[Venomous Vixen]

Crawling inside this nauseated shell
Picking and prying the confines within
Drudged up stampedes of sickening memories
Regurgitating a past once safely locked away

Hands greedily upon me again
Breaking my center, the pain courses through
Sticky blood stains my shattered petals
Flower within long ago plucked in greed

Barren gardens decorate my icy heart
Beating only to be massacred again
Nothing since has ever paralleled
Splitting beneath his demented touch

My sickness, I crave it, rape my soul
Never more alive than battered and bleeding
My fantasy, my nightmare, my self worth
All wilted in my spoiled flowerbed

Soiled with his seed, greedily released
Deep within my haunted dwelling
I call out to him "destroy me again"
That is all I've been taught to feel

He is my water and my sunlight
In this garden of my silent doom
He pillages and plunders defeated lands
At the mercy of unforgiving hands

He is my master
My keeper
My memory
My forever

[Corneac]

Wooh...this is amazing Bri. One of my favourites from you, it has more to it, more breadth...it's almost deeper. You have a skill for distilling poetry to few words so much, but this shows you can say even more with more words.

Soiled with his seed, greedily released
Deep within my haunted dwelling
I call out to him "destroy me again"
That is all I've been taught to feel

And you day I can carry a metaphor and a "feel" throghout. Pssh. this was amazing...the flawless deliverance of the “flowerbed”, from the petals wilting, the seeds, the ground. It's very intrinsic. I agree that perhaps you should rework the last stanza. But man! I love this...your description...especially the one I picked out. Where just...wow. Dramatic but oh so vivid. I loved it.

[Jess1016]

This is a really vivid portrait. I dont think i fully understand it, but i love the flower metaphore. Flowers really are butchered and raped by gardeners who want to possess thier beauty. I dont know if you're a women who feels like a flower, or are speaking from the prospective of one. But either way its awsome, really great flow and language.

[Venomous Vixen]

Chris - Thank you... and yes, a rewrite of the last stanza is in order. By the way I am still blushing, that all meant so much from you!

Jess - That is what I love so much, poetry is open to so many different interpretations! I loved yours actually... and yes the metaphor is to do with a woman and a man but for now I will leave the explanation at that. Thank you!

[Ferris]

I love it!

Though I got the impression of a forced love at times, the tender surrender at others. I may have got it confused a little bit, but I certainly got the gist of it.

Although, the flower could be a little bit cliche' since where I come from, to have some one picking your flower can mean more than a few things!!

Still, very well written. I think this is why I cant write poetry too well, i cant do what you have done!

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you Ferris!

Forced is a great word to see from this, love on the other hand, well in some sick way yes.

And yes, the "picking of the flower" meant more than simply plucking one from a garden, I think your alternate meaning was on the right track

Again, thank you for taking the time to read!!

[Lubesh]

I got an abused child who very often doesn't know how else to act or feel after being conditioned to it. But, it is open for lot's of interpretation in the realms of 'sick', degradation etc. Very vivid and i took often beautful metaphor used alongside this, as ironic ....well played.

[Ferris]

Not trying to sound silly, but I don't get what you just said Lubesh, could you explain a little more?

How rude! V.V

Just a question, what made you chose some of your metaphors? Another silly question I know...

[Venomous Vixen]

The metephors were chosen from emotion... haha I will try and explain my writing process... I get images in my mind which invoke feelings in me and then I pour them onto paper... so here the flower conjured up images of desolate gardens and, well hopefully you can follow that. I would love to explain more but this one is a little too personal to get into more detail... I am liable to lose it at work lol.

[Syrah]

Haunting, provacative. Another wonder from you-- and meaning hidden well enough that all ages can read and appreciate while the older or more experienced can decipher the actual meaning. An idea about the last stanza though-------perhaps reworking it to more match the rest of the poem.

Example.....

The master of my barren garden,
Keeper to all that was virtuous
Held in key- a memory- of a painful promise
Captivated in a prison of torrential torment.

Take it as you will. Use it if you wish. Edit the crap out of it if you must LOL Love ya girl

your skill is obvious. Perhaps you should move forward with your metaphors and test yourself more. but all in all a good poem. Good imagery (if a little obvious), good structure (if a little boring) and quality emotions.

[roan54]

wow, this is really powerful on so many levels. i also love how vaugue it is; you can interpret it so many different ways. it really made me think of like an abusive relationship. those women are stuck in an awful situation ("Crawling inside this nauseated shell
Picking and prying the confines within
Drudged up stampedes of sickening memories") and yet they continue to stay in it. ("That is all I've been taught to feel" and "My fantasy, my nightmare, my self worth"). i dunno why, but this poem really speaks to me. i guess its because it really embodies an abusive relationship, and what the victim feels, and how they get stuck in this rut.

goodness, i apologize for that random stream of conciousness. excellent poem.

[Venomous Vixen]

Sy - Thanks for the stanza, I am going to add my own touches to your suggestion and rework the end as soon as possible. XOXO girl.

Roan - Thank you also... I liked the ramble Nice to see what people get from what I write!

[Vorcla]

Awesome and chilling. The metaphors, use of language, the imagery - all top notch, as we've come to expect from the V V. You even had it nailed during your early days, Bri. Wonderful, if heartbreaking.

[Nupur]

This is so vivid. And so beautiful. The first thing I thought of was Stockholm Syndrome. Might be my really twisted imagination, hell, of course it IS my twisted imagination, but it all really added to the effect for me. This particular disorder… if you can call it that really interests me, and I’m planning a story about it so this poem was an obvious draw. Like you said it can be interpreted in numerous ways and that indeed is one of the best things about poetry. The metaphor of the flower is overused, but you did very well with that. I loved it. And I like how you carried it throughout using ‘barren gardens’. That was amazing.

Soiled with his seed, greedily released
Deep within my haunted dwelling
I call out to him "destroy me again"
That is all I've been taught to feel

Yay for my favourite stanza. The spoiled/soiled carry over was impeccably done. And I love the dual meaning you can assert to ‘seed’, further helping my Stockholm syndrome theory. I totally love everything you have put in these four lines. Every single word, so carefully placed, brilliant and incredibly vivid images. The tone of the last line of the stanza is mindblowing. Slightly less dramatic stressing on the resigned mood of it.

I agree with everyone about the last stanza. I particularly love Sy’s suggestion. I really suggest you rework that part. Other than that, it’s brilliant. Really awesome.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both - and yes, yes... I need to rework that ending. It makes me cringe now lol.