[Hirak]

Synopsis: written in relation to a painting:-
http://www.denispeterson.com/photorealism_prints.html

Tonight,
When the stars are aglow with twinkles divine,
And the skies pierced by your holy shine,
Immortal,
We will walk the water in the dim moonlight,
With bare feet in puddles of ankle deep night.

Tonight,
When the green paddy blows with a resounding chime,
Our silhouettes shall follow the gadarene rush of time.
Immortal,
As a sheaf of onus upon our shouldered blight,
shall extradite the nothingness of the spritely night.

Tonight,
We shall tread upon the holy motherland,
And speak in silence to you with folded hands.
Immortal,
With words that will not talk of our anguish and plight,
Our famine will scream but silent will be the night.

Tonight,
We seek not vengeance or solace in your arms,
Our shadows in the stillness beseech your qualms.
Immortal,
We begin with a single step like a ray of light,
Into the dark labyrinth in the fathoms of a night.

Tonight,
We shall paint an immaculate picture of our dreams,
And make it real even if hyperreal it seems.
Immortal,
We shall not be and neither shall your light,
But our dreams will remain like a candle in the night.

Tonight,
The journey of a thousand miles shall begin,
From under our own feet we shall commit the sin.
Immortal,
Stepping upon your mellifluous breast will we in our plight,
Walk the journey of a thousand nights tonight.


"And one day when we reach there,
We shall take off our burdens at night,
Unveil ourselves in a mirror of truth,
And seek our chimaeric faces to change in the light.."


For the journey of a thousand nights,
Has only just begun..
And what we achieve in our lives,
Is nothing but a Chimaera..


"An unrealizable dream..!!"


- Hirak.

[Rain]

Hey Hirak, now I did not look at the picture because I am lazy, but the poem was quite good. I liked how you rhymed 'night' in every other stanza, but I saw you used 'light' twice to rhyme with 'night' but I guess that can't be changed now. Other than that minor bit I didn't see much to complain about, and I loved some of your word choice, and rhymes.

"Tonight,
We shall paint an immaculate picture of our dreams,
And make it real even if hyperreal it seems.
Immortal,
We shall not be and neither shall your light,
But our dreams will remain like a candle in the night."


I really enjoyed that stanza, seemed to flow best for me, however this was the 2nd of the 'light' situations, but I was able to look past that. Also like the first stanza. Nicely done as always, Hirak.

[Hirak]

Thank you, the only reason i asked to see the picture was that you would be able to make out what the poem is about. anyway, i see your point about the "light" rhymes, not that i thought too much about it when i wrote it.. but it was a good feedback, thanks again!

Hirak.

[Perscription]

The light thing didnt bother me at all, wouldnt have noticed it even only for someone commented on it! I liked this, great imagery throughout, your somewhat enchanting use of language is to be admired.

[Hirak]

Thank you, and sorry for the late response, I had been away for a while!!

Hirak.