue***

He jerked the steering wheel and missed another car.

"Slow down!" The woman in the seat behind him said.

"I cant! You don't want them to catch us do you?"

"Well..."

"I didn't think so." He said as he jammed down the gas pedal and drove with an expert's skill, swerving past Mini Vans and other people going down the highway. He looked at his wife and could tell she was deep in thought because she gently bit her bottom lip when she was thinking.

"We have to tell someone. I'm going to write a note and hide it, maybe whoever finds will find the note to."

"And then what? Put them in the same danger we're in? Oh, never mind. Go ahead."

He shoved down the gas pedal and didn't let up at all.

"Oh, great! Don't die on me know!" He yelled to himself, as he noticed he was about to run out of gas.

"We can't stop." His wife said as she also noticed how low they were on gasoline.

"I'm not! Do you think I'm stupid!?" He yelled at her. He let out a big sigh before he started
talking again.

"I'm sorry for yelling, it's just-"

He never got to finish.

A police siren sounded off behind their car.

"Great! Now were going to die because a stupid cop gave us a speeding ticket!"

"We are NOT going to die, we have a huge head start on the rest of them. I'll just take the ticket, and you can drive us out of here."

He slowed down and pulled over, then he smelled the air around him.

"No, no... we have to get rid of it! It's leaking, I can smell it!" He spat out frantically as he looked behind him at a small metal box in the back seat.

"Excuse me," The policeman said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" He didn't give them a chance to answer.

A noise like a knife cutting through stubborn life whispered it's ways to no one. It was too silent to hear.

Shhtk! Shhtk!

The policeman pocketed his silencer.

"We told you," He said to the now limp and bloody couple in the car, "You can run, but you can't hide."

He grabbed the small metal box in the back seat and got in his car. He drove back the way he came, laughing.

[Eadha Deora]

woah ok .. that's quite high speed

[EternalPen]

prologue. Sorry, they usually don't make sence. ^_^

[Ferris]

'Noon...

Quite fast paced here, and clearly enough to get the reader to carry on, lets hope the rest of it follows on as good!

I did, however, spot a few mistakes that can be easily sorted out.

The first was this,

"Oh, great! Don't die on me know!" He yelled to himself, as he noticed he was about to run out of gas. - Think you mean 'now'

He said as he jammed down the gas pedal and drove with an expert's skill - What is an 'experts skill'? I think you could do a little better than that, perhaps give us a brief glimpse into his calm sweat, or perhaps how he doesn't seem to be breaking into a sweat at all. Description is the key word here.

A noise like a knife cutting through stubborn life whispered it's ways to no one. It was too silent to hear. - I think this sounds like it could be a good metaphor, but I'm not sure it makes enough sense, especially as you continue to tell us how it sounds. IF it whispered its way to no one, how can the reader be expected to know what it feels like? Thats just my opinion, of course, made me chuckle though

"We told you," He said to the now limp and bloody couple in the car, "You can run, but you can't hide." - I'd lose that 'now' to keep the pace up and give the line more shock.

Overall, I'm liking it so far!

Ferris

[EternalPen]

I wrote this practically forever ago. I'll fix some of this up.... if I get to. I tend to procrastinate a lot. >_<

[AnimeFreakGeek]

Hope to read more past the Prolouge! Sounds like you are off to a pretty decent start with this.

[crackdaddy]

this is some pretty intense dialogue. did you actually write this prologue before the main story or go back afterward?

[EternalPen]

I started with this. I personally didn't think it was that good, but Im still working on it. ^_^

[WorldWarCheese]

swerving past Mini Vans and other people going down the highway.

Sounded like you wanted to describe in detail the cars they zip past, but it sounds more like "Whoa! Minivans! ....aaaaand those other guys" instead of a mass of cars on the highway.

"Oh, great! Don't die on me know!" He yelled to himself, as he noticed he was about to run out of gas.

"We can't stop." His wife said as she also noticed how low they were on gasoline.

It may just be me, but it seemed odd that he "noticed he was about to run out of gas" AFTER he said "don't die on me now". The in-between moment of reading I was all "WTF is dying so soon!?"

The cop was cool but ultimately I can't say I liked it very much. I will read any more installments to see if it picks up but it seemed confused and choppy, less of a prologue and maybe better suited for a short action sequence within an already established chapter.

[EternalPen]

lol
Pretty much this was written when I sucked at writing.
m doing better now, and I STILL suck, so thats not saying much, lol, but practice makes perfect! ^_^

[WorldWarCheese]

and I STILL suck

I recommend therapy for that inferiority complex. (I haven't read your other works so I don't know how good you are now, but unless that is a false facade of humility then you're in trouble.

practice makes perfect

It all depends on if you train the proper way.

So is there going to be a Chapter One to this Prologue or is this a dead thread that you posted for ole time's sake? I'm cool either way, but this was wicked confusing and I was wondering if there was an abriged version of the rest just so I could find out what the fuck is going on (I hate not knowing things, it reveals to me that I'm not always omniscient)

Oh, and read the second (and first if you haven't) chapter in my own story. 100 points per story you read and post advice in. (If the advice is good I'll give up to THREE HUNDRED points per post.)

^ (Don't miss out)

[EternalPen]

I THINK i posted chapter 1. I had like, six chapters and my computer crashed. I lost it but chapters one, two, and HALF of chapter three. >_<

BUT! At least I didn't lose all of it! ^_^

[WorldWarCheese]

Yeah, I'd flip the fuck out if I lost all my work so far. And I'll look for chapter one (thanks )

Oh, and did I mention you get between 100-300 points per post in my new story? (Link in my sig)

[EternalPen]

Yeah, like twice.
Haha, desperate?
I'll check it out when I get the chance, and no points, please. ^_^

[WorldWarCheese]

Let's just say I run a strong ad-campaign.

[EternalPen]

Strong indeed.
^_^