[Venomous Vixen]

Moonlight descends with razor teeth
In a fleshy embrace she penetrates me
And I but shudder beneath her kiss
Silvery, stained crimson with my secrets

Life melts from bones; she greedily feeds
Sunk deep in the center of me
Licking the very essence of my soul
Silvery, tainted crimson with my sins

And I arch to greet her needy lips
Whispering against the deepest parts of me
Unspoken words flow from my body to hers
Silvery, caked crimson with my decay

Betrayal between body and mind cease
Trembling, as the climax overcomes
Her soft light dancing against my darkness
Silvery, painted crimson with my release

[Vorcla]

Oh. This reads like velvet. Gives me shivers. You excel at the dark genre, Bri. I love the "Silvery,....crimson" repetitions. Scary and sexy at the same time. I guess "sublime" is the word I'm looking for. Excellent job, hun.

[Vail]

This one was a good effort. You had some nice visuals in here but the flow was off just a little bit. In your second stanza, the pause in your first line throws the reader off just a little bit. You don't have that pause elsewhere in the piece and it isn't like a jolt or a rough halt, just a little hitch in the ride. Your use of repetition was nice, wasn't a huge fan of caked crimson of the set, it just didn't seem to fit in with your other descriptions. Kinda like on one of those word lists, which one doesn't belong kind of thing.

That was probably me just being picky. Also, if you had dropped the pattern completely in the fourth stanza, I would have overlooked the fact that in your ending stanza, your second line doesn't end in me. I've tried adding it mentally there and it seems so unnecessary I can see why you wouldn't put it in, but at the same time you had established it in the pattern.. so.. meh.. obviously your call, just pointing it out to you.

Umm.. yeah, not a favorite piece from you, but still a great effort with lots of good stuff inside. This doesn't have the same feel I get from a lot of your pieces and maybe that just means you're going in a different direction with your writing right now, I don't know. Anyhow, thanks for sharing.

[Venomous Vixen]

Only you would catch the second line in the last stanza, Nate. I even thought of you as I was writing it over, haha, that will teach me. I know this one needs a bit of TLC, it is pretty rough as is. I will get on that when the mood strikes again. Thank you both VERY much for the comments!

[Lubesh]

I agree sensual would make the bones for other than dark..nci with and i agree some fine tuning..bri style.

[Venomous Vixen]

haha fine tuning - bri style. Yes, I will get around to fixing this one up. Thanks Lu

[Corneac]

And I but shudder beneath her kiss

hahaha..reminds me of my CFPC...nice Bri. I liekd this, some great imagery int here, but i dunno. It just felt all a but over the top...you know how mcuh I despise poetic dramatism witout grittines (I know, how hypocritical of me), but I dunno. I think I'm being nit-picking and it's only my preference. Good effort, perhaps it;s me.

[Venomous Vixen]

yeah, I know what you are saying. Not one of my best by a longshot Thanks, Booger.

[RENA HANDS]

Well, once again you have blown my mind; the imagery is Fantastic! (I know that I use the word too much, but here it is sufficient.) The paranormal emotions of trepidation and the excitement of pleasure (at least for me) illustrated…Marvelous! (Again, I use this word excessively, but once more satisfactory.)

I give great applause to the repetitive ‘crimson,’ that really clinched it for me.

Silvery, stained crimson with my secrets

Silvery, tainted crimson with my sins

Silvery, caked crimson with my decay

Silvery, painted crimson with my release

(Wickedly creative!)

I think this write would be very, very appropriate to an installment of an Anne Rice’s book.
Of course you could always do a dark/vampiric book for everyone else on the site. I would definitely love to read that. (Enough babel.) I give so humbly, 5/5!

[Venomous Vixen]

And once again thank you very much, you made me blush yet again!