[Venomous Vixen]

The dust of the road, painted on her teeth,
traveler's stained boots and satin dreams,
thumb upturned, pointing against the future,
as hope flickers in the dust upon her teeth.

A Georgia peach, born and bred a lady,
nectar-sweet voice beckoning even the birds,
through tattered clothes still remains the hope,
thumb upturned, from Georgia grew a lady.

Brakes squeak, the sound of prayers answered
beckon inside, this girls riding the next chapter
through dingy glass on a half broken muffler,
he grins a grin, reflecting her prayers answered.

And too soon life spins her off the beaten path,
his hand hiking up her thigh in reassurance,
as deafness creeps upon him, she screams,
answered only by the vacant, unbeaten path.

Bound by fate, the light of tomorrow flickers
with one finger inside, he bruises her dreams,
smashes death down upon her reeling fantasy,
blood seeps on dingy glass, extinguishing tomorrow.

Hallowed are the eyes above the dust painted teeth,
boots and satin dreams now stained a deep crimson,
thumb limp, down turned toward her eternal bed,
hopes flown to heaven, leaving the dust painted teeth.


**Not my best piece of work I know, but it was in memory of a young hitchhiker that was killed over the new year, found decapitated and beaten with a blunt object. She was a beautiful young woman.**

[Vorcla]

"Dust...painted upon her teeth." Great imagery. You have a knack for that.

This is a harrowing, chilling poem. It's difficult to read (because of its subject matter, not because of the flow). You took a difficult subject and made a statement. The build up of hope, and then hope destroyed. Nice job.

[Corneac]

I don't know how you think this crap. Gosh. are you insane? At first it almost read like a list, of images, of moments....and bugged me. but it built up, almost like a menacing drumbeat, and it it became so much mroe than a list. More like last few, the flickers one might see in there last moments. Gosh. Can you ever right girl.

with one finger inside,

]

this girls riding the next chapter
through dingy glass on a half broken muffler,

Suchm real and chilly images. Gosh. I take my hat off to you...my girl..stop writing? If you do I will personally get my ass over there and piff a stapler at yoru head. Cheeky bugger.

[Vorcla]

Originally posted by Corneac:

Such real and chilly images. Gosh. I take my hat off to you...my girl..stop writing? If you do I will personally get my ass over there and piff a stapler at yoru head. Cheeky bugger.

Did I miss something? Bri - you COULDN'T have considered, even for a second, that you would stop writing? Or am I reading this wrong?

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both, haha no, I am not insane... just a little critical is all. And Rick, I had a minor fit last night, swore I was giving up, but alas a new dawn and that all went out the window. I am still not happy with this one. In time, I may try and rework it. Again, thank you both!

[Jimbalaya]

Quite a range of emotions in there, Bri. About half way through a many-legged something started crawling it's way down my spine. With it being inspired by something real, and tragic, it makes the effect even more drastic. I found myself hoping with her, and in fear with her. I'm impressed. You have an incredible ability to launch emotions at the reader in very few words. I can feel it already, this one will be on my mind for some time.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you very much, your reaction means I have done what I set out to do... spread a little empathy and remorse for a young life taken. Thank you for reading, and commenting... and for the kind words as well.

[dearest]

Beautiful, reflective, and chilling, with lovely repetition (Love that "dust painted teeth" line) and vivid imagery. A fitting, lovingly written tribute. Great work, Bri.

[Lubesh]

Your compassion as human being shines before your poetry....which we see again in full flow. The vivd and stark reality relayed in such poeic detailing doesnt take away the sharp gesture you chose to do. Good for you..and stopbeing so hardon it, it fine i think anyway.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both very much!

[Nupur]

Wow...incredibly chilling. Loved the imagery here. I know I'm just being repetitive, but I loved "dust painted teeth". Excellent poem!

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks very much, and yes, I was proud of that image so I am glad it was well received.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

Thanks very much, and yes, I was proud of that image so I am glad it was well received.

You seem to manage to do that several times in most things you write; you give us refreshingly different images. Bri the "Cliche-Buster!"

[joshuaw1]

After you explained the story behind it, it became much better and more real to me. Sad even. All images and no time to think about them. I like it.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you for the comment Joshua, and a welcome to the site!

haha, and Rick, the "Cliche-buster" am I?

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Venomous Vixen

Thank you for the comment Joshua, and a welcome to the site!

haha, and Rick, the "Cliche-buster" am I?

Of course. You realize that's a compliment?

[Venomous Vixen]

yes, lol, I do realize... and thank you