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24-05-2008, 02:56 PM
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The Stars
While reaching high,
Perceive what you cannot see. In the light of the world, The night holds all of your dreams. Why can’t people see, The truth that lies in the heavens, For in the sky of night, The stars will hide tonight. Seeing doesn’t believe, just believe what you must. Seeing is the truth of what you can’t receive, If you stare it in the face you will understand, Why the darkness peels you from your dreams. The casing it holds is one from the fight, The light and sight came from the stars.
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Concentrating on something is simply a small factor that deals with focusing. To truly focus on something, you must understand how that something works from the inside view of it. Last edited by Alex; 28-05-2008 at 12:08 PM. 
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28-05-2008, 08:01 AM
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Re: The Stars
Quote:
I may also suggest you fix up that last stanza, it seemed to halt the flow. Let me know when you have and keep commenting and I will get this up for you 
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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28-05-2008, 12:09 PM
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Re: The Stars
I have edited it.
__________________
Concentrating on something is simply a small factor that deals with focusing. To truly focus on something, you must understand how that something works from the inside view of it.
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29-05-2008, 03:23 AM
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Re: The Stars
Very interesting one here, Alex. It provoked some thought from me, the whole looking beyond what we see and what we know into the vastness and darkness. And again with the line "Why the darkness peels you from your dreams". I will have to come back to this, there are many layers to look at here and it is very well done.
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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29-05-2008, 10:02 AM
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Re: The Stars
Hey Alex, first off, I liked this very much, so anything I say is suggestion, and I have very little to suggest.
"Perceive what you cannot see. "Why can’t people see" I see too many 'see's here... that was stupid so don't laugh at it.  ."For in the sky of night, The stars will hide tonight" This seemed to be the only rhyme, if it was intentional you might want to take it out, if you could think of another word that might be a little better for the piece. idk. Now to the content, it was compelling, and I enjoyed it. I love reviewing your work, because I truly think you're very good, just a natural poetic touch to all your pieces. Good job EDIT: this is Altair btw.
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In the face of change, That's when she turned to me and said, "I'm not sure anymore..." Everchanging... 
Last edited by Rain; 29-05-2008 at 10:04 AM.
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29-05-2008, 02:11 PM
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Re: The Stars
Thank You, I liked this one.
Quote:
Altair, I dont think I've ever received a bad review from you, have I?
__________________
Concentrating on something is simply a small factor that deals with focusing. To truly focus on something, you must understand how that something works from the inside view of it.
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30-05-2008, 05:29 AM
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Re: The Stars
Quote:
__________________
In the face of change, That's when she turned to me and said, "I'm not sure anymore..." Everchanging...
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